OT: What bizarre / funny "rules" do you have in your house?

[emh1129]

One of our newer rules-- NO light sabers in the kitchen!!

 

[zoemurr]

"No playing with the flab on Mommy's arm!"

My son likes to sit next to me and jiggle the skin under my arm.. I HATE it!

 

[wahooker]

We have several of the previous ones... But some additions.

"Do not Lick Your Siblings. Do Not Lick the car window. Do not Lick the Meat Cooler at the Grocery Store. Just don't Lick anything that isn't your food."

Do not Pewm your brother or sister. (Laser Guns go "Pew, Pew". Somehow, the verb version of that is "Pewm" as in "Andrew Pewmed me!")

Do not come to me tattling "Nate hit me back!".

Do not teach your brother to say words you just got in trouble for saying.

When the triplets are taking a bath together... "Stop Playing with that, It's not even YOUR *****!"

There will be no hitting or kicking when arguing who gets to say grace.

 

[dfchelbay]

Our kids are all grown now, but I find myself giving rules to our two chihuahuas. One is 7 years old and one is 11 months. The puppy is always bothering her sister. I find myself saying:

Get off your sister, she's not a trampoline
Let go of your sister's tail, you'll break her back
Stop biting your sisters arm/leg, she's not a rawhide
Stop licking your sister's eyes, you'll give her an infection
Stop pawing your sister's face, she's not a punching bag
Don't chew on your sister's ears, she needs them for balance
Don't put that in your mouth/spit that out, it's dirty
Leave your sister alone
When we're outside, the rule is: Don't go where mommy can't see you

They are quite entertaining and fun. The little one is totally enamured with her older sister and can never get enough of her. Thankfully the older one is the most tolerant little dog in the world.

 

[Disneychix]

Ours is 'no drumming on/at the kitchen table'. This rule works for both DS and DH since DH is a drummer in a band and he drives me just as crazy as DS!!

Seriously, the whole house shakes!!

 

[BBGirl]

1 No chasing your friends with your boogers.
2. No blowing your nose in your sisters hair also no spitting of toothpaste in your sisters hair.
3. For my Nephews no peeing in the kitty litter I know the cat goes there but you are not a cat.
4. No picking your bottom go to the potty room and wipe again.
5. Sitting on your brother to fart is just wrong PLEASE stop. for DD
6. Pull my finger is NOT something a little girl should say. I just ripped one is not really ladylike either.
7. NO playing in the rain is NOT taking a shower neither is swimming you MUST actually use soap.

 

[LegoMom3]

I don't have anything to add to these but I am having a blast reading them!! I never knew "Pew, Pew" had a verb form!!!!

.

 

[marcemc]

We have several of the previous ones... But some additions.

"Do not Lick Your Siblings. Do Not Lick the car window. Do not Lick the Meat Cooler at the Grocery Store. Just don't Lick anything that isn't your food."

Do not Pewm your brother or sister. (Laser Guns go "Pew, Pew". Somehow, the verb version of that is "Pewm" as in "Andrew Pewmed me!")

Do not come to me tattling "Nate hit me back!".

Do not teach your brother to say words you just got in trouble for saying.

When the triplets are taking a bath together... "Stop Playing with that, It's not even YOUR *****!"
There will be no hitting or kicking when arguing who gets to say grace.

Just priceless!!
Pew-Pew is something my boys do too. And my DS4 is still at that licking stage.......

 

[Bephus]

I LOVE this thread!
Here are a few in my house:
- stay off the rug in the kitchen (it is right in front of the stove)
- naked running is only allowed if there are no guests
- piling everything in your room onto your bed is not cleaning up, and yes, I know it is off the floor!
- no opening the baby gates even if you are trying to help an adult who can't open it
- nothing with wheels on anything wood
- no touching yourself outside of the bathroom (DS likes to adjust and insists that it is "stuck" to his leg)
- you don't need to wash your hands right after your bath (this is for DNf, he likes to wash his hands)

***And I totally stole the the furniture is not lilypads rule! Thanks, I really needed it as DS and DD love to leap all over the living room, ugh!

 

[grafxgirl]

These are a few. Most of these rules pertain to the DS3. Only some have been put in place because of the DD6.

Do not play in the litter box, or the cats' food dish.
Do not put the cats' food into their water dish just so you can watch it swell up.
Do not play in the sink (3 year old son will dump a whole container of hand soap in the sink, fill it up and we will have suds all over the bathroom.)
No riding blankets, pillows, laundry baskets or boxes down the stairs.
No burping or farting noises at the table.
Stay out of my closet.(I have a big walk-in and the kids will go in there and play with my clothes.
Keep your fingers out of the food on the kitchen counter. (My son seems to think it is his duty to put his fingers into any food out on the counter)
No flushing Hot Wheels down the toilet.
Pee in the toilet only. (Caught son standing in his room with his Tonka dump truck, back arched, making a pee stream across the room into the truck)
Keep the toilet paper on the roller My son will unroll an entire roll of TP into a pile on the floor then I have to spend the next 30 min. carefully rolling it back onto the roll the best I can)

Everytime we are ready to enter a public place I have to repeat: There will be no running ahead; screaming; pulling things off the shelves; temper tantrums; or hitting, punching, kicking, or touching each other.

 

[grafxgirl]

This is funny cause my 9 year old just did this yesterday. This is now one of our rules.

My sister shaved her eyebrows off when she was about 6 years old (She is now 33 years old and we still pick on her about it). My mom asked her what happened and my sister said "I tripped over my brother's toys and they just fell out!"

 

[grafxgirl]

Rotfl!!!!!

I only have two boys, but I have 12 nephews and nieces....and whenever anyone is over they know the rule is "unless there is blood, you can work it out yourselves"

Very close to something we say at our house which is "Is it broken? Are you bleeding profusely? Are you dying? If the answer is no to any of these, then you will be okay." My DD6 is a drama queen and goes ballistic over a paper cut.

 

[mythreeboys]

These are all so good! We have three boys under the age of 4, and the oldest Autistic so things get pretty interesting at our house!
-No eating shoes (YDS is only 1, but insists on chewing on DH's crocs)
-No hanging from the curtains (all three of them do this)
-No attacking the baby, he is not a WWF wrestler (baby ended up with a black eye after this one)
-The toys are OURS, not mine. Do not come cry to me b/c your brother is playing with something that you have no interest in, but believe is yours.
-Do not wrestle over drinks, I will get everyone a drink
-No climbing over the couch in the playroom, the area behind it is not your "hiding spot".

I know there is a ton more, but I took some medicine for my allergies and my head is all foggy right now!

 

[derricksonb]

These are a few. Most of these rules pertain to the DS3. Only some have been put in place because of the DD6.

Hi Baby.......

- You forgot to include:
- If Mommy and Daddy are sleeping then you cannot play the drums.
- If your brother hits you then hit him back.
- Two for snitching.
- If you are not bleeding then you do not need a band aid.
- Just because DD6 likes to dress up as one of the Princesses does not mean DS3 should do the same.

 

[badblackpug]

Very close to something we say at our house which is "Is it broken? Are you bleeding profusely? Are you dying? If the answer is no to any of these, then you will be okay." My DD6 is a drama queen and goes ballistic over a paper cut.

LOL! I tell them the same thing. Last year in WDW I floored several on lookers because the kids were running around like nuts and I told them, "If you fall down and break something, too bad, we are not going to the hospital. We are 10,000 miles away from home and waaaaayy out of network. It's cheaper to let you die."

....and our main WDW "rule:" If one person has to "rest" ("resting" is what you do in the "restroom" ) then EVERYONE rests!

...this will be interesting with a newly potty trained 2 year old!

 

[newddmommie]

This thread is great.. here are a couple of ours:

1. Do not lick the dishwasher
2. Don't eat graham crackers with your toes
3. The dog is not a horse and neither is Daddy
4. Mommy is not a jungle gym
5. Magnets don't go in our mouths or in the DVD player

I'm sure there are others but these are just a few. It's funny the things you say has a parent that you never though you'd have to say.

 

[DisneyDebbie]

I love this thread!!

1. You must have pants on if someone (anyone) is coming over.

2. You have to watch your pee go into the toilet.

3. You have to bathe and wash your hair EVERY Sunday! that's the best I can do.....

4. My FAVORITE rule- if you don't eat the dinner I made, you may have cheerios for the rest of the night

 

[Jerseyguy's Wife]

1. No licking the toilet brush while sitting on the potty (DS tried this before I removed the brush).
2. The Plunger is not a light saber (they tried this, too).
3. Yes, you must stay at the dinner table until everyone is finished even if you make yourself throw up on your plate.
4. Do not make yourself throw up at the dinner table just because you don't like what I'm serving.
5. No, you may not have brownies for dinner.
6. This is for my DS3: No, you may not go sit in timeout to avoid eating your green beans.
7. We have a variation on the "unless you are dying" rule, too.
8. No, you may not sit IN the toilet. Or put your feet in while you are sitting on the seat. Or put your hands in and scoop water onto the floor.
9. No sitting on the door to the dishwasher. DS3 did this once and pulled the whole dishwasher out of the cabinet (he is a big boy at 43 inches and 59 pounds).
10. Poop is not paint.
11. This is for my DS5: No putting a laundry basket on top of your brother and sitting on it so he can't get out.
12. If I wipe the snot off your face, do not look at me and act all upset because you were "going to eat that". Eww!

There are several more weird things that I say, I just can't remember them all.

 

[Jerseyguy's Wife]

 

[ktlm]

1. No licking the toilet brush while sitting on the potty (DS tried this before I removed the brush).
2. The Plunger is not a light saber (they tried this, too).
3. Yes, you must stay at the dinner table until everyone is finished even if you make yourself throw up on your plate.
4. Do not make yourself throw up at the dinner table just because you don't like what I'm serving.
5. No, you may not have brownies for dinner.
6. This is for my DS3: No, you may not go sit in timeout to avoid eating your green beans.
7. We have a variation on the "unless you are dying" rule, too.
8. No, you may not sit IN the toilet. Or put your feet in while you are sitting on the seat. Or put your hands in and scoop water onto the floor.
9. No sitting on the door to the dishwasher. DS3 did this once and pulled the whole dishwasher out of the cabinet (he is a big boy at 43 inches and 59 pounds).
10. Poop is not paint.
11. This is for my DS5: No putting a laundry basket on top of your brother and sitting on it so he can't get out.
12. If I wipe the snot off your face, do not look at me and act all upset because you were "going to eat that". Eww!

There are several more weird things that I say, I just can't remember them all.

You poor woman!!!! Well, at least your house is never dull!