OT: What bizarre / funny "rules" do you have in your house?

[DisneyNutMic]

This is the funniest thread I've read in a LONG time.

1) No shirt, no food.
2) You fart at the table, then you eat alone so don't.
3) Close the toilet lid, if you don't, you will be bathing the cats when they fall in.
4) If you scream across the house, you will be ignored.
5) Do NOT get out of bed before the sun comes up unless it is to visit the bathroom, and then you still must close the lid.


What is it about little boys? I love mine dearly but my heavens.

 

[PixiePlanner]

Ours are similar to many mentioned...

1. No passing gas at the table. Each time you owe me $1.
2. No playing at the top of the stairs.
3. No gymnastics in the house.
4. No dancing in the kitchen.
5. We don't get icecream every time the truck drives down our street.
6. We sit in our chairs at the dinner table.
7. You must ask to be excused from the dinner table.
8. Do not talk with food in you mouth.
9. Do not stand and continue eating after you have been excused or you have to sit down, finish and ask again.
10. If you cry over the TV on a school night, I will never give in and let you stay up to watch repeats of Suite Life... EVER.

I forgot the newest two!
1. When you take a shower, you MUST wash with soap and shampoo.
2. Deodorant does not replace a shower.

 

[Bitsmommy]

Welll.. the baby started crawling good and we have a few more...
1. The dog isn't a snack, don't eat her!
2. Dog food soup (mixing the food and water then splashing it everywhere)...just don't do it!
3. Your big brother uses that bathroom, for Heaven's sake stay off the floor and out of there!!! Your time will come.
4. If I am calling your name, SHOW YOURSELF!!! He gets lost in the house... I can hear him, but not see him!!

 

[rodeo65]

Ours are similar to many mentioned...


I forgot the newest two!
1. When you take a shower, you MUST wash with soap and shampoo.
2. Deodorant does not replace a shower.

What's up with this? DD has started wearing deodorant but forgets half the time. When I can smrll her I tell her to bathe again. She figures passing a swipe of deodorant should do it.

 

[HermanTriplets+1]

Yer killin' me, yer really killin' me
This thread is hysterical!!!

 

[disfan07]

I dont have any kids but one of mine is from babysitting.
This family had 3 boys (1,7 and 10) and 1 girl (4)

Everytime I would go upstairs to put thed younger 2 to bed, I would always hear a lot of noise form the basement where the older 2 were. Almost everytime I would walk down to the basement I would have to say this:

"stop jumping off the back of the couch. I would prefer to return you to your parents in the SAME condition as when they left"

and of course the always famous

"Please stop trying to kill your brother. That wont be good for any of us"

I baysat for this family for 2 years and I am amazed to say that I never had to use so much as a band-aid for any of them...how that is possible, I am not sure.

But I swear, the more I babysit, the more I wonder...do I really want to have kids...haha

 

[mickeymousepuppy]

I love this thread! Who knew these crazy rules were so common. This is one of my favorites -

"If you make an imaginary cupcake and pretend eat it in front of your siblings then you have to make an imaginary cupcake for your siblings also.

If your brother asks for an imaginary vanilla cupcake, then you can't pretend to make a chocolate one just to trick him" - and once he has finally agreed to eat the chocolate one, don't pretend to drop it on the floor!

*Don't go to the school nurse (who is very loving, gives big hugs and stickers) unless you're bleeding. Now they get off the bus and excitedly announce they were bleading at school!

*If you adjust or talk about "your places" - no idea how they came up with this name, but I am going to scratch or talk about my ****ies.


*If I sit on a wet toilet seat, you sit on it after me and then wash it. The rule alone was enough to stop the issue!

*Don't come out of your bed after bedtime unless it's an emergency and then listen to them talk to each other about what constitutes an emergency.

Don't complain about being splashed in the pool unless your the mother!

 

[Katy Belle]

I am a power mapper, take naps that are 12-20 minutes long. My boys would wake me up often. Come on! Only 20 min max. So the rule is
"you can wake me up if the house is on fire."

So I'd been asleep about 5 min and ds9 wakes me up. I ask, "is the house on fire?" and he says, "That is what I wanted to talk to you about."

Turns out his older brother was going to cook dinner by himself! I got up

 

[PixiePlanner]

What's up with this? DD has started wearing deodorant but forgets half the time. When I can smrll her I tell her to bathe again. She figures passing a swipe of deodorant should do it.

DS thinks that if he just stands in the shower and gets his hair wet that I will buy it that he "showered." I wasn't born yesterday! I purposely bought a shampoo that has a strong initial scent. I can open the bathroom door and know he didn't shampoo! He has been sent back to the shower to "redo" numerous times. I have told him, "Trust me, I am a girl and girls do not like filth!"

 

[ban26ana]

Digging up an old thread here.

No climbing on my lap just to toot. It's gross.

No running in the kitchen. (Our counter corners are really really sharp.)

Dh's rule: no pillows on the floor in the family room. I think it's a bit ridiculous that they can't play, but whatever.

For the 1 year old: no licking or eating shoes. Dh once caught her going through a shoe closet. She'd pick one up and lick it, set it down, and repeat with the next one. She also tries to eat aglets off our shoelaces. (Any Phineas and Ferb fans?)

No playing kidnap victim with your sister. If the baby wants out of the Rose Petal Cottage, you need to let her out. Otherwise it is a hostage situation.

Only one pump of soap when you wash your hands.

For our 3 year old: you must eat your vegetables before you get the rest of your dinner. If you don't eat them, you don't get anything else until you finish them. That includes only water to drink. She once went 24 hours, but darn it she ate the darn vegetables!

 

[indimom]

This one is OLD.
If you insist on putting peanut butter puff cereal in your strawberry yogurt after repeated warnings, someone is going to insist that you eat it. If you refuse to eat it for your breakfast, you will be eating it for lunch.
Only had to enforce this rule once.

Girls get into the car on the passenger's side. Boys get into the car on the driver's side. And no, you cannot get in on the other side and then slide all the way across. NO ONE can sit in the center of the backseat under any circumstance, this is no man's land. You cannot put a hand over there, a foot over there or any belongings in no man's land.

If you talk back to your mother, you will clean a toilet or empty the litter box.

If you slam a door, you will walk through the entire house closing every door 10X quietly.

If you (or your friends) leave the garage or shed door open all night, you owe your mom $1. If an animal gets in there, you clean up the mess.

 

[rbork]

I'm only through the 1st page and I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

 

[rbork]

Absolutely no announcing "I have to poop, oh wait it was just a fart," as we are entering the mall, grocery store, other shopping establishment or church.

The above rule definately applies in this house.

2. No spray painting the bathroom wall with oust deoderizer. Just because it looks clear.....IT'S NOT.
3. Bed's being made includes pulling ALL sheets up not just the top one.
4. A mattress pad doesn't count as a flat sheet.
5. No blackberry, cell phone, ipod in the church pew. EVER. This applies to DH.
6. No throwing shoes into the grown up corn field.
7. Lights must be ON in the lower level while friends are over.
8. Brushing teeth must take place IN the bathroom over a sink.
9. You must wipe off the toothpaste on the bathroom mirror and walls.
10. You MUST hit a trash can or commode with vomit. NO EXCEPTIONS EVER!
11. Don't bleed on the carpet.
12. Th dishes must be arranged in the dishwasher not just sat in there.
13. Don't touch the walls or wear shoes in the house.
14. You must use soap while showering.
15. Don't touch my car windows or ceiling.

 

[snow_white's_mom]

The pool cover is not a trampoline

Do not anounce your boombooms

No showing people or tell people about your "****ies"

pee only goes in the toilet

Pickles are not a breakfast food

when the dog is being a dragon you may not really slay him

No singing phineas and freb songs at the top of your lungs while mommy's driving because her head will explode

 

[suchthe]

My newest rule:

If you step in one of the dog's doodoo pies then you shoes do NOT come inside! Soooo gross!

 

[disneycruising]

I am forever telling my kids..

* be nice
* be sweet
*be kind

The other day my 11 year old son said, "Mom aren't those all the same thing".It took him 11 years to figure that out. lol

When my 4 kids were little, every time we went some where we would go over the "out in public rules"... I would have each child tell me a rule. As they have got older...it became "remember the rules" when we got out of the car. Now a days, I only say it if I feel there is going to be a problem.

Over the summer we allowed our child to take some friends with us on our vacation. On one of the days we had a very 'nice' boat tripped planned and I wanted them ALL on their best behavior! So, in the car on the way there, I said"remember the rules. My DS (15) looked at me and said,"Mom I think by now we know how to be have in public...you don't need to REMIND us !

 

[diamondcharl]

No pinching your sisters bottom-
Walk in the house- no cartwheeling to get from point a to point b
No spit shining the sliding glass doors- if you want to help mommy clean, ask for windex and a paper towel

 

[CyndiandChris]

Some of our rules are:

(1) If you pass gas in front of mom, you must go sit on the toilet for 30 minutes with no books.
(2) If you break it and it's not your's, you have to pay to fix it or replace it.
(3) No sliding down the bannister. It seems like it would be fun, but you will probably hurt yourself or break something (see rule 2).
(4) You must use soap when you bathe and wash your front and back privates, your face and your underarms. You must use shampoo when you are told to wash your hair. Just wetting your hair is not acceptable.
(5) Princesses always wipe themselves after going potty. If you don't wipe yourself, mom is going to make you sniff your panties! EWWWWW
(6) If you say "please" more than three times after I've told you no, you lose your electronics/TV time.
(7) If you leave it downstairs, be prepared to have whatever it is thrown in the trash. If you want it, take it to your room.
(8) No writing on your clothes with permanent markers or any markers for that matter.
(9) No writing on toys, walls, furniture with permanent markers or any markers for that matter.
(10) No etching your name or anything else on toys, walls or furniture.
(11) No saying "crap" until you're 10 or order. If you're 10 or older, you may not say crap in front of anyone who is younger than 10.

 

[magickingdommommy]

OMG Thanks for the great rules!

Our family is sooo boring. We don't have any funny rules.

 

[griergirl2]

DD just turned 2 so it is hard to enforce any specific rules as of yet, but she seems to get the idea. Any time she does anything she is not supposed to and we say her name in a stern tone she replies by shaking her finger and saying "no". We try not to laugh at our two year old seemingly mocking us