OT: Weaning an older toddler

[xoprincessmomxo]

I weened my daughter just before she turned two. She was just like your child, was only nursing a few times a day, mainly before naps and bed. My only advice: Don't go cold turkey! My daughter was fine, she never missed it. I, on the other hand, had a huge infection right before our vacation to WDW. I finally went to the doctor when the cabbage leaves were no longer doing any good and I couldn't wear a bra without crying. But, if you can avoid the agony, do! Gradual is the way to go!

 

[Bluetickmom]

You've gotten some great advice! With my oldest, I was preg. and it actually started to HURT so I did the slowly cut out sessions, distraction thing, and then got to the I will count till 10 and then we are done etc. With my youngest, I cut out one session at a time. Some people say to cut out the night time ones first, but they were actually our last to go. It was easier to distract her during the day. Also, if you usually nurse in a specific chair or spot on the sofa stay out of it. I noticed my DD used this as a signal almost like "oh there she is in our spot time to nurse!" With the night time one, I slowly had my DH help with bedtime so she was used to him doing it to and then I slowly turned it over to him until we were way past the point where she would try to nurse.

To make up for the snuggling that was lost, I made a point to spend some extra time doing just that but with a book or some other distractor.

Good luck, I know it is a long road. My biggest thing was I didn't want to have our beautiful nursing relationship end on a sour note with a battle so I took it slow.

Also, if you are TTC and it has become uncomfortable are you sure you aren't PG? Another thing, if you were to get Preg now, some kids wean when the mother becomes preg. because they don't like the taste.

I will also echo that the Kellymom and the Mothering sites are fantastic!

And I didn't know we had so many extended nursers on the DIS, that's awesome!!

 

[mumto3girls]

My oldest DD (now 8) is the only one I intentionally weaned as I wanted to TTC. it was the month before she turned 2. At that point she was nursing at nighttime and naptime and sometimes the first thing in the morning. DH and I were sure she would nurse until college. She loved it. I started with just trying to delay her when she would ask at typical times--such as instead of laying down to nurse, lets lay down and read a book or in the morning just get up and have breakfast. Within a few days I realized she was doing fine without it and had actually gone a day without nursing. Although I was sad it sort of strengthened my resolve knowing that she would be fine and the next time she asked I told her the milk was all gone. We did talk about it sometimes and I would just tell her that she was big girl now and she could drink milk from a cup and go to sleep with stories instead of milk and it was a pretty easy transition. I had dreaded it for months and it was really no big deal.

My second one weaned at about 20 months on her own. She never nursed around naptime and not usually immediately prior to bedtime. We were on vacation and our schedule was different and I suddenly realized it had been a few days since she asked and I don't think she ever asked again. She was never as enthusiastic about nursing. As an infant she liked the pacifier and really seemed to nurse for nutrition only.

My third one weaned in September. She had turned two in August. She, like oldest DD, was much more enthusiastic about nursing and never took a pacifier either. I had wanted her to nurse at least into November as we were going to Disney and although she rarely nursed to sleep, it did settle her prior to naptime and I thought that would be beneficial in an unfamiliar place. Unfortunately she fell one day and bit her tongue. It bled terribly and seemed to be quite painful. Anyway she tried to nurse and it made her cry and then she refused to nurse for several days. When she finally tried again she told me that the milk was all gone and that was it. My nursing days were done.

Good luck. There are lots of ways to do and you will figure out what works best for your child.

 

[justhat]

I didn't read all the replies, so this may have been suggested, but I'll say it anyway.

My kids weaned at 21 and 23 months and we did basically the same thing both times. My kids were nursing about the same times as your daughter by that age so here's what I did. I eliminated the nap first cause it was the easiest. I would just plan an outing at naptime so they'd fall asleep in the car or stroller. After doing this for abot a week or so, they broke the association between nursing and napping.

With bedtime I did something similar, but obviously couldn't drive around everynight. So I took them to my bed, we read a book, sang a song, then laid down together and watched tv. Something for me, not them, so that they'd get bored and go to sleep. It was different from the old bedtime routine, so they didn't so much associate what I was doing with bedtime, but they eventually got tired and fell asleep. Warning here though, it took much longer for them to fall asleep than they did when still nursing. That got better in time as we changed the routine again once they forgot to nurse (moved it to their own beds, did the book and song there, then I left).

Last to go for both kids was the morning wake-up call. It was just so nice to be able to take them in my bed and let them nurse while I got another 15 minutes or so before having to really start the day. So really, it was hardest for me to break. What I did was set an alarm clock to wake up before them, have time to get dressed and be ready, so that when they woke up they went straight from their beds to the kitchen where I'd ask them what they wanted for breakfast.

Now, with my daughter that morning thing worked perfectly. Some mornings she'd get up before me and I'd let her nurse, but eventually my milk supply pretty much dwindled to zero and she'd sign 'more', then give up when she wasn't getting anything out. Then whether she got up before me or not didn't matter, she didn't ask anymore. Though we did, of course, have to ge up and start the day when she got up, no more lying around for a few minutes.

My son though, he was a tougher one to break. He liked his morning milk no matter what. He wakes up much earlier than my daughter (6am!) so it was a lot harder for me to jump out of bed and head downstairs when it was still dark, but I kept at it. He'd get his milk in a cup, cereal, heck, I even let him have pop tarts to distract hm, but he'd still ask me for my milk about 5 out of 7 mornings. Some mornings I'd give in, others I would distract him more. Eventually his interest waned. With him though, I started the bedtime and morning weaning fairly close together, around 21 months, and it took a full 2 months before he stopped nursing. The last time he nursed was right after his 23rd month 'birthday', so to speak, and he had gone days before that without asking.

One caveat. With my daughter, the overnight went simultaneously with the bedtime nursing session. My son slept through the night very early on, but she did not, so it was very much a part of her night. I knew that wouldn't end if she still nursed to sleep at night (had already given up the naptime nursing) so I did them both at once. This was very difficult and led to many sleepless nights for me, but eventually paid off.

Oh, and she was never a huge daddy fan either, so that never worked if I sent him to get her instead of me, so it was all done on my own.

ETA: Though my son was weaned at 23 months and is now 29 months, he still very much remembers nursing and will ask me from time to time if he can have my milk. I am sure a huge part of this is that he has a friend from preschool still nursing and he sees that kid nursing after school, but I really thought it was all long out of his memory by now.

 

[irene_dsc]

You've gotten some great advice! With my oldest, I was preg. and it actually started to HURT so I did the slowly cut out sessions, distraction thing, and then got to the I will count till 10 and then we are done etc. With my youngest, I cut out one session at a time. Some people say to cut out the night time ones first, but they were actually our last to go. It was easier to distract her during the day. Also, if you usually nurse in a specific chair or spot on the sofa stay out of it. I noticed my DD used this as a signal almost like "oh there she is in our spot time to nurse!" With the night time one, I slowly had my DH help with bedtime so she was used to him doing it to and then I slowly turned it over to him until we were way past the point where she would try to nurse.

To make up for the snuggling that was lost, I made a point to spend some extra time doing just that but with a book or some other distractor.

Good luck, I know it is a long road. My biggest thing was I didn't want to have our beautiful nursing relationship end on a sour note with a battle so I took it slow.

Also, if you are TTC and it has become uncomfortable are you sure you aren't PG? Another thing, if you were to get Preg now, some kids wean when the mother becomes preg. because they don't like the taste.

I will also echo that the Kellymom and the Mothering sites are fantastic!

And I didn't know we had so many extended nursers on the DIS, that's awesome!!

This is very, very similar to how I weaned my kids! With my oldest, he weaned at about 2.5 when I was pg with dd. That was actually a lot easier than I thought - as my supply dwindled, I explained that my body wasn't making as much milk because he wasn't drinking as much (well, part of the reason was true, at least) because I didn't want him to think the new baby was taking away his mommy milk, lol.

With dd, I started to wonder how I was ever going to wean, since I wasn't planning on having any more kids. We talked a lot about not nursing more as she got older. It was definitely a gradual thing, although I did more of cutting sessions short rather than eliminating them entirely. But, I always made sure to keep cuddling with her after ending a session, to show her that she still was getting my attention and affection even without nursing. She actually drastically dropped sessions only starting a few months before she weaned entirely, at around age 3.5.

Good luck, and also great to see so many extended BF'ers here!

 

[3boymthr]

Good for you! I nursed all three of my kids 2 yrs for DS#1; 18 Mo for DS#2 (I was told to stop by my Dr as I was pregnant with #3 and was high risk); DS#3 was also 2 when he weaned.

As PPs suggested definitely go gradual. #1 weaned himself as did #3 but since I had to force the weaning on #2, on the recommendation of my Dr. I started by cutting back on the time of a nursing session for about a week or so then eliminated it. That way you won't end up swollen and hurting or with an infection. Continue until all sessions are eliminated. I overlapped cutting back with elimination because I had to wean quickly, but you could definitely stretch it out. I'd say start with the middle of the night sessions first.

Since she'll nap/go to sleep for other people I'd say try having DH go to her if she wakes up in the night and soothe her back to sleep that way she won't be looking for milk in the middle of the night.

If she gives up her nap don't be surprised. Once my oldest and youngest kids stopped nursing on their own they all stopped napping but I know all the kids at our daycare had stopped napping by three anyway.

If she won't go with regular milk try chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or... (the flavored creams will flavor milk not just coffee). None of my kids will drink plain milk but they all drink flavored milk. My Dr. said this was fine just to cut back on sugar somewhere else.

Oh, and don't forget to cut back on your calories or exercise more or you'll gain a little weight. It's amazing how many calories they take even when they only nurse a couple of times a day.

Good Luck!

 

[*Seanaci*]

I didn't BF my son.

But, like many have said, cut out feedings...I would start with the morning and day time feedings, offering her cow's milk or juice or even just water. The night feeding could be the toughest to wean from and I have no suggestions there.

I'm in the "meh" category when it comes to extended nursing personally. From studies I've read and reports I've heard, after like 12 months baby isn't getting any more nutrition then they need from extended nursing. And I would think that by 2, a child would/should be getting more nutrition from the foods they eat, not the breastmilk.

Just my few cents.

 

[justhat]

I didn't BF my son.

But, like many have said, cut out feedings...I would start with the morning and day time feedings, offering her cow's milk or juice or even just water. The night feeding could be the toughest to wean from and I have no suggestions there.

I'm in the "meh" category when it comes to extended nursing personally. From studies I've read and reports I've heard, after like 12 months baby isn't getting any more nutrition then they need from extended nursing. And I would think that by 2, a child would/should be getting more nutrition from the foods they eat, not the breastmilk.

Just my few cents.

They can get health benefits, other than nutritional benefits, from breastmilk past a year. Antibodies are a big one.

And though I nursed both my kids till nearly 2yo, I am not necessarily pro-extended breastfeeding. Obviously not against it at all, but I didn't set out to nurse my kids a set amount of time. We just did what seemed to be the natural progression. I wasn't dead set on weaning at a year or anything like that so we just kept it up.

 

[SmallWorld71]

I only nursed mine until age 1 and just cut our feedings gradually which worked very easily. However, a friend of mine nursed her daughter until she was older like yours and that can make weaning difficult sometimes. NOTHING she tried worked without tantrums, other problems etc... and it was making both of them emotional wrecks. In the end, she ended up having her daughter stay with Grandma (whom her DD is very close to) for a few days while her milk dried up. Good luck!

 

[angeleigh]

Good for you, nursing so long! When people ask me how long I'm going to nurse (DD 16 mos), I always say until she weans or starts high school--whichever comes first. In other words--it's none of their business how long we go; she'll stop when she's ready!

I used to say the same thing about ds. He was three and weaned by himself.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

I nursed DD 9 until she was 2 1/2. She just gradually weaned herself. She had an older sister too, and she was interested in doing what sissy was doing, not hanging onto me. She also potty trained early for the same reason, she just wanted to be just like big sissy. But it was almost so easy it was sad. One night I put her bed, she nursed, got up the next morning and had breakfast with her sister and not one time climbed in my lap. I was expecting her to do so at nap time, but that day, she grabbed her bunny and curled up on the couch beside me. Oh, she'll want it at bedtime, wrong again, she asked daddy to put her to bed. That was it, it was done and never asked again.