OT - the term "Queer"

[crashbb]

On another board I frequent, the term "Queer" has come up in a discussion. Those of us using the term (it is the term my housemate uses to self-identify, so I didn't think it was offensive) have been told that we are using a term that is as bad as the "N-word" and that we are risking having our IP address blocked due to discrimination laws.

Now, most of the posters are in the UK (I'm in Canada), so it may be a cultural thing.

Is the term Queer considered to be offensive? If so, what word is not offensive?

 

[ConcKahuna]

It depends on the crowd. Not my favorite term, to me it ranks just below ***. (if that gets blocked it rhymes with Tag).

A lot of times you will here gay people talking to each other that way, but in my opinion that's just sending a signal to the straight folks that they can use the word, and a lot of the time it sounds a lot different comming from a random straight person who hear a gay person calling another gay person it once.

 

[RickinNYC]

I despise the word and hate when I hear a gay man or lesbian use it in reference to themselves or someone else. If they use it in reference to me, I correct them. My good friend's lesbian sister uses it all the time and I told her to quit the crap. We had a long talk about it. I think assuming a word that had been painful to hear at one time and using it as one's own, is a pant load.

 

[RemixBoyNJ]

For me.. it all depends on the crowd, and the way its used.. that word has too many meanings for me.. One of my favorite songs is Queer by Garbage... when it really boils down to it, its the intention (sp) of the word for me, any time you call someone relating to race/sexual identity/religion/etc. it can be hurtfull and rude.

 

[smartestnumber5]

I like the term and don't find it offensive when used amongst gay/gay-friendly people (actually in that phrase "gay/gay-friendly" people what I really mean is "queer" people; I usually don't use the term on the disboards though).

I think it's an especially useful word as an umbrella term encompassing all different kinds of sexualities. I think some people find the usual terms--gay, lesbian, bisexual limiting. (And lately more letters are getting thrown into glbt--now there's a "q" for questioning and sometimes an "a" for asexual. Eventually we're going to have like 15 letters in that term.) For example, the term "bi"sexual is kind of problematic in that it implies there are only two sexes. And there are also some cases where it's just not clear that any of those words apply to someone. Suppose someone is biologically male, but has had top surgery and takes hormones, but doesn't ever plan on bottom surgery; suppose they don't really identify as female or male but as trans. And then suppose they only have sex with men, but they have a long-term non-sexual romantic relationship with an asexual woman. I figure in a case like that, there's really no good term to describe the person's sexuality but "queer" does the job pretty well.

I also think maybe age might have a lot to do with the feeling about the word. The first time I ever heard the word was in its "umbrella term for glbt people" use. Even now I've only ever heard it used in it's original use to mean "odd" or "unusual" two times--both in an academic regarding work that was decades old. And I've also only ever very rarely heard it used as a slur. So it doesn't cause any real emotional reaction to me when I hear it when it's used in an "umbrella term" way or in the title of a tv show or what have you.

 

[singingpixie]

It's interesting to read all these opinions. I know that as a straight person, I was really surprised when I started hearing gay friends using the term queer in reference to themselves. In my circles (and it may have something to do with my generation too- I really don't remember it commonly being used as a slur), several friends do identify as queer, and I tend to use whatever terminology a person uses about him/herself.

 

[LukenDC]

I hate the word queer and find it offensive. That said, many gay/lesbian/bisexual use it to describe themselves and it has found its way into official usage. Some colleges and universities offer "queer studies."

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

I use the term queer to define something that I find strange; not a gay, a bisexual, or a lesbian. I refuse to call anyone by a nasty word.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

"Queer as Folk." "Queer Nation." I think uses in that manner have lead to the confusion of using the term overall.

Clearly, it depends upon the intent of the use, to whom it is addressed, and by whom it is said.

I've heard it too often in a context intended to hurt. I do agree that many folks now use it as self identification as in the sense of taking the word back and infusing it with non-painful meaning (much in the same way as the word Jew was once an insult) but I'm not so sure I can go there, personally.

I do find in to be more in the category of the "tag" rhyming word, and the "n" word, and the other words that denote racial or cultural epithets.

Hard one to call.

 

[Viki]

I like the term a lot and I use it frequently, to mean all sorts of folk who just don't fit society's def of normal... for example, as I've said, I think the polygamous family on Big Love is "queer," and I think the two gay authors of the show intended it just that way.

Still, it's good for me to hear how many of you find it really offensive and I think I will now curb my use of it ...here.

 

[ConcKahuna]

I like the term a lot and I use it frequently, to mean all sorts of folk who just don't fit society's def of normal... for example, as I've said, I think the polygamous family on Big Love is "queer," and I think the two gay authors of the show intended it just that way.

Still, it's good for me to hear how many of you find it really offensive and I think I will now curb my use of it ...here.

Well, I agree it depends on context. I'd be a bit queer even if I were straight.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

For what it's worth, I think it IS a more common usage in the UK. I also post on a UK "horsey" site* (all things equine nudge out my love of WDW by just about a nanometer) and the majority of the men there are gay. They use that term quite freely.
I'm old and so remember when it was used only as a pejorative here in the US. I could not bring myself to use it ever.
----
*Funny story really -- the demographics of the HHO core-group are about 98% horse-crazed women, 1.99% horse-crazed gay men, and two straight guys who kinda like horses OK -- one of whom now uses SMR (straight male rider) as his screen name. Nicest guy in the world but I think he got tired of the rest of us just "assuming".

 

[Viki]

For what it's worth, I think it IS a more common usage in the UK. I also post on a UK "horsey" site* (all things equine nudge out my love of WDW by just about a nanometer) and the majority of the men there are gay. They use that term quite freely.
I'm old and so remember when it was used only as a pejorative here in the US. I could not bring myself to use it ever.
----
*Funny story really -- the demographics of the HHO core-group are about 98% horse-crazed women, 1.99% horse-crazed gay men, and two straight guys who kinda like horse OK -- one of whom now uses SMR (straight male rider) as his screen name. Nicest guy in the world but I think he got tired of the rest of us just 'assuming".

Oh, you see, that makes a LOT of sense - my best buddy is British and I wonder if I didn't pick it up from him - I'm like a friggin' SPONGE with dialect - Southern, British, Canadian - it doesn't matter, even on the internet, these days I'm all Southern again -

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Oh, you see, that makes a LOT of sense - my best buddy is British and I wonder if I didn't pick it up from him - I'm like a friggin' SPONGE with dialect - Southern, British, Canadian - it doesn't matter, even on the internet, these days I'm all Southern again -

I know what you mean, Friend. Me too! I particularly love the way those folks use their language! Even their brand of cussing is like music... (Won't share here 'cause this IS a family board -- but it's opened entire new VISTAS for me when I'm working on my car, or my horse is being extra-ornery, or whatever other situation where swear-words are absolutely required.)

 

[PghLybrt]

I like the word, however I like the word when used by people in our community. I know it is a bit of a double standard. I think it reflects who some of us are. For example (as previously touched upon) one of my best friends is Trans. (FTM) Yet she will have top surgery but does not want bottom surgery. She also does not care if we change the pronouns we use although she now identifies as male. Its gets a little confusing the more down the road we all go with this and the more we look into our own community and embrace all dimensions of it. I also like than fact that by identify as Queer I am defiantly stating that I am different then say, my straight married w/ children next door neighbor. The fact is, I am different then them. I lead a very different life. My life is extremely unconventional and I love that it is.

 

[crashbb]

Thanks for the replies. Given that the term is offensive to a large proportion of people here (and likely in the wider community), I will refrain from using.

 

[Si'sAm]

I was surprised to see how many people are offended by that word. Both my DW and I are more of the people who if someone says "Queer", we say of course or yes we are. Neither of us are offended by the word or many other for that matter. She isn't offended by any of them...sometimes I wish I was like that, but *** still gets my blood boiling.

I wonder if it is a generation difference, my generation grew up with queer being used a great deal more by our own community and in a positive way.

 

[MarioParty]

It's all about how you relate to those words personally, of course.

Queer and even "the f-word" don't bother me depending on the context. The only one that really bothers me is when anyone says, "Oh, that is so gay," because there is no mistaking where that one comes from and what it means.

That sounds completely hypocritical, I'm sure, since I've been known to use "the f-word" as in, "My God, Kevin Federline is such a..." However, I'm not saying he's homosexual, I'm saying he's a....you know what. You know, like the guy who snags the last piece of pizza without asking if anyone wants to split it, or the guy who always forgets his wallet. It's like a jerk but more sneaky, LOL. It doesn't mean homosexual to me (though I know not to use the word in any type of public sphere, of course).

Language is very complicated, and it really depends on the audience. It's so easy to forget that some loaded words can really mean a lot to other people that roll out of your mouth without a thought. I tend to use the "B" word a lot, and I was with a group of lesbians once who after an hour or so asked me if I liked that word. I laughed and said, "Never thought about it, really." And then she said, "You know you've used it three times so far." It never occured to me that it was a big deal, I certainly wasn't using it against any of them, it was in the context of, "Man, traffic was a ...." and it bothered them. I curtailed my use after that, at least to that audience.

Probably the most surprising to me was landing at college and finding out "retarded" was a dirty word, LOL. Again, lack of thought on my part. I'm from Maine and along with "wicked", "retarded" (or, as some would pronounce it, re-TAH-did) was just a lazy, generic word. "I forgot my wallet and had to go home, holding everyone up. I felt so..." It's so easy to not realize what words have an effect on others, but there is also no clear place to draw the line either, or we'd all sound like corporate press releases.

Been very interesting reading other opinons in this thread.

MP

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Sapir-Whorf. Words always matter. How we name persons and thing in our society shapes how we view those things and people.

It goes beyond PC. It's being aware of your world, your surrounding, your immediate company. If you won't be comfortable saying a word in one setting, it's probably a good idea to remove that word from your vocabulary overall.

 

[RickinNYC]

Sapir-Whorf. Words always matter. How we name persons and thing in our society shapes how we view those things and people.

It goes beyond PC. It's being aware of your world, your surrounding, your immediate company. If you won't be comfortable saying a word in one setting, it's probably a good idea to remove that word from your vocabulary overall.

Wow, I could not have said it better myself ever in a million years. Well done! My thoughts exactly!