OT- taking away the pacifier

[kgle]

DS will be 3 in less than 3 weeks. I finally put my foot down when he lost his paci the other day and just decided to get rid of it for good. No way was I going to go out and buy another one.

Well here is the back story (sorry if its confusing). DS was diagnosed with sleep apnea late last summer. He had his tonsils and adenoids removed and shortly after his sleeping patterns started getting so much better. Well then he reverted back to old habits by not going to bed until usually after midnight, regardless of a nap or not. Finally about a month and a half ago he just started falling asleep at a decent hour every night. I had a semi routine and he would finally be in bed by 9:30pm tops (that's REALLY early for him).

Well, fast forward to the taking of the pacifier. He is back to staying up really really late again. He woke up this morning at 9:30 and doesn't take naps anymore (if he does he won't go to bed). He was up and lively at 11:30 this evening until I gave in and buckled him in the car. He was out in less than 5 minutes of driving ( I know I shouldn't do it, but we have to be up early tomorrow, I have a meeting for school in the am).

I have a feeling that this has to do with the pacifier...but I am also afraid that he is still having apneas. My VERY last option is another sleep study.

Can anyone else share with me what happened when they took away the pacifier? His dentist said it needs to be gone by three and at this point I feel like I need to let him have it strictly for bedtime. I don't know what to do

 

[mrstxcop]

i'm sorry you are having a hard time with your ds --- my son is 3months shy of 3, so i can relate ...

what i did was made the paci a sleep only thing from a very young age --- so naps and bedtime only --- when he would wake up i would tell him to put his paci up and he would take it out of his mouth and throw it in the crib...

when it came time to start taking it away i started with naps first --- i just told him that he was getting to be a big boy and that big boys don't need paci's to sleep --- it was hard for the first couple of days, he cried and would yell out asking for his paci --- but after 3 days he would fall asleep fine without his paci for naps --- after that i waited about a week and i warned him every night that in a few days he would have no more paci for bedtime --- i marked it on the calendar when we were taking it away and i showed it to him everyday --- then on the disignated night i had him throw it in the trashcan out in the garage, so he couldn't go and take it out of the one in the kitchen...

again, it was rough for another 3 days or so at night, but i just stuck to my guns and after about 3/4 days he was fine ---

what you may have to do is start a very strict routine at bedtime...if you want him in bed at say 930 start the routine about 8pm or so --- start with quiet play time, no tv, then a bath, then a book, then maybe a song or 2 and in bed at 930pm, no excuses ---

if he gets up and out of the bed you'll have to do a supernanny thing and just put him back in bed without stimulating him and you'll just have to keep doing it over and over until he falls asleep --- it is going to be rough, not easy i am sure, but it's something that has to be done to get him on track...

i have 3 kids, and that is one thing i have always been very firm with, a strict bedtime routine --- i firmly believe it's the main reason why all my kids have always gone to bed so easily --- 10pm for our 2.5yr old - 9pm for our 13yr old and 630pm for our 7yr old ---

my older 2 get to stay up later on the weekends, but the 2.5yr old always goes to bed at the same time, week nights as well as weekends...

good luck mom, i know how hard it can be ... you just have to be firm and go into this expecting and knowing that you will have a rough couple of weeks but it will surely pay off in the end...

((( hugs )))

 

[3boymthr]

That's a tough one. I know many people feel they should give it up early. But I have three DSs - only one took a pacifier and he was the only one who would go to sleep for me. He took naps until he was three, he went to bed on time. We kept telling him big boys don't use pacifiers well he gave it up on his own - just before he turned 5 - when he decided he was a big boy. Once he was three he was only allowed to have it at bedtime and I'd take it away as soon as he was asleep (usually within 15 minutes). After having two other sons that wouldn't take the pacifier, wouldn't take naps and wouldn't go to bed by themselves. I felt that the sleep he (and I) would miss out on was not worth the forcing him to give up his pacifier. Some kids really need that sucking action to get themselves to sleep and if they don't have the pacifier may revert to the thumb. If you see him starting to suck his thumb it's best to give him back the pacifier. At least the pacifier can be taken away, the thumb can't. (Plus I know a little boy who lost this thumbnail from sucking - ewwww!)

ETA - talk to your pediatriction, not just your dentist. See what they think. Placement of the teeth may not be as important as the benefits of the pacifier.

 

[disneymarie]

We went through this with my dgs. He is 3 1/2 and it was really long past giving it up, and the dentist advice. The cut down to ust bed time. his dm would give it to him every cry and whine. Well, when I would be down, he would try to hide that he used it. When he would talk it would be in,

I finally told him when his dad went to preschool he did not have a binkie. I made him take it out to talk. Then when we went up for a nap, didn;t mention it and he went to sleep.

From there it was night only, so last week finally at 3 1/2 it was gone.

Now my dd was 2 1/2 when I was able to wean her from nursing
The other kids were 9 and 10 months. She had severe milk allergies, and also was using me as a human pacifier.
When she would climb up on my lap, pull up the shirt, whip the girls out of the bra and say "my ****ie" that was enough. I was having meniscus sugery, so no nursing for a few days. When it was a day after surgery she asked if the milk was still poison. I told her if she is old enough to ask, she is way beyond the age to nurse! Finally it was over!

That being said she was the last baby, she was born when I was 41, and I may have more lax with the timing on the weaning sub conciously. My oldest was over 21.
But, a few nights at bedtime, then switch a routine to bed time story, should help. Prepare by setting a date like Easter the Bunny helps the paci fairy and he will take old paci's to the new babies and big boys will get something special.

It will happen, the key now is to reduce down so much it is not a missing crutch.
since last sunday this grandma has been doing a happy dance.
di

 

[RN4Babies]

My dd8 was crazy about her pacifier. Her dentist wanted it gone by the time she was three, but her pediatrician didn't agree. His feeling is that it's a soothing tool, and gives many kids a very real sense of security. We all finally agreed that she could use it at nighttime when she went to bed (she gave up naps at 13 months old).

She gave up the pacifier right before she turned 5yo. I bought a pack of cloth diapers, washed them and put a lot of Downy in the rinse water to make them extra soft, and introduced them as her cloth pacifiers. I told her the pacifier fairy needed her baby pacifier for all the babies being born, but that big girls got to have a cloth pacifier. She bought into it, and still sleeps with a "cloth" every night. She'll probably take one on her honeymoon years from now, but at least the pacifier is out of her mouth!

 

[WantToGoNow]

It doesn't sound like the pacifier is the problem - you've already gotten rid of that and I wouldn't suggest you give it back at this point. The problem seems to be there is no enforcement of bedtime. By age 3 he should be expected to stay in bed if YOU say it is time - you are the parent. In my opinion even 9:30 is way too late for a child that age - my kids are almost 8 and 5 and they go to bed at 8:30 because otherwise they are grumps when 7:30 am rolls around and they have to get up. When he gets up, put him back in there - no lights, no toys, no talking, no interaction - simply put him back in the bed and leave. And do it over and over until he gets the idea.

 

[mjkacmom]

I used the paci to sleep train my kids, so after 3 months, it was just for naps and bedtime. I had them give them up between age 3 and 4, and luckily, it wasn't bad at all. I waited until then, when I could manage them giving up the naps. All of my kids were great sleepers, and only having the paci at bedtime was a huge factor. I feel for you - I don't know what I'd do if my kids didn't sleep! Even dd12 gets 11 hours a night.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I hate to say it, but you may need to buy one more pack, and here's why:

I actually took the paci away from DS2.5 at around 18 months, after he got the last of his teeth. It was a progression of removal as he would chew on them and break holes into the sucker. I saw the pattern begin and started to let him know that was it! He had 4 pacifiers, and once he chewed holes in them, they were gone. He went through the first few quickly, and when I reminded him on his last one that that would be it... he held on to it for a month!

Finally one day he slipped and chewed a hole in his paci and that was that. I showed him the hole and reminded him that there were no more. I was surprised he didn't fight about it! I'll admit, his sleeping patterns aren't the best, but it's not due to him not having something to chew on.

Maybe get another 2 pack and put into play a similar rule. Like he's responsible for it, and if he loses it, it's gone. Give him time to get used to the idea of not having it. Place a time limit on it - like July 4. Don't make a production about taking it away (allow it to conveniently disappear...) but reenforce that the day is coming that it will be gone.

Maybe also make the new pacis a bedtime ritual only. I agree with not allowing toddler to have it all day (as they get older), this may also help in weaning him from it. He may be lashing out from the shock of the removal, and you need to get some rest!

I don't know... it's a toss up, but for your sanity, you may give it a try.

Good luck!

 

[princessmom29]

Please DO NOT under any circumstances give back that paci. You just need to get him up earlier in the morning if you want him to go to sleep eralier. MY DD is 5, and from the time she was 3 she goes to be at 8:00 and gets up at 6:00 on school days(we have to leave the house by 6:30 b/c I have to be at school at 7:00) and 7:00-7:30 on the weekends. Get him up when you get up. It is no wonder he wants to stay up all night if he isn't getting up untill 9:30.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I sent my son to spend the night with his Grandma for 2 nights. For some reason my kids always listen to Grandma better that me. So Grandma put him to bed at his normal time (8:00) with no Paci. He went right to sleep no problem. After 2 nights he came home, and never asked for it again.

 

[chloe770]

The paci is a comfort thing. Maybe try to find something else to relax you child before bed. I know my DS seems to speed up the more tired he is. He will not stop until we make him stop. At 3yrs our routine was long bath and books in bed (head on the pillow). We sometimes had to read him 3 or 4 until he was finally ready to go to sleep (or fell alsleep on his own) , but it relaxed him enough to get him to sleep. We also gave him a blankie to cuddle. Good Luck!

 

[lindsmom]

I agree with those that said you need to adjust his sleep schedule. Three year olds needs approx. 12 hours of sleep; if he's going to bed at 9:30 pm, he should sleep until 9:30 am. This isn't going to work for you much longer, as he'll need to be getting up for school / sports / etc. that happen in the morning. You can do it two different ways: Slowly rotate that clock so he goes to bed at 9:00 for a few nights, and make sure he wakes up at 9:00 the following morning, then move it to 8:30 and wake up at 8:30. If that works for your family, stop there; otherwise move to 8:00 and try that. The other option is the Supernanny method, as a PP mentioned, but him down at your desired time (say 8:30) and just keep putting him down without talking to him. After a few nights of that his internal clock should adjust. Of course, the first way may also involve returning him to his room several times so it may be better to just rip the bandaid quickly and start putting him to bed at 8:30 anyway. It's a question of what YOU can do.

Please don't give the pacifier back now. You will have taught your son that whatever negative behavior he has exhibited since you took it away is what he needs to do to get it back next time. It's the same concept as temper tantrums, etc: give in after 5 minutes of screaming, they'll scream for 6 minutes next time, and so on...

With DD I popped a hole in the nipple of the binky so it didn't give her the satisfaction. I told her the store didn't sell her brand of binkies any more (they were very difficult to find) so that was all she had - oh well! She lost interest quickly after that.

 

[walkerag]

I agree with others that say don't give it back. I have started the thread on here "DD having oral surgery" and the dentist belives her dental problems are from her being on her pacifier too long. She was 2 1/2 when we took it away. Her upper jaw is too narrow and she is being fitted for a Hyrax appliance and having 2 teeth extracted next Thursday because her teeth are crowding.

When we took her paci away we replaced it with a little beanie baby horse (she LOVES horses, always has) she named him "Brown Horse"
She still loves "Brownie" and still sleeps with him every night

Oh and he always goes to Disney with us

Good luck

 

[lmillercrew]

I didn't read the other posts because I'm sure that there are different opinions. I had two binkie babies and both had them for quite a while. My second child was almost 4 when HE threw them away. He would have it at naptime and bedtime only. My youngest child had hers until she was almost 5. I took it away from her for a period of time and she stopped napping and sleeping at night. I felt that for my sanity and her rest, just give her the stupid thing back. It's not like she was going to go to school with a binkie in her mouth. Yes, my second now has braces, and maybe my youngest will need braces, but they might have had to wear them whether or not they sucked on a binkie. If he's not sleeping, give him back his binkie!

 

[txloopnlil]

My grandmother forced me to quit the pacifer! She thought it was terrible that I always had a pacifer in my mouth and one time when my mother and I were visiting my pacifer "disappeared". I'm told I was frantic trying to find it, and my mother wanted to go to town to get a new one. My Grandmother had a ranch about 10 miles from town and she flatly refused to drive my mother. At the time my mother didn't have a car and had just learned to drive anyway, so she didn't have any way to get to town otherwise -short of horseback! Just as my grandmother predicted, I hollered and wailed for a few hours and finally fell asleep when I wore myself out. By the end of the weekend I was back to sleeping normally.

One of my twins was "Super Binky Boy" - I used to joke I was going to make him a superhero outfit with that on it. I tried all the methods in the parenting books, but finally outright banning, peer pressure and trauma did it. At daycare, they only let them have pacifers during nap time so that finally broke the "all the time" usage, and then his brother got moved up before him to the higher class (more due to potty training!) but we told Binky boy that he couldn't go up to the "dolphins" unless he quit the pacifer at naps! He finally dropped his nap time pacifer, but I couldn't shake his nighttime use and would suck his thumb if it wasn't there.

My dentist told me it was much harder to stop thumb sucking, so he prefered binky boy to have a pacifer. He said the the sucking urge is just so strong in some kids, you have to meet that need somehow, until they outgrow it - then you can break the habit.

He was using to less and less but couldn't completely stop. I kept trying to get him to stop it - date on calendar, giving them away, etc but he finally resorted to stealing pacifers from little babies and hiding them! I was cutting a slit in one with scissors to make them less appealing and he caught me! He had a BIG hissy fit, and I lost my temper and just cut the ends off of all of them in the house and told him if any more came in the house the same thing would happen. Not one of my prouder moments in parenting, but it finally worked. He cried for a few nights, but his twin brother was teasing him unmercifully for being a baby and he finally quit for good.

 

[tam626]

My son was 3 yrs. 4 months at Christams & we told him he was going to leave the pacifiers in his stocking for the baby reindeer. It went much better than expected. He does take a shorter nap now & at first, It seemed to take him longer to fall asleep at night. He also had some sleep apnea. We had his adenoids out at 2. If you think apnea may still be the problem, I'd probably do another sleep study.

 

[clc053103]

I have a 3 1/2 yo DS- we limited it to nightime use around 14 months, but had no luck getting rid of that darned thing entirely by age 3!! We tried cold turkey, it didn't work. He wouldn't sleep! We tried bribes. We tried letting them deteriorate to the point of disgusting (dentist's suggestion!) Nothing helped, he just loved that thing.

Finally for months we told him that we had to give them to Santa this past christmas, for the baby reindeer to use. He gathered them up and left them at the fireplace, and they were gone in the morning. Remarkably, except an occasional question about where they were, he never complained or protested, and has never looked back. Maybe you could try the Easter Bunny?

 

[princessmom29]

As I read these posts it is making me sooooo glad that i followed mom's advice and took away binkies and bottles at 12 months. We didn't have epic battles over them. She cried for a few hours the first night and that was it. Most of my friends that took them away at that age report the same thing. Friends who wait seem to have a much harder time of it. I guess moral of te story here is get those things away early!

 

[abcboys]

As I read these posts it is making me sooooo glad that i followed mom's advice and took away binkies and bottles at 12 months. We didn't have epic battles over them. She cried for a few hours the first night and that was it. Most of my friends that took them away at that age report the same thing. Friends who wait seem to have a much harder time of it. I guess moral of te story here is get those things away early!

I have to agree!! All of my boys loved their pacis but at 10 months I took them and threw them away cold turkey because I knew I didn't want to be dealing with a big fiasco when they were 2 or 3. There was maybe 1 or 2 nights of crying but that was it!! They were forgotten about just like that.

 

[okeydokey]

My dentist said to cut the tip off so it will deflate. So sorry it's broken.