OT-Tacky?

[rentayenta]

Again, we don't know that she made the choice to go on the trip and skip having a party. That very well could have been a family decision, and she had little say in the matter. I hope that's not the case, though.

Well someone made the choice whether it was little Susie or little Susie's mother. Regardless, the natural consequence of the decision should take place. I smell a helicopter mama. It's not something I would do after having read: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children by Wendy Mogel. Jewish or not, it's a great book!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Didn't get to read all the responses yet, but I don't find this tacky. For those that do, would you find it tacky when you have to remind your children that it's their dad, mom, sister, grandma's birthday? Obviously your kids don't care enough about their family members to remember these important birthdays. How many times do you say things like, you should call grandma and say happy birthday, say hello, etc. Parenting is helping our children to learn that others have feelings and it's not all about us. And what's wrong with reminding your kids how to be good friends? I don't know that I would have done with this mom did, and maybe she should have a talk with her daughter, but I think it's also how you handle it with your own children that's important. What do you tell them, so-and-so's mom is an idiot, so-and-so thinks she's all that, so-and-so is so needy, isn't that sad? Lessons are to be learned on both sides. Sounds like some people here need a and some pixie dust on their special day.

 

[krcit]

You know, I'm not 10 anymore. I do remember being 10, and at 10, having a birthday and having it acknowleged with a card, a phone call, a "Happy Birthday" or whatever was more important to me then than it is now at 35. Kids are forced to grow up so quickly now (heck, I played with Barbie til I was 15 :lol: ) and are exposed to so much now at a younger age, that I don't see the harm in what the Mom did. My girls are 6 and 4, and if I can keep the magic of things alive for them (being birthdays, or Disney Characters, or what not) alive, then why not?

Again, yes, while I am sure a 10 year old can comprehend that that she got a fab trip for her birthday, she'd still like to hear it from her friends. At 10, the friends might forget the actual day of a party was not involved. Again, the kid is 10. It's not helicopter parenting, it's not putting them in a bubble, it's not lack of self esteem. It's childhood!

I'm in no hurry for my kids to "grow up" and face the harsh realities. Yes, life lessons can be learned at 10. But does "no one else but you cares about your birthday" have to be one of them? Save that for when they turn 15!!!!

 

[WendyisDarling]

So, I'm going to ask again if anyone thinks it's tacky that service men and women's families and friends ask that others send them cards for special occasions?


I don't think so.. but I didn't think it was tacky of the mom either. I like sending cards, and my hubby is retired military. Believe me every snippet of life here is a big moment when they are so far away from home, especially when our military is so often very young. I say cards for everyone!!!

I wrote in my earlier post that my SIL (definitely a helicopter mom) asked earlier this week that we send her DS a card while he is in boot camp. I took a lot of time selecting the perfect card and it is in the mail today. I hope it cheers him up. DH is 22 years in the military and thought the request was kind of odd, but is jotting out a little note, too.

I think it is a little different than the BD card request. But, I'm still in the no big deal over a card request camp.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

So, I'm going to ask again if anyone thinks it's tacky that service men and women's families and friends ask that others send them cards for special occasions?


I don't think so.. but I didn't think it was tacky of the mom either. I like sending cards, and my hubby is retired military. Believe me every snippet of life here is a big moment when they are so far away from home, especially when our military is so often very young. I say cards for everyone!!!

No i definatley do not think it's tacky. I think it's completely different. These men and women are gone for long periods of time. They are away from their friends and family, with no hugs or kisses and especially no trips to the Grand Canyon. They are risking their lives, experiencing horrific sights, some may never come home. Those that do live a lifetime of nightmares. I think asking that you end them a little hello is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. They won't be sharing the day with their loved ones as this little girl will. I am sure that a card would bring a smile. That they would be remembered even though they are thousand of miles away. That would be the least i could do.
Asking for cards to be sent to a little girl because she isnt having a party is not on the same level. She is going away for her birthday. I imagine that she will be with her family on her birthday and they will still have a cake for her. She will get over it, it's not the end of the world. It would be the first of many heartbreaks to come. What is this mother going to do if she doesn't get invited on a date or to the prom? I would think that she will still get attention from her family, they aren't going to ignore her on her day just because they are celebrating it on another day.

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

So, I'm going to ask again if anyone thinks it's tacky that service men and women's families and friends ask that others send them cards for special occasions?


I don't think so.. but I didn't think it was tacky of the mom either. I like sending cards, and my hubby is retired military. Believe me every snippet of life here is a big moment when they are so far away from home, especially when our military is so often very young. I say cards for everyone!!!

Yea! Cards for all!!

Well someone made the choice whether it was little Susie or little Susie's mother. Regardless, the natural consequence of the decision should take place. I smell a helicopter mama. It's not something I would do after having read: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children by Wendy Mogel. Jewish or not, it's a great book!

See, I don't agree with that. If it was mom's choice, she shouldn't have her birthday attention taken away.

No i definatley do not think it's tacky. I think it's completely different. These men and women are gone for long periods of time. They are away from their friends and family, with no hugs or kisses and especially no trips to the Grand Canyon. They are risking their lives, experiencing horrific sights, some may never come home. Those that do live a lifetime of nightmares. I think asking that you end them a little hello is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. They won't be sharing the day with their loved ones as this little girl will. I am sure that a card would bring a smile. That they would be remembered even though they are thousand of miles away. That would be the least i could do.
Asking for cards to be sent to a little girl because she isnt having a party is not on the same level. She is going away for her birthday. I imagine that she will be with her family on her birthday and they will still have a cake for her. She will get over it, it's not the end of the world. It would be the first of many heartbreaks to come. What is this mother going to do if she doesn't get invited on a date or to the prom? I would think that she will still get attention from her family, they aren't going to ignore her on her day just because they are celebrating it on another day.

That's what I thought most people would think, but several people are talking about the tackiness of mom asking people to remember a birthday. It's the mom being tacky (apparently), not the child. My cousin was in Iraq and was also worried people wouldn't remember him on his special days, just like this little girl. Just because she isn't risking her life doesn't make her feelings any less valid than his, and he would have been the first person to point that out. He absolutely adored children and couldn't wait to have his own! I remind my friends overseas that I remember them every day, especially on special occasions. It's just nice to be thought of during your birthday. And when my cousin came home, the immense turn out for his funeral was proof that he was thought of. The Patriot Guard Riders that shielded us from the protesters was proof that he was remembered.

I just think that in today's world, it's so important to make more good days than bad. If that includes mom asking a few friends to make birthday cards, then I'm all for it. It's not tacky, IMO, just a mom trying to make her daughter's birthday special. At this point, give me the address, and I'll send her a card!

 

[disneyjunkie]

See, I don't agree with that. If it was mom's choice, she shouldn't have her birthday attention taken away.

This has got to be a joke.

How is she missing out on birthday attention? She's spending her birthday with her family.

 

[DVC Sadie]

This has got to be a joke.

How is she missing out on birthday attention? She's spending her birthday with her family.

Thank goodness another voice of reason.

When a PARENT sends out e-mails to make sure that their child receives special attention on their birthday due to going on a wonderful trip with the family, then yes, there is a problem. The problem goes way beyond the question of "tackiness" and needs to be addressed ASAP with the mother who feels as if the vacation is not enough for her child.

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

This has got to be a joke.

How is she missing out on birthday attention? She's spending her birthday with her family.

No, it doesnt. Just another POV, not a joke.

I loved my friends at 10 years old, still do (not necessarily the friends I had at 10 (though I am still in contact with several), but the friends I have now), like family. Maybe some of you who are looking at this from another side didn't have those close relationships, but I did, and since OP said her daughter and the birthday girl are BFFs, it seems they do, too. I wanted birthday lovin' from my friends then, and I still like to get the extra attention now. Guess what. I'm a smart, successful, not spoiled, well-educated, confident, selfless person.

Thank goodness another voice of reason.

When a PARENT sends out e-mails to make sure that their child receives special attention on their birthday due to going on a wonderful trip with the family, then yes, there is a problem. The problem goes way beyond the question of "tackiness" and needs to be addressed ASAP with the mother who feels as if the vacation is not enough for her child.

Just because someone's style of parenting or point of view is different than yours doesn't mean it's unreasonable.

Again, we're also assuming she wanted to go on this vacation. I went to the GC as a kid. Not my thing. I would have been a little miffed it if took the place of a party with my pals. She may also be stoked to go to AZ, but it's ok to ask for things we want (or want for others). Really, it is.



OK, another question...when I was a pre-school teacher, one of the members of a teaching team (group of teacher and assistants per room) would circulate a flyer asking for each employee to bring something for a little lunch celebration when it was someone's birthday. You could choose to do so or not, but everyone was asked. Is that tacky?

I also recently received a letter from our homeroom parent (DS goes to the pre-school now) requesting donations for a gift for a teacher who is leaving (it's year-round pre-school). Is that tacky?

I'm just trying to figure out if those who are opposed to mom's tactics are because it's a mom asking for her daughter or if it's anyone asking.

 

[tinah159]

Not tacky, but unecessary.
A ten year old is old enough to understand if you don't throw a party, you won't be getting cards and gifts from everyone..
We've done the trip instead of party thing for dd and she understood only her closest friends and relatives would be giving her gifts and cards. It was not a problem.

My thoughts exactly

 

[hinodis]

You know, if the kid in the OP was 15 or 16, then I'd feel differently about this. A 16 year old can mention to her friends that her birthday is coming up and hopefully by then a 16 year old would have the wherewithall to acknowledge it on their own, be it with a card, email, text, whatever. I guess I'm returning to the fact that the child in the OP is 10. 6 years is a big difference!!!!



Was your daughter actually on the trip on her actual birthday? I can see how it's easy to get caught up in the hoopla when you're celebrating while on the trip. The kid in the OP will be back for her actual day. So, maybe it's hard for a 10 year old to see it as "just another day." I don't think it's a parenting thing...again.....why is it necessary to teach kids about life's dissapointments at age 10????

Nope. Her birthday was in march and the Rolex was in April. I make a HUGE deal for each person's birthday in my house. I decorate the house, they get baloons, I make a cake, they get presents, a special dinner...I guess they get enough from me making such a fuss over them.

 

[disneyjunkie]

OK, another question...when I was a pre-school teacher, one of the members of a teaching team (group of teacher and assistants per room) would circulate a flyer asking for each employee to bring something for a little lunch celebration when it was someone's birthday. You could choose to do so or not, but everyone was asked. Is that tacky?

I also recently received a letter from our homeroom parent (DS goes to the pre-school now) requesting donations for a gift for a teacher who is leaving (it's year-round pre-school). Is that tacky?

I'm just trying to figure out if those who are opposed to mom's tactics are because it's a mom asking for her daughter or if it's anyone asking.

It depends on who initiates the asking. If the birthday person or retiring teacher were behind the idea, then it's tacky. If the staff or parents decided to do these things on their own, then it isn't.

As a teacher and a parent, I hate group gifts.

 

[LIFERBABE]

So, I'm going to ask again if anyone thinks it's tacky that service men and women's families and friends ask that others send them cards for special occasions?

I think it is TACKY to put Servicemembers and this Mom/little girl in the same category.

There are people out there totally deserving of some attention and effort and Im sorry this little girl aint one of them. The mom should have asked her friends to send cards to servicemembers or the childrens hospital not pile on accolades for a child that should be grateful for her gift. If the trip is that upsetting, cancel it and throw a party!

I am not against cards or gifts or anything. But how much recognition does the girl need? It's not a birthday unless every last one of your friends acknowledge it?

As John Stossel says, Give me a break!

 

[rentayenta]

Thank goodness another voice of reason.

When a PARENT sends out e-mails to make sure that their child receives special attention on their birthday due to going on a wonderful trip with the family, then yes, there is a problem. The problem goes way beyond the question of "tackiness" and needs to be addressed ASAP with the mother who feels as if the vacation is not enough for her child.

Exactly. Like I said before, this has more to do with the mother and her sense of whatever is driving her to feel the way she does, and less with the birthday girl.

 

[rentayenta]

See, I don't agree with that. If it was mom's choice, she shouldn't have her birthday attention taken away.

Is the child not getting a trip with the family for her birthday?

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

It depends on who initiates the asking. If the birthday person or retiring teacher were behind the idea, then it's tacky. If the staff or parents decided to do these things on their own, then it isn't.

As a teacher and a parent, I hate group gifts.

I don't/didn't mind group gifts. I think some of the families who couldn't afford a great gift on their own felt included, even if they just contributed $5. As a parent, it's usually about convenience. If I have time to get a gift (teacher's bday, etc.), I will, but when it comes to Christmas, it's easier for me to contribute to the fund. Of course, thanks to Target toy clearance banana, I'm waaaaay ahead this year!

I think it is TACKY to put Servicemembers and this Mom/little girl in the same category.

There are people out there totally deserving of some attention and effort and Im sorry this little girl aint one of them. The mom should have asked her friends to send cards to servicemembers or the childrens hospital not pile on accolades for a child that should be grateful for her gift. If the trip is that upsetting, cancel it and throw a party!

I am not against cards or gifts or anything. But how much recognition does the girl need? It's not a birthday unless every last one of your friends acknowledge it?

As John Stossel says, Give me a break!

I mentioned in a post that my cousin, a marine who fought on the front lines in Iraq, would be the first to say that this little girl's feelings are as valid as his. In fact, he often mentioned that he joined up to help make the world better for the next generation. All military women and men I know feel the same way. No, they are not in the same predicament as the birthday girl (don't know who said they were), but the situations were similar save the recipient. These brave souls put their life on the line (and in my cousin's case, lost his) so future generations can enjoy life. No one is better or more deserving than anyone else. That is my belief. Apparently it is not everyone's, and that's fine. How horrid would the world be if everyone thought like you? I know I'd be bored out of my skull if everyone thought like me. I'd also be pretty bored if I never got to debate.

Believe me, I am one of the biggest military supporters out there, and the soldiers, airmen, marines, sailors, seals and coasties do not put themselves on pedestals and tend to downplay it when others do. Well, at least the men and women I know. We are a proud military family, and after mentioning the situation to my sisters, we all agreed that there is no harm nor foul in the mom's request. Again, we were raised that everyone, our guys and gals overseas, as well as 10 year old girls are equally deserving of birthday lovin' from family and friends!!

 

[LIFERBABE]

Well I am a 10 year Military Veteran and I still find it extremely Tacky to compare supporting our troops to canvassing birthday cards for a girl that is receiving a trip for her birthday and wont receive her "expected" amount of attention. I see no similarity whatsoever.

Monday my best friends husband left for Iraq (his 4th) I took her and her daughter to WDW so that she would have something to look forward to this summer other than her Dad leaving again. Her mom didnt ask for anything, I offered! He has been gone most of the summer in training for his deployment.

And my good girlfriend just set sail out of San Diego this morning to the middle east. Again, I will be supporting her family anyway I can while she is gone.

Im sure the world is a horrible place if this girl doesnt fill her quota of birthday cards on top of her trip to the Grand Canyon!

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

Well I am a 10 year Military Veteran and I still find it extremely Tacky to compare supporting our troops to canvassing birthday cards for a girl that is receiving a trip for her birthday and wont receive her "expected" amount of attention. I see no similarity whatsoever.

Monday my best friends husband left for Iraq (his 4th) I took her and her daughter to WDW so that she would have something to look forward to this summer other than her Dad leaving again. Her mom didnt ask for anything, I offered! He has been gone most of the summer in training for his deployment.

And my good girlfriend just set sail out of San Diego this morning to the middle east. Again, I will be supporting her family anyway I can while she is gone.

Im sure the world is a horrible place if this girl doesnt fill her quota of birthday cards on top of her trip to the Grand Canyon!

Well, I don't know who said they were the same thing. It wasn't me. I did say that the premise (of someone asking others to send birthday cards to a third party) was similar. I also never compared our troops to the family in question. As a completely separate thought (in trying to discover what some posters found so offensive about the mom's request) I asked if anyone thought it was tacky to ask for cards in other situations. I also posed several other questions.

That's too bad you feel I'm being crass in trying to get to the root of the issue. It wasn't my intention to come across that way. I will still say that no human being is more deserving of love and acknowledgment than any other. That being said, I will be praying for your friends' safe return.

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

Just for kicks and giggles...

Love it! Haha!!

 

[Cindy F]

Wow, there seems to be an awful lot of negativity and harshness surrounding a birthday card request for someone's child.

I guess I kinda look at it like this:

If this kind of thing is all it takes to irritate/offend someone; you probably won't have much luck keeping them "offend-free" for any length of time regardless of what you do or do not do.

Some people are just more inclined to be negative and some are more inclined to be positive. It's been my experience that the folks easiest to offend, are the ones who don't have a whole lot going on in their lives and need some kind of drama going on to talk about.

This is only my opinion and has no more or less value than anyone else's posted opinion.

PS: She's going to be 10 years old--I would send her a card with some Hannah Montana stickers in it and well wishes for a happy trip....and maybe a disposable camera with a request to take some pictures for me!