OT-Tacky?

[Mickeyluver37]

Yep..totally tacky. If this girls friends are this important to her (and I have an 11 y.o. DD, so I understand), then invite them over that day, have something low key for her birthday. They could even pack a picnic and go to the pool- it doesn't have to cost much.

I would also love to know if this child asked for a trip to the Grand Canyon in leiu of a birthday party, or the parents told her this is what she was getting, and her response was that her friends wouldn't think of her since she wasn't allowed to have a party.

 

[kathie859]

I look at this as an opportunity to demonstrate that good manners and kindness and sincerity (sending a card) is a good thing to do. I'd rather my child get this message rather than the usual I'll give you a present or wish you a happy birthday ONLY if you have a party.

I'd take the communication at face value. The Mother's intentions seem honorable to me. Heavens knows, I would do the same if I knew it would make a difference to my daughter.

 

[hentob]

I look at this as an opportunity to demonstrate that good manners and kindness and sincerity (sending a card) is a good thing to do.

See, I look at it as an opportunity to teach my daughter that nobody really gives a hoot about her birthday, except her close family members I look at it as an opportunity to teach your child never be one of those people that feel the need to tell people it is your birthday. Attention seekers

If someone cares about your birthday, believe me--You don't need to tell them. Let alone tell them that you want a card sent

Honestly...if someone cares enough to send a card, they will. They do NOT need an email reminder to send a card to a child that needs more than a trip to one of the New Seven Wonders of the World for her birthday

 

[kbeverina]

I don't think the mom was secretly begging for gifts and I probably wouldn't think too much of it if my friend sent me an e-mail like that. But, yeah, I think it's tacky.

Actually, it goes deeper than tacky. As much as I might hurt for my kids when they're sad, kids need to be sad and they need to be disappointed so they learn that the sun will rise again tomorrow and they're going to be okay. It really should be enough for a 10 year old to have a special dinner and birthday cake with the immediate family on the actual birthday.

 

[disneyjunkie]

See, I look at it as an opportunity to teach my daughter that nobody really gives a hoot about her birthday, except her close family members

Honestly...if someone cares enough to send a card, they will. They do NOT need an email reminder to send a card to a child that needs more than a trip to one of the New Seven Wonders of the World for her birthday

 

[kbeverina]

I look at this as an opportunity to demonstrate that good manners and kindness and sincerity (sending a card) is a good thing to do. I'd rather my child get this message rather than the usual I'll give you a present or wish you a happy birthday ONLY if you have a party.

Of course it's a good thing to do and to teach kids. We do this all the time and I'm sure a lot of people do--without being asked, which is truly a demonstration of kindness and sincerity.

 

[GoofyGolferGirl]

I don't see a problem with it, my DD has birthday parties and we always say no gift, she is an only child and has enough already. When I say no gifts I mean no gifts!

 

[Aliceacc]

Also, for what it's worth, my daughter would be crushed if she somehow forgot to send a birthday card to one of her friends. And, minus the party, there's every chance she would miss one without a reminder.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I am one of the queens of pointing out tacky stuff, but to me, this isn't tacky.

Tacky would be if she sent the same email letting you know where the dear child is registered for this year's gift grab. Or letting you know the codes to the travel agency to send money to help cover the trip.


I find this sweet and sincere. I bet her daughter attends all the birthday parties of people in her circle, AND send/bring gifts. It would totally suck to be 10 and although have a nice trip planned, not have any friends acknowledge the day at all.

Not only would I send a card, I'd toss in a few bucks for pocket money for her trip and wish her well.

 

[donald&daisy]

I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[dmslush]

I think it is extremely tacky. You don't ask for anything, and you graciously accept what anyone takes the time to give you.

 

[momx2]

While I don't find it particularly tacky because I do believe the mom was just trying to make sure her DD got a few birthday cards to make her day more special, I would not have sent the email. I want my DDs to realize they are not the center of everyone's universe, mine maybe, but not everybody's. If they don't have a big party it is still very important to my DDs to get with our family and have cake. They're fine with that.

 

[hentob]

I think it is extremely tacky. You don't ask for anything, and you graciously accept what anyone takes the time to give you.

Well put.

I think the mother that sent the email should sit down with her daughter and explain the above quote.

Ten is a wonderful age to learn this concept

 

[bethy]

I see it a totally different way. What kind of birthday party hoopla has she been getting for the last 9 years that she expects wishes from friends if she has no party? My kids have a small family party only for their birthdays - at age 8 they each had a large friend party at a local mini golf course. That was their big kid party. Now & then they pick 1-2 friends to play paintball, see a movie or sleepover for their birthday. I see no need to have big kid parties every year. I think the whole birthday party thing is out of control. If a child doesn't have a party she's crushed not to have friends acknowldege her special day? Sounds spoiled to me. My kids would never expect a friend to send a card or call to say Happy Birthday. I guess that's just me, or the area I live in, but I would never email people to remind them of their birthdays to get well wishes.

I totally agree with this perspective. It's the sense of entitlement that amazes me here. And the fact that the mother is running interference. Soliciting Birthday cards and wishes pretty much defeats their purpose in the first place.

I just wonder how all these kiddos who have grown up in bubbles meticulously engineered by their doting parents are going to cope with the real world someday. You know the one that does not revolve around them.

 

[LIFERBABE]

While I don't find it particularly tacky because I do believe the mom was just trying to make sure her DD got a few birthday cards to make her day more special, I would not have sent the email. I want my DDs to realize they are not the center of everyone's universe, mine maybe, but not everybody's. If they don't have a big party it is still very important to my DDs to get with our family and have cake. They're fine with that.

I don't know. I kind of see this as the cheerleader mom thing! She wanted her daughter to be on the squad so she fixed it. I think she overstepped the boundaries of friendship. Maybe the other Mom's cant put their finger on it, but it is unhealthy for the mom to try to protect her daughter this way.

1, it's a self esteem issue. If she is 10 and needs this kind of acknowledgement from their circle, talk about issues! Her esteem should come from her family, not her friends. She is getting a trip for her birthday with her family.

She is going to have plenty more issues where that came from and soon she won't have any friends because it will be all about her all the time. 'Oh Poor me! Im going on a fab trip for my birthday and all my friends are going to forget about me"

It's ok to have friends, but friends aint family and if she wants to save her daughter from a life of disappointment that is what she needs to teach her. Heck, family is disappointing enough! It's hard enough to prepare a child for that disappointment, now you are setting her up to think her friends are perfect too!

I dont even send family birthday cards. If you have a party or I see you on your birthday, I will give a hug and money and be happy for you! Does that mean I dont love my family? No, that means I dont have time to send cards and I think Ecards are tacky.

It's the parents job to acknowledge birthdays and if they throw a party and you attend then you are part of the celebration. If not, you should be left to decide whether you send a card or gift or anything.

My friend has a drama queen 13 year old, and believe me, it never stops. She wanted constant attention and acknowledgement on our WDW trip last month. If anyone else received the attention, she would redirect or snatch away whatever was getting attention. These people grow to adulthood and then we have to work with them!

 

[marcyinPA]

I think it is extremely tacky. You don't ask for anything, and you graciously accept what anyone takes the time to give you.

 

[momx2]

I don't know. I kind of see this as the cheerleader mom thing! She wanted her daughter to be on the squad so she fixed it. I think she overstepped the boundaries of friendship. Maybe the other Mom's cant put their finger on it, but it is unhealthy for the mom to try to protect her daughter this way.

1, it's a self esteem issue. If she is 10 and needs this kind of acknowledgement from their circle, talk about issues! Her esteem should come from her family, not her friends. She is getting a trip for her birthday with her family.

She is going to have plenty more issues where that came from and soon she won't have any friends because it will be all about her all the time. 'Oh Poor me! Im going on a fab trip for my birthday and all my friends are going to forget about me"

It's ok to have friends, but friends aint family and if she wants to save her daughter from a life of disappointment that is what she needs to teach her. Heck, family is disappointing enough! It's hard enough to prepare a child for that disappointment, now you are setting her up to think her friends are perfect too!

I dont even send family birthday cards. If you have a party or I see you on your birthday, I will give a hug and money and be happy for you! Does that mean I dont love my family? No, that means I dont have time to send cards and I think Ecards are tacky.

It's the parents job to acknowledge birthdays and if they throw a party and you attend then you are part of the celebration. If not, you should be left to decide whether you send a card or gift or anything.

My friend has a drama queen 13 year old, and believe me, it never stops. She wanted constant attention and acknowledgement on our WDW trip last month. If anyone else received the attention, she would redirect or snatch away whatever was getting attention. These people grow to adulthood and then we have to work with them!

Oh, I agree with most of this. That is why I said I wouldn't have sent the email because I want my DDs to realize the world doesn't revolve around them. I just don't find it tacky. Tacky to me would be sending the email and suggesting gifts or something like that. I think the mom is definately setting the daughter up for disappointment in life.

 

[DVC Sadie]

This mom sounds like a helicopter mom, or a mother who has control issues. Actually, this mom behaves as if she is afraid that someone may not see her dd as important as her. I find this behavior more sad and desperate rather than tacky.

Anyone who asks others to make sure that their child is not "forgotten" and to please send a card is trying way to hard IMO.

A family member or good friends will not forget someone's birthday because they are away on a wonderful trip. Those that do forget may have more important issues to deal with at that time.

 

[momx2]

Okay, for tacky read the "graduation shower" thread. Now that is TACKY, IMO. I think this mom is just being a helicopter mom.

 

[LIFERBABE]

Oh, I agree with most of this. That is why I said I wouldn't have sent the email because I want my DDs to realize the world doesn't revolve around them. I just don't find it tacky. Tacky to me would be sending the email and suggesting gifts or something like that. I think the mom is definately setting the daughter up for disappointment in life.

Im sorry momx2, I quoted your post because I agreed with what you were saying

Didnt sound like it, I know, but I did