OT-Sorry, I need to vent-sisters wedding

[tiredsigh]

Oh I am sorry I didn't realize that baby blankets and prams were magical germ killers. Air circulates no mater were you are so unless you have your baby in a buble you are fooling yourself.

My child was hospitalized at 6 weeks for a virus. At that age, they may do a spinal tap and catheter to make sure it isn't meningitis or a UTI. How do I know? My child had both in the peds ER. It's wonderful that your children were not in a "buble" and you were able to do it all after a CSection. Good for you

I have had my child get hospitalized an an infant. It is not fun. I'd prefer to listen to the recommendations of medical professionals in this case and not put a newborn on a plane. I also listened to a medical professional regarding my C Section recovery. Lifting luggage and flying a newborn cross country wouldn't be recommended by my doctor.

I find this to a be a moot point. The OP has many reasons why she does not feel she should go. Opposing views have been stated (numerous times by some posters ).

 

[love3monsters]

Oh I am sorry I didn't realize that baby blankets and prams were magical germ killers. Air circulates no mater were you are so unless you have your baby in a buble you are fooling yourself.

What is your issue? Ugly words and ugly actions.

Edited to add:

My second son had to have a spinal tap at 5 weeks due to a low grade fever. We thought it was a cold from his poppa but had to be sure. With the next 2 sons I went into lockdown. There is no way I would take a baby on a plane. There IS a difference between the recirculated air in a plane and the air in a grocery store. The rudeness and insensitivity by the quoted poster put me over the edge. Try and relax about the wedding.

 

[tiredsigh]

What is your issue? Ugly words and ugly actions.

Edited to add:

My second son had to have a spinal tap at 5 weeks due to a low grade fever. We thought it was a cold from his poppa but had to be sure. With the next 2 sons I went into lockdown. There is no way I would take a baby on a plane. There IS a difference between the recirculated air in a plane and the air in a grocery store. The rudeness and insensitivity by the quoted poster put me over the edge. Try and relax about the wedding.

I agree with all of your post.

Regarding the spinal tap: Watching them strap your baby down to do those tests was an experience I will never forget. It is heartbreaking.

 

[mickeysmate65]

What is your issue? Ugly words and ugly actions.

Edited to add:

My second son had to have a spinal tap at 5 weeks due to a low grade fever. We thought it was a cold from his poppa but had to be sure. With the next 2 sons I went into lockdown. There is no way I would take a baby on a plane. There IS a difference between the recirculated air in a plane and the air in a grocery store. The rudeness and insensitivity by the quoted poster put me over the edge. Try and relax about the wedding.

Thinking the same thing on both counts! Huge difference between recirculated air and grocery store air. I wasn't overly conservative with my children being around others but definitely would avoid an airplane in this day and age. What is so different in the last 20+ years - multidrug resistant germs, a society that tends to travel more which means exposure to different germs that your community saw in the past.

OP - I couldn't agree more with the posters who say to stay home. A c-section is major surgery with the hormonal changes to go with it! On top of that you will be caring for a newborn and your other children. Both of my children were c-sections - I do remember "feeling" the effects longer with the second. I certainly wasn't homebound, however I was on my baby's and my own body's schedule. Also, talk to your OB as surgery places you at risk for a DVT and flying can also place you at risk - combine the two and s/he may make the decision for you.

Good luck and hugs from your friends!

 

[dallastxcpa]

What is your issue? Ugly words and ugly actions.

Edited to add:

My second son had to have a spinal tap at 5 weeks due to a low grade fever. We thought it was a cold from his poppa but had to be sure. With the next 2 sons I went into lockdown. There is no way I would take a baby on a plane. There IS a difference between the recirculated air in a plane and the air in a grocery store. The rudeness and insensitivity by the quoted poster put me over the edge. Try and relax about the wedding.

I have no issues. I stand by my original statement. The OP needs to be honest with her sister and let her know her intentions. From her posts it appears that she has no intention of going to the wedding. It has been two days and she has not posted that she has spoke with her sister yet.

Ugly words: that's offensive. You can say that you don't like what I say or don't agree but who are you to judge.

Actions: What actions are you talking about? This is a chat board so how would it even be possible that I could take any kind of action on a chat board?

 

[tiredsigh]

From her posts it appears that she has no intention of going to the wedding. It has been two days and she has not posted that she has spoke with her sister yet.

Ugly words: that's offensive. You can say that you don't like what I say or don't agree but who are you to judge.

Who are you to expect the OP to tell you that she called her sister? You are coming across as judging OP.

 

[ShannonMB]

I read a lot of replies, but honestly not all of them. I'm glad you're getting a good bit of support for your decision to not attend the wedding, even though some people seem to be offended by your choice. Which boggles my mind.

My sister and I are very close, talk to each other on the phone several times a week and get together often since we live in the same city. Thankfully, she did everyone a favor and got married in the Bahamas, just her and her DH. They did a wedding/honeymoon and no one was invited. Some people may think that's weird, but after all, who is a marriage about? They had some really intimate bonding time without worrying about anything OR anyone and all the ridiculous drama that surrounds so many weddings. The more bridezillas and big to-dos I hear about ending in divorce, the more sense their philosophy on the subject makes to me!!

Now, if I were in your exact situation, she had had a big shin-dig, and I was thousands of miles away, I would have no problem telling my DSis that there is NO WAY, with all that is going on, expenses, the Kindergartener, the CSect, the new baby, etc, that I would be able to come. This is considering how dearly I love her -- absolutely next in line after DD and DH. And I know our relationship would not even take the slightest blow, because we love and respect each other. I am certain that SHE would feel bad not to be able to come and help ME out, not feel selfishly slighted that I didn't care enough to watch her get all dressed up and walk down the aisle.

With all you have going on, you need to be home. Never even mind the money. You should be spending this early fall getting your Kindergartener acclimated to school, your new baby acclimated to your family, and your belly healed! Anyone who thinks you are selfish for wanting to do those things is CRAZY. And as far as visits in the future, they know your financial situation right now, and if they want to see you, they can come to YOU! Obviously! I can't even believe there is dissention on this thread!

 

[smidgy]

it sounds to me like the cost alone is prohibative, even if there were no other issues. I would never ask my sister to spend that kind of money with little ones and a baby on the way and a huge hospital bill coming up.
maybe you can "attend" via skype.

 

[princessmom29]

My child was hospitalized at 6 weeks for a virus. At that age, they may do a spinal tap and catheter to make sure it isn't meningitis or a UTI. How do I know? My child had both in the peds ER. It's wonderful that your children were not in a "buble" and you were able to do it all after a CSection. Good for you

I have had my child get hospitalized an an infant. It is not fun. I'd prefer to listen to the recommendations of medical professionals in this case and not put a newborn on a plane. I also listened to a medical professional regarding my C Section recovery. Lifting luggage and flying a newborn cross country wouldn't be recommended by my doctor.

I find this to a be a moot point. The OP has many reasons why she does not feel she should go. Opposing views have been stated (numerous times by some posters ).

While I totally understand your concern and where you are coming form with portecting your baby, I hope that no medical porfessional actually told you that having your child covered with a blanket would portect them from germs, because that is just NOT true. It may help with someone leaning directly over the pram and sneezing on them, but it is not going to block airborne viruses and bacteria and betterthan leaving the baby unclvered. I did my senior research project in BIochemistry on disease porcesses in newborns and we looked at a lot ofthing in trems of effectiveness. Blankets= no protection. Viruses and bacteria still pass through.

 

[tlens]

I have no issues. I stand by my original statement. The OP needs to be honest with her sister and let her know her intentions. From her posts it appears that she has no intention of going to the wedding. It has been two days and she has not posted that she has spoke with her sister yet.

Ugly words: that's offensive. You can say that you don't like what I say or don't agree but who are you to judge.
Actions: What actions are you talking about? This is a chat board so how would it even be possible that I could take any kind of action on a chat board?

You are the one judging and being offensive. Glad life is perfect for you and that you don't need to concern yourself with things like medical bills, air travel, major surgeries, lack of sleep etc for a 4-6 hour event. I'm very happy that you are super woman and can manage all of that. If it were me, I can tell you that there would be no way in heck would I be travelling across country. I had some pretty serious complications after my medically necessary c-section and I would not have been able to travel even 6 weeks after. I couldn't even drive my car yet at that point, nor lift anything heavier than 12 pounds.

Perhaps her husband could go with the 2 children and the remainder stay back. Expenses are cut somewhat and mom and baby can get much needed rest.

 

[tiredsigh]

While I totally understand your concern and where you are coming form with portecting your baby, I hope that no medical porfessional actually told you that having your child covered with a blanket would portect them from germs, because that is just NOT true. It may help with someone leaning directly over the pram and sneezing on them, but it is not going to block airborne viruses and bacteria and betterthan leaving the baby unclvered. I did my senior research project in BIochemistry on disease porcesses in newborns and we looked at a lot ofthing in trems of effectiveness. Blankets= no protection. Viruses and bacteria still pass through.

I think you have me confused with another poster I never said blankets = germ protection

I come from a family of scientists and engineers (I'm the black sheep who went to law school). I have picked up a few things about microbiology from my parents (one is highly published in the field).

So I think that a blanket can deter other people from touching a baby. My suggestion is to avoid an airport and airplanes with a newborn.

 

[dispor]

Perhaps her husband could go with the 2 children and the remainder stay back. Expenses are cut somewhat and mom and baby can get much needed rest.

I was going to suggest this, too. But I am pretty sure the OP will say that the expenses are still too great.

I think the OP does not want to go to this wedding and is trying to justify her decision. I have no idea what the history is with her and her sister, but just the small details she has given doesn't make it sound very good.

OP, this isn't the time to start dredging up all the past injustices of your sister or your mom. Just email her back and tell her (your sister, not your mom) that you cannot attend due to finances and Kindergarten. As for using your new baby as an excuse... you had already stated to them that you would attend with your five week old. Just explain that you had not thought through all the logistics (lifting luggage, etc.).

BTW, is there any chance that she's asking for a head count this early because she's thinking she may change the date if it doesn't work for you?

 

[honeydiane1953]

I was going to suggest this, too. But I am pretty sure the OP will say that the expenses are still too great.

I think the OP does not want to go to this wedding and is trying to justify her decision. I have no idea what the history is with her and her sister, but just the small details she has given doesn't make it sound very good.

OP, this isn't the time to start dredging up all the past injustices of your sister or your mom. Just email her back and tell her (your sister, not your mom) that you cannot attend due to finances and Kindergarten. As for using your new baby as an excuse... you had already stated to them that you would attend with your five week old. Just explain that you had not thought through all the logistics (lifting luggage, etc.).

BTW, is there any chance that she's asking for a head count this early because she's thinking she may change the date if it doesn't work for you?

Don't attend. You can't. Would love to but can't and DON'T.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

I traveled two weeks post op with my second c/s to go to a family wedding. It was an 8 hr drive and it was exhausting. BUT- and this is a big but- my Dh was there, and we only had one other child. DH did all the driving and carried all the luggage, got our older child ready and settled and watched her everywhere we went. All I had to do was get myself up and in the car and take care of my son. My family kept assuring me that I didn't need to do it, they would understand, etc. I was desperate to go, though, for reasons of my own. If I hadn't had the same set of circumstances, there's no way I'd have gone.

What I can't get over, OP, is how evil your mom and sister are acting toward you. Nobody in thier right mind would expect a person who just had a baby to travel across the country for a wedding. Let alone the expense, the first day of K, etc. I can't imagine having a sib and parent that were so unloving and selfish. I wouldn't go. I would take previous advice and just say no, no excuses, and I would start putting some distance emotionally between yourself and your nasty, selfish family.

Normally I'd do anything to be there for a family event, but sometimes you just can. If they really love you and care about you and your family, they would be assuring you instead that you'd be missed and that they understand totally.

 

[gatormommy07]

What is your issue? Ugly words and ugly actions.

Edited to add:

My second son had to have a spinal tap at 5 weeks due to a low grade fever. We thought it was a cold from his poppa but had to be sure. With the next 2 sons I went into lockdown. There is no way I would take a baby on a plane. There IS a difference between the recirculated air in a plane and the air in a grocery store. The rudeness and insensitivity by the quoted poster put me over the edge. Try and relax about the wedding.

I agree totally with you!! I have been reading these posts since the day the OP started the thread, and some people are super RUDE and completely insensitive!!! I am pretty sure some people are just jerks!! I stand by what I and many others have said, OP, DON'T GO!!!! Stay home to recover with your baby!!

p.s.to dallastxcpa. if you thought my dallasbridezilla coment was directed to you, which it wasn't, I can only say, if the shoe fits! You seemed to beleive that was an acurate desciption of yourself, I was thinking of something else, but whatever!!

 

[Zeebs]

You are the one judging and being offensive. Glad life is perfect for you and that you don't need to concern yourself with things like medical bills, air travel, major surgeries, lack of sleep etc for a 4-6 hour event. I'm very happy that you are super woman and can manage all of that. If it were me, I can tell you that there would be no way in heck would I be travelling across country. I had some pretty serious complications after my medically necessary c-section and I would not have been able to travel even 6 weeks after. I couldn't even drive my car yet at that point, nor lift anything heavier than 12 pounds.

Perhaps her husband could go with the 2 children and the remainder stay back. Expenses are cut somewhat and mom and baby can get much needed rest.

I don't see where the poster is being judgmental and offensive.

Hers is just a different view than many posted here. She is entitled to her opinion just like everyone else.

The OP doesn't want to go for what ever reasons she has all valid for her, I agree don't go, tell sister and that be the end of it.

Sorry you had such a terrible time after your birth, it happens, some people don't have that some people do. Just because the poster said she would go it isn't a personal attack against all people that had issues with their births.

Would I go..... YES, if baby and I were healthy, yes it would be tiring, yes it would be stressful but i would still do it.

Just because I would go and clearly disagree with many others saying they wouldn't go doesn't make my view any less valid or all the other posters views less valid.

Kirsten

 

[Arthur Uxaik]

I cannot believe that your family expect you to attend this party.
It's nice to have family along when you're having a party - whether it's in celebration of a wedding, graduation, special birthday, retirement or whatever. But if they can't make it, the party still goes ahead and everybody says it's a shame that so-and-so couldn't make it.
If there is a risk that they will cut you off for this then there is obviously some other problem. Anyone who disowns a member of a family for failure to attend a family event was just looking for an excuse to do it and wasn't really close in the first place. I can hardly think of ANYTHING my siblings could do that would make me disown them.
There are so many reasons that you cannot go that it is preposterous that it was even suggested. Also some frankly distasteful answers on this thread.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I cannot believe that your family expect you to attend this party.
It's nice to have family along when you're having a party - whether it's in celebration of a wedding, graduation, special birthday, retirement or whatever. But if they can't make it, the party still goes ahead and everybody says it's a shame that so-and-so couldn't make it.
If there is a risk that they will cut you off for this then there is obviously some other problem. Anyone who disowns a member of a family for failure to attend a family event was just looking for an excuse to do it and wasn't really close in the first place. I can hardly think of ANYTHING my siblings could do that would make me disown them.
There are so many reasons that you cannot go that it is preposterous that it was even suggested. Also some frankly distasteful answers on this thread.

Troll?

 

[FayeW]

Troll?

What an odd thing to say! There wasn't anything remotely trollish about that post.

Everybody has to have a first post some time...maybe it's just a lurker decloaking because this was the topic that made him/her decide to jump in to the fray.

 

[tiredsigh]

What an odd thing to say! There wasn't anything remotely trollish about that post.

Everybody has to have a first post some time...maybe it's just a lurker decloaking because this was the topic that made him/her decide to jump in to the fray.

I agree FayeW! The post seemed to have valid input not meant to incite any nastiness. What about that post screamed TROLL?