ot: sleepovers?

[homemaker]

My older 2 DS (10 & 8) were invited to sleep over a friends house. I say friend but we don't know them. We have lived here for 4 yrs and have never seen his family. I have seen him waiting at the bus stop but never anyone else. He told us that his Nana takes care of him and that he couldn't answer where his parents are. Should I be concerned? I think we are going to invite his Nana over and get to know them before we consider a sleepover. Are we just being overprotective parents or are we doing the right thing?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I would invite the whole family over for dinner and get to know them before accepting an invitation like that. I don't think it's over protective at all to want to know something about a family where your child is spending the night.

 

[belle&beast]

I totally agree that you should get to know his Nana and anyone else who lives in the home. The truth of the matter is probably that Nana is raising him because his parents are unable to provide a good life for him, so she is probably a great person. But I would never send my children anywhere unless I was totally comfortable. Getting to know her and anyone else in the home is critical.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I would never let children 8 & 10 play at the home of someone you do not know, much less sleep over. The fact is that today's world is scary and we have to protect our children. I agree to invite the child and his family over for dinner or just snacks and talk time. Remember before your child goes to someones home, there are some tough to ask questions you need answers to.

WHo all lives at your home?
Who will be watching the kids when they play at your home?
ARe you ok with the kids being home alone. (Alot of parents are at that age)
Do you have guns in the house. (VERY IMPORTANT WITH CURRIOUS BOYS)
Do the kids ride ATVs? Do you make them wear helments??
Do you have a pool? What rules do you have?

Lots of other things you will get a feel for through conversation. And if you are not comfortable, there are lots of way to get around it. If grandma is rasing the kids you might say something like, " I know that you could use a break, why not let the kids sleep over at my home".

Good luck, I know this is a hard situation.

Jordan's mom

 

[ChrisH127]

I have a 15 year old -- and I refused to let him stay at a friends house until I met his parents -- He was ready to shoot me for being so stubborn as he put is especially since 4 other boys were staying over -- I have to say his friends mom actually was very HAPPY that I went over the house with my son introduced myself and we chatted for 20 minutes - They have since become the best of friends and I either have Chris at our house or Matt is at his all the time -- I even make a rule to have any new friends that my son asked to stay over my house - I tell him I must meet the parents first...

 

[tatooed goofy]

You can never be too cautious with your own children. If you don't watch out for them who will? I agree. Get to know the Nana.

 

[wrldpossibility]

No way would I let my kids spend the night with a family I don't know. Not even a consideration. I wouldn't even let them play there for an afternoon. I'd invite the child to your house for a playtime first. Then you can introduce yourself to the Nana/parent/whoever. After you get to know them, I'd still wait a long time before a sleepover.

 

[homemaker]

Here is a little update. We went to the boys house to meet the family. Wow they are all alittle strange. The Nana is the caregiver but the mother lives there as well. She is not mentally stable and can't care for the boys. I don't feel like it's a good place to send my children. They have coming here to play and that works out okay for me. Thank you everyone for the advice.

 

[EeyoreFan1]

I would invite the whole family over for dinner and get to know them before accepting an invitation like that. I don't think it's over protective at all to want to know something about a family where your child is spending the night.

I would find out where there parents are.

 

[Evil Queen]

Here is a little update. We went to the boys house to meet the family. Wow they are all alittle strange. The Nana is the caregiver but the mother lives there as well. She is not mentally stable and can't care for the boys. I don't feel like it's a good place to send my children. They have coming here to play and that works out okay for me. Thank you everyone for the advice.

Maybe after you get to know the child(ren) a little better, you could do the sleepover at your house. That way they still get a sleepover and you can supervise.

 

[newtowdw1]

ITA with all advice so far. However, I don't like sleepovers anyway. I like my kids in bed where I can look at them!

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Don't overlook what a wonderful chance you have to be a positive influence in these children's lives. Welcome them into you home, and try to suround them with the secuirty of a loving family, if only for a few hours.

 

[my4kids]

I'm glad you worked it out....
I agree with what has been said so far....
My kids often get invited to slumber parties at friends houses that I have not met the families. I call around to parents I am friends with and ask if they know the family. If their child was invited, would they let them sleep there? One family that I had big concerns about (just from the appearance of the child) turned out to be absolutely lovely, and they are good friends of ours now. Other times when I call around and noone can tell me anything about the family, so I politely decline the invitation and invite their child over for a playdate to make up for it...that way I meet the parents for the next time it happens.

My kids are also well versed on what to do if they are uncomfortable in ANY way while at a friends house. get to a phone, dial our number, say "Mom get me'" and I will be there in 2 minutes.

 

[mimif1]

I agree with all that is said. This past year my DD10 went on a sleepover. I had met the mom at several school functions and knew the child and felt comfortable. I stayed at the house for awhile when I dropped her off and the mom asked if they could take my DD to her child's basketball game the next morning and then go out to eat. They would bring her home after. I was fine with that. Turns out they decided to go shopping after the game, taking my daughter with them. My daughter thought that the mom had cleared that with me and didn't think anything about it. We didn't have her cell number and no one answered the phone at their house. Finally, at 6:45 PM we got in touch with them. They had picked up pizza to eat at their house! We thought she'd be home about 1:30 PM and she got home at 7:00 PM. I did let that mom know that they scared the daylights out of us and a simply phone call could have saved us hours of worry. It had never occurred to her. It's funny because I wasn't really worried about her safety with them, it was just the fact that I didn't know WHERE she was.

 

[mama22]

ITA with all advice so far. However, I don't like sleepovers anyway. I like my kids in bed where I can look at them!

I agree! I have already started telling my daughter "we don't do sleepovers in our family" I hope it works!