OT: Skipping a grade

[Mickeypooh99]

This is very true. GT people (adults, too) struggle with their own issues.

Back to the original topic, here is some "light reading" that convinced a friend of mine to have her DD skip a grade...

http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/Nation_Deceived/

It is so frustrating to figure out what your child needs when they aren't mainstream...I feel your pain. And I haven't found an easy answer (I'll let you know when I do...LOL!).

Good luck!

I love that report. I have the whole thing sitting on my book shelf. Volume 1 and 2. It really helped me decide. I agree with so much of it.

 

[princessmom29]

As a teacher and a mom I say if she is capable of doing the work and would be ok socially let her skip. Don't let the age hangup make you hold her back. I teach high school and it is my experience that the age difference is not that much of an issue. She will be going to school and interacting with 16 year old at 14 even if you don't skip her. Grade level doesn't really mean that much in high school anymore. Most electives and science classes are mixed grade anyway. I have freshman routinely in the same chemistry class as seniors. My teachers wanted me to skip 4th grade and i really wish my parents had allowed it. I would have been sooo much better off a grade ahead. I spent most of my school career insanely bored untill I got to high school AP classes. That was the 1st time I had ever actually had to study anything and I had no idea how. It was just something i had never had to do. I adapted, nut I can only imagine what would have happened if I had made it all the wak to college like that. So I gusee what I am saying is that kids need to be challenged to develop the study skills they are going to need later.

 

[bonybroad]

I have a question. I don't want this to sound mean or rude but for those of you who skipped a grade, or two, growing up, what are you doing now? What is your current career? Just curious.

I'm a teacher.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

As far as the social aspect, my son is doing great since he skipped. He fits in better with older kids. He has more in common with them. He has a large group of friends now. Before he skipped he really didn't have any friends. At free time he would sit in the corner and read a book.

Ages in each grade are so different now. Some parents hold back a child from starting kindergarden because they don't think there kids are ready. Some kids do young 5's or pre-k when they are 5. There will always be a late developer. It doesn't matter if they have skipped or not. Also like PP stated high school classes are mixed ages. If you had a group of kids all the same exact age some would be more mature and some less. This is for physical and emotional. Each child is different. The decision shouldn't be based on age alone.

 

[lindsmom]

We just went through this with our daughter(7years old). She missed the cutoff by eleven days (9/1 cutoff - 9/11 birthday), so she was almost the oldest of her whole grade (excepting those who stayed back). She was reading at 3 1/2, etc. I would have liked to test her for K a year early, but our school system wouldn't discuss it.

Not surprisingly, in K she started getting bored toward the end of the year (she had some separation issues from me starting school so she worked on that the first half of the year). So this past year in 1st grade, she faked sick one day - I got out of her that she was just too bored in school and was starting to hate it. We couldn't have that, so at parent conferences the question was posed of what could we do long term to help her? The teacher actually suggested moving her up to second grade. After much testing she moved middle of the year, after the Christmas break, into a very welcoming classroom.

We were nervous about her entering an already - established group, but they really are an amazing mix of students. Since the move, she has told us almost every day how much she loves school. We've thought about the fact that she's suddenly a year closer to MCAS testing, then graduating, then college, etc. But she's happy now and we won't have to patch together enrichment programs and extra tutoring etc.

I would say don't worry about the age stuff as other posters have mentioned - that kind of stuff can happen anyway. Think about what will make your daughter happy in the long run.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

OK, you guys are at least calming some of my fears about the whole age thing. I'm not worried about her mixing with the kids because she is already in the same classroom with the 3rd graders this year. Next year if she moves up the 4th graders have their own class. If she stays in 3rd, she stays in a 2nd/3rd combo and my DS who is 7 will be in 2nd. I'm tempted to skip her just so I don't have to deal with a whole year of them coming home and tattling on each other

For the poster who wondered what us "smart kid" adults are doing now....I'm a nurse who really never learned to study-even in college. I just read the stuff and it stuck. My professors all wanted me to continue on with my masters/PhD, and I really have no desire. I totally agree about the motivated vs. smart comments made above

 

[Colleen27]

They have offered the choice of bumping her up or just working on enrichment stuff in math and language arts. It does make it harder because she could be placed in either grade age wise....

Yeah, I can imagine it does. I really see both sides, because I've been the kid and the parent in the situation. We've discussed promotion with my DD's teachers on two occasions but for us it is a no brainer - she's already the youngest in her class, turned 5 just a couple days before starting K and will go off to college shortly before turning 18 if she remains in the "right" grade. Add to that the fact that she's "young" for her age socially/emotionally, and we really didn't feel like skipping a grade was right for her. Our school has an excellent gifted program and she'll have the opportunity to go to a magnet G&T middle school and an IB high school as she gets older, so we're pretty confident that she'll get what she needs without skipping a grade. It would have been a much tougher decision if our district didn't offer all of that or if she was older/more mature in comparison to her classmates. And even knowing that she has all of that support that I didn't (I came up in a district without enrichment, gifted, honors, etc. at any level), I worry that time will show that we should have made a different decision.

 

[crisi]

You know, it seems that the people who did it themselves and are now adults wouldn't do it. The people who are in the middle of it with their kids and did it are having good results. Whether that's the up close and personal perspective of having gone through those tough teen years being the last to drive (last to hit puberty, whatever) or whether that is the change that 20 years brings to the school system, I'm not sure.

One of my friends just went through this with his son, they decided to keep him in his grade, but moved him to a charter school that only has gifted kids in it. They are selling their house and moving to be closer to the school. The kid is physically mature enough to skip a grade, but socially he has the opposite issue - he is a ten year old adult - he doesn't have kid interests or find kid jokes funny. So they needed a place where he wouldn't be with eleven year olds, but would be with other nine/ten/eleven year old adults.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

This is very true. GT people (adults, too) struggle with their own issues.

Back to the original topic, here is some "light reading" that convinced a friend of mine to have her DD skip a grade...

http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/Nation_Deceived/

It is so frustrating to figure out what your child needs when they aren't mainstream...I feel your pain. And I haven't found an easy answer (I'll let you know when I do...LOL!).

Good luck!

OK, thanks for this link. I just skimmed through that-I am going to have to see if I can actually get it from the library or not. This was actually a non-issue when we homeschooled because we just worked at their pace. See where that got me!

 

[Aristomommy]

I have a question. I don't want this to sound mean or rude but for those of you who skipped a grade, or two, growing up, what are you doing now? What is your current career? Just curious.

I can give you a few examples from friends/family. My brother is a professional musician (skipped 2 grades, the homeschooled HS). DH was in GT programs from 2nd grade and completed college classes in HS. He is a computer/network engineer. I have a friend who has a very high IQ, grade skipped etc. She struggles to keep a job despite her brilliance (poor social skills, gets bored easily).

Being "gifted" or an advanced learner has little to do with success. There are many kids who are motivated and determined which will go further than and unmotivated child with a readiness to learn. But the worse thing a parent can do for a gifted child is to keep them in a environment where they never learn to expand their mind, study habits and that is when boredom sets in. Gifted kids are at a high risk for school drop out when they are not challenged.

 

[zoemurr]

You know, it seems that the people who did it themselves and are now adults wouldn't do it. The people who are in the middle of it with their kids and did it are having good results. Whether that's the up close and personal perspective of having gone through those tough teen years being the last to drive (last to hit puberty, whatever) or whether that is the change that 20 years brings to the school system, I'm not sure.

Hard to say.. but I would think that we all had a rough time in our teen years for some reason.. older/younger/short/tall.. whose to say that someone who skipped wouldn't still have trouble if they were in their "correct" grade? Some of us just never feel that we fit in for whatever the reason. It's impossible to know what both scenarios would be.

 

[Aristomommy]

You know, it seems that the people who did it themselves and are now adults wouldn't do it. The people who are in the middle of it with their kids and did it are having good results. Whether that's the up close and personal perspective of having gone through those tough teen years being the last to drive (last to hit puberty, whatever) or whether that is the change that 20 years brings to the school system, I'm not sure.

I know a few adults who were skipped and turned out just fine. Also, it is more common now and parents have more information when a skip is appropriate. I didn't take the issue lightly and neither did the school.

If my daughter's worst problem is getting her period last in her class, we'll be ok with that. As a Sept. birthday I was in the same predicament and it was no big deal.

 

[zoemurr]

Funny story.. when my DD was 4 and I first brought up her starting K early (a HUGE no-no.. you have to start K and then skip to 1st.. which we did) I was told by the superintendant that she could not skip because she would get her period later than other girls.

Now there are a lot of arguements for not skipping.. but I couldn't believe that was the best she could do.

I don't remember all of us standing around talking about it anyway when I was in junior high?.. And I was in 5th grade. I would have much rather been one of the last instead of one of the first to have to deal with it!

 

[Nennie]

I skipped 2nd grade. Would never do that to my child, based on my experiences.

As a girl, being the youngest in my grade started to take it's toll around 5th and 6th grade. I was still into playing with barbies, when the other girls were getting breasts, getting their periods (yeah this is "important stuff" when you are a young girl), and turning "boy crazy." Suddenly, I became the dork, the "baby," and had very few friends. It was this way until the end of 7th grade.

Fortunately, we moved the summer after 7th grade, and I went to a new school and made friends. By highschool, I had socially "caught up" to everyone else, and had a great highschool experience. Even so, I was the last one to get my driver's license, last one to turn 21 in college, etc.

After college I went on to lawschool, and have been an attorney for the past 10 years. Although I'm successful, I would have found the same success had I just stayed with the kids my age in 2nd grade.

Just my thoughts from someone who's been there! Best of luck to you and your daughter!!

 

[maiapapaya]

You know, it seems that the people who did it themselves and are now adults wouldn't do it...

Hmmm, I never said I wouldn't do it (as well as several others). As I mentioned, I think I would have been frustrated and bored if my parents hadn't allowed me to accelerate. My friend resented not being allowed to go ahead. If it isn't working for your child you can always pull them back. But if they aren't emotionally/socially immature and your school doesn't offer enrichment/gifted programs you run the risk of your child starting to become bored or disconnected with school if they aren't challenged.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

Hard to say.. but I would think that we all had a rough time in our teen years for some reason.. older/younger/short/tall.. whose to say that someone who skipped wouldn't still have trouble if they were in their "correct" grade? Some of us just never feel that we fit in for whatever the reason. It's impossible to know what both scenarios would be.

Amen to that! Does anyone really remember enjoying middle school

 

[Mickeypooh99]

OP, I just noticed you are in Michigan. Your daughter is 8 and birthdate is near the cut off date of December 1st. It sounds like we have a lot in common. We are in Michigan also. In a very small town. My son turned 8 on Dec. 12. I also have a DS who is 7 and will be in 2nd grade next year. Our kids must be very close in age. If you skip her, your daughter and my son would both be in 4th grade next year.

You know your daughter best. You are the best judge of her maturity level. I'm thinking putting her in a class of 2nd and 3rd grade children next year will be hard on her. Especially if she has made some friends of the older kids. It is so important to keep the kids challenged.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

OP, I just noticed you are in Michigan. Your daughter is 8 and birthdate is near the cut off date of December 1st. It sounds like we have a lot in common. We are in Michigan also. In a very small town. My son turned 8 on Dec. 12. I also have a DS who is 7 and will be in 2nd grade next year. Our kids must be very close in age. If you skip her, your daughter and my son would both be in 4th grade next year.

You know your daughter best. You are the best judge of her maturity level. I'm thinking putting her in a class of 2nd and 3rd grade children next year will be hard on her. Especially if she has made some friends of the older kids. It is so important to keep the kids challenged.

Good luck with your decision.

Thanks so much! The kids are 15 months apart-on purpose So, I'm sorry I must have missed it somewhere, but did your 8 year old skip or start early?
Edit: OK, so sorry, I went back and found your post. I'm glad your son is doing well. I keep flipping back and forth on what to do. Did your school district offer anything, or do you have limited resources because of the size of school?

This is just one more bump in the road of parenting. Somehow they keep getting bigger instead of smaller

 

[crisi]

I know a few adults who were skipped and turned out just fine. Also, it is more common now and parents have more information when a skip is appropriate. I didn't take the issue lightly and neither did the school.

If my daughter's worst problem is getting her period last in her class, we'll be ok with that. As a Sept. birthday I was in the same predicament and it was no big deal.

I turned out just fine, too. And when I was 22 I thought the experience had been fine. When it came time to make the choice with my own daughter, I discovered I had far different feelings about the whole thing than I had thought I had.

It was enlightening for me, since until I had to say "no" with my kids, I was sure being pushed ahead had been great.

And yes, middle school is miserable for everyone. High school was really bad as well. And college was a pain because everyone else could drink (drinking age was lower back then) and I couldn't get into bars so had a more limited weekend social life. The seventeen year old 500 miles from home away from college thing was possibly the hardest for both me and my parents - in fact, I dropped out of my first college and moved back home - I wasn't ready for it and neither were they. (There may have been that boy involved though).....

 

[mickeyplanner08]

... (There may have been that boy involved though).....

Somehow those boys are always causing trouble