OT - Scared kids at night

[eianson]

My DD3 has been getting up in the middle of the night lately crying. We take her to the bathroom, put her back in bed, and up until recently she would go back to sleep no problem. However, the last couple of nights, she is refusing to go back to sleep and wants us to stay with her. It isn't night terrors, but it is definitely a fear of the dark/being alone (she said "the black thing" is chasing her). We've been pulling our hair out trying to figure out how to calm her down. Last night after 45 minutes I finally broke down and let her into bed with us (I know, I know...big mistake). However, that can't happen anymore. She needs to get her rest and so do we. She has a night light and we leave the door ajar, but I am running out of ideas and patience.

Any tips on what to do?

Thanks,
Eric

 

[hollyb]

She is very young and sleeping in your bed isn't a bad thing. If she is truly scared and needs her mom and dad. Wheres the problem? Or put an air mattress next to her bed and one of you sleep in there with her.

It makes me wonder where the "professionals" get off saying what is right and wrong.

 

[Darcy03231]

DS did this right about the same age. I would stay in the room until he went back to sleep, but not in bed with him (or him with us). Thankfully, it didn't happen every night and didn't last long (maybe 4-6 months).

 

[Subrbnmommy]

My dd3 has been doing the same thing. We bought her a pink princess light, it's kinda of a globe that spins on top of a base. It's brighter than a night light and the spinnig reflects around the room. We'd sit by her bed until she fell asleep but we are now moving further and further away from her bed. We always start next to her and I give her the scenario "I'm sitting next to your bed for a few minutes, then I will go to the dresser and after a few minutes I will move to the door frame" and I tell her quietly everytime I move. Last night we were just outside her door!

 

[meglovesbelle]

I am so with you. DD3 has not slept in her room for 2 months. She brings all her blankets and pillows and sleeps on the floor next to us. I tell her to stay in her room and it lasts until the sleep timer turns the TV off ( I know but it was my last resort and I finally caved) then she quietly comes in our room. Trust me I have tried everything !!!! Ready to pull my hair out, she needs to be in her own room. She is not scared of anything, but says she doesn't lkike her bed or her room (which is purple and has princesses everywhere). She likes it to play in and watch the movie, but not to sleep. I would not let her in your bed anymore, we did and that lasted for while until I told her no more and put her on the floor, yes still in our room but not our bed. Good luck if you figure out a magic trick please let me know I am getting desperate !

 

[gottalovethem]

I read somewhere a while back that letting the child sleep in the parent's room on an air mattress or sleeping bag was a way to keep the parent's bed for parents but still allow comfort to the child == we did that for quite a while and it worked well. In fact, if a child woke up they would go right onto the air mattress and put themselves to sleep without ever waking us up.

Things in our house have changed lately, so that doesn't work the same, but I think kids go through all sorts of sleep cycles, just hang in there!

We also keep on closet lights, with the door ajar, and that seems to help a bit. Sometimes it's the threat of you stay in bed or else I'm taking away your blanket (lovey).

I guess there is just no easy solution, but know you are not alone! Good luck!

 

[laughinplace199]

When DD was about 4 yrs old, she went through something like this. I let her keep her light on since she claimed that her night light was not enough. Sometimes this helped but there were times when it didn't help. DD would say she was scared of the bad thoughts (thinking there was a monster in the closet, thinking the house would burn down, etc - it changed all the time). When leaving her light on didn't help, we had to go with the "Bad Thought Spray". I got a plain white plastic spray bottle, wrote "Bad Thought Spray" on it and filled it with water. I'd spray it around her room, under the bed, in the closet, etc. whenever she was having one of those nights. It worked like a charm.

 

[princesspiglet]

DH and I did the same thing with the spray! However, we called it the "Be Gone potion". When DD was 3 she went through that stage. She was scared of eveything. We made it a "joke" and had fun with it. I put water in the spray can and we decorated it all pretty with glitter and sparkles (because monsters do not like anything pretty!) and we would give it to her at night. We would spray everything in the room that she was scared of.....in the closet, under the bed, etc and we would say:
" Be gone any scary thing in this room- we have no need for you to stay. Our princess needs her beauty sleep, so fly, fly away!"
(we are sorta dramatic!). She would crack up laughing and forget about her fears. We always left it on her bedstand in case she woke up scared. A few times I could hear her saying the poem out loud at 3am! It took about 2 months of doing this nightly before she started calming down. it has been a year and she still has the "be gone potion" on her bedstand, but she doesn't use it anymore. It is just a comfort thing now.

 

[perdidochas]

My DD3 has been getting up in the middle of the night lately crying. We take her to the bathroom, put her back in bed, and up until recently she would go back to sleep no problem. However, the last couple of nights, she is refusing to go back to sleep and wants us to stay with her. It isn't night terrors, but it is definitely a fear of the dark/being alone (she said "the black thing" is chasing her). We've been pulling our hair out trying to figure out how to calm her down. Last night after 45 minutes I finally broke down and let her into bed with us (I know, I know...big mistake). However, that can't happen anymore. She needs to get her rest and so do we. She has a night light and we leave the door ajar, but I am running out of ideas and patience.

Any tips on what to do?

Thanks,
Eric

Provided that you can sleep, co-sleeping for a while isn't a bad thing. I would let her come in for a while, then start allowing her to sleep on a mattress on the floor by your bed, until she gets over it.

 

[eianson]

Provided that you can sleep, co-sleeping for a while isn't a bad thing. I would let her come in for a while, then start allowing her to sleep on a mattress on the floor by your bed, until she gets over it.

My wife being able to sleep is the real issue...she can barely sleep with me in the room. If it were one night a month I probably wouldn't have an issue with her sleeping with us, but I can already tell this is on it's way to becoming a habit if we let it.

 

[ilovejack02]

My wife being able to sleep is the real issue...she can barely sleep with me in the room. If it were one night a month I probably wouldn't have an issue with her sleeping with us, but I can already tell this is on it's way to becoming a habit if we let it.

I get that you cant sleep with DD in bed. I took a nap with my DS4 last week and woke up to him kicking me in the face and he was sound asleep. I couldnt put up with that at night. If wife cant sleep with DD in the room at at all then leave her closet light on with door open and tell her she has to stay in bed very firmly. After a cpl of nights she will chill. I think kids just go through stages. Co sleeping doesnt work for everyone.
I do have a friend thats child keeps say there are monsters under bed, they keep a empty can of hair spray next to the bed, and they spray it before he goes to sleep. They call it their monster repellent.

 

[meglovesbelle]

yeah we are all not alone. My DD did have her pooh airbed she used to drag in at night I finally put that away and thought maybe she wouldn't like floor again adn stay in her bed, but no luck with that. oh well hopefully time will work this all out for all of us !!

 

[ohiominnie]

I am by no means an expert (nor did I stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night) but here's what we do during these phases....

Kids start out in their rooms. Soothe themselves to sleep. If in the middle of the night there is a problem, they are allowed to come to our room, but must sleep on the floor by our bed (usually my side) They can drag in whatever blanket or pillow they want. Sometimes they wake us up to let us know they are there, sometimes they just crash and we find them there in the morning.

FWIW, I did read one time not to check under kids' beds, in their closets, or do the "monster spray" thing. I read that this gives the child ideas that there COULD be monsters or other such things in their room. And the fact that mom and/or dad are searching for them reinforces the fact that they might just exist. The article went on to say that you need to explain that these things are not real, or show the child something in their room that might be making the scary shadow or weird sound. Just something to think about.

Again, no expert here.

Good luck to OP! I don't know of a little kid who doesn't go through phases like this, but I also don't know of any 17 yr olds who come traipsing into mom and dad's room b/c they had a bad dream or are scared of the dark.

 

[ohiominnie]

Another idea is a sticker chart. For every night they stay in their own bed they get a sticker. Then set a pre-determined number of stickers and come up with a prize for reaching that goal. Maybe "don't come to mom and dad's bed for 7 nights and we go to Chuck E. Cheese."

 

[Not so Dumbo]

DS4 hasn't slept in his room in 2 months. He's afraid of the man in his room. I've asked him about this man and he has no hair, one eye, he's tall and I can't see him. So DS has been sleeping in his big bro's room on the floor, on the couch in the playroom or in the family room in the lazyboy. I think I'll start having him sleep in his room with big bro on the weekends to start getting him used to it again.

 

[kuusimo]

Our oldest son when he was 3 accidently opened up our garage door in the middle of the night setting off the house alarm. For the next 1 1/2 years he would wake up on our floor. We would set up a little blanket and pillow for him. He had to go to sleep in his own bed though and then could come and sleep in ours if he woke up. Our now 3 year old is going through the same phase. It took a while to have them not climb in bed with us. Both of them roll and kick in their sleep. With a new baby in the house, it is not worth the fight at this point, and I know that they are not going to come and sleep in our room when they are older. It is a comforting thing for them to know that mom and dad are there for them IMO.

 

[mjantz]

DD went through this phase. We put her on the floor & that helped. I also tried laying down with her for a minute or two in her room. We also used 'Monster Spray' (vanilla-scented room spray) & that helped a lot. We even had to call Grandma before we went to her house one time & verify that she had 'Monster Spray'!!

 

[SalandJeff]

Fortunately, dd is a great sleeper (our issue is not eating, but that is another story )

But this might help you...my dd just got a small Pooh flashlight as a gift. It's not the really small kind, it's purple and yellow and has the characters on it. Well she thinks it is the greatest thing ever. She takes it to bed and makes sure we turn the light off right away (before she would leave it on for a short time so she could look at a book). She flashes it around the room, shines it on the things hanging in her room, etc. She is falling asleep faster than ever. Dh goes in and shuts it off and takes it out of the bed after she falls asleep.

Just a thought. Good luck.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

When our son was 4, he started getting scared in his room at night. He would come to our room and cry and I would end up letting him climb in bed with us (he's mildly autistic which probably contributed to his problems). I finally told him if he was going to sleep with us, he would have to sleep on the floor so he brought his Blue's Clues sleeping bag and pillow and set up camp next to me. He slept there for several months until he turned 5. We talked about fixing up his room with train decor but said he would have to agree to sleep in there or we wouldn't buy all the new stuff. He wouldn't even agree to that and he loves trains!

We were just getting ready to move the baby (he was 2 by then) out of the small room next to us and into a bigger room at the end of the hall. We decided to give our 5 year old a choice - he could sleep in his own room or choose to move to the other empty room. He chose the new room and we fixed it all up with train stuff and gave our 2 year old his old room. Our 5 year old immediately moved into his new room and has been happy in there ever since (he's 11 now). We also bought him a tape player and some story and music tapes. He would fall asleep to them and sometimes turn it on again if he woke up in the middle of the night.

I know shuffling bedrooms isn't an option for everyone (we have 5 bedrooms and 2 kids), but it worked for us. So as I'm typing this, our 8 year old (he was the 2 year old mentioned previously) came down the stairs and said he can't sleep and needs mommy hugs. Fun time over, mommy duty resumes!

 

[rbork]

This is a normal phase of insecurity, detachment and fear. I absolutly NEVER allowed the kid's in my bed. NEVER (I think I might be the only bad guy here ) But it worked out fine. I soon found my kid's sleeping together (2.5 years apart). They would not wake me but just crawled in bed with the other kid. We have a 4BR and only used 2 for a long time. We also have bunk beds in one room, works out great for kid's sleeping in the same room, friend sleepovers, or mom having to spend to time in there when they are really sick. (Beats me sleeping on the floor!)
Good Luck and Do what's right for you.