OT: Potty Training and Pre-school

[LuvENDisney]

I need help with this. So, my DS is 3, turned 3 in March. Right now he goes to an at home daycare with his almost 1 yr old sis, a 1.5 y/o, and a 2 y/o. I want to get my DS into a place/facility where he can be with children his own age. So today, because I am WAH, I visited one of our area Daycare/Preschools. They told me that they can not take a 3 y/o who is not potty trained. He can go to the 2 y/o class, but they didn't have any room and with that they are hesitant about that because he is 3 already.

The home daycare is not so helpful with the potty training thing. They seem to think that it is easier to just change his diaper. I will definitely bring it up with them again.

According to the Academy of Pediatrics, a child will potty when he/she is ready. But, according to the manager at the Daycare, they cannot continue with their curriculum if they have to stop for a child who is not potty trained.

So, my friends, I am in search of Potty training advice. My DS will potty in the evening, but pretty much runs the show on this. I figured I need to be more firm and make him potty i.e. before he can watch a show, before he can have that special treat, etc.

I have heard of putting your child in underwear and bringing the child to the potty every hour. But how do you make him sit on the potty when he doesn't want to.

Sorry this is soo long, but any potty training advice you have, I will consider it.

Thanks!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am sorry to tell you but I have 2 children who are potty trained currently. I can tell you that no amount of anything will make them train if they are not ready. Both of my kids that are trained decided they were not going to wear diapers anymore and they never did. They were both 2.5 years old. Each child is different. I personally would look for another daycare setting. I know here there are schools that will take an untrained 3 year old, it is just a few dollars more a month. Good luck!

 

[SalandJeff]

I feel your pain! We have been working on potty training for about a month with dd, age 3 yr, 7 mos. She has made tremendous progress, but we're not there yet. Like you, we were being pushed by school. She currently is in a 3 yo class at daycare and the director said she could not move up the preschool class if she was not potty trained (they would move her in August even though she won't be 4 until Oct).

Prior to that, we had worked on some potty skills without much success. DD did not seem to be able to tell me when she had to go or many times if I tried, she would just scream and refuse. I didn't know if it was that she was not ready physically, emotionally, or just too busy with whatever she was doing. Bribes of stickers, etc. really did not entice her either

I picked a weekend and we stayed in for the entire weekend. I had gotten the book One Day Potty Training (the title is something like that). It had mixed reviews on Amazon, but I figured I would give it a try. For me, a couple of the things in the book were helpful, but forget the one day thing. I was armed with stickers, surprise treats she could choose from, and a chart. No more diapers or pullups. I took her to the bathroom with loads of excitement and silliness every 20 mins to 1/2 hour. She got a sticker and treat every time she tried, which went over pretty well. If she actually went, she also got huge amounts of praise, dancing around, etc.

She wore a pull up overnight. Sunday was tougher...we were both tired and cranky. I think there were points when we were both crying. Anyway, she is now doing much better. Most of the time, she will tell us when she has to go pee. She does have accidents, mostly if she is doing something that she doesn't want to interrupt (playing outside, etc.) She has had some success with telling us when she has to go poop. But most of time, it seems like she doesn't know soon enough for us to rush her in there. A lot of people told me that they hate going in their pants, etc. She doesn't seem to mind that much - just asks to be changed after.

I think you need to devote some time at home, keep going in there (try the stickers and surprise treats to avoid the screaming). You need to consistently keep taking him in for a while. I will say that she is in daycare full time and this has helped. Since they were so adament about her getting trained, they have been great about asking her every 20 mins, etc. and trying to keep her on a schedule. She does have some accidents at school also. You will need help and support from his daycare provider.

Sorry this is so long. Feel free to send me a pm if I can answer any questions. Good luck!

 

[Princess Roo]

DS27mos just trained (pullups for naps and bedtime). Very few daycares around here will put a child in the 3-yr room if they're not trained. I do think that once you have figured out your "game plan", that your current daycare really needs to be consistent with it.

Honestly, I think the biggest hurdle is for them to understand what they need to do to "go", which is sounds like your son knows if he'll go at night, and how to go until they are "empty". What we do for my son is that he gets 1 animal cracker when he goes #1 and 2 when he goes #2, after we say he's empty. (Sorry if TMI, but by watching their urine stream you can get a decent idea of whether they have stopped it or emptied their bladder.) We did switch to underwear from the start and let him pick out some ones he was excited about. The first few days I set a timer for every 1 hour to bring him to the potty, now every 90 mins. After about 2 weeks he seemed to be able to tell me when he needed to go. But, I keep track and if it has been 2 hours then I tell him we're going to go (actually - I just bring up the animal crackers and that seems to be enough). I do the same if we're about to leave the house. "We can't go to the store unless you go potty first." etc.

My son eats really healthy so animal crackers are a big treat. We tried stickers first and that wasn't very interesting to him. A friend of mine had success with M&M's (again, 1 for #1, 2 for #2, so they're not eating all that many over the course of the day).

 

[momsully]

I have two boys and both were trained by about 2.5. We also used parts of the potty training in a day method. Although it took more than a day by the end of the first week they were both pretty much trained. We used pullups at night for about another month but since they were waking up dry we stopped those as well.

Once we made the decision to potty train we never went back to diapers. Daycare also followed our wishes. Whenever DS had an accident he had to change himself. At one point the first day he changed 4 times in about 15 minutes. That was our low point.

You might consider putting him in the younger class at daycare and the peer pressure their might help him. The preschool DS now attends is 2.5 and potty trained to attend. There are no diapers in the school at all. Younger DS really wanted to be with his brother so that also really helped.

 

[mickeylove2]

My older daughter was a breeze to potty train, my younger....well that's a different story, I agree every child is different and will be willing to train when they are ready. 1 thing I distinctly remember being successful with both of my girls, was the "princess panties." This isn't the most budget friendly way to do things but what we would do was buy a few pair of really cool panties that they got to pick out themselves, princess, lizzie mcguire, barbie... and some plain white pairs. They could pick out their panties for the day and if they went had an accident in them they had to wear the ugly white pair and if it was a #2 the cool panties got thrown out. Amazingly this, in my opinion, is what really got my girls interested in going potty. Anyway, good luck!

 

[Elmo888]

Most preschools/day cares need 3 yo to be potty trained because they aren't equiped to change diapers in those rooms (usually some state law dictates how all of this is to be done). I have a friend who called around to find a preschool for her 3 yo twin boys that weren't potty trained, and she found one that took 3 yos who weren't potty trained. So, maybe you could call a few and find one.

Have you tried a DVD? I borrowed an Elmo DVD about potty training from the library, and it really clicked with DD. Every child is different. Maybe the local library has a potty training video with a character that your DS likes.

I started getting DD to sit on the potty with a dum-dum (those little lollipops). I told her that she had to stay on the potty while she ate it. I did this right after she woke up at first - everyone on the planet has to go right after they wake up! She woke up dry, I ripped off her diaper, sat her on the potty, and gave her a dum dum. After a few mornings, she went, I praised her, and it clicked. If you can get him to sit, leave him alone for a few minutes. Tell him you are going to go get a book or something and that you will be right back. I usually stand outside the door and wait until I hear something. Sometimes, they just need a lack of distractions.

I just went with the same theory as house breaking dogs - take them when people usually have to go (after sleeping and after eating), catch them doing it right, and then praise praise praise. (And don't rule out a small prize - we did 3 MnMs with my first DD and it worked great. The prize system didn't work at all with my second DD.)

Maybe try this for a week, and if it clicks, you could stay home all weekend to train him. If it doesn't click, I would keep doing the morning routine until it does. It is summer - spend some time outside with underwear or even pant-less, and if he has accidents, it is outside! When he goes in his pants or on the ground, just tell him that he is peeing or pooping so he knows when it is happening. Sometimes, they just have to make the connection to how it feels when they have to go. And then remind him that he needs to do that in a potty. (That's when my DD would say "That's what Elmo said!")

And always keep in mind - you can't make your child potty, sleep or eat. These are things that are completely under his/her control. It is easy to become frustrated, but keeping this in mind might help you!

Good luck!

 

[GraysMom]

DS2 decided he wanted to wear big boy undies and go on the potty, exactly one week before his first trip to WDW . So I told him we could go on the potty, but he would have to wear a diaper until we got back from WDW. I also told him we'd look for Disney undies while we were there (easier said then done, and the smallest size they had was a 4 ) which he enjoyed searching for.

One week after we returned (and had settled back into our normal schedule/routine) we started potty training and haven't looked back since. I definitely think it helped that he really wanted to wear the big boy undies like DH (ok, DH's undies don't have Nemo on them but you know what I mean).

DS was 28 months when we started, and a month later he is doing great . He is still in pull ups at night since he sleeps from 8pm-7am, but undies all day with maybe 5 accidents since we started. I have a feeling we'll be in pull ups at night for quite a while though.

We used gummy fish as rewards for the first couple of weeks since these are a big treat for him (1 for #1, 2 for #2). One day when the gummy fish were gone, and he was doing well on the potty, we switched to a sticker chart for #2's and high fives for #1. When his sticker chart is filled, he gets a little prize (which we show him when he starts a new chart so he knows what he's working towards). The first chart had 5 spaces (DS can have 3 or more #2's a day so that didn't last long ), then 10 spaces, and the last couple have had 15 spots.

DS is very verbal, to the point that it takes him an hour to eat a meal because he won't stop talking , so he has always told us when he has to go potty. He also detests the feeling of wet/poopy undies and avoids them at all costs. I do make sure and take him for a potty break before we go anywhere, and also if it's been an hour or so since his last trip.

OP, good luck with the potty training. We started reading The Potty Book for Boys several months before DS seemed to show any interest in the potty. DS would not use the little potty I bought, only the potty seat that sits on the regular toilet (although the little potty is now in my trunk as our "travel potty"). We also let him get used to sitting on there with a toy catalog or magazine, and he would sit for 45 min just looking at his reading material (wonder where he gets that from ), so maybe you could try that.

 

[brymolmom]

I'm not a big believer in 'a child will do it when he/she is ready' I mean - I know they WILL do it - but whether or not they decide to do it within a timeframe that is acceptable to the family and the society is another story. That's why IMO they call it 'training' - because that child has gone in his diaper every day since birth and does need to be 'trained' to do otherwise. Just as if you had put the child to bed on the floor since birth it would likely involve some amount of time and training to get him used to somethign completely different. I always found it similar to my son HATING the winter coat the first few times we had to wear it in the Fall/Winter - he hated the feel of something new/different and would have preferred to go without it or just wear a sweatshirt - but since I was his mother and it was 30 degrees outside - I had to 'strongly encourage' him to do what the right thing was - and that was to wear it so that he'd be warm enough. Yes, there were some disagreements and tears, but it had to be done. Anyway - that's my analogy for potty training - needs to be done (different times for different families), parents need to strongly encourage it no matter what it takes, there will be tears and disagreements.

I also feel as they get older like the OP's child that it is more the parent who needs to be 'ready' for it more than the child. The child, in many cases, has the physical ability to perform the tasks, but often the parent is not ready (I know I wasn't the first time we tried it). Parents thinking about accidents and cleaning up messes tend to shy away from it a lot of times and those sometimes are the ones who end up just waiting for the child to decide to do it. But if a parent is prepared with towels, cleaners and anti-bacertial wipes and knows that there will be messes and that those messes will help the child learn not to have another one at sometime later - then the parent can help train the child sooner.

The daycare situation might be tough - I would say that you should take as much time off from work as you can (a long weekend or even a full week) and just 'go for it' - put him in underwear and let him 'learn' not to do it in the underwear. Then, when you return to work - just pack lots of changes of clothes for the sitter.

Best of luck - it can be a VERY frustrating time. But it does eventually end.

 

[pbharris4]

This may not work for everyone, but has worked every time for me and most of my friends. Commando. You can't try it too young though. Have them pick out super cool underwear. Stick with it for a week. Yes, there may be a few accidents, but they will get less and less as the week goes by. Both of my girls were trained (night trained too) in less than one week. One was 3yrs old and 1 month and the other was 2.5yo. They hated being wet. Oh..I also bribed them with 2 jelly beans each time they pee peed on the potty or pooed, but not if they didn't.

 

[Tikicampers]

DS is about the same age as your son and has only been potty trained for a little under a month. We tried everything, and he was just not ready before now. He is not the last in his class to potty train.
Here's what worked for us:
-Try different potties. We went through three, DS was scared of the seat that sits on the potty. The potty he finally used is the Fisher Price one that talks.
-No diapers or pull-ups. We tried this once early on and it was just a mess, but when we tried again recently, it did the trick.

I don't believe you can train a child who is not ready. DS's preschool teacher agreed. I was pregnant and really wanted DS out of diapers before the baby came, but he was just not quite there yet. We started trying at two and half, we did what everyone reccomends, and it didn't work. DS finally potty trained with no stickers, candy or any other reward, because he was ready. If at all possible, I would look around and find a place that will take a child who is not fully potty trained. I understand you don't have much choice right now, but the best advice I got when I was pregnant was this, "Don't sweat the potty training, your child will not go to college in diapers."

 

[alikat99]

I whole-heartedly agree that EVERY child has their currency. For my oldest, it was easy, she got a "treat" from our "treat box" for going potty. The treat box was just a basket that I put all of her Halloween/Easter/Christmas candies and dump it out every once in a while.

Anyway, we knew my youngest was ready, but she just wouldn't go. We tried all sorts of things, stickers, candy, M&Ms, lollipops, everything. Nothing worked, until I realized her "currency".

It truly was CURRENCY. She LOVED coins, and loved to put them in her Tinkerbell bank. So, I was armed with a bunch of pennies, nickels, dimes & quarters in a Tupperware container and put them in the medicine chest.

Because we had a hard time just getting her to stop and SIT on the potty, we would give her one coin (she could pick) for just sitting and trying, 2 coins for #1 and 3 coins for #2. It took a few days of accidents and bringing her to the potty and having her try, only for her to have an accident 5 minutes later. But, I stuck with it and after about a week, she just got it!!

Now, we were also planning a 7-night DCL cruise, where the kids need to be completely potty trained (with taking on/off clothes, wiping, everything). So, after we master the basics in the first couple of weeks with me doing some helping, I started offering her an extra coin for doing it all by herself. And, that only took another couple of weeks and she got that too.

Oh, and she was almost 3 when we started this process. So, my biggest advice is find out what the currency is for your child. Most of them have one, you just have to find out what matters to them. And, once you start, as hard as it is, and as frustrating as it can be, don't stop. Keep going because kids need consistency.

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[Nanu57v]

Ratios are too high in preschool classrooms to have a teacher need to go and change a child. We do the same thing with the toddler room for those still working on it. Personally, I'd be a little put off that the in-home providers isn't willing to work with him, but I also don't think you need to worry about putting him into a preschool setting just yet. IMO (as a daycare center director), a quality, licensed, in-home daycare is the best situation for a child 0-3, as it most closely mimics the family environment. After that, I think it is important for a child to have the socialization and preschool learning to get ready for Kindergarten. If he's not ready this fall, wait till the spring. Even next fall will give him a year of socialization before he's thrown into it at kindergarten. Actually, he has two more years, right?

 

[all4disney98]

Both of my children potty trained when then wanted. I talked to my pediatrician so many times when we were trying to train my first and she said I have to let him train when he wants to and to pull back. She said that kids have very little control over their lives and this is one thing they know that they can control. You can not force your child to go the bathroom on the toilet. It was hard but I backed off a month or so and followed his lead and he basically started going on the potty overnight and never had an accident since.

With both of our children we did not let them have any candy until they started potty training. Everytime they went on the potty, we let them have an M&M. Boy did they look forward to that!!! I was afraid we were creating a monster with the candy thing but they forgot about the candy reward soon enough (guess they got their fill).

Good luck with the potty training!

 

[badblackpug]

Throw away the pampers and pull ups. Take him to the store to pick out undies, explain to him that he is a big boy and big boys go on the potty. Take him every hour on the hour and make him sit on the potty for 15 minutes. If he goes, find some kind of reward that he likes and praise him to the moon. (ideas candy, stickers, little toys from the dollar store, cookies) My friend did a barter system with his son. He got stickers each time he went on the potty and for each day he stayed dry, after he got so many stickers he was allowed to trade them in for a big toy he wanted from the store ( think it was a firetruck) Set a timer for every hour. When the timer goes off, stop everything the child is doing, turn off the TV, etc, and take him to the potty, tell him he cannot go back to what he was doing until after the 15 minutes or he goes potty. (he will learn if he sits down and just goes he can get back to what he is doing faster.) As he "gets it" gradually increase the time to 1 hr 15 min, 90 mins, etc. If he wets himself, make him wash and change himself and rinse out his undies and pants and put them in a bag. Again, if he wets himself, stop all activities and it is off to the bathroom until you are clean.

Do not supply the daycare wit any more diapers. Tell them he is potty training and that is it. Send lots of extra undies and clothes. They will get tired of changing him.

 

[probono]

I have 3.5 year old bgb triplets and as of three weeks ago, they are all potty trained, except for at night. I put a pull up on them to go to bed and most times they now wake up dry.

All I can say is my son (who has been trained for 3 months) trained himself. I talked about it often, but did not pressure them in any way. One day he decided that he would go and had no accidents since. Two months or so later, my daughter decided she'd go (while I was at work she went for my Mom) and that night, although other DS had been doing pee pee he would not do poopy. Once his sister did it, he did, too. I knew it would be when they decided and it was.

So, I guess my point is, they do it when they are ready and no sooner. Oh, one DS thought it would hurt, so I had to re-assure him that it would feel better to go on the potty.

Good luck to you!!!

Mari

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Pull-ups did nothing for my DD. She went in them like they were a diaper. It wasn't until I decided, enough is enough and got rid of all diapers and pull-ups that she was potty trained. It was much harder to potty train than I thought it would be.
My DD also had to be potty rained for her 3y.o. preschool class. I wouldn't switch preschools. Let that motivate you and DS to get it done. Its what motivated us!

 

[dis-happy]

My oldest 3 are spring babies and twice I had to do the Potty Training Dance in order to have them trained in time for pre-school to start. BTW, that's pretty much standard for pre-school.

Here is the secret to potty training:

You must stay home with the child for 3 days straight (not leave the house). Since you work maybe you could do it over a 3 day weekend.

Have the child wear nothing but a t-shirt. It's important that they are bare from the waist down.

Put a positive spin on potty training but not too much (or they'll feel the power and that could be bad). I'm also a proponent of the M&M reward method.

Save night time training for later. That's the one case where it really does take the child to be ready on his own. Once they wake up dry several nights in a row you can try w/o the diaper or pull-up.

 

[toesmom]

Lurking on this thread because ds who turned 3 in November has no interest in potty training. He starts full day JK in September so I have to start this quickly.

Problem is he is not very verbal (hardly at all). Communicates by lots of means, but only starting to put his sentences together, so telling me when he needs to pee is not really easy for him. He hasn't made the connection between the sensation and going to the washroom.

Anyhow, I'm going to try some of these ideas come July 4 when all public places are jam packed with kids just out of school. Staying home for few days straight seems like a great option. And M&M's will be purchased at next trip to Costco.

 

[Tikicampers]

Lurking on this thread because ds who turned 3 in November has no interest in potty training. He starts full day JK in September so I have to start this quickly.

Problem is he is not very verbal (hardly at all). Communicates by lots of means, but only starting to put his sentences together, so telling me when he needs to pee is not really easy for him. He hasn't made the connection between the sensation and going to the washroom.

Anyhow, I'm going to try some of these ideas come July 4 when all public places are jam packed with kids just out of school. Staying home for few days straight seems like a great option. And M&M's will be purchased at next trip to Costco.

We have a friend whose daughter doesn't communicate at all. They are working with her to have her go to the bathroom door when she has to go potty. It is working out well for them at home, but she has accidents whe they're out because she doesn't know where the bathroom is.