OT: No presents for birthday parties

[jillyjoey]

What would you do? My dd(3) to be (4) is having her first real birthday party and I have rented an inflatable jumper, cotton candy machine, ballon thing, etc. We really want alot of kids to come as we have prepared for alot. I am thinking that more kids would come if the parents didn't have to spend money for a present. (She really doesn't need any "presents," she already has plenty of toys and my parents and my sisters will shower her with tons of stuff.) But I may be wrong as my DS has been invited to a no present party before and I still sent a present with him. I have read about the book swap birthday parties where everyone brings a wrapped book and then every child goes home with a book. This sounds okay, but will my daughter be disappointed by no presents. At the same time, I have listened to my DH gripe about buying presents everytime DS is invited to a birthday party (sometime 2 parties in one day). As you can see by my rambling, I am very confused as what to do. I am afraid that alot of people won't come as it is because we live way out of town -about 20 minutes. What is socially acceptable and/or will people be offended if we ask them to participate in a book swap or no present party?

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't do anything unusual in the present department. I loathe kid parties where the adult decides "no gifts." If the adults want to do this for themselves, fine, but I think it's a rotten thing to do to kids. Kids like to give their friends birthday gifts. I think learning to pick out or make a thoughtful gift for someone else is a good thing.

We get invited to a lot of birthday parties, but I don't mind buying gifts. If you keep your eye out, you can pick up very reasonably priced toys on sale for less than $10.

 

[marissat]

For my son's 5th Birthday we invited his baseball team and everyone from his class and last years soccer team and other friends. With a total of 40 kids coming I didn't want to have 40 presents!! What we decided (and he was in on it) was a Yankee Swap. Everyone brought a gift for a boy or girl no more than $15 and then passed out a deck of cards and started to call out a card one by one and the kids got to pick one present each. Then we all opened them at one time. Everyone had fun..My son got a present to open and so did everyone else!! I think it was the best party we ever had!

On the invites I just wrote on bottom that we will be doing a Yankee Swap and to Please bring a present for a b/g no more than $15.

Some people also brought special gifts for my son but they didn't go crazy just something that made them think of him. (bag of m&m, coloringbook)

Hope this helps!! Have fun!
Marissa

 

[mlwear]

I have tried to do the "no present" party. It didn't work. Everyone brought a present. It could have been bad, I guess, if all but one or two didn't. Then, I probably would have handled it by not opening gifts at the party. But, young kids like to see their gift being opened.
DS"s birthday is in Nov. and I one time considered doing a "toys for tots" drive instead of presents. But, thought twice. Would DS be confused when he saw all those toys and then found out none were for him
A party facility owner told me about a child having a party with gifts for the Humane Society instead of gifts for the child. I thought that seemed a good idea. She said the kids liked bringing in dog and cat toys and supplies and then the BD girl got to deliver them to the Humane Society, which was fun for her. Sounded like a winner for everyone provided the BD child doesn't really care about getting more gifts.
Your post caught my attention because my mom always thought presents from kids at parties was terrible and she must have resented buying them herself When I was a kid, I didn't get to have BD parties because of mom's idea that it was putting a burden on other families. It did make me sad that all my friends had BD parties and I didn't. boo hoo for me. I think that is why I know go pretty overboard on my kids' parties. Instead, my mom would have Last Day of School parties, Halloween parties, stuff like that when I was a kid so that no presents were involved. She's a good mom.
Have the party, (you may want to offer to let parents stick around since it is a bit of a drive unless there are other things to do nearby) and let your dd have her presents. JMHO

 

[Vickie46]

thats a very neat idea!

 

[hollyb]

The idea of no presents sounds like a good idea, but in reality know one listens to it. Heck I bring a gift even we just go for a play date.

 

[horseshowmom]

A party facility owner told me about a child having a party with gifts for the Humane Society instead of gifts for the child. I thought that seemed a good idea. She said the kids liked bringing in dog and cat toys and supplies and then the BD girl got to deliver them to the Humane Society, which was fun for her.

This is what I was going to suggest. You can make a really cute party invitation with dogs and cats on it. You could even call the local animal shelter ahead of time to see what they really need (old towels, blankets, food, etc.) to list on the invitation.

 

[summerrluvv]

I don't think a "no present party" will encourage more people to come. Bday presents aren't that expensive. I don't choose not to take DS to parties because of the present. Your child is so young and probably isn't capable of making that decision on her own. What fun is a bday party for a 4 year old with no presents anyway? If the child were older and could make that decision him/herself, that might be a good idea.

 

[ntburns22]

We did a canned food drive at my DD6 last birthday. It was a huge hit and we had a huge turnout. We just put someting on the invite about it being a birthday party with a twist. Bring a gift but not for me a canned item would be perfect you see. Please help me with my birthday wish to help fill the pantry's list. The kids loved it. I really like the animal shelter idea too. We may do that this year for the kids party.

 

[Katy Belle]

One of my friends was going to do a "toys for tots" birthday for one of her daughters when she was turning 5. The mom thought it was a great idea and thought her daughter would like the idea. When she told her she burst into tears!!! She had a typical party with gifts.

I don't think the no gifts will bring more people. I do think letting them know everything you have planned will draw a crowd. Parents don't want their kids to miss out on really good parties! I also like the idea of inviting the parents, since you live out of town and the kids are fairly young.

Have fun!
Katy

 

[melomouse]

I second (or third) the idea of definitely indicating to the parents that you'd like them to stay and join you if you want all the kids to come. Plan on some parent refreshments and let all of them mingle while their kids romp.

No one minds bringing a present.. it's the drop off and pick up - especially a bit out of the way on a busy weekend - that made me as a parent decline an invite. If I'm welcome to hang out and socialize a bit - and especially because these are very young kids still - it makes a "YES!" easier!!!

Sounds like an awesome party! Can we come???

 

[KerriSue]

I know of a lady who had a party for her DD5 and asked everyone not to bring a gift but a donation for the schools library. This was a big hit. Our school is very small (130 kids) so it was a much needed gift.

 

[Jackie6888]

Not to be rude.. but what is wrong with kids getting a lot of gifts?
Isn't that the fun of having your birthday party? It's a time
for it to be all about them!!! It's their day!

Just my opinion as I loved all my birthday parties growing up.

Jackie

 

[famofsix]

I tried doing a no gift party awhile back for my kids but the people told me they did not care what I said, they were bringing a gift anyway. If you want the focus to be off gifts it's alright not to open them in front of everyone at the party. I think the issue is that some people are excessive in gift giving and when you have a large party there are so many it's overwhelming for the birthday child.
I remember I went to one party for a five year old that the mom was complaining to me that the family never does anything for her kid and that he doesn't get presents etc so I bought him a gift and spent more than I should on it and when I got to the party she invited all the relatives and everyone she knew. It was like Christmas on steriods in there. I never saw so many gifts for one kid in my life (many were from her relatives too). While it was great her child was happy I felt it was over the top, ya know? I wondered how many people she gave the guilt trip to?
OP I know that has nothing to do with you. I think it is sweet and generous that you are thinking of everyone else. But it is a birthday celebration so don't worry about the gifts and let your kiddos have their day. You can always gift the duplicates to "toys for tots" over the holidays.

 

[barkley]

in my experience it's not the present issue that keeps people away from kids birthday parties, its because allot of people have either commitments to extracurriculars on the weekend or they just want some down time. with a 4 year old if she's got the bulk of her friends from preschool/daycare then chances are both parents work full time m-f, and the last thing they want to do is go to a birthday party. when my kids were that age we passed on allot of the 'big ones' opting to go to the smaller scale ones. while i could handle taking my little one to a low key 2 hour party-the last thing i needed was to take him (or her) to something that started at 1 did'nt end until 5, got them major sugared up, gave them goodies bags with more sugar to take home, and got them so wound up from bouncing, arcading, pinata abusing that they had a major melt down and i lost a whole nights sleep because they crashed and burned hours before bed time so they were up and raring all night

one way to increase attendants is to let parents know if siblings are welcome too (but with this you may want to write on the invites 'siblings ages x-y are welcome, please indicate how many will be attending when you rsvp' otherwise you could end up with much older kids that will take over control of the party from the younger ones. we passed on bday parties that would have cost us to get a sitter for the one left at home.

 

[summerrluvv]

in my experience it's not the present issue that keeps people away from kids birthday parties, its because allot of people have either commitments to extracurriculars on the weekend or they just want some down time. with a 4 year old if she's got the bulk of her friends from preschool/daycare then chances are both parents work full time m-f, and the last thing they want to do is go to a birthday party. when my kids were that age we passed on allot of the 'big ones' opting to go to the smaller scale ones. while i could handle taking my little one to a low key 2 hour party-the last thing i needed was to take him (or her) to something that started at 1 did'nt end until 5, got them major sugared up, gave them goodies bags with more sugar to take home, and got them so wound up from bouncing, arcading, pinata abusing that they had a major melt down and i lost a whole nights sleep because they crashed and burned hours before bed time so they were up and raring all night

one way to increase attendants is to let parents know if siblings are welcome too (but with this you may want to write on the invites 'siblings ages x-y are welcome, please indicate how many will be attending when you rsvp' otherwise you could end up with much older kids that will take over control of the party from the younger ones. we passed on bday parties that would have cost us to get a sitter for the one left at home.

I guess I think differently. If kids are going to school all week, a few hours of fun for them on the weekend at a party getting sugared up, whether it inconveniences me or not, is fun for the child. That's what being a kid is about.

Why not drop the child off at the party, that way you don't need a sitter?

Not directed at you at all, but the sibling thing gets me. If johnnie was invited, I think it's rude for parents to assume they can bring jane with them too. I think it's rude to even ask if jane can come. If the host wanted to invite siblings, they would've indicated so on the invite. My sister runs into the sibling thing a lot. It puts her on the spot when they ask to bring them and she politely has to say no because she has only planned for "x" amount of kids.

Not sure when bday parties got so complex! When I was a kid it sure seemed simple! Invite your friends, load up on sugar and have fun!

 

[ntburns22]

Not to be rude.. but what is wrong with kids getting a lot of gifts?
Isn't that the fun of having your birthday party? It's a time
for it to be all about them!!! It's their day!

Just my opinion as I loved all my birthday parties growing up.

Jackie

We started doing the no gifts for kids parties because she has so much. Her birthday is on January so she is still overloaded with Christmas. We have a large family including Great Aunts, Great Uncles, Great Grandparents, 3 sets of grandparents, 4 sets of Aunts and Uncles, plus many close family friends. They all buy for my kids for all the holidays and birthdays. It really is gift overload. My DD said her last party was the best yet. SHe loved taking the boxes of food into the food bank because of all the special attention she got from all the "grandmas" working it. If they see her around and about intown they always stop and give her a hug. I think those memroes will stick with her longer then the 6 Barbies she would have recieved.

 

[angel's momma]

We have a party for DD8 every year. Her 1st party was just family, but the ones after that have been for friends.

She is an only child, and the only grandchild on my side, so she has more than enough toys, and will keep getting more from family.

She has a party to have fun with her friends, not to get presents.

The first couple of parties were for her Story Hour friends, and took place during Story Hour. The parents took turns doing Story Hour & this was common. Everyone always brought an inexpensive book for the gift.

For her 4th birthday, it wasn't during Story Hour, and I didn't even think about the present issue. Word got back to me that some parents were complaining that we can have a party every year because DD is an only child, and that they couldn't afford parties every year for each of their kids, or presents for every party their kids are invited to.

So the next year we requested no gifts. All but 3 brought them anyway. That created the problem of whether or not to open them in front of everyone. I opted to not open them, but later felt badly about that.

The next time, we didn't request no presents. Opening time didn't go well. Some were crying because they didn't have gifts to open, some were trying to open gifts, and one decided they were taking the gift back home for themself (until Mom arrived). These were 6 year olds, so I wasn't expecting problems. They were all very well behaved for the party, except for the presents. DD was very unhappy, and she requested that we not have presents any more.

A couple of DD's closest friends still bring her a present, then wait until everyone else has left to watch her open them.

As for including the parents, we did that when they were small, and I have no problem if parents still want to stay, but none of them do - they want the few hours of free time, so I stopped being prepared for them to stay.

 

[barkley]

I guess I think differently. If kids are going to school all week, a few hours of fun for them on the weekend at a party getting sugared up, whether it inconveniences me or not, is fun for the child. That's what being a kid is about.

Why not drop the child off at the party, that way you don't need a sitter?

Not directed at you at all, but the sibling thing gets me. If johnnie was invited, I think it's rude for parents to assume they can bring jane with them too. I think it's rude to even ask if jane can come. If the host wanted to invite siblings, they would've indicated so on the invite. My sister runs into the sibling thing a lot. It puts her on the spot when they ask to bring them and she politely has to say no because she has only planned for "x" amount of kids.

Not sure when bday parties got so complex! When I was a kid it sure seemed simple! Invite your friends, load up on sugar and have fun!

i didnt drop my 2/3/4 year olds off at someones home i either did'nt know or had only seen at school drop off/pick up (and that was the age my kids got these invites). and the ones we passed on were not just a few hours-it was an hours drive each way plus anywhere from 3-5 at the party, no way to duck out gracefully because the kids want to stay for the cake, see the gifts opened and that's always in the last 20 minutes).

as for the sibling issue i agree its rude to assume or ask, but if the op wants a ton of kids at the party she will get more if the parents don't have to get a sitter or in the alternative of doing a 'drop off' haul all the kids an hour to take the invitee, either drive home an hour back, and then turn around and do it all over again or find some way to 'kill' 3 or 4 hours with the other sibs.

parties around here are insane (esp. in the preschool set)-themed ones where the kids are expected to wear certain costumes, ones at party palaces where the invitation reads 'due to lack of supervision, parents are reccomeded to stay with their child, however parents opting to stay will be charged an admission and food fee to assist with the cost of the event'. we went to a party where the mom rented out a portion of the movie theatre and the parents did'nt find out they were REQUIRED by the theatre to stay in order to ensure appropriate supervision

gimme the old days-mom made a cake, poured some punch. we played pin the tail on the donkey and a couple of relay races. opened our gifts and then played with them with our friends for an hour or so. entire event-2 hours tops. no singing rats, no inflated thing that kills the lawn and no need to call the insurance agent to get a one day rider on your policy in case a kid breaks an arm 'bouncing'.

 

[sandy6879]

I may opt for something along the Humane Society/Food Bank idea this year. DD9 has SO much stuff, she is not only the only child but the only grandchild too. It's INSANE the amount of things that the grandparents feel they need to pick up for her just because. I finally said please no more toys and it didn't go over well, and my mother actually was offended by it

We typically get consumables as gifts for birthdays - movie gift certificates, magazine subscriptions, something that doesn't clutter up others homes. So the donation idea would work VERY well in my mind!!