OT: No presents for birthday parties

[belsayre]

Very Interesting thread-

My DD is turning 7 next month and until now we have just had family parties. Last year with the start of Kindergarten we got invited to lots of parties and this year she wanted a friend "party" too . I really wanted to keep her actual birthday party just family so we decided to do a birthday playdate. She is inviting 6 girls and we are decorating cupcakes, playing games and just having fun for a few hours- I did request no gifts- (we will see how that goes)
She is very excited to have a group of friends just come play and celebrate her birthday that way- hopefully it will work out well

 

[jillyjoey]

Total vote: gifts 6
no gift (donation type party) 8

My poll at work is running similarly but for different reasons:
Almost everyone said do the book exchange - if they saw no gift on an invitation, they would bring one anyway. Most of these people added that this would affect their decision to take their child. DH, however, says presents. DD has never had a bday party other than me, DH and DS - so she just wants her pink party for her friends.

I wanted to add that my DS (10) has always had a party with presents. However, we always knew a certain group of kids would come. DD(3) just started preschool last month (not daycare). I was out of town on business at the same time the school held an event where I could have met other parents. Thus, I do not really know the parents or even the children in her class. So, there is no guaranteed amount of kids that will show up as always do with DS. (I have given up on the RSVP thing -- nobody has done it in the past 8 years that we have been giving DS parties). Also, do you think it rude to invite someone you just met and expect them to bring a present (new neighbor with same age daughter)?

I have no problem with parents staying -- actually in this area it is expected that parents stay until 3rd grade. Also, when DS was younger, alot of people brought siblings without asking -- I have planned for this (lots of goodie bags (with less stuff), and just cake, ice cream and punch to eat + cotton candy machine (Sorry to all those sugarbusters -- I just couldn't resist getting this)). One parent even stayed for DS b'day party this year and he was turning 10.

I'm still leaning toward the book/gift swap idea. Do you think at this age (3-4) children will be upset that their gift did not go to the birthday person?

 

[Jackie6888]

SHe loved taking the boxes of food into the food bank because of all the special attention she got from all the "grandmas" working it. If they see her around and about intown they always stop and give her a hug. I think those memroes will stick with her longer then the 6 Barbies she would have recieved.
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~*Nikki*~


I can totally understand this! I think it is a great thing to do. But you are talking to someone who works for MATTEL and LOVES to give out TOYS to all our friend's and relative's kids. It just makes me happy! I have boxes of toys that I let children pick from whenever I see them. Maybe it's too much but I say one can never have too many Barbies or hot wheels Just ask any 5 year old ha ha ha

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

For DS's 2nd birthday we asked everyone to make a donation to THEIR favorite charity in his honor, then write a card to DS explaining why they chose that charity. He was too young to understand, but we still have the cards that he can read now that he is older.

I would love to make a donation to the zoo, or public TV, or some other charity that all kids benefit from rather than buying another Barbie or Power Ranger for a kid who already has plenty.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

For her 4th birthday, it wasn't during Story Hour, and I didn't even think about the present issue. Word got back to me that some parents were complaining that we can have a party every year because DD is an only child, and that they couldn't afford parties every year for each of their kids, or presents for every party their kids are invited to.

OMG!!! How rude is that?!?! It's not your fault they had more children than they could comfortably afford. If they think birthday parties are THAT important, yet can't provide them for each of their children each year, that is THEIR problem. If they feel parties are NOT that important, then they simply should not host them, which would not cause a problem if they do not feel they are important. If they feel resentful of "having to" bring presents to other kids' parties, then they should decline to attend. It isn't wrong or rude for you to have a party for your child each year, nor is it wrong to invite their children--your daughter's friends. It's not even rude for them to politely decline. It IS rude for them to complain about how it's not fair that you can afford it and they can't. They should either get better jobs, go back in time and have fewer children (HA!), or keep their mouths shut!
Before anyone jumps on me, we fully intend to have 3 or 4 more children, so my response is not biased based on our preferred family size. My son is an only child temporarily, because he is our first...that's it. I just can't believe adults who have made choices about their own family size would dare complain that IT'S NOT FAIR that people with only one child can provide more for that child. Ridiculous.

 

[jillyjoey]

My good friend convinced me to do the book swap. This way my DD will still get a "present" from her party. Since we are having a Disney Princess theme party, I came up with the following idea to go on the invitation. Tell me what you think.

Jillian is so looking forward to you sharing this special day with her that she requests that rather than bringing her a birthday present you participate in:

Belle’s Book Ball

Belle loves books so much that Beast gave Belle his enormous library full of books for a present. Belle wants everyone to enjoy reading as much as she does.

Belle and Jillian ask that you share you favorite book with someone else. Instead of a gift for Jillian, please bring a gift-wrapped copy of your favorite book. Inside the book, please write a note explaining why you love this book and your name. For example, This is my favorite book because I love ice cream. Love, Samantha T. At the party, all children will participate in Belle’s Book Ball and will all go home with a new book.

 

[ntburns22]

SHe loved taking the boxes of food into the food bank because of all the special attention she got from all the "grandmas" working it. If they see her around and about intown they always stop and give her a hug. I think those memroes will stick with her longer then the 6 Barbies she would have recieved.
__________________
~*Nikki*~


I can totally understand this! I think it is a great thing to do. But you are talking to someone who works for MATTEL and LOVES to give out TOYS to all our friend's and relative's kids. It just makes me happy! I have boxes of toys that I let children pick from whenever I see them. Maybe it's too much but I say one can never have too many Barbies or hot wheels Just ask any 5 year old ha ha ha

I see where you are coming from. She gets loaded up from family with toys so she is not without. But hhmmm, maybe you can help me. We have been searching high and low for a flight attendent barbie. My sister is a FA and bought here the Barbie plane last year and we can't find the matching Barbie anywhere.

 

[ntburns22]

My good friend convinced me to do the book swap. This way my DD will still get a "present" from her party. Since we are having a Disney Princess theme party, I came up with the following idea to go on the invitation. Tell me what you think.

Jillian is so looking forward to you sharing this special day with her that she requests that rather than bringing her a birthday present you participate in:

Belle’s Book Ball

Belle loves books so much that Beast gave Belle his enormous library full of books for a present. Belle wants everyone to enjoy reading as much as she does.

Belle and Jillian ask that you share you favorite book with someone else. Instead of a gift for Jillian, please bring a gift-wrapped copy of your favorite book. Inside the book, please write a note explaining why you love this book and your name. For example, This is my favorite book because I love ice cream. Love, Samantha T. At the party, all children will participate in Belle’s Book Ball and will all go home with a new book.

I think it is a great idea.

 

[mom2alix]

My good friend convinced me to do the book swap. This way my DD will still get a "present" from her party. Since we are having a Disney Princess theme party, I came up with the following idea to go on the invitation. Tell me what you think.

Jillian is so looking forward to you sharing this special day with her that she requests that rather than bringing her a birthday present you participate in:

Belle’s Book Ball

Belle loves books so much that Beast gave Belle his enormous library full of books for a present. Belle wants everyone to enjoy reading as much as she does.

Belle and Jillian ask that you share you favorite book with someone else. Instead of a gift for Jillian, please bring a gift-wrapped copy of your favorite book. Inside the book, please write a note explaining why you love this book and your name. For example, This is my favorite book because I love ice cream. Love, Samantha T. At the party, all children will participate in Belle’s Book Ball and will all go home with a new book.

Really sweet! That's a very cute idea.

 

[rt2dz]

I have only slightly skimmed the thread, so I may be repeating a lot. I apologize if so.

I don't think present/ no present will impact attendance, unless there is a huge money issue amongst your guests. Mostly, people attend when they think the party will be extra cool, your kid is one of the closer friends of the invitee, when it is convienent and less competition with other activities. The parties we've been going to lately have low attnedance ratios on Saturdays, but higher attendance of weekdays since there are less activities on those days (either of the invitee or the sibling). If you invite parents (and siblings if it isn't too much of an extra expense), you'll find even more people will come--especially with that far of a drive/out of the way location.

Now, I think something very valuable is to be learned from receiving gifts (graciousness, thank you note writing, how to appreciate all you receive, etc) and from giving gifts (you don't always get, thinking of the other person, etc). However, when you do have large parties (we invited 29 kids to DS5 last party), all those presents are overwhelming. If you don't want the gifts, simply say on the invitation "gifts not necessary" or "instead of gift for the birthday child, we will have a all-party gift exchange/bring donation for _____ (human society, woman's shelter, food pantry, whatever"

 

[ilovejack02]

Last party my son had I wrote on invitation... Your presence is gift enough.
It took an hour to plow through the gifts LOL. AS far as DH complaining about buying gifts, just tell him its a part of having children and from now on be sure to look for goodies on clearance and stockpile when you find things on sale.

 

[DVC Sadie]

One of my friends was going to do a "toys for tots" birthday for one of her daughters when she was turning 5. The mom thought it was a great idea and thought her daughter would like the idea. When she told her she burst into tears!!! She had a typical party with gifts.

I don't think the no gifts will bring more people. I do think letting them know everything you have planned will draw a crowd. Parents don't want their kids to miss out on really good parties! I also like the idea of inviting the parents, since you live out of town and the kids are fairly young.

Have fun!
Katy

We use to have a lot of parties with a "no gift" theme, be it for our DS or ourselves, it just didn't matter, since we enjoy having guests.

Our son could have cared less about receiving a gift and when he saw the reactions of other children who were so grateful to receive anything (gift) he was more excited than the recepient.

We still celebrate our birhdays and holidays the same way since it makes us feel good and for us making someone elses birthday special is more important than trying to make ours bigger/better.

 

[MinnieGi]

I like your "Belle's Book Ball" idea and how you worded the invitation. I think all the kids will love receiving a book too from the party. You have a great party lined up!

I just have to add though that I don't think people decide to go to a birthday party or not b/c of the money inolved for presents. So I don't think you needed to worry so much about presents equaling more attendees. I think young children LOVE to buy presents for their friends/classmates. I know mine do!! They also love to decorate or make their friends/classmates cards. They also like to SEE the birthday child open his/her presents. I know my kids really do not like it when they attend a birthday party and the presents are not opened until after everyone has gone home.

I think your party will be a great way for your DD's new classmates to get to know one another and the parents too. At least at DD and DS's preschool class parties or just girls or boys from class were the norm. The children loved getting together outside of school and it gave the parents time to get to know each other too.

Have a great party!!!

 

[meresandwillsmom]

My kids get so much for Christmas that we decided years ago to not get presents at birthday parties. They each pick a charity and their guests bring for it. One year my dh when she was 9 picked Mid-South Christian Charities, a foster child program, and we had a baby shower! The girls loved buying baby things. MSCC gives a starter gift to each foster family and we helped fill their closet. My ds just turned 8 and he always picks the animal shelter. The kids tease him about getting dog food for his birthday! But they always bring tons! It is a great community service project as well. Hope you have a great time at your party.

 

[Longsx3]

Because we lie overseas buying gifts for kids can be difficult, most parties DD goes to we give cash.

This past May be had an "early" Bday party for DD (10) in lieu of presents DD asked for a dog food donations for the pet shelter on base. The parents were all very generous and DD loved delivering the food to the shelter and never missed the presents. We may do the same next year.

 

[summerrluvv]

They also like to SEE the birthday child open his/her presents. I know my kids really do not like it when they attend a birthday party and the presents are not opened until after everyone has gone home.


Have a great party!!!

That's the way it works around here. Presents aren't opened until after the guests leave. Maybe it's a regional thing? I know in MI the kids always opened the gifts at the party. I think we've been to one home party where presents were opened.

 

[Order66]

If you seriously don't want gifts then I'd suggest going with the swap/donation idea. If you put no gifts people will bring them anyway.

My twins' birthday is 5 days before Christmas. Last year they were invited to so many parties through their Kindergarten class that they really wanted to have one too. I figured not only is the weekend before Christmas a busy time but also not a great time of the year to ask parents to buy extra gifts for not just one but TWO kids not theirs. All they really wanted was a few hours of playing with their friends so I inclosed a note in the invitations that Santa already had their wish list so please no gifts, just come and have fun. I even offered for parents to drop the boys off and leave if they needed 2 hours to get some shopping, wrapping, etc... done. Nobody listened. Everyone brought gifts and everybody stayed.

So bottom line, they're going to come or not. Plan the party how you want.

regards