OT - Need advice! How would you answer this?

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I would simply say- Everyone is different. That is what makes the world such a wonderful place. Then I would give examples of the differences in people. I would also say that while everyone is different and that is awesome, it wouldn't be nice to mention it because she might be shy about it. Or something along those lines. Good luck.

That seems like the best approach & very age appropriate. Good Luck!

 

[twinmom319]

I'm sorry if I offended you, and I certainly wouldn't ever bring it up if we met in real life, but my opinion hasn't changed. If I had a daughter - of any age - who had facial hair I would take some sort of step to remove it. I would consider it a priority - and it's not that expensive to bleach facial hair at home, or to wax it. I would not let a little girl suffer the teasing of kids at school if I had anything else to offer - even if it did teach her a lesson about true friends. I'm just not the kind of mother who would ever let her child be ridiculed like that.

Just another perspective - I also tend to have some facial hair, and my mother did start bleaching it while I was in grade school. As a mother myself, I now completely understand the impulse, but would probably not choose to put my young children through that. As a child, I thought it was one of the most horrible experiences, and as I grew into adolescence, my conclusion was that my mother was way too obsessed with outward appearances. The bleaching process was literally a painful, horrible battle every couple of weeks.

Now, of course, I do take care of my facial hair (although I don't bleach because of my experiences in childhood). But there is no way you can shield a child from ridicule - maybe I wasn't teased for facial hair, but I was definitely teased mercilessly about other things (being smart, not being interested in boys soon enough, having brown eyes... ) and I'm sure that most of us have stories of how we were ridiculed!

Just wanted to say that it's important to also think about the kids' perspective!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Just another perspective - I also tend to have some facial hair, and my mother did start bleaching it while I was in grade school. As a mother myself, I now completely understand the impulse, but would probably not choose to put my young children through that. As a child, I thought it was one of the most horrible experiences, and as I grew into adolescence, my conclusion was that my mother was way too obsessed with outward appearances. The bleaching process was literally a painful, horrible battle every couple of weeks.

Now, of course, I do take care of my facial hair (although I don't bleach because of my experiences in childhood). But there is no way you can shield a child from ridicule - maybe I wasn't teased for facial hair, but I was definitely teased mercilessly about other things (being smart, not being interested in boys soon enough, having brown eyes... ) and I'm sure that most of us have stories of how we were ridiculed!

Just wanted to say that it's important to also think about the kids' perspective!

IMHO if your a parent to a school aged child & she has facial hair that you choose not to take care of that is just plain cruel!
Kids have enough pressure & worries what is the point of leaving a little girl with facial hair?

 

[deedeecee]

As a mother of a 4-year-old with some facial hair, I do not plan on bleaching it, or waxing it any time soon. And I don't think that is cruel.
I think the message I want to convey is that we are all wonderful and special, not in spite of our differences, but because of our differences. Nothing gives me more joy than when my daughter tells me, "I love you Mommy. And I love myself, too!"

 

[DVCLiz]

Just another perspective - I also tend to have some facial hair, and my mother did start bleaching it while I was in grade school. As a mother myself, I now completely understand the impulse, but would probably not choose to put my young children through that. As a child, I thought it was one of the most horrible experiences, and as I grew into adolescence, my conclusion was that my mother was way too obsessed with outward appearances. The bleaching process was literally a painful, horrible battle every couple of weeks.

Now, of course, I do take care of my facial hair (although I don't bleach because of my experiences in childhood). But there is no way you can shield a child from ridicule - maybe I wasn't teased for facial hair, but I was definitely teased mercilessly about other things (being smart, not being interested in boys soon enough, having brown eyes... ) and I'm sure that most of us have stories of how we were ridiculed!

Just wanted to say that it's important to also think about the kids' perspective!

Of course, what you don't have is the other side of the experience - knowing how much or if you would have been teased about it, and which would have been worse. I do agree that the procedure was probably messy and painful!!! Today, though, I think there are enough new options to make some safe and relatively painfree choices.

I'm still certain I would not let a small girl have noticable facial hair. No amount of "I love you just the way you are" would begin to make up for what the teasing of her peer group would do to her self esteem.

 

[DVCLiz]

As a mother of a 4-year-old with some facial hair, I do not plan on bleaching it, or waxing it any time soon. And I don't think that is cruel.
I think the message I want to convey is that we are all wonderful and special, not in spite of our differences, but because of our differences. Nothing gives me more joy than when my daughter tells me, "I love you Mommy. And I love myself, too!"

That's certainly your right as a parent. And I hope she always believes you and never has a minute's worry about her facial hair. No one wants to see a little girl made unhappy.

But she is only four and I would not count on your message being strong enough to see her through any teasing she might get. I hope you also have a plan in place when she asks you if she can get rid of it because people are making fun of her. Maybe it is because I am on the other side of being a mom of girls, with daughters who are 15 and 20. There are plenty of opportunities along the way to make that speech, because girls do have differences and they should be made to feel special and wonderful.

But an obvious physical issue that could be easily remedied is not the battleground on which I would choose to have my daughter fight. No way.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

As a mother of a 4-year-old with some facial hair, I do not plan on bleaching it, or waxing it any time soon. And I don't think that is cruel.
I think the message I want to convey is that we are all wonderful and special, not in spite of our differences, but because of our differences. Nothing gives me more joy than when my daughter tells me, "I love you Mommy. And I love myself, too!"

In a perfect world that would work. We all know the world isn't perfect & children can be very cruel. Not removing a little girls facial hair is horrible.

Facial hair should fall under the topic of grooming just like:
Daily bathing
Trimming your hair
Brushing your teeth
Clean & neat clothing
Maintaining your finger & toe nails, etc.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

In a perfect world that would work. We all know the world isn't perfect & children can be very cruel. Not removing a little girls facial hair is horrible.
Facial hair should fall under the topic of grooming just like:
Daily bathing
Trimming your hair
Brushing your teeth
Clean & neat clothing
Maintaining your finger & toe nails, etc.

I am sorry but this just struck me as not right. I would not wax/bleach what have you a kindergartener at all. Period. Will the child get teased? Maybe. Can any child get teased? Sure can. I am not picking on you but I am just using your post because it was the last one I saw. All over the Dis we read tons and tons of threads about how Suzy was mean to Mary blah blah blah. Then it is followed up with responses that start with - tell Mary to tell Auzy to go suck an egg and then end up with calling parents, the school, the superintendent, the police, a lawyer etc. Does it really change Suzy's behavior? No. She will find something or someone else to pick on. How about instead of trying to make our (a general our) children into some perfect little adult we teach them instead that yes, people are different, and no, it is never nice to pick on someone. Would I want my child teased? No way on earth! I still don't think that I have to groom a 5 year old like a 15 year old. How about the other kids learn to be nice. JMHO.

 

[DVCLiz]

I am sorry but this just struck me as not right. I would not wax/bleach what have you a kindergartener at all. Period. Will the child get teased? Maybe. Can any child get teased? Sure can. I am not picking on you but I am just using your post because it was the last one I saw. All over the Dis we read tons and tons of threads about how Suzy was mean to Mary blah blah blah. Then it is followed up with responses that start with - tell Mary to tell Auzy to go suck an egg and then end up with calling parents, the school, the superintendent, the police, a lawyer etc. Does it really change Suzy's behavior? No. She will find something or someone else to pick on. How about instead of trying to make our (a general our) children into some perfect little adult we teach them instead that yes, people are different, and no, it is never nice to pick on someone. Would I want my child teased? No way on earth! I still don't think that I have to groom a 5 year old like a 15 year old. How about the other kids learn to be nice. JMHO.

As a previous poster said, in a perfect world you could send a 5 year old girl out with a full beard and no one would bat an eye, unless they gathered around her and praised her for being special. In the world little girls have to live in, obvious facial hair is a great big bull's eye and no amount of teaching children to be nice is going to make that any different.

Children DO learn about other differences, like a child born without an arm, and they can certainly learn to be tolerant. But something like facial hair - that is so obviously not the norm and that could so easily be eliminated - isn't the type of thing kids will be kind about. It's like a kid with body odor or greasy hair. And I don't understand why a mom would let her little girl be put in that position.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I am sorry but this just struck me as not right. I would not wax/bleach what have you a kindergartener at all. Period. Will the child get teased? Maybe. Can any child get teased? Sure can. I am not picking on you but I am just using your post because it was the last one I saw. All over the Dis we read tons and tons of threads about how Suzy was mean to Mary blah blah blah. Then it is followed up with responses that start with - tell Mary to tell Auzy to go suck an egg and then end up with calling parents, the school, the superintendent, the police, a lawyer etc. Does it really change Suzy's behavior? No. She will find something or someone else to pick on. How about instead of trying to make our (a general our) children into some perfect little adult we teach them instead that yes, people are different, and no, it is never nice to pick on someone. Would I want my child teased? No way on earth! I still don't think that I have to groom a 5 year old like a 15 year old. How about the other kids learn to be nice. JMHO.

Again this isn't a perfect world & to allow a target to remain on your child (IMHO) is wrong.
Perfection has nothing to do with this, being a responsible parent does.
I would love to hear an example of your child getting picked on & you going to their classmates & saying "be nice" & the kids changed their behavior due to your request.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

As a previous poster said, in a perfect world you could send a 5 year old girl out with a full beard and no one would bat an eye, unless they gathered around her and praised her for being special. In the world little girls have to live in, obvious facial hair is a great big bull's eye and no amount of teaching children to be nice is going to make that any different.

Children DO learn about other differences, like a child born without an arm, and they can certainly learn to be tolerant. But something like facial hair - that is so obviously not the norm and that could so easily be eliminated - isn't the type of thing kids will be kind about. It's like a kid with body odor or greasy hair. And I don't understand why a mom would let her little girl be put in that position.

I totally get what you are saying and for the record I am not talking about a full beard. Let's say she is from a culture that is typically hairy and has a little mustache (shadow) and it is against her religion to do anything about it. Then what? Maybe we (of different religious beliefs persay) might not think it's a big deal to wax it but her familly believes otherwise. What should that child do?

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I totally get what you are saying and for the record I am not talking about a full beard. Let's say she is from a culture that is typically hairy and has a little mustache (shadow) and it is against her religion to do anything about it. Then what? Maybe we (of different religious beliefs persay) might not think it's a big deal to wax it but her familly believes otherwise. What should that child do?

Again you need to do whatever it takes to protect your children.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Again you need to do whatever it takes to protect your children.

I'm not trying to be rude here but seriously, what could a family do if it was not part of their belief system?

 

[DVCLiz]

I totally get what you are saying and for the record I am not talking about a full beard. Let's say she is from a culture that is typically hairy and has a little mustache (shadow) and it is against her religion to do anything about it. Then what? Maybe we (of different religious beliefs persay) might not think it's a big deal to wax it but her familly believes otherwise. What should that child do?

Is there really a religion that forbids the removal of facial hair? I'm not aware of one - not saying there isn't but I'm not aware of it.

The answer is that that child is going to be teased. In a family like that, the parents would have to decide whether following the religious belief is more important, or whether there is a little wiggle room and the religion can still be followed even with a little tweezer action. And the family teachings would have to be very strong and very consistent to enable that child to move in the regular school environment where most girls are making very different decisions about their facial hair.

I think those cases would be rare, though. Mostly it would just be regular little girls, and I would do something about it.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I'm not trying to be rude here but seriously, what could a family do if it was not part of their belief system?

If someone is so embedded in their religion my guess would be they would be in a religion based school.
Is there a particular religion we should know about?

 

[bumbershoot]

Teacher or kid, I think it's pathetic that America at this time is so obsessed with HAIR that they can't allow people to be who we are.

Sure, many people don't get facial hair, or lots of body hair, and in America right now it's not allowed, but many people in the WORLD do.

I went to school with many Mexicans (I would say hispanic, but I know the kids I grew up with and they were from one country) and later with many people from India, and they tended to have hair! One of my good friends had hair on her lip, many of my friends had lots of arm hair, etc. I am SO glad I was with such a diverse group that no one felt the need to wax or shave!

I went to chiropractic school and one classmate was as light as I am, but she had copious amounts of arm hair. I always thought I had lots, but she had a ton. She felt the need to wax, and I always felt sad that she felt that need.

If a person feels an inner need to get rid of it, they should go for it. But I think it's awful that instead of teaching the intolerant that THEIR ideas are awful, that we make those whose body simply creates more hair than the intolerant are comfortable with, that THEY have to change.


We have one group of girls mourning the fact that they grow lip fuzz, then we have a group of boys being sad that they have almost NO hair...hubby was quite bothered by the fact that his Korean ancestry caused him to have countable chest hairs (I think there are 6, LOL), and an utter inability to grow facial hair. He's 3 weeks into a month-long "MO-vember" contest of growing a moustache; he was recruited for the "junior high moustache" category, and he's a shoe in. He grows a few hairs under his nose and gets $50 for it. Nice! I'm so glad he's come to terms with it, but then he had several things that he was teased for and he was always STRONG about it. No moustache, built like a sumo wrestler, half-Asian when in America and half-white when in Asia...he never changed himself to please others and is the stronger for it.

I on the other hand let EVERYTHING bother me, I tried to change and it took a LONG time for me to deal with the fact that I wasn't going to be like whatever girls I thought were perfect. It was pathetic of me, and I was NOT the stronger or better for it.



Tell your DD that SOME females grow small amounts of hair on their face and body, and SOME females grow more, and that everything is OK and there's nothing bad or wrong about it, and it's no different than one person having blue eyes and the other having green eyes. It's just biology.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Teacher or kid, I think it's pathetic that America at this time is so obsessed with HAIR that they can't allow people to be who we are.

Sure, many people don't get facial hair, or lots of body hair, and in America right now it's not allowed, but many people in the WORLD do.

I went to school with many Mexicans (I would say hispanic, but I know the kids I grew up with and they were from one country) and later with many people from India, and they tended to have hair! One of my good friends had hair on her lip, many of my friends had lots of arm hair, etc. I am SO glad I was with such a diverse group that no one felt the need to wax or shave!

I went to chiropractic school and one classmate was as light as I am, but she had copious amounts of arm hair. I always thought I had lots, but she had a ton. She felt the need to wax, and I always felt sad that she felt that need.

If a person feels an inner need to get rid of it, they should go for it. But I think it's awful that instead of teaching the intolerant that THEIR ideas are awful, that we make those whose body simply creates more hair than the intolerant are comfortable with, that THEY have to change.


We have one group of girls mourning the fact that they grow lip fuzz, then we have a group of boys being sad that they have almost NO hair...hubby was quite bothered by the fact that his Korean ancestry caused him to have countable chest hairs (I think there are 6, LOL), and an utter inability to grow facial hair. He's 3 weeks into a month-long "MO-vember" contest of growing a moustache; he was recruited for the "junior high moustache" category, and he's a shoe in. He grows a few hairs under his nose and gets $50 for it. Nice! I'm so glad he's come to terms with it, but then he had several things that he was teased for and he was always STRONG about it. No moustache, built like a sumo wrestler, half-Asian when in America and half-white when in Asia...he never changed himself to please others and is the stronger for it.

I on the other hand let EVERYTHING bother me, I tried to change and it took a LONG time for me to deal with the fact that I wasn't going to be like whatever girls I thought were perfect. It was pathetic of me, and I was NOT the stronger or better for it.



Tell your DD that SOME females grow small amounts of hair on their face and body, and SOME females grow more, and that everything is OK and there's nothing bad or wrong about it, and it's no different than one person having blue eyes and the other having green eyes. It's just biology.

Obsessed with hair? This thread is about a little girl with a hairy lip not the lack of hair on your husband's chest. Talk about a hair issue.

As far as you calling anyone on the DIS a PINK PERSON I think that is a disgrace and if your racial comment was aimed at any other cultural background you would be thrown of the DIS.
Racial slurs don't work for me & I believe you owe many of us an apology.

 

[DVCLiz]

Obsessed with hair? This thread is about a little girl with a hairy lip not the lack of hair on your husband's chest. Talk about a hair issue.

As far as you calling anyone on the DIS a PINK PERSON I think that is a disgrace and if your racial comment was aimed at any other cultural background you would be thrown of the DIS.
Racial slurs don't work for me & I believe you owe many of us an apology.

I think she edited her remarks. They didn't show up in your quote of her post.

Still, this is getting a little weird for me, so I'll move along!! I've given my opinion so time to go do other things.

 

[deedeecee]

But she is only four and I would not count on your message being strong enough to see her through any teasing she might get. I hope you also have a plan in place when she asks you if she can get rid of it because people are making fun of her. Maybe it is because I am on the other side of being a mom of girls, with daughters who are 15 and 20. There are plenty of opportunities along the way to make that speech, because girls do have differences and they should be made to feel special and wonderful.
But an obvious physical issue that could be easily remedied is not the battleground on which I would choose to have my daughter fight. No way.


Yes, I would have plan in place when she gets to the point where she wants to take care of her facial hair. I am pretty sure that there will come a time for that, but I am not going to let teasing by other kids dictate when that is to be.
Where does it stop? What if they tease her because she doesn't have the right hairstyle? What if they make fun of her name? The fact that she wears glasses? Lives in the wrong neighborhood? If kids want to tease/be cruel, they will find a reason to justify their actions. In my opinion, we should be with empowering our children to be strong, to stand up for themselves.
Yes, I am aware that my daughter is only 4. Doesn't mean I haven't already been through this.

Edited because I screwed up that darn quote box!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I think she edited her remarks. They didn't show up in your quote of her post.

Still, this is getting a little weird for me, so I'll move along!! I've given my opinion so time to go do other things.

Yup, she edited it. Moving on as well.