OT - Need advice! How would you answer this?

[rt2dz]

I don’t have any girls—all boys. And DS4 (almost 5) is drop-dead, knock-out gorgeous. He has muscles with a totally defined body; the most beautiful complexion; a million dollar movie star smile with the cutest dimple; big, deep dark brown eyes with a million thick, black, curly eye lashes that are a mile long; thick hair that is always totally under control. People stop and stare and comment on how good looking he is. However, the child has a uni-brow. Or at least the shadow of one that will become one when he starts getting hairy. Just call the child Ernie. They are super bushy besides. Brooke Shields in her heyday would have looked to have tame eyebrows compared to him. Get the picture?

With all his good looks (doesn’t look a thing like me BTW), I so desperately want to wax that sucker off. And yet I don’t. One, I don’t want to send the message to him that there is something “wrong” with him. He is quite sensitive. He is perfect as he is. Although, when he smashed his teeth, I went the whole nine yards fixing them—not just what was medically necessary, which was a lot. Two, I think that is a lot for a child his age; I don’t even think a reputable salon would do it at this point. It hurts. I have stray hairs around my eyebrows and I find it unpleasant when I can understand what is going on and why.

That being said, the day he says something to me about someone teasing him… The day he expresses displeasure about it… Is the same day I get him a rush appointment for an eyebrow wax. If that day never comes when he enters high school or he just gets totally furry at puberty, whichever happens first, I will gently steer him in the direction of proper grooming (aka, an eyebrow wax). The same way I will when body odor becomes an issue. *This* is our culture, there is nothing wrong with complying with *these* social norms.

And, let’s not forget. It turned out to be a teacher!

 

[mjantz]

I don’t have any girls—all boys. And DS4 (almost 5) is drop-dead, knock-out gorgeous. He has muscles with a totally defined body; the most beautiful complexion; a million dollar movie star smile with the cutest dimple; big, deep dark brown eyes with a million thick, black, curly eye lashes that are a mile long; thick hair that is always totally under control. People stop and stare and comment on how good looking he is. However, the child has a uni-brow. Or at least the shadow of one that will become one when he starts getting hairy. Just call the child Ernie. They are super bushy besides. Brooke Shields in her heyday would have looked to have tame eyebrows compared to him. Get the picture?

With all his good looks (doesn’t look a thing like me BTW), I so desperately want to wax that sucker off. And yet I don’t. One, I don’t want to send the message to him that there is something “wrong” with him. He is quite sensitive. He is perfect as he is. Although, when he smashed his teeth, I went the whole nine yards fixing them—not just what was medically necessary, which was a lot. Two, I think that is a lot for a child his age; I don’t even think a reputable salon would do it at this point. It hurts. I have stray hairs around my eyebrows and I find it unpleasant when I can understand what is going on and why.

That being said, the day he says something to me about someone teasing him… The day he expresses displeasure about it… Is the same day I get him a rush appointment for an eyebrow wax. If that day never comes when he enters high school or he just gets totally furry at puberty, whichever happens first, I will gently steer him in the direction of proper grooming (aka, an eyebrow wax). The same way I will when body odor becomes an issue. *This* is our culture, there is nothing wrong with complying with *these* social norms.

And, let’s not forget. It turned out to be a teacher!

I think this is a very good post. However, I do think with a few things you have to be pre-emptive. We started suggesting our DS use deodorant last year. This year the teachers requested it at 'Meet the Teacher' night. I didn't want him to be the 'stinky kid' so we had him start using it a few months before it was probably necessary.
I think facial hair can be that way as well. When I first decided to start waxing my upper lip (which was a more traumatic experience than deciding to wax my brows!) the gal said 'You don't have much of anything'. But I felt like I did & I did not want to be a chick with a 'stashe so I've started taking care of it.

I would never suggest to another parent that they wax their childs uni-brow or lip or any other body part. However, I wouldn't have an issue with that parent deciding that waxing or bleaching or whatever was an option.

 

[famofsix]

I am of the opinion that kids find anything to tease other kids about and I am not going to teach my kids they need to fix themselves in order to fit in.

However, if something like waxing eyebrows or mustache seem so important to them I would consider it if they brought it up. Yet I want them to know they don't have to fix anything on themselves in order to be accepted. It is the shallow kids that point this stuff out and my kids don't need to be friends with them.

OP did the right thing with her child. Now she is teaching her child that this ADULT chooses to look different and that is OK.

Where's the line? Botox in Kindergarten and fake ****s in high school

I wanted DD to shave her legs but I let her wait until she was ready. Honestly, if she never shaved it wouldn't change how I feel about her.

 

[eclairemom]

You have got to be kidding me! There is NO way anyone can keep their child from being teased the brats that are doing the teasing will just find something else or someone else to pick on.

If you child was being teased because of having to wear glasses would you make them go without?

If a child is being teased because of having red hair (or any other for that matter) would you make them dye it?

If a child was being teased because of freckles would you make them wear make up to cover it?

Seriously I think forcing a kid to have a little facial hair removed to conform is really vain and could cause more self image problems because their own mother isn't accepting them, than a few rude children would do. Those kids will have a new list of things to pick on.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am of the opinion that kids find anything to tease other kids about and I am not going to teach my kids they need to fix themselves in order to fit in.

However, if something like waxing eyebrows or mustache seem so important to them I would consider it if they brought it up. Yet I want them to know they don't have to fix anything on themselves in order to be accepted. It is the shallow kids that point this stuff out and my kids don't need to be friends with them.

OP did the right thing with her child. Now she is teaching her child that this ADULT chooses to look different and that is OK.

Where's the line? Botox in Kindergarten and fake ****s in high school

I wanted DD to shave her legs but I let her wait until she was ready. Honestly, if she never shaved it wouldn't change how I feel about her.

You have got to be kidding me! There is NO way anyone can keep their child from being teased the brats that are doing the teasing will just find something else or someone else to pick on.

If you child was being teased because of having to wear glasses would you make them go without?

If a child is being teased because of having red hair (or any other for that matter) would you make them dye it?

If a child was being teased because of freckles would you make them wear make up to cover it?

Seriously I think forcing a kid to have a little facial hair removed to conform is really vain and could cause more self image problems because their own mother isn't accepting them, than a few rude children would do. Those kids will have a new list of things to pick on.

You both said it best. This is what I was trying to say myself.

 

[katieandemismom]

Boy, I don't agree - if I had a kindergarten age daughter with an obvious moustache you can bet I would be doing something about it immediately. There's never been a time in our culture when it was acceptable to have girls with facial hair, and little girls can be mean to each other even in preschool. Why would you make a child wait and endure several years of teasing?? I think that would be far more damaging than any brief medical procedure that could alleviate the problem permanently.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear it was an adult woman who the OP's daughter was referring to!! Presumably she knows she has a moustache and is comfortable with it or she would be doing something about it!

Well.... my dd who is 6 has one. She is Latina, and her hair is very dark and coarse all over her body. I've taken her to the dermatologist, and he wouldn't recommend doing anything until she gets closer to puberty. There can be serious scar tissue development if the wrong thing is done, and her face can scar from any long-term procedure. She's also too young to wax on a regular basis. Bleach will most likely turn it orange.

She's very aware of it. In fact she had another little girl bring it up last year, and she's still devestated about it. However, I refuse to put her through a procedure that could make it worse.

OP - thank you for responding that way to your dd. If it had been another child, it could have caused the other child long-standing issues.