OT - MIL will not take NO for an answer.

[OceanAnnie]

I think the key here is the fact that OP and her DH said no. They're grown adults with a family of their own. MIL has NO business trying to guilt them into doing anything they don't want to.

I agree. She should accept their answer. No good can come from pushing the issue.

 

[HolliePoppins]

I can't believe this thread! MIL calls and suddenly wants them to drop their long planned WDW vacation and fly to Georgia for a one day family reunion. OP's DH says no because they can't afford it - and now it means OP is a horrible DIL?

I'm scratching my head at that one too.

Make that 3 of us.

4

Make that 5.

 

[Crystal824]

OP, I understand your feelings. My MiL is the same way.

She lives about a half hour away. If she calls and asks us to do something and we say no because we have other plans, just don't want to, etc. She will continue to call and try to get us to change our minds. This could be over coming over to her house for the afternoon, a dinner out, etc. It is very frustrating. I feel that we are adults and once we have made a decision, she should deal with it. No, she will call and usually and yell at DH, hang up on him, and then call back 20 min. later; this will go on and on for awhile usually we take the phone off the hook. I think part of this is that some parents don't consider thier adult children adults. I'm not sure how to fix this, but I understand your feelings.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

Make that 6!

OP, if you want to go and the in-laws offer to pay to fly you all down (or just him) so your DH doesn't miss any work, that's great. If they offer to pay and you don't want to go, you have to decide how much that bad blood will be worth in the end.

Enjoy your long-awaited trip to WDW with no guilt.

 

[Krissy Marissy]

Respect isn't deserved...it is earned. I hate when people say that grandparents/parents are owed something. Not true. I have one set of grandparents whom I adore...because they love us for us and let us live our lives. I talked to my grandpa once a day for years until he passed away. As for my other set...they are pushy and always forcing things on us. No one in the family can stand to be around them. Your MIL wants you guys there to make everyone think you have this great family and are close and it's a lie. That is what bugs me the most.

 

[Krissy Marissy]

Make that 6!

OP, if you want to go and the in-laws offer to pay to fly you all down (or just him) so your DH doesn't miss any work, that's great. If they offer to pay and you don't want to go, you have to decide how much that bad blood will be worth in the end.

Enjoy your long-awaited trip to WDW with no guilt.

ITA

And make that 7 for me. Some people are so rude.

 

[labst60]

OP- I could be reading too much into this, but I get the sense your MIL has some level of jealousy about your family vacation and is making an "issue" out of this (ie. if your DH will save up and do WDW with YOU he should be willing to make a similar sacrifice for HER).

Honestly, I feel for you - difficult MILs are not an easy situation (ask me how I know!). You (and DH) just need to stay firm that if you cant afford it, you cant afford it. These are not the times to extend past our means, and any mother that asks her child to financially extend past their means is being selfish and doesn't have their child's best interests in mind.

Sure, it is important to to teach OUR children to respect elders, give consideration, etc - but not at the sake of incurring debt or living beyond our means (what kind of example does that teach them). You have a certain pool of funds, and it is spoken for for your family vacation - which was already planned. Your MIL needs to accept that (that is why I am sensing the jealousy - it seems she doesn't like that your son is spending the money to make his *new* family happy as opposed to his mother).

OP- kudos to you for knowing what your means are and not being afraid to miss out on somthing to live within them. Maybe if more of the country acted like you, we wouldn't be in this big financial mess!

 

[ashlansmom]

OH NO WAY! I'm shocked by some of the responses here and wonder if they are from PITA MIL's who put the same pressures on their DIL's and sons? I have a MIL that is also pushy and brings things up over and over.... her AND my FIL have pulled many things to get what they want like - if they don't get the answer they want from me, they corner DH and ask him seperately - like playing us against each other. It has put quite a strain on our marriage at times. The good thing here is, it sounds like you and DH are on the same page. If you guys were asked, and you said NO, because of XYZ, his mother should DROP IT! His mother needs to respect that he is a grown man with a family of his own to worry about, a job, and that unfortunately, this time the whole thing just doesn't work out.

Don't feel badly, stick to your guns, otherwise - she's always going to try to control your marriage and family. You have to always let them know that you guys are in control of your own family and plans.

To previous posters, I don't think this has anything to do with respect of older generations.... you can't ever keep everyone happy, it is a financial issue, a time off work issue, and frankly in this economy there is no other justification needed. What is she supposed to do, turn around and tell her kids they have to cancel their long awaited Disney trip to go to a reunion where the kids will not know anyone?

Family is very important to me, but frankly, my husband and I are OVER bending over backwards to accomodate ridiculous demands of family instead of keeping our OWN immediate family in first priority. I love my family and if I can do anything for them, I always will, that being said.... my husband and daughter come first. Hopefully I won't get flamed for my stance!

 

[disykat]

I'm not sure where people are getting this info - apparently from deleted posts?

I don't see anywhere where MIL offered to pay, or anywhere where it could possibly be construed as the DIL's fault. I don't see anywhere where it says they don't see MIL, it seems pretty clear that they live near MIL.

She wants them to go and seems to think they should be able to drop everything and go to a reunion because they can go to WDW. The part she's not understanding (and a lot of posters here aren't getting either) is that their vacation time and their vacation money has already been committed. They already planned a vacation and don't wish to back out so they can do MIL's vacation.

I really am surprised by all the people that don't seem to realize that vacation time and money are something that MANY people already have committed six months out. Six months lead time if you have money to spend and time to burn may not be a big deal, but if you have limited vacation days and vacations funds it IS.

 

[surfergirl602]

The answer is simple. Tell her that if you MUST be there, than she MUST pay for it!! Simple as that.

Enjoy your much deserved family vacation to WDW!!!

 

[disykat]

One more thing I wanted to add.

I missed a family reunion once. It was planned with less than 6 months notice. Most people were able to make it, but I wasn't. EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY FAMILY UNDERSTOOD! I had just married and dh and I were saving for our downpayment on our house. We had gone on a honeymoon and another vacation that year wasn't practical. They understood that. I also understood when they couldn't come to my wedding due to distance and timing. That was 18 years ago and, at that time, people generally understood those things.

I think a huge problem with our economy is people not understanding that sometimes you have to stick to a budget and you can't DO EVERYTHING.

 

[HolliePoppins]

So MIL called on Monday and wants us to fly to Georgia on July 10th for 1 day for a "family" reunion. DH told her no because we are already spending our vacation and money in WDW in May. Not to mention I just quit my job, so having extra spending money is out of the question. (The only reason we're going to WDW still is that we have saved over the last 6 years and are spending 4 days driving instead of the cost of flying the 5 of us). Anyway she calls this afternoon and tells me that Southwest sent her an email about $59 flights. That's all well and good but for 5 people it's still $700. So then she says well why doesn't DH just go. I tell her I can't answer for him, and she tells me "Fine I'll just talk to him then." She knows our financial situation, and yet still continues to push for what reason? And then throws WDW in our face as if because we're going there we should absolutely HAVE to go to GA. I just don't get it.

Any updates OP?

 

[lastminutemom]

Called ID is a wonderful thing-- I got it a few years ago as a birthday present so I could screen my calls. I use it all the time with lots of family members.

My MIL use to do to me what your MIL is doing to you. Looking to me to get a different answer than what her son, my DH, had already told her. I was younger and less wise then and use to feel guilty about being the bad guy. Now, if she tries the same thing, I say you will have to talk to DH... and I let him deal with it. I am consistent... I never waver... and she has stopped doing it. Now, when she wants something, ie a visit, she checks with him first. My DH then discusses it with me.

It sounds like your MIL is very disappointed and is having a hard time with this. Your DH just needs to sit down with his parents and say the money isn't there and I don't have the vacation time. I am sorry to disappoint you but it is what it is and we are done discussing this. Do not bring this up to me or DW again. We won't be changing our minds.

 

[writermommy6]

If she really wants you there, she can pay for you to be there.

I totally agree.

 

[msce2]

Thank you for all of your replies!!! MIL has not called, however she did send DH a flyer over email stating that they want 100% participation from all family members. She neglected to tell us that not only would we have to pay to fly down, but there is a $200 charge per family to attend the reunion. DH and I are on the same page with this so it's just convincing MIL that it will not happen. I really hope she has gotten the point. I was going to call her this past week to see if I could bring the kids over to visit. I think I'll wait until I'm sure she understands that it's not up for discussion anymore. I don't want to be cornered into another conversation about it.