OT...Kindergarten or not?

[Skatermom23]

I also agree that I have not talked to anyone that has regretted giving their child the extra year. Why is that? I have a hard time believing that it has worked out so well for everyone.

)

Well based on what I have seen....IF you do find that you have made a mistake in your decision. It is much easier to advance a child than to hold a child back. In fact, most parents and teachers won't have a child repeat a year unless the case is extreme because of the social stigma attached to it. The schools are very concerned about little Johnny or little Susie's self perception and will do most anything to keep them from repeating a year. On the other hand, if they are doing great and you think they can academically prove themselves, they can skip a grade.

 

[imageid]

My DS6 entered Kindergarden this year. He went to a Pre-K class after 2 years of preschool. He was well prepared for this year. He is right on track. All the teachers I asked said if you have any doubts, wait a year. You are the Mom, you know best.

 

[3littleHalls]

We through this debate. Cut off in Indiana is July 1st(although is moving to Aug 1) My DD's b-day is Sept. She is very bright, very tall, normal kid. I was going to appeal to get her in Kindergarten just before she turned 5. I talked to teachers, pediatricians, and parents. They all told me to wait. I wasn't going to wait. Started the beginings of the appeal process, then she got very sick(pnuemonia-hospital stay for 2wks) and missed the dates of the evaluations. So, the decision was made for us. She did an extra year of pre-school. She is currently in Kindergarten. We are thrilled with the waiting. She is one of the smartest kids, she is enjoying and learning. We know she would have been more frustrated and more social problems since she did have some growing up to do.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I haven't read all of the replies, but you may want to check with your school district about whether your son can continue to receive services if he doesn't go to kindergarten when he's five.

In New York, a five year old (one who turned 5 in time to enroll in kindergarten) can't receive services in preschool setting. Now there are ways around this (and I don't know what the laws are in your state). You can say that you're homeschooling and receive itinerant services (you would have to follow all the homeschooling laws in your state). Another option would be to enroll him in a private kindergarten. The school would have to provide speech for him, and if he needed another year of kindergarten, he could move on to the public school.

 

[malibuconlee]

DH and I were just discussing this the other night. DH has an August birthday and he was the youngest, or close to it in his class. He didn't like that he was also one of the smallest in the class as far as sports went, but he's not a big guy now. He was still really skinny when we met just before he turned 20.

BUT, even with that, he was ready. He could read already when he started kindergarten. If his parents would have kept him out he thinks he would have been very bored and not challenged enough that first year.

Now DH has a nephew with an August b-day. Just the day after his. He started kindergarten this year. I think mentally he was ready. But he had some issues with hitting a couple of weeks ago. Doesn't really surprise me, because he hits at home as well, but that's another thread.

My friend's husband was one of the younger kids in his class, (I don't think his birthday is that late, but he went to a smaller Catholic school). He wishes they had kept him back a year, again because of the sports thing.

Now, girls I've talked to with late birthdays are happy their parents didn't keep them back, but girls do mature faster than boys.

My cousin was held back in first grade I think it was and it was a good thing for him. I say start them late instead of holding them back. My cousin did get teased by some of the kids in elementary school because of being held back.

 

[belle&beast]

I haven't read everything so I apologize if I am repeating someone. First of all, let me give you my background: I am a preschool speech therapist, a mom of an almost 5yo and was the very youngest in my class with a late August birthday.

As a professional, an extra year of preschool should not hurt your child, but the additional role models and time spent in kindergarten could be beneficial.

As a mom, I am opting for another year for my DD because she is not socially ready for school. She is a follower and is not assertive at all and she is very small considering lots of her friends are 9 months older than her.

As someone who has experienced being the youngest in the class, it isn't so bad right away, but 7th grade is hard anyway, try being the shortest and least developed!!! Kids can be cruel! Turning 16 and 21 after everyone were hard years, too, but today it is fun again because all my friends hit 30 before me.

I think you have to trust your instinct. One piece of advice that helped our decision to wait is from a colleague. She said you probably won't hurt your child by waiting, but sending a child to kindergarten before she is ready can be problematic for years to come. I hope I helped

 

[1of6]

Thank you for all of the replies! I didn't think I would be faced with this decision since DS has a mid Aug. birthday. I already have 2 kids that are the youngest in their classes, DD with a late Sep. b-day and DS with a mid Nov. b-day. (The cut-off is Dec.1 here in MI.)

DS will still get his services in the public school if we hold him. His room has 12 kids on the class list. Two 3yo, three 4 yo, two 5yo not in K, two 6yo in K in the morning and here in the afternoon, and three 1st graders that only come to the room during French time and when they need extra help with something.

As of right now my plan is to hold him. He is only about 75% inteligible when I don't know what he is talking about. That number is much lower with someone not in the family. I would hate for him to stop talking and give up (what he does now) when he is not understood.

Thank you for sharing all your stories. It meant a lot to hear them instead of the standard, I don't know anyone who has regretted the extra year. I know I'll be doing the right thing for my DS.

 

[mseg16222]

I have 2 sons 6 & 7. My youngest just started K this year. I spoke with many peolpe regarding this issue. My son has been in speech class since he was 2 yo. He is shy and backwards with people. My oldest we also waited and he is the oldest in his class.
My reasoning, it was suggested to me from several principals and teachers that generally boys are struggling in 3 & 4th grade if they are with in 3-4 months of the age cut off and that they would definately recommend waiting till the following year and that they did the same things with their own sons.
It is a decision that I am very happy that I made with both of my sons.

 

[sarahsmom73]

I am a teacher and a mom.. My DD will turn 5 in August. Iplan to send her to Kindergarten, but I feel she is ready... I think it really doesn't hurt parents of boys especially to wait and extra year before starting kindergarten... We have a very young kindergarten at my school this year and over 1/2 of them are headed to "Pre - First" next year.... And you guessed it... All Boys... Go with your gut. If you think he is not ready he probably isn't..

 

[Goofy Minnesotan]

It is so common to "hold" a child with a late summer birthday these days. My youngest son's birthday is August 13, the cut off here is Sept 01. Everyone assumed we would hold him just based on his birthday! I had a teacher say to me that if the truth be told teachers prefer older girls! This seems to be such an issue. I don't understand why all states don't have the same age requirements AND if they want them older why don't they have an earlier cutoff. I think this is a very unfair decision for parents to make, our parents didn't. I have a Sept 01 birthday and cut off for me was Sept 05. My 13 year old has a June birthday (so he is younger) and he is an honors student, my 12 year old has an Oct birthday (so he is older) and gets straight C's. My oldest couldn't read when he started kindergarten and now it seems they expect kids to be able to. Sorry if I seem to rant the insanity of all this makes me crazy. I definately have both ends of the specrum (oldest and youngest) and my oldest doesn't do better just cause he is oldest. When we were faces with sending our August child to kindergarten we got a lot of opinions mostly that we shouldn't (he did have some speech issues in addition to being young) his preschool teacher actually laughed when we said we were sending him! As a Mom it really hurt and made me think I didn't know my kid, but we ended up sending him and have never looked back. Good luck in your decision, and as the Mom you will make the best decision for your child!

 

[elizke]

Obviously you've gotten plenty of excellent feedback and have pretty much made your decision, but one more can't hurt...

My son is 9 and in 4th grade. His birthday is in April, and he seemed to be ready so I didn't think much about waiting a year. I wish so badly I could go back now and think again. Since about 2nd grade and even more so now, I really think with all my being that he should be a grade lower. He acts younger in every way and struggles academically. Everything is so hard for him socially and schoolwork-wise, I even considered moving him down a grade and moving to a different school area, since I knew it would be too hard for him at the same school.

We've since decided to soldier on and try to find more help, but oh how I wish I could go back!! I've heard only good things from friends who held off for a year when they had doubts. (Just wish I'd had more doubts then!!)

E.

 

[1of6]

You all are great! I love the experiences and the advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

[Pinnie]

I can add one more experience...with my DS. He was a late Sept birthday (with a Dec.1 cut off) and, against my better judgement, DH urged me to put him in K. We did. All through the years he could cut it academically but socially he struggled. He was the last one to drive, the last one to go through puberty (Middle school was a nightmare in gym) etc. When he graduated at 17, he wasn't ready for college socially. He got a few scholarships a for local University and went there, He graduated but now feels he has missed that whole "going away from home" experience.

He told me a few years ago, "Sending me to school when you did is just making me work ONE year longer before I retire"

Childhood should be a journey, not a race.

pinnie

 

[1of6]

He told me a few years ago, "Sending me to school when you did is just making me work ONE year longer before I retire"

Childhood should be a journey, not a race.

pinnie

I love your DS's quote! This will be my oldest DS. I can already hear him. He is 9 and in 4th grade. He has a mid-Nov. birthday and we sent him. This is the first year that he seems like he fits in. Acedemics have never been an issue but his sence of humor is on the young side for his friends.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Thank you for all of the replies! I didn't think I would be faced with this decision since DS has a mid Aug. birthday. I already have 2 kids that are the youngest in their classes, DD with a late Sep. b-day and DS with a mid Nov. b-day. (The cut-off is Dec.1 here in MI.)

I think that is what I am having the hardest part understanding. I am so used to Oct, Nov birthdays being the late ones, Aug does't seem like the cut off to me. Heck my DD's birthday is a full 4 months before the current cut off date (might not be by times she goes to school.) For me it really is a wait and see thing, becuase she isn't 2 yet, there is no way of knowing if she will be ready by then.

Pinnie, I have to tell you that is just what I was thinking about my DD, how unfair it would be to here for being a year behind and doing nothing wrong to deserve it.

1of6 I think you made the right dession. If you have any reason to belive an extra year is going to bennifit your child (in speach in this case) is a good plan.

 

[1of6]

I'm with you on the Aug. birthday thing. I wish there was more of a national date. It would help all those families that move state to state and then their child ends up being a year younger or a year older just because of cut-off dates, nothing to do with readiness.

Friends of ours live in PA with a Sept. cut-off. Their DD is 8 days older than our oldest DS but she is in third grade while he is in 4th. All because of the cut-off date difference.

Both of my nephews have summer b-days (end of July and end of Aug.) here in MI and I was really shocked when DSIL said that both boys were the second youngest in their classes.

 

[belle&beast]

We live in northern Indiana and our area is referred to as "Michiana" because the two states are really one community. It is so strange how different states have such different laws. My DD's best friend in her preschool moved to Michigan and was eligible to start Kindergarten at 4 because she turned 5 in Nov. Her mom chose to wait because she would be so young, and kept her in the Indiana preschool one more year. It is such a tough decision to have to make for your children when they are so young- it is deciding their academic future! I am glad we won't have to go through this again with DS- he has a January birthday!

 

[1of6]

I am glad we won't have to go through this again with DS- he has a January birthday!

My 4th is a Jan. birthday and it will be so nice not to have to worry about it again.

 

[KimberlyC]

I think much of my problem is the cut-off date here in Michigan. It is Dec.1.

DS#1 is a mid Nov. birthday and I sent him to K at 4. He has always been the youngest in his class. He has also never had any trouble and gets very good grades. He is in 4th grade now.

DD#1 is a late Sept. baby and also went at 4. She is also the youngest in her 2nd. grade room this year. She had trouble in first grade but is all caught up now. The reading thing finally clicked!

In holding DS#2, he will turn 6 two weeks before K starts. I don't think it will be a big deal until high school. He will turn 18 and then start him senior year, while DS#1 will go off to college only 17 yo. Am I over analyzing the whole age thing?

I'm in Oakland County. DS isn't school age yet but the cutoff in Mich has been 12/1 since I started Kindy in 1979. My Dsis is head school psychologist for a district here in SE Mich and I'm sure she'd tell you things haven't changed in over 25 years. Girls with fall b-day are more often than not sent (as was I and my sis despite her speech problems back then). Boys are more often than not held a year. As a girl, it wasn't a problem being one of the youngest but I think it was harder for the few younger boys in HS. I wouldn't worry about holding your DS#2 back. I'm thankful that my mom refused to allow the school to skip me a grade. I started college at 17 and can't imagine if I had been 16. I actually went to college with 2 16 yr old girls and while academically they were fine, maturity wise they were miles behind (as were some of the 17 yr old girls).

Since your DS has an august b-day, you could really go either way. Go with your gut instinct. If you (parent of 3) think he's not ready, he probably isn't. Perhaps you could put him in a preschool that really challenges him and he'll be that far ahead and more confident starting Kindergarten.

Good luck with your decision. As the mother of a DS with a June b-day I'm glad I won't have to make that decision. Of course, since he's physically in the 75th percentile, I struggle with whether or not to move him up with the bigger toddlers at day care. I swear its always something.

 

[mamacatnv]

My DD made the cut off by about 6 weeks, but would have been 5 for less than a week when she was scheduled to start K. We opted to keep her home another year, then she went to a private all day K. Now she is in 1st grade and she was so ready, I have no regrets at all.

My DS is a November baby so he tends to be on the older end of his class. I think this has served him well. He is now in high school and the extra months of age just seem to help in his decision makingcompared to a lot of his friends that can be many months younger.

IMHO, go with your gut, no one knows your kids as well as you and if you think he isn't ready then wait. He will not be the only 6 yr old in K.

MamaCatNV