OT...Kindergarten or not?

[lauritagoddess]

I agree with most that if you have reservations about sending your child, then you're probably right to hold your child back.

However, here in NYC the cut-off is Dec. 31st. It's been that cut-off since I was a child and I'm sure before that. I'm a December baby and so is my brother. We were both always the youngest in the class and it was never an issue for us either academically or socially. My DS has a June birthday so he'll fall nicely in the middle of his class. He's been in part-time preschool since he turned 2 and will be starting full-time pre-k at catholic school in the fall when he'll be 4 and he's so excited about going. I couldn't see holding him back for K. He is immature socially but pretty advanced academically (been reading since before he turned 3, etc.) and I would imagine that the boredom in school would be even worse than needing the time to mature socially.

 

[Taratink]

I held my son. He has an August B-day and was immature. He is now in Kindergarten and I am so glad that I held him. No regrets here. It all depends on the child. I really had to take a stand with my husband because I knew in my gut that it was the best thing to do. I rarely put my foot down and it was hard but my husband is now happy with our decison.
Tara

 

[Maude4Disney]

Another Michigander here... I am one of those moms that sent her 4 yo to K. He is very young compared to his classmates (12 now and in 7th grade and making top honors) His b-day was 1 week prior to the cutoff date. We did debate on whether or not to start him, but he was more than ready. We have no regrets and have had no problems.

But w/ 2nd DS there are issues. He is currently in a church preschool program (the only program in our area and public school has a program, but we made too much $$ to qualify I wish. I don't care for the way our state funds things. ) Anyway, he has a speech deficit as well and has had therapy for the last 3 years and will continue to have it for who knows how long. His age is not an issue for us as he will be 5 next week, but the speech is a scary issue for us. He is a bright boy, but we're worried as to how the delay in speech is going to affect his learning process. I guess we will find out next fall. I have no doubts about sending him to kinder... and we will see how it goes. I would rather have him repeat K than to repeat preschool.

To the OP I just wanted you to know that I can empathize w/ your situation. I would talk to the school and go w/ what your gut says in the end. Good luck to you.

 

[kellyg403]

My oldest daughter was a Nov baby, with the cutoff of Dec. 1. In Pre-k though she was academically doing o.k. her fine motor skills were not up to par. Her teacher suggested one more year of Pre-k...we did it and have had no regrets. She did well through school and I can see that a little bit of maturity helped her a great deal.

BTW, when I was younger many eons ago, Kindegarten was something you didn't have to do. I never went and started school in first grade. I had a few troubles but my mom said that I wasn't the only one who was just starting in school. My mom decided to wait for many reasons but overall I didn't have issues in school.

You won't regret holding him back a year. My daughter who graduates this year has a senior in her class who is almost 20. By the time they get to high school for various reasons there are kids older than 18! Good Luck!

Kelly

 

[jme829]

I too am battling the K dilemma except mine is a little different. My little guy also has a severe articulation delay. He is very smart though. I currently eschool (public, homebased charter school) my 2 girls and am trying to decide if it would be better to eschool my son (the "school" we do has a 1/2 day program) or to put him in public school (full day K) He will be 5 in May (all my kids were spring babies, so age wasn't an issue). Part of me wants to keep him home so that he doesn't get the teasing, etc...but part of me thinks he would be better in a class so that he gets the interaction with the kids and also the therapy. He is in his 2 nd yr of preschool (2 days/week, I tried to get him in the pre K class but they were full). My daughters previously attended Catholic schools and that is not an option for him as they don't offer the speech he needs and I don't particularly care for the 2 Cath. schools that are in our neighborhood. I'm actually waiting to hear from the Spec. Ed director of our eschool to see if they offer any speech programs (not then he will go to public school) and if they do I will decide from there. My girls have never had any problems so this is all new to me. I am just worreid about making a bad decision, and not doing what is best for him.

 

[cakesnkids]

My son, the middle child, started Kindy this year. He turned five right after starting, Sept 29th is his birthday. He is doing VERY well, the only problems we have had are some maturity issues, but those did not develop until my children missed 5 weeks of school b/c of Hurricane Katrina. Here, we have a program called Transitional First Grade. The children that are doing wonderfully in Kindy, but need maturity, go there instead of first. We started him this year b/c we wanted to give him the year in case he NEEDED T1 (trans first) and b/c we fully support the T1 program, it is a wonderful program.
It is personally between you and your child - it depends on his characteristics and personality. I would say that over putting him in daycare, I would send him to Kindy, but if you are a SAHM who can give him some extra, and he would be attending his speech help classes, that I would feel very comfortable keeping him home.
Good luck with your decision, and remember, it's a decision YOU have to be comfortable with, noone else.

 

[DisneyPhD]

The thing that seems the strangest to me is the fact that I never considered an Aug birthday a young one. With the cut off in MI a Dec for as long as I can remember Aug is WAY before that. I always considered Oct, and Nov as the questionable months to be born. (as far as when to start school.) When my DD was born the start of Aug I never considered the fact that she would be 6 BEFORE even starting K. As a 2nd child she has never seemed as advanced as her big sister, (walking, talking all that.) So we will wait and see where she is at almost 5.

One thing I am aware of now is she will be a young 3 when starting preschool. What this means to me is she MAY or MAY NOT be potty trained and I am not going to push her because she needs to be to start school. My plan for now is to send her to the catholic preschool her sister currenlty goes to (they are pull up friendly.)

I think if the parent feels they can benifit from an extra year in preschool, do it. I think if you feel holding them back will indeed hold them back (they will be bored and not challanged.) then put them in.

My older brother retook 2nd grade. He has an Aug 18th brithday. He always felt he wasn't smart enough and it really affected his self esteem. It never really accored to me he was just a little young for that age group anyway.

 

[jodifla]

The thing that seems the strangest to me is the fact that I never considered an Aug birthday a young one. With the cut off in MI a Dec for as long as I can remember Aug is WAY before that. I always considered Oct, and Nov as the questionable months to be born. (as far as when to start school.) When my DD was born the start of Aug I never considered the fact that she would be 6 BEFORE even starting K. As a 2nd child she has never seemed as advanced as her big sister, (walking, talking all that.) So we will wait and see where she is at almost 5.

One thing I am aware of now is she will be a young 3 when starting preschool. What this means to me is she MAY or MAY NOT be potty trained and I am not going to push her because she needs to be to start school. My plan for now is to send her to the catholic preschool her sister currenlty goes to (they are pull up friendly.)

I think if the parent feels they can benifit from an extra year in preschool, do it. I think if you feel holding them back will indeed hold them back (they will be bored and not challanged.) then put them in.

My older brother retook 2nd grade. He has an Aug 18th brithday. He always felt he wasn't smart enough and it really affected his self esteem. It never really accored to me he was just a little young for that age group anyway.

I'm in Michigan at the moment, and DS has a Dec. 1 birthday. It would make him the youngest in his class, so we're holding off. DS also has speech delays, so even though he's ready academically, I don't think he's ready socially.

I was on the fence about whether or not to send him until a friend told me her brother had to be held back in 2nd grade, and he felt that it meant he was stupid, although he really had just been sent to school too young. He never got over it, my friend felt, and that one bad move of sending him to school too soon affected his whole life.

 

[alicenwonder99]

My ds's bday is Aug 30, the school cut off is Sept 1. Against my better judgement, I reluctantly put him in K this year. He is by far the youngest in his class. We moved over the summer and in this new school district, we later (too late) found out that the parents are holding back the kids with summer bdays. There are children in my ds's class that are HUGE, and I swear a couple of the kids are probably already 7! Also, ds is tiny for his age. On the first day of school at the Parent's Open House, the teacher had a list of the skills the children could do, almost all of the kids could do most of them (mostly the girls), and some of the kids could do a few things. My ds couldn't do anything on the list. That day, I pulled the teacher aside and told her I think I'll go with my gut instinct and pull my ds out of K and put him in PreK at the new school district. She told me to let him go to K and she would let me know if she thought ds should go back to Preschool for the year. Well, she kept on telling me he was doing fine.

OK, so now it's February and the teacher is NOW talking about holding ds back for a 2nd year of K!!! I am LIVID! Ds can do the work, but he has to struggle with it. Which wouldn't be too bad, except with the other kids it seems to come so easy for them. These are the kids my ds will be with until he graduates from High School. So, it's not really the schoolwork that's the issue, but just a maturity thing. Ds is so immature compared to the other children. I help out in the class once in awhile, and he can't follow directions (he's not being bad, just seems lost when the teacher wants the kids to move onto something else). He does fine if I walk over to him and get down on his level and look at him and tell him, "ok, now it's time to put your papers away and go sit on the carpet". The teacher agrees that it's a maturity issue, and I'm so upset about putting him in K when I KNEW he wasn't ready. But I trusted all of the "experts" who insisted he was ready for K and I was just being an overprotective mother and was treating my ds like a baby because he's my youngest.

I can cry everytime I think of how my ds has to go to school everyday and struggle, when he could have went to preschool and flourished.

Mary

 

[Kimmumum]

Remember that boys tend to mature slower than girls. If he is "young" you might want to hold off so that he can catch up.

Whatever you decide, go with your mothers instinct. No one knows what is best for their child more than their mom.

 

[1of6]

Thanks for all of the stories. It is a comfort to know that DS will not be the only 6yo entering K. Part of my struggle has been that I did send 2 kids to K when they were 4. I know I have to do what is best for DS, I am just worried about self-esteem issues later on when he realizes that he was held and they weren't. Does that make sence?

 

[Katy Belle]

Yep, makes total sense. In TX the date is Sept. 1. My oldest son is an April birthday, no decision to be made, he was and still is, the biggest kid in the class, very bright, and fine socially. Along come 2nd DS. He has a June birthday. He is average size, bright, fine motor trouble, and slight speech trouble. He did a year of private Kindergarten, 1/2 day, and then a full year of public kindergarten. We have never referred to it as being held back or repeating, or anything, but he will sometimes say he was held back Breaks my heart. BUT, on the other hand it was the best decision for him. He's in 2nd grade and doing great, on all levels. Still has some fine motor issues, but certainly is catching up.

I talked to many, many people before making the decision and never found anyone who regretted waiting a year, only people who wished they had.

Good luck!
Katy

 

[1of6]

I also agree that I have not talked to anyone that has regretted giving their child the extra year. Why is that? I have a hard time believing that it has worked out so well for everyone. Not that I am hopping for a bad outcome... I just want to have as much info as I can. I hate surprises! Unless they come in the form of a surprise trip to WDW. (DH are you listening? )

 

[Simba's Girl]

Without reading other's responses...I must say this.

#1-there is a long time between now and August and he may mature more before hand.
#2-DD has a boy in her class (Full time kindergarten) who is the youngest in the school . His birthday is literally 2 days before the cutoff. During each 'orientation' meeting his mom kept asking "How do you know if they are ready?" I volunteer in DD's class for lunches on Fridays. Let me say this, this child was probably not ready for K. He is very disruptive and seems alot "younger" than his classmates. I would not be surprised if he does K again next year. Point is this...IMO if you question weather or not your child is ready for school, and they have a close cutoff birthday, then they probably aren't ready yet.
#3-On the Other Hand, DD is one of the older children in her class with an October Birthday. She was probably ready for K last year. The only "problems" we have with her in school are behavior related-she gets bored. Her academic skills are beyond that of what's required of a first grader. The class size is large and there is no Aide in the classroom. IME the behavior issues are the only drawback to having a "more than ready" child in K.

Heather

 

[pigletof4]

Has anyone had anything negative come from giving their child an extra year before starting Kindergarten?

DS4 will be 5 this August and has a major speech deficit. He has been in some type of therapy since 2yo. I know the best thing for him right now is to give him the extra year to develop before sending him to school full time. But I am looking for some insight as to any thing I might be in for down the road with him being the oldest in the class.

Any advice?

From a mother who a dd who a speech problem and a July birthday, I held her the extra year. She just started kindergarten this year and is doing wonderfully. I have friends who just send their children and they have ended up repeating kindergarten. I have a son who will be 5 in June and I have decided that he will not go next year, but to spend another year in preschool. I am holding him because we don't feel he is mature enough for kindergarten and I would be too afraid of him having to repeat instead of going to first grade. HTH.

I forgot to mention that I live in PA. Some of the schools in my area are going to 5 by May 31st and the majority of them are 5 by Sept. 1.

 

[TandyR]

The younger of my two kids just started Kindergarten this year, I thought about holding her back a year, but didn't. The reason I questioned it also because she also had a major speech delay. Her articulation was in the first percentile and the rest of her speech when tested was around the tenth percentile except her understanding of what was being said was in the 85th %tile or something like that.

On top of the speech issues I knew in my gut there were other issues going on with her. I decided to send her knowing I could always have her repeat Kindergarten if it was needed. I was on the fence when she started in the Fall and know I know I made the right choice. I was right there is a lot of other issues she has going on. She has sound-symbol recognition problems, she is hyposencitive, we discovered that she doesn't learn well by listening she learns better through touch. The school has ordered her a special reading program just for her. She is getting 2 hours a week with a speech therapist, 1 hour a week with an OT and 3 hours a week one on one with a reading specialist. I am glad I sent her because that means all this was figured out a year earlier then if I had held her back a year. Yes I know I could have found all these things outside of a school envorment, she was already having 2 hours of speech therapy from the time she was 2.5 until she started Kindergarten, it was just harder to find a OT to take her on and nobody is was willing to do reading work with a kid that isn't in Kindergarten.

I know what we did might not work for all families, but it has worked really well for us.

 

[emma'smom]

The academic term for what you are describing (holding your child out for an additional year before formal school- kindergarten is usually considered the first year of formal schooling) is called "academic redshirting". The term derives from an athletic practice but ACADEMIC redshirting has nothing to do with athletics. Research has shown that it is an increasingly common practice in middle class families to hold back a child for an additional year of preschool. Keeping a child back in preschool eliminates a degree of social stigma because you are gaining that year before they enter formal schooling, meaning they will still begin and move through their elementary school career with the same cohort they meet in kindergarten.

In a society where children face increasing demands of standardized testing and learning standards, this "extra" year provides the child with the advantage of maturity (for sitting through tests, dealing with social issues, attention span, motor development, reasoning skills, etc).

There is much professional research on this topic (including my own dissertation), but I can point you to more well-known authors if you are looking for this kind of information to support your decision.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I have been in preschool settings for 20 years and I can say that I have NEVER had a parent regret holding their child back. I have had many come to me and tell me how they wished that they had held their child back. DS had a oct 7 due date in a state with a oct 15 deadline so it was a give from the first ultasound he would stay back. When he came very premature it was just already a given he would wait.

Just a coulple things I found that helps. Be sure that pre-k year is not wasted. Look for a good quality pres-school program or a 1/2 day transitional kindergarten program. Go ahead and leave your child with his school group in all areas of his life. For example, if he is staying in pre-k for school, leave him in pre-k for sundayschool, dance, t-ball etc.
Do not use the term "held back" We tell children that children start kindergarten at all different ages. NO one age is better than another.
Ask your child's presschool teacher to not address her class with the assumption that all children are going on to kindergarten.This can be confussing and upsetting for a young child.

Last be aware in making the decission that most districts know going into a kindergarten class that a certain number of children will need retintion before 3rd grade. The problem is that they can not all be retained in one year or it will cast a huge staff problem. Retention for some of these children might not come till 2nd or 3rd grade even though they strugle for the first few years. Research has shown that repeating 1st grade yields the greatest advantage for children, but by this age is has become a social issue as well. I also tell parents to go ahead early and make plans to repeat pre-k, and if these next months prove that that is not necessaary all they are out of is a registration fee.

Good luck, I loved having my child home that last year!!!!!!

JOrdans' mom

 

[Skatermom23]

3)

I also had teachers tell me to send them that they were ready but both my DH and felt it was not the right thing to do. We held them back more for their later years not necessarily for where they are right now.

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do and the best thing for your individual children. Remember 1/2 of the people will think you are doing the right think and 1/2 will think you are crazy!

Good luck.

You sound just like our family! We held our son back for all the reasons you mentioned but mainly for the later years. We are now in those later years and I have no regrets at all. DS did go to school at age five, but to a pre kindergarten program and then kindergarten at age six. I struggled with this decision so many years ago and worried constantly if it was the right thing to do. My mommy instinct said yes. I can't tell you how happy I am that I "for once" listened to the inner voice...

 

[Skatermom23]

IJust a coulple things I found that helps. Be sure that pre-k year is not wasted. Look for a good quality pres-school program or a 1/2 day transitional kindergarten program. Go ahead and leave your child with his school group in all areas of his life. For example, if he is staying in pre-k for school, leave him in pre-k for sundayschool, dance, t-ball etc.
Do not use the term "held back" We tell children that children start kindergarten at all different ages.
JOrdans' mom

I agree with this. Make that extra year count. Since DS started school at age five, he doesn't think he was held back. We have never used that term with him. Even now as a teenager he tells anyone who asks that the school he started at had an early cut off date.