OT - Kindergarten for my 4 yo this September

[scoochie75]

I agree with most of what has been posted above. It really depends on your child and no one knows your child better than you.
My oldest ds was ready for kindergarten at probably 2 yo if they would have taken him - he is well ahead of his peers but also by far the smallest child in his class - and one of the oldest based on where his bday fell.
My middle child (dd) is one of the youngest in her class and one of the tallest - she has no interest in being there or learning anything they are teaching but is holding her own and running middle of the pack. Could have held her back but she loves the social aspects of school and is holding her own.
My youngest (ds) is only 2 1/2 yo - and based on where we are now (he has a verbal apraxia and still has only 3 understandable words) will probably hold him back a year b/c he is 2 weeks shy of the cutoff and will already have things working against him - so to help him excel in school instead of struggle we think we will need to hold him back a year.
So in our case we have 3 kids - all raised the same way - which are drastically different in how we would approach school for them.

 

[princessmom29]

Our cutoff is 12/31 - my daughter's birthday! She went and was fine....first grade this year and it's going even better. I am firm believer is sending your kid when you should unless there is a GOOD reason not to. Holding back a year doesn't solve a lot of issues - it just delays them.

PS We're in Westchester county NY and EVERYONE (it seems) holds there kids back...do what's right for your kid!

Me too. Unless you have good solid evidence to the contrary I think kids should start on time. I wish DD could have started last year rather than this year She is an October birthday and our cutoff is 5 by sept 1. She was ready last year and is frankly a little bored this year. She is small for her age, so to look at her you would think she was one of the youngest in the class, but I would rather have her be a littel smaller and be challenged academically. There is a child in her class that was 6 when the year started and turned 7 in Dec. I don't know exactly how to describe the situation other than to say he just doesn't mesh well with the other kids. It is obvious that he doesn't belong in a classroom with 5 year olds.

 

[Ava]

I won't have to deal with this decision with DD (April 30th birthday) but if I did I would not hold my child back unless there were known developmental or learning issues. My thinking is, I don't know how she'll do unless she is given the chance to try. If she's really struggling after a few months, I can always pull her out & start her again the next year. My younger sister started K at 4 (Nov 23rd b-day) and did fine. She was always average to slightly above academically, always had plenty of friends. Then again I don't think holding kids back was the norm back then, so there were other kids in her class close to her age, probably even some younger at times. Her best friend all through elementary/middle school was a Sept b-day.

Also as a PP said, it's impossible to tell how quickly kids will mature & develop down the line. I was somewhat of a "late bloomer" physically and my birthday is in early April, so I was probably mid-range in age amongst my classmates. In middle school there were many girls younger than me who were more physically developed.

 

[brymolmom]

To the OP...Just remember - if you decide to hold him back - it is your choice to do so....So just don't get all 'you need to keep him more challenged/he's so advanced' on the teacher in the first year(s) of his schooling. Obviously, if you choose to hold him back, he will appear way advanced due to his extra time on the Earth, not necessarily due to being more advanced. And the teacher should focus on those who are not supposed to be in the next older grade. I know, most teachers can differentiate, but IMO, a parent should not be expecting 'extra' for their kid after deliberately putting them into the situation to know more than the other kids. That was a choice that the parent made, and he and/or she, should deal with it - or get other 'challenges' outside the classroom.

And yes, I sent my 4 year old dd to K in 2008. She is doing great. In spite of one boy in her class who turned 7 the first day of 1st grade this year, and she turned 6 in October. UGH - tough for those of us and teachers to teach that wide a range.

A problem that will never be solved until choice is elminated. Send/don't send should not be up to the parents.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Every kid is different and so is every state. We're in NY with a December 1 cutoff. My kids are both spring babies so they're not an issue. My nephew is in Massachusetts where the cutoff is September 1st. His birthday is late August. He started K when he was six. He wasn't ready at 5 and it was a good decision.

MY DD's best friends are twin boys with an 11/30 birthday. They started K at 4 at a Catholic School and ended up repeating K at the public. That was not their intent but they weren't ready. The other extreme is another nephew here in NY who has a late November birthday, started K at 4 and skipped a grade. So he'll be 7 when he enters 4th grade next year.

So do what's best for your kid. Why shouldn't it be up to the parent? The general rule is a kid has to be in school by their 6th birthday (maybe that varies state to state) so it's not like a kid can start K at 10.

No matter what decisions we make, they'll survive with our guidance.

 

[brymolmom]

The reason I have issue with the parent deciding is that it creates an uneven playing field. With 4 year olds and 6 year olds in the same classroom - you can easily predict that it is much more difficult for the teacher AND the 4 year olds (who, I remind you - are 'supposed' to be there and the curriculum is made for - the 4 year olds and 5 year olds at least in my area where cutoff is Dec 1st). With all kids being within a 12 month range statistics show a general 'bell' curve of abilities - most in the middle of the road with a few at the 'top' end and a few at the bottom. With more and more of the kids being older...it shifts that natural bell curve to the right and now a larger bunch are at the 'top' end....where does this leave those who are the few at the bottom....with less time and attention from the teacher in some cases, and with feeling 'dumb' at times when truly those kids are just older, not smarter in many of the cases.

I have actually had TEACHERS tell me that I should worry about sending my very bright, 'average' or above in many areas 4 year old to Kindergarten... that she might not score well. Ummm....That class is MADE for 4 year olds and I have told every one of her teachers that if she gets compared to/graded on being compared to 'should be the next grade up' students I will take a BIG issue with that and she better not be. I have been told 'they're expecing more in K' to which I have answered 'Is it really that they have changed the expectations or is it just that there are so many 'would be first graders' in the class who OF COURSE are already reading when they enter the classroom that the expectations are being influenced not by what the school board/laws are changing but just because parents think their child is 'just not ready'?

I agree - they need to start when they are 6....but the laws don't dictate WHAT GRADE they should be in at that age. This is what they should change, and I believe, will change at some point. They will either decide to mandate that all kids must be in school by age 5 OR they will say that 6 year olds need to be in first grade. The reason, IMO, why it is so confusing right now is that Kindergarten is NOT mandatory across the board. Oh and I think that many of the later cutoffs will change to coincide with this. I do not think 4 year olds in this area will continue to go to K for long...I think the cutoff will change to Sept 1st before too long....But that won't help the issue as parents with kids with summer birthdays will then decide to hold their children back...alll of the sudden the summer birthdays will seem 'just not ready'.

 

[Kanga1]

I wouldn't. You're basically taking one year of his childhood from him. Think about it...he would go to college a year later if you wait until next year.

 

[LlamaMamaof2]

In MO where I am, the cut off is August 1st!! When I was a kid, it was much later as my birthday is late September and I did go to K at age 4. There was an article in the paper that said MO is one of the earliest cut off dates and I would believe it after reading every ones post here.

I was bummed as my little boy won't be 5 until 8/29 so we miss K this year. That will put him in pre-k an extra year and he is the oldest of all the kids. He will be bored in K and a lot older than most of the kids. I have complained about missing the cut off for at least a year and the Catholic school we go to won't make any exceptions. Well, guess what? Now that registration is upon us, I am secretly glad he isn't going to school. Now I think what does one year mean and I can't change it anyway. Also, with some many people holding the kids back, there may be a bunch of older kids in the class.

 

[Ava]

In MO where I am, the cut off is August 1st!! When I was a kid, it was much later as my birthday is late September and I did go to K at age 4. There was an article in the paper that said MO is one of the earliest cut off dates and I would believe it after reading every ones post here.

I was bummed as my little boy won't be 5 until 8/29 so we miss K this year. That will put him in pre-k an extra year and he is the oldest of all the kids. He will be bored in K and a lot older than most of the kids. I have complained about missing the cut off for at least a year and the Catholic school we go to won't make any exceptions. Well, guess what? Now that registration is upon us, I am secretly glad he isn't going to school. Now I think what does one year mean and I can't change it anyway. Also, with some many people holding the kids back, there may be a bunch of older kids in the class.

I feel like private schools have earlier cut offs than publics. I know here the cut off for public is Dec 31st, but a lot of private schools have cut offs in Aug or earlier - a lot also base whether or not a kid is accepted on their birthday (and therefore their perceived maturity), i.e the school may accept a girl with a late summer birthday, but not accept a boy with the same birthday, since girls usually mature faster than boys. Parents also seem to hold back boys more often than girls.

Does anyone here have a child in NYC public school? I heard that if a parent holds back a child and tries to enroll an already 6 year old in K, that the school can tell the parent their child needs to go into 1st grade (since K is not mandatory and a 6 year old should be in 1st grade). I can't remember where I heard this but I wonder if it is true.

 

[J3nn78]

To the OP...Just remember - if you decide to hold him back - it is your choice to do so....So just don't get all 'you need to keep him more challenged/he's so advanced' on the teacher in the first year(s) of his schooling. Obviously, if you choose to hold him back, he will appear way advanced due to his extra time on the Earth, not necessarily due to being more advanced. And the teacher should focus on those who are not supposed to be in the next older grade. I know, most teachers can differentiate, but IMO, a parent should not be expecting 'extra' for their kid after deliberately putting them into the situation to know more than the other kids. That was a choice that the parent made, and he and/or she, should deal with it - or get other 'challenges' outside the classroom.

And yes, I sent my 4 year old dd to K in 2008. She is doing great. In spite of one boy in her class who turned 7 the first day of 1st grade this year, and she turned 6 in October. UGH - tough for those of us and teachers to teach that wide a range.

A problem that will never be solved until choice is elminated. Send/don't send should not be up to the parents.

It ABSOLUTELY should be up to the parents. A cutoff date means nothing. Some kids are not socially and developmentally ready to start full day school just because their birthday says they should. Talk to multiple teachers and they will tell you that virtually NO ONE regrets holding a child back, but many (not all) regret sending them too soon. It can create a lifelong chain of events.

No one knows a child better than their own parents. I am a teacher and a mother. I will be holding back my son next year even though he will be 5 before school starts. Academically he is very bright. He can do math at a 1st-2nd grade level and read already. Socially, he needs some more time. Physically- he is not up to going to school for 5 eight hour days. This was not a decision taken lightly. It actually makes things harder for us. It means an extra year of tuition rather than going to school for free where I work. But we really put thought into what would be BEST for him. I don't trust a cutoff date to do that for me.

Why rush kids through their childhood? They have a lifetime ahead of them. Letting them stay home an extra year may be very beneficial and just what I child needs to succeed in their school career.

And OP-if YOU feel your child is ready then by all means, send him.

 

[princessmom29]

It ABSOLUTELY should be up to the parents. A cutoff date means nothing. Some kids are not socially and developmentally ready to start full day school just because their birthday says they should. Talk to multiple teachers and they will tell you that virtually NO ONE regrets holding a child back, but many (not all) regret sending them too soon. It can create a lifelong chain of events.

No one knows a child better than their own parents. I am a teacher and a mother. I will be holding back my son next year even though he will be 5 before school starts. Academically he is very bright. He can do math at a 1st-2nd grade level and read already. Socially, he needs some more time. Physically- he is not up to going to school for 5 eight hour days. This was not a decision taken lightly. It actually makes things harder for us. It means an extra year of tuition rather than going to school for free where I work. But we really put thought into what would be BEST for him. I don't trust a cutoff date to do that for me.

Why rush kids through their childhood? They have a lifetime ahead of them. Letting them stay home an extra year may be very beneficial and just what I child needs to succeed in their school career.

And OP-if YOU feel your child is ready then by all means, send him.

It should be about what is best for all children, not just one. It is not fair to the 14 other children in the class that the one that was held back will always be bigger and better. That is why the rule exists. When one parent chooses to defy it, every other child in that class suffers for it.

 

[Keri]

I gotta say, I don't understand the "send him with kids his own age" or "you're taking a year of childhood away." It's not like she's taking a kid who will be 4 until December & doing everything she can to place him in a classroom with kids who all have to turn 5 by August. He makes the cutoff!

My DD's birthday is 2 days before our cutoff (Sept 28 for Sept 30 cutoff). We sent her, and it was absolutely the right thing to do. Yes, she's small for her age and she's young. But there were about 5 September birthdays in her class of 26 kids! She's not some freak of nature who is crazy young! Yes, there might be a kid in the class who is almost a year older. Yes, there might be kids (because their parents held them back) who are MORE than a year older. You can't control that. And if you wait, then your kid will be the old one and there will still be 4 year olds in the classroom.

If he's ready, don't worry about it. My DD was reading almost a year before she started K. She is already bored with the curriculum, I cannot fathom waiting another year because some other people choose to hold their kids back.

She has adjusted to the full day pretty well, but she definitely gets tired. I do drive her to school though, so we don't have the bus or before/after school care issue.

 

[Aristomommy]

I wouldn't. You're basically taking one year of his childhood from him. Think about it...he would go to college a year later if you wait until next year.

If the child is within the cutoff date, how is that taking anything away from them??? I know kids who graduated at 14 or 15 because they were very advanced learners (here we are talking about being the RIGHT age for K). They went to a local community college until 18 on full scholarship and then to good universities on full scholarship. Both had a great experience at much younger age. Somehow I can't equate going to school with robbing your child. I think being a foot taller and bored at school would be robbing a child from the joy of learning

 

[Princess Sleepy]

You know your child better than anyone else. My DD missed the cutoff by two months, but she was very obviously ready for kindergarten. Everyone tried to talk us out of having her tested for early entrance, especially the principal, who had never even met her. She kept telling us how any problems the younger kids have in school, etc. Well, we went with our instincts and had her tested. She blew the lid off the test and thrived in kindergarten. She is now halfway through first grade and is the top of her class in reading and math and has to do independent study for spelling because she is so far ahead of everyone in her whole grade that the teacher thought she would be bored even in the top spelling class. Thankfully the naysayer principal retired right before DD started at the school. I got a lot of enjoyment out of the fact that the last thing she had to do on her last day before retirement was meet with us and tell us how well DD had done and invite her to start early.

So, long story short (too late), go with your instincts, because you know if your kid is ready to handle it.

 

[brymolmom]

It should be about what is best for all children, not just one. It is not fair to the 14 other children in the class that the one that was held back will always be bigger and better. That is why the rule exists. When one parent chooses to defy it, every other child in that class suffers for it.

 

[J3nn78]

It should be about what is best for all children, not just one. It is not fair to the 14 other children in the class that the one that was held back will always be bigger and better. That is why the rule exists. When one parent chooses to defy it, every other child in that class suffers for it.

Well first off, it is not a RULE, but a suggested date for entry

And, is it better for ALL students if a few children were forced to start before they were ready and struggle as a result?

And why are you teaching your child bigger is better?

 

[karibritt01]

Our situation was very similar. My DD went to preschool 2 days a week for 6 hours/day. She did beautifully in preschool, and her teachers felt that she was ready for Kindergarten. Our school year begins at the beginning of July, with the cut-off date not until Oct 15th. My DD's birthday is Oct 8, so she was 4 for the first 3 1/2 months of school. She did pretty well adjusting to the schedule, but did take a lot of afternoon naps her first year. She has really enjoyed school and has excelled. She is now in 2nd grade. She is one of the best students in the class, and is on a 4th grade reading level. I am very thankful that I didn't hold her back, because she would have been so bored in 1st grade right now.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

You know your child better than anyone else. My DD missed the cutoff by two months, but she was very obviously ready for kindergarten. Everyone tried to talk us out of having her tested for early entrance, especially the principal, who had never even met her. She kept telling us how any problems the younger kids have in school, etc. Well, we went with our instincts and had her tested. She blew the lid off the test and thrived in kindergarten. She is now halfway through first grade and is the top of her class in reading and math and has to do independent study for spelling because she is so far ahead of everyone in her whole grade that the teacher thought she would be bored even in the top spelling class. Thankfully the naysayer principal retired right before DD started at the school. I got a lot of enjoyment out of the fact that the last thing she had to do on her last day before retirement was meet with us and tell us how well DD had done and invite her to start early.

So, long story short (too late), go with your instincts, because you know if your kid is ready to handle it.

That is a great story. Our district wouldn't allow early entry for any reason. There was no test. So my DS missed the cut off by 12 days. He was so ready for school, but we had to wait until the following year. He was so far ahead of everyone in his K and 1st grade class that we ended up having him skip 2nd grade. It was the best thing for him, and we don't regret it for a minute. He fits in so much better with the kids even though he is the youngest. He even has friends in older grades. He gets all A's still. The teachers say they can't even tell that he was skipped.

I really wish schools would group kids according to ability, and not age. It would be so much easier on the teacher not to have to teach to such a range of abilities. I think the kids would learn faster too.

 

[princessmom29]

Well first off, it is not a RULE, but a suggested date for entry

And, is it better for ALL students if a few children were forced to start before they were ready and struggle as a result?

And why are you teaching your child bigger is better?

Not bigger is better, bigger and better because they actually belong a grade ahead they are physically bigger and at an advantage academically and in sports. The vast majority of children who are 5 by the cutoff date are truly ready for K when given the chance to go. There are a few exceptions who are truly developmentally delayed and should be held back. Everyone else should start on time. The differences in social maturity ect WILL iron themselves out pretty quickly and everyone will be on equal footing if the parent is onboard with what is going on in the classroom and supportive of that. In the rare cases where they don't that child would have needed additional help wether they were held back or not. It is a truly rare child who is not ready for K at 5. Many parents choose to fool themselves into believing their child is not ready, but if they are really honest about it that is not the motivation. It is about giving their child an advantage, regardless of how detrimental it is to everyone else. It truly is a real problem for a teacher to have chidlren who should be in first grade and children who should be in K in the same classroom. They are academically, socially, and developmentally at different places. Holding children back just because you want them to be the biggest, fastest, smartest kid in class only exaggerates the differences and causes more porblems. The 7 year old in my daughter's class is a head taller than everyone else, it totally bored with the curricilium, and acts out because of it. He should have been in K last year and first grade this year. The kids realize he is different, and are bothered by it.

 

[brymolmom]

Well first off, it is not a RULE, but a suggested date for entry

And, is it better for ALL students if a few children were forced to start before they were ready and struggle as a result?

And why are you teaching your child bigger is better?

I, too, have no problem with it and don't want to see a child who is NOT READY be forced into it. However, in almost all of my conversations on the topic - the kids really are ready and the parent gives a very vague 'just not ready' comment with nothing supporting it. If your child is developmentally delayed and has a specific delay that is holding him/her back then yes - do not send - but also, hopefully, you are working with specialists on that issue. By and far this is not the case - you get the 'not mature enough' response a lot - and just how mature are 4 year old supposed to be? As long as they are at least of average maturity - they are ready according to the cutoff date here. So really it comes down to the parent just 'feeling' they are not ready. And this is obvious in the places with really early cutoffs....sometimes early summer cutoffs...and yet, parents STILL hold back their would be 5 and a half year olds from starting K because they are 'not ready'. Honestly, a child not ready by then is hopefully getting lots of extra help.

And as long as you are content having a child who already knows all the curriculum and will not take teacher time away by insisting that the older child needs to be 'challenged' at his/her level - then I am OK with it too. It is when that child (really the parent who made the decision in the first place) takes time away from the other children in the classroom because they really could/should be challenged in the next grade up - that I really take issue with it.