OT: Kids B-day Parties Madness

[badblackpug]

I am not sure if this has been covered before, but...Am I the only one who thinks that birthday parties have gotten completely out of hand?

It seems that each year, and with each child these parties get bigger and bigger and more and more costly. I, for one, flatly refuse to cater to this trend. Each child is allowed to invite 9 friends (for an even 10 guest list) to the party (except one year one wanted to go to 6 flags she got to only invite 3) of their choice. Chuck-E-Cheese, bowling, skating, sleepover whatever...but 9 is the max. I have the "family party" on a separate day and it consists of family only over for cake and ice cream only.
I am polite about it. I mail out invitations, so that other children are not hurt by not being handed an invitation in school...yet still, I have gotten grief over this situation. I actually had a mother approach me and question me as to why her daughter was not invited to one of the kids parties, after all, she had invited MY daughter?! (the whole class was invited, so it really didn't make the invite special) I explained that for budgetary reasons (and my sanity, although I didn't say it ) I limit party size. Her response "I find that hard to believe, since your husband is a doctor! and I don't think it is right to teach your child to exclude others."

I was just wondering how others handled this party nonsense?

...and I only have one with a summer birthday!

 

[LJRJR]

I completely agree with you. I have three children and my two oldest, DS4 and DD6, go to this type of party every month. These birthday are never held in peoples homes and I think the price per child is around $25.00 to start with usually 30 kids attending, plus I think they charge $10 per adult that attends with the child. Last year there was a party that my DD went to at the American Girl Cafe in NYC, she went in a limo and received the Bitty Baby doll as a party favor. All my children have spring birthdays (March, April & May) so I put away money all year and we go on a family vacation, the past two years was Disney and this year possibly the Bahamas. We also do the simple family party with the grandparents, and that is about it.

 

[kaw1218]

My DD10 and DD7 have a birthday budget. They have $200 to spend on what ever they want for their birthdays. We have done all kinds of things like a $200 shopping spree at Toys R Us(dd did that once and then realized she could plan a movie and get a few presents for her money), day trips to local amusements parks,special meals, movies, there have been a few birthday parties at Build a Bear, and even 2 Bon Jovi Concerts(for the little one-she has been obsessed since age 3 )

They can have anything for their birthday as long as it doesn't exceed the budget. I cannot understand why people spend all that money when the kids remember the love most of all!

 

[MSSANDRA]

I agree that birthday parties get way over done. It simply can not be good for children OR your budget. The only thing I want to add is to use good judgment and insist that your children be sensitive when selecting children to invite. If there are 10 girls in the class and your child invites 9 of them that is so unkind to the one child left out. Better to bend the rules a little bit and include all the girls or whatever the situation. We had a situation at our school where a mom invited 15 of the 16 children to her child's party. We have a rule that in order to bring invites to school you have to invite all. It's fine to invite part, but you have to mail the invites. We told the mom she could not hand them out at school unless she invited all children. She was so mad that her son had to invite a child he did not want to. Now, this was not a child that he had any issues with, but rather a very sweet but shy child. She in the end decided to invite the child so she could give out the invites at school but because she had told some other parents what was going on, many decided not to allow their child to attend the party anyway. Way sad for everyone.
Just use good judgment and kindness!!!

 

[MickeyHereWeCome!]

I so agree. I have four kids. Three of them have birthdays within weeks of each other..actually, the last b'day of our "birthday season" is tomorrow.

It is so easy to get carried away when doing parties. I love to do parties at home, but even those can get very costly. I have yet to find a cheap way to do them, without going "too small". It's so hard when the kids are in various playgroups, and you have to invite everyone.

I stick to a budget of $200 a party. I try to get their party supplies off of e-bay, which has worked well for me. Those goody bags can run a pretty penny, so I have gotten "cheap" with those, and won't put in more than $2 per bag. I try to schedule the parties so a meal is not expected. The kids are fine with cake and ice cream. If they do choose a place that is priced per person, they really have to limit the numbers to keep within our price range. This year, I was surprised that my son's Chuck E. Cheese party was actually our cheapest party. We had 12 kids and most parents dropped the kids off and didn't stay. We try to cut corners with things like making our own invitations, limiting the "theme" party goods (kids are just as happy with solid color plates). The kids know that they have to stick with our budget. They help with the planning and guest list, but they know the list has to be really limited if they choose an expensive place or expensive activities.

Even with that budget (which seems like a lot, but I can't seem to get it much lower), I end up spending about $1000/year on birthdays, when you throw in some presents. Then, I get only a short breather before the holidays hit. I always have to brace myself for this time of year.

 

[crisi]

I am not sure if this has been covered before, but...Am I the only one who thinks that birthday parties have gotten completely out of hand?

It seems that each year, and with each child these parties get bigger and bigger and more and more costly. I, for one, flatly refuse to cater to this trend. Each child is allowed to invite 9 friends (for an even 10 guest list) to the party (except one year one wanted to go to 6 flags she got to only invite 3) of their choice. Chuck-E-Cheese, bowling, skating, sleepover whatever...but 9 is the max. I have the "family party" on a separate day and it consists of family only over for cake and ice cream only.
I am polite about it. I mail out invitations, so that other children are not hurt by not being handed an invitation in school...yet still, I have gotten grief over this situation. I actually had a mother approach me and question me as to why her daughter was not invited to one of the kids parties, after all, she had invited MY daughter?! (the whole class was invited, so it really didn't make the invite special) I explained that for budgetary reasons (and my sanity, although I didn't say it ) I limit party size. Her response "I find that hard to believe, since your husband is a doctor! and I don't think it is right to teach your child to exclude others."

I was just wondering how others handled this party nonsense?

...and I only have one with a summer birthday!

Not that you can say this, but.....

"And I don't think its right that you feel you should be able to control my guest list - in fact, extraordinarly rude. Also rude to speculate on how much money we have. There, we are even."

We did invite my daughter's whole first grade class to her birthday, though I'm normally against that. Her birthday is two weeks after school starts. Last year we tried to have a few special friends - and she picked kids who had divorced parents and didn't do weekend birthdays. So I was throwing together guests at the last minute from the neighbor kids (most brought used gifts, which is great anyway) so she had someone at her party. So we invited 20 some kids and had eleven. In a few years I hope she has some special friends and we won't need to do this.

 

[jennifer293]

Our problem is not the kids it is our family...When we have a b-day party for our DD's they get so upset if we don't invite them. I hate going to b-day parties and I would think most adults my age or older would too but not these folks..

Luckily my DD's b-day is in the summer so we don't have to invite her whole class. I think as she gets older she will have her little click of friends and that will be who she will want with her everywhere...

DD2's b-day is in APril so we may have the class problem there!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I guess I am in the minority here. I LOVE big birthday parties for the kids!!! We try to be thrifty any way we can (I cook the food, we make decorations etc.) but I love a celebration. I don't do it to spoil my kids and yes I invite everyone. We do not expect gifts and if anyone asks what the kids need or want we tell them "nothing- just come and celebrate with us." My Mom always threw fun parties for us when we were kids (make your own pizza etc.) They were usually at home and they were awesome! I suppose I feel this way because we had alot of tragedy in my home growing up so we know how precious life is. I think that is part of the reason that I love to get everyone together to have a good time. Our parties are never about the material things- it's all about being with friends and family to celebrate - "boogie down in the boogie down Bronx!" as we say to the kids!

 

[wdwcoltsfan]

I guess I am in the minority here. I LOVE big birthday parties for the kids!!! We try to be thrifty any way we can (I cook the food, we make decorations etc.) but I love a celebration. I don't do it to spoil my kids and yes I invite everyone. We do not expect gifts and if anyone asks what the kids need or want we tell them "nothing- just come and celebrate with us." My Mom always threw fun parties for us when we were kids (make your own pizza etc.) They were usually at home and they were awesome! I suppose I feel this way because we had alot of tragedy in my home growing up so we know how precious life is. I think that is part of the reason that I love to get everyone together to have a good time. Our parties are never about the material things- it's all about being with friends and family to celebrate - "boogie down in the boogie down Bronx!" as we say to the kids!

I don't think this is the type of party people are referring to, of course I could be wrong. When I think of "big" parties, I think of the ones that cost hundreds of dollars. Parents who use professional party planners and try to outdo each other on what is in the goody bags. It becomes a big social event. Luckily, people in our area haven't really done this. However, I wouldn't do it anyway. I don't think it's necessary for kids to have a good time.


Rachel

 

[badblackpug]

We limit it to 9 guests, but not all my childrens friends are classmates, so that limits the "all but one kid in the class" problem. they go to a very small Friends school, so some of the guests are neigborhood friends, or friends of the family. This does not include the "family party" this is for friends only. We invite aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents over on a different day (usually the actual b-day) for just cake and ice cream after dinner. No big hoopla, no decorations.

I am not really bothered by the idea of a big party, per se. If I had 30 kids for hot dogs, hamburgers, cake and ice cream, in the back yard that would be fine, but that is not good enough. The last at home party we attended had not only the barbeque but a rented trampoline, moon bounce, DJ, magician, and dressed theme characters. We can't even get into the "goody bags" sometimes I feel like we are attending the Oscars! Not to mention it was a "Prince and Princess" thing so they wanted the guests to dress up! My issue is more with the elaborate stuff and sometimes the not so elaborate stuff is pretty darn pricey, and not worth the price at that! (Hello? Libby Lu? Are you listening? Hundreds of dollars to turn 6 year olds into mini hookers!)

Allow me an example: Libby Lu (the current desire here) the cheapest package is $22.50 per child. This includes a "make-over" some little gifts and a finale (some way to show off your make-over) This does not include any type of cake, or singing Happy Birthday stuff........

I guess it is easier with the older ones, all the girls want is sleepovers. A couple of pizzas, some chips, a cake, dollar store make-up, and DVDs and they amuse themselves.........

 

[minniebeth]

(Hello? Libby Lu? Are you listening? Hundreds of dollars to turn 6 year olds into mini hookers!) [/QUOTE]

My sentiments exactly.....

 

[newtowdw1]

I don't play with the Moms who compete. Well, actually my KIDS don't play with their kids, so we're all good. However, October and November are our big party months.

One bday party in 2 Saturdays at the local gymnastics place (they run it, parents watch, we give cake and icecream).About 12 kids. I got the Pez Cars dispensers as favors.

One Halloween party with 30 kids and their parents. EEK! That's a home-based party and we hire 4 teenage girls to help run it. Kids range from 3 to 9. Pray for good weather! Glow sticks as favors.

A church party in November for grades 3-5; they'll play games, make pizza, ice cookies, watch a movie. They'll get to take home cookies.

Then wrestling starts. And we have a few 'wrestling' parties, but as long as you feed these boys, they don't care about anything else!!They played DDR for hours last time!

 

[maxtomsmom]

We live in a well-off county, but we're not among them. Oh well, we have our health rather than wealth. Anyway, my DS5 has been invited to some extraordinary birthday parties that probably cost the price of $1,000. No kidding, it's ridiculous and of course while it's nice to be invited to these parties, we no way come near that. But, I guess when your father is some big CEO of a huge corporation, it's pennies in the bucket. I just think it's such a waste considering all the good that could be done with that money. By the way, we had DS last b-day in my tiny house with 10 kids (it poured that day . I made the cake, ordered pizza and had chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs. He chose dinosaurs as his theme and we did some great activities. I spent $150 which included everything. The kids had a great time, it was very organized with lots of fun activities including a dino egg hunt with over 200 eggs hidden throughout the downstairs of my house. Oriental trading company offers great inexpensive novelty toys. Parents had the option to drop their child off, which they really liked. Many of these expensive parties don't give that option. I made my peace with not being able to keep up the Jones, but when it comes down to it, who cares as long as my kids are happy. My son loved his party so much that he wants to do all his parties at home.

 

[jnordan]

I also love a party! I understand the budgeting concerns, though, and I agree that it's the spirit of it all that matters.

Maybe I'm just naive, but I always wonder where all these super-competetive places are. I live in a very "desireable" community just north of Boston, and even here I don't see the crazy parties, fighting over tooth and nail over preschools, etc. . . that you read about.

Anyways. . . My girls' birthdays are only 4 days apart. While they're young, we're just combining their party, which is great. We have the "multiple play-groups" problem, and I didn't know how to limit our guest list, so this year I opted to outsource the party. The total cost (keep in mind that it was a party for BOTH girls) was $375. It was at Pump It Up -- which is an "inflatable party zone", and included 2 hours of complete fun for about 25 kids, pizza, ice cream and beverages for kids and parents (I brought the cake), balloons, clean-up, plates, napkins, etc. I thought it was a pretty good deal! Last year we had the party in our backyard, which I do LOVE to do, but I'd say it cost almost as much (it was a plain old fashioned party, plus we hired a story-teller who came and told stories and made balloon animals) and was a TON of work both before and after!

Oh, because of the cost, after this year's party, I just didn't give goodie bags. And you know, if anything, I think most people appreciated it! I mean, usually it's really nothing you or the kid really wants, it gets very expensive, and . . . I just paid for all the kids to have an awesome time -- isn't that enough? I think so!

I'm just rambling here, so I'll go . . . But I'd say be considerate, but don't get caught up in the competition. That's just not what life shoud be about!

 

[LaraK]

My kids aren't even in school yet, they're in day care and the parents are already trying to outdo each other! We live about 45 miles from where the kids go to day care (near where I work), so I only let them go to thier very close friends parties or the neighborhood kids party. On the flip side, I invited both of their classes to their birthday party this summer. However, I'm lucky. I live in a community on the Chesapeake Bay, so we did a pizza beach party. A big treat for the kids from the city. I spent maybe $150. Again, I'm lucky because my kids birthdays are 5 days apart.

 

[#1 Pocahontas]

Boy, that woman had some nerve!! That was rude! I don't know what I would have said or done, I would have been in shock.


I personally love throwing big parties. I love to go all out (in fun, not money). Just form hearing comments I gather that people think I spend a lot on them, so not the case. I just plan months ahead and search for deals. I always search the sale racks and the dollar stores for party supplies. I also like to make my own things like; candy wrappers, invites, posters..... But I get that not every parent likes throwing/hosting parties.

After my dd's last party a mom stopped me at school and said (very friendly) "Wow, I can't compete with that". I didn't say anything but that is not my intention at all and it made me uncomfortable that she said that. I would never want to compete with someone, I do for two reasons only. #1 my kids, and #2 I truly enjoy doing it. My dd just gives me a theme and I try to make it the most fun I can. Every party is fun though. My dd has had fun at really detailed parties and at parties where they were just left to play in the back yard.

O.K. I think I am getting off topic...sorry.

 

[emma'smom]

Wow...around here the only thing that stands out is which moms make the cupcakes and which mom buy them at the store!

We have always had dd4's parties at home. However, I can see the benefit of outsourcing...they are so much work! The only options for outsourcing are-

cooking party
paint your own pottery party
art center party
movie party
swimming pool party


I wish we had more options as these are repeated...and repeated!

 

[kaysmommie]

I completely agree with you. I have three children and my two oldest, DS4 and DD6, go to this type of party every month. These birthday are never held in peoples homes and I think the price per child is around $25.00 to start with usually 30 kids attending, plus I think they charge $10 per adult that attends with the child. Last year there was a party that my DD went to at the American Girl Cafe in NYC, she went in a limo and received the Bitty Baby doll as a party favor. All my children have spring birthdays (March, April & May) so I put away money all year and we go on a family vacation, the past two years was Disney and this year possibly the Bahamas. We also do the simple family party with the grandparents, and that is about it.

This is a great idea. I would love any excuse to go Disney or the Bahamas for that matter. These birthdays parties can cost well over $400 and then you have to go to all the other parties at about $20 per gift. It gets very costly.

 

[java]

Well I do it both ways I guess. My older 2 (12 and 9) invite fewer friends and we do something special- DS this year took 4 to an amusement park(and all 4 have done similar things with the boys..they all love it and have a blast- some have annual passes so it is really not a huge expense day) my 9 year old this year took 4 girls with us to the great wolf lodge- a bigger thing than I would normally do-but we have 2 little boys at home as well as 2 dogs and a sleepover at home is just not doable for little girls..so the great wolf lodge it was... And they had a blast! It was tons of fun and she took her closest friends. I explained that this was a one shot deal for dd(she didn't have a party last year we did a special family thing instead) I ended up getting a great deal on the room so the entire thing cost less than a normal party at a party place would have. Now my soon to be 4 year old is not having a friend party- he just started school and I don't want to start the party thing with the school crowd since he only really has expressed interest in one of the boys. We are going to the park with him instead. And that works for him. We will celebrate it with just our immediate family. Party big time and make it special but it doesn't have to be huge to be fun. (heck just us is huge ...4 children lol)

 

[badblackpug]

I agree, the little ones and the big ones are really easy. To preschoolers/todllers a party is a party! 10 family members giving gifts! Cake? Ice cream? Woo Hoo! The bigger ones (about 4th grade on) are easy, too. They just want a sleepover. Pizza, chips, cake, make-up, DVD's and donuts for the morning...they amuse themselves!
It's the in-betweeners, the k-3rd set. All their little buddies have these big parties, skating, bowling, Chuck-E-Rat, FunZone, Dave and Busters, and my all time nemesis Libby Lu @#$%!!!! These are the things where expense gets really high, and where the guest list needs to be really limited.
...Hey the new thing in our area is the "Hotel Party" where you rent a suite for the night for a sleepover, the kids use the indoor pool and order room service...........yeah, right, like that will happen!