OT- It's that time of year again- School Bullies

[WildGrits]

I going to assume that I must be WAY over protective.

Your child has been hit? That's and Assult.

Your child has had her lunch box taken from her? That's Theft.

I would call the police and file a complaint. Then I would call the school and file a complaint. And my child would not be waiting for the bus again until this child was removed from the bus stop.

And I would let the school aware that if this was not remedied swiftly, they can expect to first hear from my lawyer and secondly from the local press. It wouldn't go over well for a local article about how unsafe it is for kids to wait at a bus stop.

I have no patience for school who think it is still 1970 when it comes to both my children's education, ie IEPs, and safety. Bullying is NO JOKE!!!!

 

[PrincessHeart]

Tit for tat is the only way i'm afraid.

Tell your little girl to give as good as she gets.

I have told my dd to hit anyone who hits her harder than they have hit her as most kids are smaller than her anyway.

The only problem with this is that your child will also get in trouble. It's the whole zero tolerance policy. This is why the parent needs to be involved. I tell my children that hitting back is the last resort. You tried to talk or walk away. If a kid hits you, you go get an adult. You don't strike back, unless he is hitting you and you can't get away. This is important for my son as he studies Tae Kwon Do and could probably hurt someone. We are very lucky that our school is proactive about bullying. We have not encountered anything remotely like bulling and this is our third year at the school.

 

[Gillian]

It's so hard to watch these things happen to our kids! I hope the letter writing works for you. There were problems in my son's old school and not much was done. I don't know what level the parents took it to.

Agreed with other posters that self defense or martial arts might be good. The 7 year old girls at my son't tae kwon do school love it! They do really well and have a lot of self confidence. They teach respect for others, kindness, community service, and a lot of other good values. Research the different schools, watch the classes to see how things are run.

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

We've had to deal w/the same thing except it wasn't physical it was verbal. Intimidation w/words not physically threatening but constant negative comments and harassment. We've dealt w/the parents and lets just say some parents don't want to face the facts - their kids are bullies!!! In our situation I firmly believe their parents think we're lying - its really upsetting. Their children act like perfect little angels when Mom & Dad are around but when they're not watch out! These boys have even done it in front of me & DH - total disrespect!

I sent a letter to them last school year saying it better stop because the next time it happens I am off to the school. It stopped but in the summertime, this kid started up again. It was stopped by a visit w/their parents - which they deny the whole thing. They don't have any problems w/any other families! They weren't even there!!!!! AS USUAL!!!!!!! They didn't say it but I truly feel they think we're lying. Well - the kids have not said anything else lately. I'm not messing around if it happens again - to the school I will go w/o a warning to them.

I wish my DS8 would trample them - its not right but down deep I wish that would happen. My DS8 is considerably bigger and could squash them both but he doesn't have the attitude. He wouldn't want to hurt them. And I feel so guilty hoping that he would do that because I've never felt this way about children before. Its really upsetting.

Remember you are not alone and go to the school and if that doesn't work the police. Our children have a right to feel safe at school - there should be no tolerance for bullying. Good luck!

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

I never can comprehend how parents think their kids are sweet and perfect ALL of the time. I think every child has the ability to act out- and if ANYONE came to my door and said my DD or DS were misbehaving, I'd apologize profusely and deal with them as soon as the person left. Now- there might be MORE to the story, but if my kid hurt another kid, emotionally or physically, there would be some explaining needing done!

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

I never can comprehend how parents think their kids are sweet and perfect ALL of the time. I think every child has the ability to act out- and if ANYONE came to my door and said my DD or DS were misbehaving, I'd apologize profusely and deal with them as soon as the person left. Now- there might be MORE to the story, but if my kid hurt another kid, emotionally or physically, there would be some explaining needing done!

Amen! I wish every parent had this attitude.

 

[Mickey'sfriend]

Tit for tat is the only way i'm afraid.

Tell your little girl to give as good as she gets.

I have told my dd to hit anyone who hits her harder than they have hit her as most kids are smaller than her anyway.

You are kidding, right?????

 

[htw]

I am a retired school administrator and have seen different types of "bullying". I'm afraid I can't agree that changing to a private school is the answer as some have suggested. It has been my experience that it goes on there as well in a big way. The bullying there might be less physical - more emotional. Who has what, who are the popular ones, who traveled the fartherest, who gets the I-phone first, who gets the hottest toy/thing first, - that kind of thing.

One of the things that experience has taught me is that family values play a big part in what causes the bullying and how it is handled best. The old "kids will be kids" is still very prominant in today's thinking in some families. After meeting with bullies and their families for years and in different situations, I have learned that many parents just don't insist that their children treat others with kindness, respect, and tolerance and have meaningful consequences when these rules are broken. This is a constant battle for schools now. The ones who are successful have programs in place to address the situations such as yours. Just think about the tragedies in schools in the last few years and most of them had some bullying as a triggering factor or past history. Ask for help and be your child biggest advocate. Good Luck!

 

[PrincessHeart]

I never can comprehend how parents think their kids are sweet and perfect ALL of the time. I think every child has the ability to act out- and if ANYONE came to my door and said my DD or DS were misbehaving, I'd apologize profusely and deal with them as soon as the person left. Now- there might be MORE to the story, but if my kid hurt another kid, emotionally or physically, there would be some explaining needing done!

This is so true. My DS is usually very sensitive and caring. Last year at school he poked his good friend with a pencil (eraser end) in the stomach b/c the friend was celebrating defeating DS in some game. That was totally out of character for him, but he was very honest about what happened. His reasoning was "well, it was the eraser end!" He got a lecture and a total media blackout (no tv, video games or computer) for that one (that is absolutely this worst thing he can imagine - wish that worked on DD). All kids act out at some point. No kid is perfect.

 

[Caitsmama]

Wow, thats tough.. 7 seems so young for all this! My dd is 6 (almost 7) and if she EVER comes home with stories like this, that you have been dealing with, you bet i would somehow find out where this kid lives, and contact her/his parents as well as the principal and/or superintendent. I will NOT tolerate someone treating my girl like that!

However, i have to ask...... she walks to the bus stop down the street by herself?? I know it's not the topic here, but that seems a lil bit to young to be doing that.. you never know who would be watching or waiting there.. too many wierdos there. We just had a letter sent home to all parents about an attempted abduction of a middle school student when she got off the bus, he tried to lure her to her car. She wasn't harmed, and ran off ... but it's scary to think what could have happened, and there is no way i would let my dd walk to the bus stop by herself. Personally i would suggest you go with her everyday.
And when you do see this other girl, talk to her.. I don't agree with trying to befriend her, to me that would be hard,after knowing how she treated your dd -- but i would let her know that I knew what was going on, and that i wouldn't tolerate it -- dont' be shy -- ask her where SHE lives, and her parents names. IF she won't tell you, get the info from the school if you can.. there is definately a way if you want to..

 

[mommytobug]

I am a retired school administrator and have seen different types of "bullying". I'm afraid I can't agree that changing to a private school is the answer as some have suggested. It has been my experience that it goes on there as well in a big way. The bullying there might be less physical - more emotional. Who has what, who are the popular ones, who traveled the fartherest, who gets the I-phone first, who gets the hottest toy/thing first, - that kind of thing.

One of the things that experience has taught me is that family values play a big part in what causes the bullying and how it is handled best. The old "kids will be kids" is still very prominant in today's thinking in some families. After meeting with bullies and their families for years and in different situations, I have learned that many parents just don't insist that their children treat others with kindness, respect, and tolerance and have meaningful consequences when these rules are broken. This is a constant battle for schools now. The ones who are successful have programs in place to address the situations such as yours. Just think about the tragedies in schools in the last few years and most of them had some bullying as a triggering factor or past history. Ask for help and be your child biggest advocate. Good Luck!

I have to agree with you also disagree. I do think a small private school offers an entirely different setting.........yes, there is bullying everywhere, but things that happen at our public school here do not come close to what happens at private. I would love to send my child to public school, but cant. I went to a public school and my neice and nephew go to a wonderful public school. Just remember that as you are talking about differences in backgrounds of kids, there are also vast differences in schools........public or private.

 

[nessz79]

I feel for your little one! 7 is very young.

I know it is hard when those kids are so mean! You wish all parents would be there to teach their kids how to behave. I agree that there are many positive avenues you can take. I would never allow my little ones to be put in harms way... their safety comes first. When my DS (who is now 16 ) was little we experienced a bully. This was a large-for-his-age boy.... he was a bully to everyone! Of course it came time for my son. We talked at lengths about this... and we decided to take different approaches. We did talk with the principal/teachers.... the father was alerted to the childs actions. The one thing we had my son do was to try to be nice to the kid.... (not suck-up Ill do whatever you want kind of nice) Well, it actually worked. This kid calmed somewhat... he was usually partnered with our son because he did so well with him. (Good role-model) well, 5 years later, this same young man finally shared with our son some of his family life. Dad was a very strong presence, but mom had taken her life in front of him the year of his 'bullying'. This boy shared it with our son because he knew he would not be made fun of and our son would not 'tell everyone'. This young man is a good (11th grader) now, and is still friends with our son. Sometimes it works... we don't always know what it going on in their lives.

It is not always easy being strong! Knowing she has support at home can be all the difference for your DD! I wish you the best... and keep us updated. Let your daughter know that their are more people that are bullied then bullies... she is not alone!

Oh my gosh, what an inspirational story!!! Thanks for sharing!

I do think that bullies are often bullies because something is wrong. Usually not just because. Not that it excuses their behavior in the least bit, but it's always reassuring to know that there is a reason behind their actions.

 

[chipndales]

My ten year old daughter had to deal with a boy last year who was actually physical with not only her, but several kids. When I was a kid, boys who hit girls were picked on by other boys. It just wasn't done! I don't understand the breakdown of kids now, honestly.

But I agree, you do have to get involved. There's another boy my daughter has had problems with since first grade. Mind you, they haven't been in class at all until this year again, but he still manages to get her with verbal threats and last year, on the playground, he made a sexual comment to her. When I found out he was in her class this year, I made sure to call the teacher first day of school and lay it all out on the line. She told me that I am my daughters biggest advocate and thanked me for informing her.

The bottom line is this. If the school doesn't take care of it, and parent to parent calls don't help, the police will be called. My daughter deserves a safe place to learn and socialize, without fear or anxiety. If anyone touched my child, it would be turned over to the police as an assault. If grade schools can't control these children, what will happen at a high school level.

Of course I try other routes first, but if all else fails, and if I have problems this year, that's my plan of action.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

Well, when I can SEE the bus stop from my backyard- it's really not 'down the street' per se. It's less then a 2 minute walk from the house and she walks with a 4th grade friend- unfortunately, the friend shouldn't have to run interference between this bratty girl and my own child

 

[Caitsmama]

Ok, i guess that makes more sense.. Personally, i still wouldn't do it, but i guess it does make more sense..

I would still say to go with her -- at least a couple times, so YOU can do the interfering. As i said, you should fully make this girl aware that you know the problem, and that you will be contacting her parents and the principal/police if it continues.

 

[badblackpug]

Well, when I can SEE the bus stop from my backyard- it's really not 'down the street' per se. It's less then a 2 minute walk from the house and she walks with a 4th grade friend- unfortunately, the friend shouldn't have to run interference between this bratty girl and my own child

I don't think that it is unreasonable for a 7 year old to walk to the bus stop with other kids.

I had posted this before, but the board ate my post.

Bullies are often bullies when there is no authority figure around. Usually on the playground or the cafeteria or the bus where they can be out of sight of adults for a time period. Here are my suggestions.

Ask the us driver if your daughter can sit up front where she can be seen by him/her.

Try to time her arriva at the bus stop to minimize "wait time."

Meet your daughter after school at the bus stop. Try this technique.

"Hi, Bully, I am Mrs. Soandso, Susie's mom." "Susie and I would like to walk home with you today. I would like to meet your mom or dad so that we can talk about the problems you girls are having getting along." Be very non confontational and saccharine sweet. If the child gives you an excuse such as a sitter just sweetly say: "That's okay, we will walk with you anyway and I will leave a note with the sitter for your parents, so that we can set up a time to get together and talk."

Try to meet with the parents and discuss the issue. If they refuse or are unreasonable go to the school. Continue up the chain of command at the school until the problem is appropriately addressed.

Also, check to see if your school has a "bully prevention program." Unfortunately some kids, through no fault of their own, are just targets for bullying, much like the lion weeding out the limping antelope! These programs teach kids techniques to use to difuse bullies and to avoid being a victim of bullying in the future.

 

[grlpwrd]

You really need to take action by filing police reports and by getting the school/adminstration involved...and yes, by making your presence known and being involved. You also might want to file reports with the bus department or company because school policies often have a policy that if a child breaks school or bus rules (even at the bus stop or en route) then their parent must get them to school. Surely, this is going to get her parents more accountable.

Last year my oldest dd was being harrassed on the bus. She is in high school. She was called Jew and other names. Just stupid stuff....and get this ... she is multiracial like me so I couldn't figure why the namecalling and even the animosity. They were 2 guys just being punks. I was prepared to take action. She was 15yo last year and let her handle it first because she wanted it that way, but your dd is younger. She needs you more than ever.

Please be her advocate and take action. Nip it in the bud before it gets worse...

GL!

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

This is not exactly a response to the OP, but to other parents who have this problem.

It is important that the classroom teacher establishes a "non-bullying" atmosphere amongst his/her students. To the parents who say that bullying can occur on the playground, or somewhere where students are not well supervised...I understand this.

However...a teacher can establish a certain atmosphere that can definitely help! It seems that many students are not taught some basics at home, and it is the teachers job to help students learn. Teachers can talk about bullies, and what to do when bullying occurs. They can role play with students: "Okay, you are on the playground. Chris starts saying hurtful things to Josh, and doesn't stop when Josh asks him to. How can we stop that?" Students might suggest that when they are nearby, they could run and get a teacher. Or, they could also ask Chris to stop as well. Teachers can explain that one kid might not be able to stop a bully, but a group of strong and smart kids will be able to. Though they may not act like it, students listen and usually want to impress teachers they like. Just by learning the signs of bullying, and by all students agreeing to help stop it in their class, amazing things may happen when a bully starts acting up.

This thread has actually inspired me to have some sort of discussion with my kids this week. Yes, I teach music, but it's amazing what you can teach with music! One of my rules is "Respect others," and we talk about how that includes the teachers (or any adults), other students, and the instruments. I'm sure I can think of a way to tie that in. Bullying is probably my BIGGEST pet peeve in the school, and I will help stop it any way I can!!!

Sorry that was a lot of rambling....I've been lesson planning for the last few hours and I'm going bonkers!!!

 

[rjan67]

I never can comprehend how parents think their kids are sweet and perfect ALL of the time. I think every child has the ability to act out- and if ANYONE came to my door and said my DD or DS were misbehaving, I'd apologize profusely and deal with them as soon as the person left. Now- there might be MORE to the story, but if my kid hurt another kid, emotionally or physically, there would be some explaining needing done!

Totally agree! It would be dealt with very seriously at my house if this were my kids! I would just also agree with those who have stated to put it in writing. I would still definitely speak with the principal and let them know if you feel that strongly that you are notifying the superintendent. I would just liken that to my child being suspended for being a bully without ever getting wind of it. I'm sure they would want to be made aware before a call from the superintendent's office.

 

[lpandorf]

I've been reading all the responses and getting some good ideas, as well. I have a 7 year old daughter and suddenly this year we are dealing with mean kids and bullying. I know kids can be mean but thought this type of stuff was a few years off - closer to middle school. My daughter is in 2nd grade and reading at a much higher level and she is getting bothered because of that. She plays soccer but some of her friends are in cheerleading and they do cheers at recess. Well, now that my daughter is not on the official squad they tell her to go away. And worse, they tell her she is ugly and her hairstyle is not fit for a cheerleader. Then they told her her Mom is ugly, her brother looks like a girl (he has naturally curly hair we keep cut short but they make fun of the curls) and the worst, her Dad walks with a cane, and they said they would kick it so it he would fall down.

I am at a loss of what to do as last year in first grade everything seemed so nice. The kids all played. She went to all the birthday parties and we invited all the girls in her class to ours. Did not matter who was in soccer or cheerleading, etc, they just all played together. But she has a new class and some different kids and a few just seem plain mean.

Now my daughter is saying she is feeling bad about herself and feels ugly. I hate to think these kids will squash her self esteem as she's a very friendly child and not fearful to try new things or join in. My biggest fear is that this meanness will change her outgoing, friendly personality.