OT: How should a 'normal' 3 year old behave?

[SmallWorld71]

Lots of good advice on here. I don't know where 2 year olds got their bad name from, because in my opinion they are so much easier than 3 and 4 year olds.

Sounds like you have a strong-willed child who wants to be in control all the time. (Which is normal.) One thing that has helped with my very strong-willed daughter is to give her control whenever possible in a way that works out for everyone. For example, "Do you want to wear a dress or pants today? Do you want milk or juice to drink? Should I make the rice or noodles with our supper? etc...." If you give kids control over the things that don't matter so much, they will try to exert less contol over other things.

By the way, my boys trained easily. My daughter told me point blank that she didn't want to. Nothing would change her mind so I let the issue drop. A couple months after her third birthday she said she was ready now. That day she put on the underwear and that was the end of it. She was trained. She just needed to do it on her own terms. And don't worry, I teach 1st grade and all the kids are trained.

 

[wilderness01]

Having a 2 vessel cord would have nothing to do with behavior and everything to do with her cardiac function. I'm sure they did a thorough workup on her at birth.

She just sounds like any other normal 3 year old who is having some control issues. Set the boundaries a little firmer and pick your battles. Some are not worth fighting. My youngest was very head strong. My others weren't so it was a new experience for me. Hang in there, it gets better as they get closer to 4.

 

[Ellielovesdisney]

Sounds just like DD when she was three. She was also an angel when 2...still good when 3, just pushed every line she could. We were just consistent, rewarded good behavior with sticker charts, and didn't lose our tempers. She is 4 now and getting much better...Keep your spirits up (and don't worry about the 2 vessel cord, I can't imagine what that NP was talking about)

 

[texaslover]

Can I just say that she is perfectly normal but don't think that because kid's act out and challenge authority regularly that it is ok to let her get away with it!!!??

I am a teacher and see how important it is for parents to teach their children respect and to follow rules. Just because they don't want to do something or refuse doesn't mean you don't make them! The kids that struggle most in school are the ones that have never been made to do anything they don't want to or worked with in an academic sense. Meaning, parents didn't sit down and spend time teaching and letting them know that there are times to work and times to play.

I have a 9 almost 10 year old and he is the greatest kid ever. But I worked on it! He sat in corners, did extra chores, got sent to his room, etc. Now, if something happens, he knows I mean business. No fighting, whining, etc. He messes up, he takes his punishment which is always a natural consequence.

And just a note on potty training. My DS didn't tell me or show me that he didn't "want" to do it, or "feel" ready. When I saw that he could do it developmentally I took off the diapers and that was that. He was expected to go in the potty (2.4 years). We had 3 or 4 days where we worked on it and I showed him what was expected (he had an accident he helped me wash/dry/fold his underwear, etc.) and took him frequently. If I said try to go he HAD to try to go, otherwise we would just sit in the bathroom. Believe me, I could have outsat him as one day we were there 2 hours! But we had it down in a week with no lasting problems and no ill effects!!!

 

[WantToGoNow]

My son was a very easy 3; my daughter - oh my! She just turned 4 last weekend so hopefully it will be ending soon. She listens when she wants to listens and we she doesn't... Does your daughter pay attention in the classes when you're in there? If so, it may be the "freedom" to do what she wants when you're not. Arika is demanding, wants everything her way, pushy, she started talking back but when that got results she didn't want now she just rolls her eyes (not much better) and at times she physically persuades her 6 y/o brother (and I'm sure smaller kids but I don't witness that) to do what SHE wants. I think it's the age -- especially with girls. I know a couple of others with girls this age that are having the same issues.

 

[lclark0621]

Now granted I am not qualified to say if another kids is normal or not. I am just a Mom.

But I always said "Anyone who said 'terrible twos' never had a 3 year old!".

Two was a breeze for us. But when my DS turned 3, he really started expressing himself & testing limits. It was like he finally realized he had some control in the world & wanted to see what he could do with it!

He is always a joy & a good boy, but man did he become stubborn! I am so happy he is now 4.

Your DD sounds just fine to me.

 

[Sophie_2003]

Can I just say it feels great to have a thread like this, because our spirited kids sometimes makes us wonder what we are doing wrong?

DD has had clothes control issues since just after her 3rd bday. We live in a Northern climate. She hates cold, snow, socks. loves dresses but not tights. No jeans, only sweatpants. No socks with the anti-skid markers uderneath. No slippers...I started to fight it, but now I pick my battles. We were at WDW last week and she wore the same outfit three days straight (I rinsed it in the sink at night).

Some things you let go, others you fight (rude behavior, etc) with consequences. But boy sometimes they're tough little guys & girls!

 

[K8T]

Can I just say it feels great to have a thread like this, because our spirited kids sometimes makes us wonder what we are doing wrong?

DD has had clothes control issues since just after her 3rd bday. We live in a Northern climate. She hates cold, snow, socks. loves dresses but not tights. No jeans, only sweatpants. No socks with the anti-skid markers uderneath. No slippers...I started to fight it, but now I pick my battles. We were at WDW last week and she wore the same outfit three days straight (I rinsed it in the sink at night).

Some things you let go, others you fight (rude behavior, etc) with consequences. But boy sometimes they're tough little guys & girls!

You have no worries, everything normal from the sound of things! My daughter, turned three end of September, was the easiest two year old, but in the last couple of months, she has become strongwilled and challenging at times yet others the most delightful child!!!

I agree with the above, pick your fights, if it doesn't matter, then don't worry about it, but if you feel strongly about something, be prepared to follow it through and have a consequence.

Today in the Uk is was just above freezing and dd decided she didn't want her coat on, I asked twice to put her coat on and got the negative, so she went out without it, within a few minutes she was asking for it......

We are going on the Wonder in the middle of Jan and I am dreading dinner!!!! More often than not she is fine, but if she gets crabby, then it could be a nightmare and we are on second sitting!!!

All normal then!

Kate

 

[princesspwrhr]

Like someone else said - Whoever coined 'Terrible Twos' never had a 3 year old!

My oldest was trying as a 3 yo, my middle (will be 4 very soon) is also trying, mostly becuase her 'thing' is to scream bloody murder at everything when she's unhappy, not getting her way, wants something else, isn't the center of attention..... but honestly she's the sweetest child! LOL My youngest...well I once heard someone say 'God gave me patience and then gave me my youngest to test it!' That SO describes my just turned 3 yo. Wow, she's beyond trying, she's more than a handful, she could wear out a saint. She's like the characters Eloise, Oliva, Tinkerbell, Fudge, Gollem, Junie B, David and Peeves all rolled into one constantly moving Hydrogen atom. She too can be sweet as pie and is a loving child, but she's also clingy, adament, obnoxious, demanding, self centered, full of energy, loud, self rightous, and stubburn. But I love her to peices.

When she gets in one of her moods, she won't listen to anyone and the best remedy for HER is to physically remove her from a situation until she calms her self down or screams herself into exhaustion. She has to be left alone and shown that her tantrum is not going to provide the results she wants. With my oldest the best remedy was to leave the situation altogether. She never believed I would leave the grocery store because of her fit until I did it, didn't think I'd pull the truck over if she unbuckled until I did it, didn't think we'd leave Grandmas's house etc. So for my oldest once she knew that we meant what we said, things weren't so bad, but she had to test *everything*. My middle generally just needs somewhere calm to go. Somewhere where she can have a little space and regroup- and it's all the better if that space is on my lap with a book. We've also learned to notice all the girls warning 'signs' - when they're getting tired, hungry or overwhelmed we can gauge how long we have till total meltdown and hopefully adjust things to avoid it.



As the saying goes - this to shall pass.

But it will come back with puberty. It's starting all over again with my oldest.

 

[tl_swift]

Sounds like my three children. I never had a problem with the two's it was the three's!!! I always said that at two they are trying to figure out how much power they have in the world and at three they now know and use it!! Happy to say they are now DD-16, DS-15 & DS-9 we lived through it and are now on to bigger things like learning how to drive.

 

[teresajoy]

I have not posted much on this board, but I have been reading some threads today and seen so much good advice, I thought I would post. Here's my story, and I would love some advice because I have been become a little nervous that my dd may have attention problems- but it may be just normal behavior! I don't have many mom friends to ask, so I appreciate your input.

I guess the first part of the story is that dd had a 2 vessel umbilical cord, and most of my doctors said that it should have no impact on her, but one nurse practitioner said "We'll never really know if it had an impact until she is school age". IMagine saying that to a pregnant woman- and that is a worry that I always had in the back of my head, but as dd developed, and was above average in speaking and other skills, I thought that she was ok. She loves talking to people and is very social and shares well, etc. She is so advanced verbally and with other cognitive skills that I actually thought that I would put her into school early- but now I definately see that emotionally she is not ready.

Well, we were very fortunate in that the 2s were wonderful- minimal tantrums etc. But she just turned three in October, and let me tell you, the strong-willed ness has begun, bigtime. But what is really making me worry is that she can not listen in different classes I have her in. I put her into tumbling on her own, and she misbehaved so badly she acutally had to be 'put back' into a mommy-and-me class. Now, in swim she just graduated into an independent class, but she is having problems listening there as well!

So the problem she has is listening in these classes. She will pay attnetion for a while, and then stop listening when they get to something that she does not want to do. She will then go off and do her own thing. Is this normal for a 3 year old?

In addition, at home she has become so stubborn. Potty training is just at a standstill. I have to hold her down now to get her to brush her teeth. Her dad is very stubborn as well, so maybe it is genetic? But combining this with her listening problems has me worried... and I worry maybe it is because of the 2 vessel cord. I hope it is just that she is strong willed. Lately though she has been testing my patience to the max!

Sometimes I think maybe we have not been strict enough- I do set limits, and do time outs when she misbehaves, but my mom watches her during the day and I think she spoils her a bit.

So tell me, what do you think- does she sound normal for a 3 year old? Am I worrying for nothing?

I am curious what all the other moms think- thanks for reading my long post, and let me know if you have any questions!
Noelle

This really sounds like normal 3 year old behavior. Have you ever heard the term, Terrible twos, but TRYING threes? Three year olds are headstrong and stubborn! They are also a lot of fun, because they are really starting to think for themselves. Just because a child doesn't listen in these type of classes is absolutely no indication of how they will do in real school. Arminda had ballet class when she was 4-5. She did not listen AT ALL! It was bad! I thought we were really in for it when she started school shortly after stopping the classes. However, she was a completely different child in her kindergarten class. She didn't talk out of turn, and listened PERFECTLY! She is in 4th grade now, and we have never had any type of behavior problems reported form her teachers. Every teacher has told us that she is a model student. I was SOOO worried though, before she started school that she was going to get into so much trouble for not being able to control herself!

It sounds like your daughter is completely normal for a three year old, don't worry.

 

[reginaastralis]

I haven't read everything yet ... but my mom swears my daughter is darn, what's it called ... oppositional defiant disorder. Or something like that. My mom is a third grade teacher, my dd is three *well, almost* so I really feel like my mom is trying to label her. If you tell Juliette to sit down, she stands up. If you tell her to smile, she will close her eyes and look away from the camera.

The best is at school, if they are trying to get her to do something, and she doesn't want to ... she'll go into the corner of the room and do #2. She does #2 b/c it's harder for them to clean up. At first, part of the problem was that they were making a HUGE deal of her doing #2 in her panties. Now, they change her and don't fuss. She's pretty much stopped it *thank goodness!*

Something that we've done is seriously change the way we speak to her. If I want her to get dressed, and she doesn't want to ... I take her clothes away and hide them. This upsets her so much, that she comes to me asking to get dressed.

After I read, if I can help, other than give you a couple of laughs ... I'll post more. At least she's not pooping in her panties to get at you.

 

[reginaastralis]

Now that I've read all the posts ... I think there is something in the Disney water. WOW ... we have some strong willed children.

I call my daughter driven, it's going to sound better on a job application one day that "OMG, the most stubborn, deaf little child you've ever met."

Also, listening ears have really worked for us. She actually puts her fingers on and pretends to turn her ears back on. I have no idea where she learns this stuff!

I don't know about you ... but my dd isn't three yet, and she's outsmarting me already. I see an all girl boarding school in my future.

 

[hsmamato2]

a good gauge for checking out 'normal' kid behavior is Gramma....
seriously, modern day 'experts' have us all worried that every little behavior of our kids is a 'sign' of worse things to come,when Gramma (previous generation) will gently assure us that little Jimmy(or whoever) is 'just like his daddy at that age....'
3 years old,IMO,was always WAY tougher than 2,b/c they progress from naughty 2,but not really understanding why they're naughty,to VERY naughty 3,and pushing every known limit,they're like mini teens at 3!
(minus the biting phase my ds went through,hopefully )
have fun! 3 is wild,but oh so sweet and fleeting too!

 

[Nom]

THANK YOU so much for all of your comments- you have seriously made me feel so much better. Honestly, I was really worked up thinking she had ADD or something before I posted- I am so glad that I did!

Our biggest struggle right now is teeth brushing. She had 4 cavaties at her first dental apt at 2. Since then, we have switched to flouride toothpaste and gotten really anal about brushing am and pm and chewing sugarfree gum between meals. Well, last checkup she had no cavaties. yay! But for the past 2 weeks when it is time to brush teeth she clamps her mouth shut after saying 'cats don't brush teeth' (she is obsessed with cats). I have tried explaining that cats get their teeth brushed at the vet, explaining that she may get cavaties again if she does not brush, bribing, and letting her pick toothpaste (she hates them all except non-flouride ones). Now I literally have to hold her head in a vice grip and brush her teeth. it is really unpleasant. Any suggestions from other moms of strong-willed kids?

Others have suggested not making her brush and having her deal with the consequences, or going back to the non-flouride toothpaste she likes better, but I think it is bad parenting to not take care of her teeth! I welcome any ideas!

 

[K8T]

THANK YOU so much for all of your comments- you have seriously made me feel so much better. Honestly, I was really worked up thinking she had ADD or something before I posted- I am so glad that I did!

Our biggest struggle right now is teeth brushing. She had 4 cavaties at her first dental apt at 2. Since then, we have switched to flouride toothpaste and gotten really anal about brushing am and pm and chewing sugarfree gum between meals. Well, last checkup she had no cavaties. yay! But for the past 2 weeks when it is time to brush teeth she clamps her mouth shut after saying 'cats don't brush teeth' (she is obsessed with cats). I have tried explaining that cats get their teeth brushed at the vet, explaining that she may get cavaties again if she does not brush, bribing, and letting her pick toothpaste (she hates them all except non-flouride ones). Now I literally have to hold her head in a vice grip and brush her teeth. it is really unpleasant. Any suggestions from other moms of strong-willed kids?

Others have suggested not making her brush and having her deal with the consequences, or going back to the non-flouride toothpaste she likes better, but I think it is bad parenting to not take care of her teeth! I welcome any ideas!

I had a similar thing with my daughter 3 yrs 3 months. Of course you cannot not brush her teeth, cavities are not the sort of consequence you want her to have!

Basically, I said she needed to brush and if she didn't then no sweets or chocolate the next day - to be honest, most days she doesn't have either, but she doesn't realise that. Then one evening when she refused, I just said fine, no chocolate tomorrow and the next day, I made a point of going to buy some chocolate and then saying 'Oh but you didn't clean your teeth did you' and put it back on the shelf.

She was so shocked, but that evening she cleaned her teeth on her own and I made a huge fuss, called daddy to say how good she had done them and gave her a sticker. The next day she bought a new toothbursh - with Tigger on it - and although always needs coaxing, we now get the job done without a struggle. When she doesn't want to, I very often give her a choice 'do you want to clean them yourself, or shall I' it sort of gives her control - which is what she craves and she will usually choose herself!


Best of luck!

Kate

p.s Just wanted to add that cats don't brush their teeth, as their diet, chewing on bones and stuff, does it for them. Domestic cats have horrendous tooth problems, because they are fed a lot of mushy foods and don't crunch like they should, therefore you CAN get special toothpaste and brushes, or finger top brushes, to do it for them.

By the way, the biggest thing that cats came into the clinic for was to have teeth removed due to decay, from poor diet!! Not that you want to scare her with that, but you could just say that poor cats can't clean their own teeth and subsequently get lots of problems, and and how lucky we are to be able to do ours and do theirs for them!

 

[Stephres]

THANK YOU so much for all of your comments- you have seriously made me feel so much better. Honestly, I was really worked up thinking she had ADD or something before I posted- I am so glad that I did!

Our biggest struggle right now is teeth brushing. She had 4 cavaties at her first dental apt at 2. Since then, we have switched to flouride toothpaste and gotten really anal about brushing am and pm and chewing sugarfree gum between meals. Well, last checkup she had no cavaties. yay! But for the past 2 weeks when it is time to brush teeth she clamps her mouth shut after saying 'cats don't brush teeth' (she is obsessed with cats). I have tried explaining that cats get their teeth brushed at the vet, explaining that she may get cavaties again if she does not brush, bribing, and letting her pick toothpaste (she hates them all except non-flouride ones). Now I literally have to hold her head in a vice grip and brush her teeth. it is really unpleasant. Any suggestions from other moms of strong-willed kids?

Others have suggested not making her brush and having her deal with the consequences, or going back to the non-flouride toothpaste she likes better, but I think it is bad parenting to not take care of her teeth! I welcome any ideas!

Have you tried stickers? Really, when my daughter was 3 and 4 she would try anything for a sticker. It might not work long-term, but maybe long enough to get her into the habit of allowing you to brush them. I know I mentioned them before, but they really worked for my strong-willed daughter for those kind of daily battles. Remember, you are not alone!

 

[foltzy]

THANK YOU so much for all of your comments- you have seriously made me feel so much better. Honestly, I was really worked up thinking she had ADD or something before I posted- I am so glad that I did!

Our biggest struggle right now is teeth brushing. She had 4 cavaties at her first dental apt at 2. Since then, we have switched to flouride toothpaste and gotten really anal about brushing am and pm and chewing sugarfree gum between meals. Well, last checkup she had no cavaties. yay! But for the past 2 weeks when it is time to brush teeth she clamps her mouth shut after saying 'cats don't brush teeth' (she is obsessed with cats). I have tried explaining that cats get their teeth brushed at the vet, explaining that she may get cavaties again if she does not brush, bribing, and letting her pick toothpaste (she hates them all except non-flouride ones). Now I literally have to hold her head in a vice grip and brush her teeth. it is really unpleasant. Any suggestions from other moms of strong-willed kids?

Others have suggested not making her brush and having her deal with the consequences, or going back to the non-flouride toothpaste she likes better, but I think it is bad parenting to not take care of her teeth! I welcome any ideas!

Have you thought about fluoride tablets. My daughter takes them and a vitamin in one variety. She has to because of our water, we have well so no added fluoride in our water supply. This would allow you to go back to the toothpaste she likes but she'd still be getting the fluoride she needs. Right now I'm lucky and my daughter likes to brush her teeth. She also likes to take baths. However, I'm ready for one or both to change. She can change her mind faster than I can (and I do it often). Good luck.

 

[Diamondintheruff]

At least your child lets the dentist look at their teeth. Not one of mine would until they were between 4 and 6.

 

[SmallWorld71]

THANK YOU so much for all of your comments- you have seriously made me feel so much better. Honestly, I was really worked up thinking she had ADD or something before I posted- I am so glad that I did!

Our biggest struggle right now is teeth brushing. She had 4 cavaties at her first dental apt at 2. Since then, we have switched to flouride toothpaste and gotten really anal about brushing am and pm and chewing sugarfree gum between meals. Well, last checkup she had no cavaties. yay! But for the past 2 weeks when it is time to brush teeth she clamps her mouth shut after saying 'cats don't brush teeth' (she is obsessed with cats). I have tried explaining that cats get their teeth brushed at the vet, explaining that she may get cavaties again if she does not brush, bribing, and letting her pick toothpaste (she hates them all except non-flouride ones). Now I literally have to hold her head in a vice grip and brush her teeth. it is really unpleasant. Any suggestions from other moms of strong-willed kids?

Others have suggested not making her brush and having her deal with the consequences, or going back to the non-flouride toothpaste she likes better, but I think it is bad parenting to not take care of her teeth! I welcome any ideas!

I've had similar problems with my daughter. What worked for us was taking turns. (Again, it was all about control. ) Anyway, when she was able to do the brushing half the time, she was willing to let me brush too. Good luck!

I can't imagine someone suggesting not to brush! My 8 year old had to have a tooth pulled last year. (Having nothing to do with tooth brushing.) I had tears in my eyes seeing how scared he was in the chair!