OT- How did having a third child impact your life

[emmababy]

We are considering having a 3rd child and are, well I, am a little freaked on how that will impact our life. Of course there is the obvious need for bigger car, expense to trips and outings, food, but the childcare expense is what really gets me to hesitate.

I was looking for stories or advice on how the transition has been, especially from those parents who other 2 are young. We have a 2.5 year old daughter and an 8 month old son.

Thanks!

 

[DessertGirl]

I don't know because I only have two, but I am in the same boat as you. We are ttc in June or July for #3. I am also a little nervous.

I have heard that the hardest is going from 1-2, but going from 2-3 isn't a piece of cake either. I have friend who say that they felt out numbered.

Hope to hear some good responses...

 

[ktlm]

One of my best friends has 3 small boys. It resulted in her having to get the dreaded minivan because it was the only vehicle that could fit 3 carseats that didn't totally guzzle horrible amounts of gas. On the good side, now she loves that minivan! She would probably tell you that the worst thing about three small ones is that they quickly figure out that there are 3 of them and only two of you so if they run 3 different directions you can't catch all of them and someone is going to get away. She has had at least 2 different stores go on complete lockdown while they tried to locate the escapee. She would also complain that since the littlest one started activities, getting them all everwhere they need to be is a logistical nightmare. They are adorable and a ton of fun though, and she would do it all again.

 

[Orlando_Or_Bust]

I have 3 - 5, 4, and 2.5. 33 months between oldest and youngest. One of the hardest things is only having two hands. When we are walking somewhere I would like to hold all their hands - just feel safer. You and your husband will be out-numbered in the future (and yes, they do gang up on you!) I love that they have built-in playmates. They fight, but are each other's greatest allies. Of course, it is easier to get hotel rooms, table seatings, car seats in cars, etc when there are only 2 kids. Truthfully, they drive me nuts sometimes, but I would love a 4th (hubby says no.)

 

[emmababy]

Good luck on ttc! I keep having this feeling that our family isn't complete, yet I don't want to completely overwhelm myself!! I really don't want a minivan, but could care less!

I am afraid that my daily life will cease to exist as I know it now. Right now I can take 2 to the store, mall, trips, etc....I like to get up and go. I am afraid with 3 that I won't be able to do any of that and that I will be trapped at home, which would drive me nuts.

I am trying to balance that with the knowledge that they aren't little forever and that would be a temporary issue. I just don't want to be 60 and regret not having another child! It is just my sister and I and there is 10 years between us. I would like to give my kids a bigger, closer family.

My hubby could care less either way. Which is great, he knows I do most of the providing! Everyone I know has 2 kids or kids that are spaced in age a bit, so I have no one to ask about!

I found the transition from 1 to 2 to be easy. Yes we are a little busier, but no biggie. We are lucky because the baby is so easy going!

 

[emmababy]

I have 3 - 5, 4, and 2.5. 33 months between oldest and youngest. One of the hardest things is only having two hands. When we are walking somewhere I would like to hold all their hands - just feel safer. You and your husband will be out-numbered in the future (and yes, they do gang up on you!) I love that they have built-in playmates. They fight, but are each other's greatest allies. Of course, it is easier to get hotel rooms, table seatings, car seats in cars, etc when there are only 2 kids. Truthfully, they drive me nuts sometimes, but I would love a 4th (hubby says no.)

How do you handle situations like that- when they gang up on you or you are out in public? 2 can drive me nuts sometimes too, so what is an extra one!

 

[Orlando_Or_Bust]

I threaten them! They are usually pretty good when we are out in public. And you are right that it is only temporary. Going out gets easier - I now have two that can buckle their own car seats. Mine were also very good about staying in their stroller, so that made going out easier.

Our decision to have our kids close in age was so that I can stay home with them. At this point, if I stay home until my youngest is in first grade, I will be off work for like nine or ten years. I really didn't want to drag that out by putting 3-4 years between each kid.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I have an only child, by choice, mostly due to the experience I had growing up as the oldest of 3 children.

** Disclaimer - this is my experience, not everyones, not every household will be like this, and I'm sure a lot of it had to do with my parents and not just the fact that there were 3 of us. **

My childhood was kind of controlled chaos. We were all close in age (barely 2 years between each) so there was a lot of fighting for attention from my parents. My father was not around much due to his work schedule, and looking back, I honestly think my mother was overwhelmed by the 3 of us.

Growing up, we were treated as "the kids" collectively, not individuals with different needs/personalities/ideas. If one was invited to a party, we all had to go or all stay home because my mother had no one to watch the other ones. As the oldest, I had to wait to do a lot of things because my brother (the youngest) wasn't old enough/tall enough/mature enough/interested enough.

MOST importantly though, because there were 3 of us, there was (and still is) what I call "odd man out". Whether it was the 2 girls vs the boy, the 2 oldest vs the youngest, the 2 young ones vs the oldest, etc. There's a reason for the expression "third wheel". And unfortunately in my family the "baby" turned out to be the only boy, whom the sun still rises and sets upon 30+ years later.

From my experience, there is a strange dynamic having 3 kids. I also have quite a few friends that now have 3 (because from what I've heard "3 is the new 2") and they admit that the third one threw them for a loop, because it was much easier trying to balance time and attention between 2 vs. 3.

The logistics of the hotel rooms, having the chair hanging off the end of a booth in a restaurant, and WDW rides made for 4 are minor concerns. Trying balance soccer games, cheerleading, religion classes, etc. when there are 3 kids and only 2 parents is the tougher part...

I recommend that anyone considering being outnumbered by their kids have a really reliable support system close by - grandparents, aunts/uncles, someone. Becuase there will be a day when you have to be 3 different places and there are only 2 of you.

 

[Mama to Three]

3 kids here! (if you couldn't tell by my sn )

This is something that I think is so variable from family to family. I think it mostly depends on the children's personalities, ages, etc. Other factors, being the parents themselves... personalities, income, parenting styles, etc.

For me, the transition from 0 to 1 was hard, 1 to 2 was a breeze, and 2 to 3 was very difficult for the first year and a half or so. My youngest two are only 18 months apart so I had two babies and that was a challenge (I don't know how those with multiples survive the baby stage! ). My oldest was only four when number three was born.

I LOVE having the dynamic of three. They all get along really well. The youngest two are two peas in a pod (boy/girl) . The oldest (girl) loves the novelty of being the oldest and enjoying some extra liberties that (thus far) has come with that status.

When I've had friends as me about adding to their brood, I usually tell them that they will never regret having another, but they may forever regret not having one. I know that philosophy doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me.

We are actually contemplating number four via foster care adoption. I cannot live through the newborn stage again. I would like number four to be "born" into our family walking, talking and potty trained.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Aliceacc]

How do you handle situations like that- when they gang up on you or you are out in public? 2 can drive me nuts sometimes too, so what is an extra one!

To be honest, I think the 3rd one was a breeze.

The second child is the one who really teaches you how to juggle. You have to balance the needs of one child against the needs of another.

A third child just makes you juggle a little faster. Honest, it was no big deal.

Sure, we do have a minivan (I LOVE the extra room!) And it is more expensive to get a hotel room than it was with 2. But these things are minor compared to the love and affection that family gets and gives to our now 6 year old "big girl."

And they do NOT "gang up" on me, in public or otherwise. Drive me nuts, certainly. But there's not a lot of guesswork as to who is in charge.

 

[tiffany2009]

I have twin boys that are 5 1/2 now and a 3 year old daughter. It is complete chaos! The feed off of each other and it can become a frenzy when they are misbehaving. For me that is the most difficult part. I agree that keeping track of all of them is very difficult. The travel part is not difficult for me, just figured it out. The childcare cost is high for us too. Since I am one of two families with three kids at their school, I negotiated a reduced rate.

But it is really fun too. Since they are all close in age, their interests are very similar (for now). I have them all in swim lessons now at the same time. They all love going to the same places like museums, parks and of course Disney! (We are going next week) There is always somebody to cuddle or hug. And they play together all the time. And when you are just spending time with one of them it is the best. I now know I am done, no more kids for me. And that is a great feeling.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

DH and I always wanted 2. Fortunatly for us right before (and I mean right before) my Dh had his vacetomy, God stepped in and gave us DD#3. (About a week before the surgery we found out.) I can't tell you how great it is haing her. We have no family around but we manage just fine. I adore my kids, taking them places is fine. You do it and don't think anything of it. I take them places all the time by myself and sure they are older now, but they weren't always. Yes, i drive a minivan, but I love mine. I actually was happy to get my first one when I found out I was haing DD#2. I love the space, I will miss it when I don't have one (someday.)

My experience is the opposite of mom2aredhead. I was an only who wanted a sibling for my DD, and she has 2 sister and I am so happy she does. I would have liked more if time and money wern't an issue, but 3 keeps me very busy (but I wouldn't change a minute of it!)

Good luck with the decision. I have had friends go through it I know it is a tough decision, but I know if you go ahead, you will be as in love with your 3rd as you aare with the first 2 and you won't regret having another.

 

[AwaitingMagic]

We had a difficult time trying to conceive our daughter (now 11) and our son (now 8). We knew we wanted another one, but when our youngest (now 7) was born 14 months after our middle one, I was scared to death! Honestly though, it was harder getting used to have two children than it was to get used to having 3 - even when they were all so little. Life was VERY chaotic back then - and I am amazed every day at how much more calm it is now - even though they are 3 busy kids. I can't imagine life without our third now - I wish you luck!

 

[MrsPooh]

The transition from 2 to 3 was really tough for us but for different reasons than others state here. My girls are 20, 14 and 3. For us it was difficult just because the older two were self-sufficient and then we were totally starting over.

I grew up as one of three and we were all fairly close in age. I think it was overwhelming for my mom because dad was always working. We had normal sibling rivalry but otherwise no major issues. Now we are all close and appreciate having each other.

Good luck.

 

[momofrrr]

We have 3 also, but spread out. They are DS21, DD17 and DD13. The spread was due to miscarriages between each child and lots of issues getting pregnant in the first place. Now, having said that I just cannot imagine my life without the children that I have. They are three totally different people with their own interests and activities. I don't think that the 3rd really added any more chaos, just more laundry. We do have to divide and conquer on many occassions but I don't think that they can say that one gets more attention than the other. Follow your heart on this decision and don't worry about what anyone else might think about it.

 

[lulugirl]

I'll let you know in about a week

 

[mrstxcop]

we have 3 --- dd13, dd7 and ds2.8 (will be 3 in june)...

i tend to think it was both easy and difficult for us going from 2 to 3...

i say this because we were not really "planning" on number 3 ... and as a PP said, our girls were older and self sufficent and we were very much in the 'get up and go' mode...no more planning around nap times, no more mixing formula, no more diaper bags, etc... --- so going from 2 to 3 was very difficult for me, in this sense...i was now back to the sleep deprived, crazy, running on empty days and nights...

however, with that being said ... actually caring for our son was a breeze --- i was soooo much more relaxed with him than with my other 2 --- i went from being on pins and needles with number 1 to being some what relaxed with 2 to being completely laid back with number 3 --- also, my older 2 girls were such HUGE helps...the oldest one was like a mini mommy and the middle daughter is the playmate...

you just learn so much from having the first 2 that by the time number 3 comes it's no big deal if he eats a little dirt or the dog licks him on his mouth or he doesn't eat EXACTLY at every 3 hours...

good luck in your decision...

 

[Colleen27]

Our situation is a little different because there's a big age difference between our older two and number three. We didn't plan it this way (wanted the same 3-4 years between 2 and 3 that we have between 1 and 2, but life had other plans) and at first I worried over the big age difference, but so far it is wonderful. DS11 and DD7 are big enough that I don't fret over being outnumbered, they both adore helping with the baby, and DD8mo is a happy, mellow baby who is totally content to be schlepped along to the big kids' activities.

For us, the transition from 1 to 2 was much harder than adding the 3rd. By the time #3 came along, I'd already been driving a van for years so that the kids could have friends along on family outings, I was used to having a lot of kids around (I only birthed 3 but we have at least 5-6 here on a typical afternoon), I had the whole baby care thing pretty well down, and I was completely over the super-parent notions I started out with. It also helps that I'm a SAH/WAHM, DH is self-employed with a fairly flexible schedule and is essentially a SAHD during the winter months when business is slow, and we have both my mom & inlaws nearby and very involved with the kids.

 

[coccinelle]

3 kids here, two girls 10-8 and my little boy almost 6. You learn to take two hands in one, you learn that it means a little more troubles finding a car, a hotel...but what i have learned is that my heart and my arms feels more complete with my 3 kids . It is a feeling hard to describe...when my son was born, my husband took our girls to visit us at the hospital and having them all in my arms felt so good and so full and so right. So, yes, it is a litlle more complicated to have 3 kids...but it is a blessing!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Our number three turned into number 3 and 4 so yes it totally turned everything in our house diffrent but now that the twins are 8 and I surbived I wouldn't have it any other way