OT - having a bad day...need jokes!

[3kids4me]

Hi everyone,

I'm having a terrible day. My daughter's nursing service messed up over the weekend (didn't bring something she needed) and now they are getting really defensive about it because I complained (for instance, they are claiming they can no longer share Rachel's blood test results with me because it's not in their policy), and they are all annoyed that I won't let them draw her blood every week at school because it's more convenient for them than coming after school. (Like I want her pulled out of class once a week and her blood drawn without me there.) Plus, Rachel is scared of her nurse (she is not that nice) and they are giving me a hard time about replacing her.

Anyway, I just don't need this stress with everything else that's going on, so I'm turning to you guys for some good jokes. I only have two hours of "freedom" three times per week when my little one goes to preschool, and I should be using that time to run errands, clean, etc....but I'm just so upset about the way everything is going that I'm having a hard time getting up to go do anything.

So...first one to make me laugh out loud gets a pin!!

 

[BeautyLLM]

Just this weekend, I was chatting with my dear old Uncle Albert and he said "I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith." So I said "You did? What's the name of his other leg?"

 

[LynniethePooh]

Two cannibals are sitting on their respective logs enjoying a clown for dinner

The one cannibal turns to the other and says:





Does this taste funny to you?


I know it is bad.....but it just tickles me so!!!!!

 

[Engr-Chas]

Here you go,

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, hey, I've got a great blonde joke, would you like to here it? The Blonde bartender says, hey buddy you've got some nerve coming in here to tell a blonde joke! As you can see, I am a blonde and that female wrestler behind you is a blonde and that female police officer next to you is a blonde, so, do you STILL want to tell the BLONDE joke? The guy says, NO, not if I have to explain it 3 times!!!!

Thank you very much...I'm here all week!

Engr-Chas
Lord of the Giggle

 

[tennisnut]

This is my most favorite ....

What did the three legged dog say when he walked into the bar?

Give up?

I've come for the man who shot my pa. ( or paw)

Get it? huh?

Susan

 

[RONfromRI]

I was waiting in line at Alien Encounter one hot August afternoon. Just as I turned on my pocket fan and pointed it at my face, The AE doors openned and the usual blast of cold air followed. A hippy type guy behind me said. WOE Dude! Where dja get that fan?

 

[DVCajun]

lol, RONfromRI!

Ok, here's my joke:

A blonde walks up to the counter and says, "Um.... I'd like a cheeseburger, a small fry and a diet coke." The man behind the counter looks at her strangely and says, "Ma'am, this is a library." The blonde gasps, "Oh! I'm sorry!" Then she whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger....."

 

[MeanLaureen]

This isn't a joke but I hope this song will make you smile

<EMBED src="http://www.kappa.ro/music/beatles/inmylife.wav" hidden=true autostart=TRUE height=0 width=0></EMBED>

 

[karinmac]

Here's one you can tell your daughter

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7, 8, 9!

 

[BeautyLLM]

When I was little, I asked my mother "Mom, do you have water on the knee?" She said she didn't and then I asked, "Then why do you always wear pumps?"

PS....I love this song!

 

[3kids4me]

Thanks you guys! Today is definitely a better day. Lauri, thanks so much for putting the song up for me. You are just great!! (Is there a way for me to actually put that song on my computer?)

Leslie, I almost floated up to the ceiling with that first joke...lol!

Ron gets the prize for my first actual laugh. Plus, it was non-fiction...lol!! Ron, please PM your address to me and I will send you a pin!

Keep the jokes coming, and thanks everyone!

 

[Laurabearz]

Okay.... this is the last day I can tell this joke this year........

If April Showers bring May Flowers.....

What do May Flowers bring............





Pilgrims!




And one more............



What is on the bottom of Shamu's tank....






ShamPOO

 

[KathiWithAnI]

Ok just to continue cheering Sharon up...
I know you parents can relate....

I am in the process of potty training my daughter and she had a very bad, yukky accident today...
I said, "why didn't you go in the potty?"
Jennifer says, "because I didn't."
I said, "But why did you mess in your pants?"
Jennifer says,"because I did." ( just as sweetly as can be)

I mean really, HOW can you argue with the logic of a 'just turned 3 yr old' ?

and yes, this is much funnier now than it was earlier today

kathi

 

[Laurabearz]

Originally posted by Eeyore64
Ok just to continue cheering Sharon up...
I know you parents can relate....

I am in the process of potty training my daughter and she had a very bad, yukky accident today...
I said, "why didn't you go in the potty?"
Jennifer says, "because I didn't."
I said, "But why did you mess in your pants?"
Jennifer says,"because I did." ( just as sweetly as can be)

I mean really, HOW can you argue with the logic of a 'just turned 3 yr old' ?

and yes, this is much funnier now than it was earlier today

kathi

Having just gone thru this with our daughter..... ROFLMBO! It gets better.... it really does!

 

[Toxicesq]

A man entered a veterinary clinic and laid a very limp dog on the table. The vet took a discerning look at the dog, shook her head sadly and said, "I'm sorry sir, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't examined him or done any testing. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, she returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing and pawing at the poor dog on the table, checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said: "Woof."

The vet then took the Labrador out and returned a few moments later with a cat. After walking around the poor dog several times, staring at him, the cat sadly shook his head, said, "meow", and then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The vet said, "There's nothing more I can do," and she handed the man a bill for $600.

The dog's owner was shocked. "$600?" Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook her head sadly and explained: "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..."

 

[BeautyLLM]

Lab work and cat scan...har har har!

I have a funny story similar to Kathi's. I had a wading pool in the yard for my son who was about 3 years old. He was splashing around and having a grand old time, took off his bathing suit and got back in the pool. When I asked him why he took his bathing suit off, he said "it was wet!"

 

[KathiWithAnI]

Too funny Leslie!

Laura, this is my 4th child and my 3rd doesn't quite seem to have the hang of it yet so potty training 2 of them is getting a bit old! Ah well, as my mom says, "this too shall pass" no pun intended... or maybe I did LOL


Ok so here's today's laugh of the day:
My youngest son kept asking me to hold "this" ( or that's what I thought he was saying). I was driving the car so I said, tell me the name of what you want-- he again says 'this' I told him I couldn't look around while I was driving and to PLEASE tell me the name of what he wanted. This time he says, but mama, you know, it's yours. 'This' is yours!
About now we are both frustrated. I say, I'm sorry Kevin I don't know what you mean. This time he yells out THIS THIS, the blue THIS you bought.

Poor thing he'd been saying Stitch-- the new character from Lilo and Stitch! I bought a stuffed one the other day.


( notice how I tied in a Disney character to keep this Disney related )

Kathi

 

[3kids4me]

Kathi,

Just last night I was giving my three year old chicken nuggets for dinner (yes, I'm such a gourmet cook), and she said to me "Don't forget the check-up!". Now, she has this little doctor kit so I thought she wanted to give me a check-up like she often does, so after I gave her the nuggets I said "Okay, I'm ready for my check-up!". And she kept saying "No...No! The Check-up!!" I had no idea what to do and I kept saying I was ready for it. She finally got down from her booster, opened up the fridge herself, and pulled out the ketchup bottle (which was fortunately on the bottom shelf). Lol! She was so exasperated with me for being such a clueless mom!

 

[KathiWithAnI]

LOL
all I can say is "Been there doing That!"

 

[KathiWithAnI]

Well here's today's story

While at WDW my 6 yr old lost a tooth, I didn't have anywhere to keep it safe ( we were going home that day) so I stuck it in a LBE I found in my car. Now since returning home I have searched every LBE trying to find that tooth.... I found out where it is today.......
Apparently I sent AZJazzyJ MORE than a couple pins!
Bet I really freaked him out!!