OT - Grandparents!

[tngramma]

Until you are a grandparent you will never know the pride and love we have for those darling children. Most grandparents would never do anything to harm, embarass or hinder their grandchildren. Please do not exclude the grandparents.

When my children were growing up one set of grandparents were not able to attend and one set did not care enough to. The same was true when I was growing up.

I also wonder if you would be this upset if it were your parents instead of DHs. Just a thought.

 

[mom2cinderella]

My 2yo dd is in a soccer class. "Coach" Steve does not expect them to participate fully. His philosophy is, if the toddler is having fun and not being too big a disruption, what they actually do during class is not that important. This is our third 8 week session and dd is just now starting to get engaged in the class. At this age is not at all about the sport. It's about getting a little exercise, playing with other kids, learning to follow directions, etc.

It's nice that dh wanted his parents involved and that they were willing to come (said the person whose in-laws live miles away ). It might work better to save the invitations for special days. Some classes have a little ceremony on the last day or have family day where gparents come and take pictures, etc.

Michele

 

[Manda]

My MIL would have done the exact same thing and I would have reacted the exact same way. Then we would have ignored each other for a while until it blew over. My MIL is basically the complete opposite of shy and my son is like your DD - he needs a few minutes to fully assess the situation before he jumps in.

I get what the other posters are saying about how the Grandparents didn't mean any harm, and that's a fine and dandy excuse for the FIRST time they tried to push her out onto the field. Once you told them that she just needed time and to back off, they should have been done with it. You are the Mom - period. If they continued after you clearly told them that she needed time to come to this on her own, then they were basically second guessing whether you know your own child or not.

I'll be honest... I get cranky and overprotective when my son's feelings aren't respected and my parenting choices aren't respected... I would have told them to leave instead of walking out myself.

 

[fishie]

Pull her out of it...I can't believe there is even a program for 2 year olds.

I don't mean to sound mean at all....just wanted to say I'm a 1st grade teacher & think that preschoolers are way too young for organized sports. IMO, she should just have fun kicking a ball around with mom & dad in the backyard.

The OP is not asking about whether or not to keep her child in the soccer program, but what to do about the Grandparents.

A 2-year old's soccer program is *not* an organized sport. The coaches just do games and goof around with the kids, while helping them learn the basic skills involved in soccer. This is very handy if you have a child who has demonstrated an interest in a specific sport, but you don't have the skill to even help him/her learn the basics. (My dd P was so inclined, even at age 2.) It's also a great way to give kids a chance to run around during the winter, when it's often too cold and knee-deep for a young child to have much fun outside.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Pull her out of it...I can't believe there is even a program for 2 year olds.

I don't mean to sound mean at all....just wanted to say I'm a 1st grade teacher & think that preschoolers are way too young for organized sports. IMO, she should just have fun kicking a ball around with mom & dad in the backyard.

As expressed by almost everyone posting on this thread, the soccer program she is involved in is not controlled teams, it is a somewhat structured program where the kids don't do much other than run around and have fun, while the poor coaches try their dardest to teach them to dribble the ball up and down, up and down. I think it is a good thing for children to get involved with, expecially since I am a SAHM and she spends most of her time with just me. My problem was NOT with the program at all, but with my inlaws. I, as I'm sure most mothers are, am pertective of my child and would never put her in a situation that would turn out bad, or that she could not handle. Trust me, next week it will just be DD2 (she will be 3 on Feb 4th) and DH - myself and DD1 will be at our house, and the inlaws will be wherever they want to be, but NOT at that gym! DH did call them that day and very nicely told them that about 10 minutes after they left, after DD2 was able to sit, take everything in and adjust to everything, she WILLINGLY went out and played (with DH by her side the whole time like most of the other children). He told MIL that, he, along with my inlaws were wrong in trying to push her into it rather than just sitting back and seeing how things went. I mean, I would almost understand the pushing if this was a $200 program or something, but it was only $30 for 6 weeks, which I think is pretty cheap! Anyway, I now know NOT to invite people to my childrens events on the first day (though that was really something I always knew, it was DH that needs to learn it!), and I'm sure this will blow over soon.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

He told MIL that, he, along with my inlaws were wrong in trying to push her into it rather than just sitting back and seeing how things went. I mean, I would almost understand the pushing if this was a $200 program or something, but it was only $30 for 6 weeks, which I think is pretty cheap! Anyway, I now know NOT to invite people to my childrens events on the first day (though that was really something I always knew, it was DH that needs to learn it!), and I'm sure this will blow over soon.

Good deal. My MIL is the same way.. Doesn't quite listen to me or agree with our parenting style (and tries to do things her own way) I was going to say just still back and let DH talk to them so she's aware you guys are on the same page about what transpired. Lesson learned for DH

I do agree its important for Grandparents to be part of things..i think thats great..but respect for parents has to be a pretty big part of that equation.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I don't know how most people were raised, I know we all have our sob stories... I grew up with grandparents on my mothers side that I never met. They wanted nothing to do with us because Pops was a Jew. His parents disowned us too for the same reason, Mom wasn't a Jew... then I was born, they took us back... then we disowned, them, then we took them back, and then finally they disowned us for the last time when I was about 13 or so (I have blocked most of my childhood out for whatever reason, but I'm told they were very mean people to me & everyone else). I'll never forget the time though Miriam (my fathers mother) called our house by accident thinking she was calling my cousin, and I answered, and she kept saying, "Dana, how are you bubula?" and I said to her, "No Grandma, its me, Sarah." CLICK! That was the last I've ever hear of them. As far as other family on both sides, never really met them either... DH's maternal grandparents weren't really around because, one passed away, and the other didn't like his father because... he wasn't a Jew (see a pattern here!) His faternal grandparens... I don't really know, just know they weren't around either, though on both sides he had a lot of aunts, uncles, cousins, and so fourth.
So in all truth, I've gotten along very well without family, and couldn't care less if anyone shows up or not, but I know my DDs love their grandparents, and thats whats important. I don't know if this post is pertinant to this thread, but this incident just made me think about my own stuff.
Thanks for listening!

 

[Mkrop]

I don't know how most people were raised, I know we all have our sob stories... I grew up with grandparents on my mothers side that I never met. They wanted nothing to do with us because Pops was a Jew. His parents disowned us too for the same reason, Mom wasn't a Jew... then I was born, they took us back... then we disowned, them, then we took them back, and then finally they disowned us for the last time when I was about 13 or so (I have blocked most of my childhood out for whatever reason, but I'm told they were very mean people to me & everyone else). I'll never forget the time though Miriam (my fathers mother) called our house by accident thinking she was calling my cousin, and I answered, and she kept saying, "Dana, how are you bubula?" and I said to her, "No Grandma, its me, Sarah." CLICK! That was the last I've ever hear of them. As far as other family on both sides, never really met them either... DH's maternal grandparents weren't really around because, one passed away, and the other didn't like his father because... he wasn't a Jew (see a pattern here!) His faternal grandparens... I don't really know, just know they weren't around either, though on both sides he had a lot of aunts, uncles, cousins, and so fourth.
So in all truth, I've gotten along very well without family, and couldn't care less if anyone shows up or not, but I know my DDs love their grandparents, and thats whats important. I don't know if this post is pertinant to this thread, but this incident just made me think about my own stuff.
Thanks for listening!

Just something to think about:

I know you got along great w/o GPs(I had one lousy one, one who was pretty laid back, and one who I treasured) but dont deny your DD if these people really love her. If they are not toxic, then let them into her life. I dont know all the history btw you and your ILs (although I know we all have some stories about ILs and their behavior sometimes) dont shut them out for getting overly enthusiastic. They made a mistake, it happens. Also if DH loves his parents, dont shut them out. Just remember you might be a GP someday and how would you feel if DD or her DH shut you out bc you made a mistake.

I am very senstive this right now bc my ILs (who drive me crazy btw but are good GPs who make a lot of mistakes but are good people) are being shut out of my DN's life and now us too bc my SIL has decided she only wants her family in her daughter's life. This is killing my ILs. I feel terrible for them.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Just something to think about:

I know you got along great w/o GPs(I had one lousy one, one who was pretty laid back, and one who I treasured) but dont deny your DD if these people really love her. If they are not toxic, then let them into her life. I dont know all the history btw you and your ILs (although I know we all have some stories about ILs and their behavior sometimes) dont shut them out for getting overly enthusiastic. They made a mistake, it happens. Also if DH loves his parents, dont shut them out. Just remember you might be a GP someday and how would you feel if DD or her DH shut you out bc you made a mistake.

I am very senstive this right now bc my ILs (who drive me crazy btw but are good GPs who make a lot of mistakes but are good people) are being shut out of my DN's life and now us too bc my SIL has decided she only wants her family in her daughter's life. This is killing my ILs. I feel terrible for them.

I would never do that, shut out my childrens granparents. At the end of that post, I said that she loves them, and thats what matters. DDs see them about once a week, and loves going over their house.... because they have more toys than we have here!

 

[Mkrop]

I would never do that, shut out my childrens granparents. At the end of that post, I said that she loves them, and thats what matters. DDs see them about once a week, and loves going over their house.... because they have more toys than we have here!

Ok it sounded like that from your post. I guess I misinterpreted you saying you had no need for GPs in your life that you were getting ready to shut the door on them.

Sorry.

 

[barnaby1]

I can completely understand why you were upset but all I want to say is that my dd (not quite 2) has only 1 grandparent still alive and she lives on the other side of the world.

Please don't let this be a big deal, I would give anything for my dd to have her grandparents in her life (interfereing or not). Mind you my opinion may change if my situation was different.