OT: Gift Venting

[Panthra529]

since ds wants the tent...it will probably stay here.

Have fun storing it!!! LOL Grandma's house sounds like a good idea. Maybe you could explain to your DS that if you take it back to the store, they will give him money for it and you will take him to build a bear where he can pick out what he wants and pay for it with his own money.

Oh, and by the way, I have a sil too that the super sweet thing didn't work with either. So I have just recently found that wishing she would disappear and not talking to her at all works for me! Fortunately for me it is my DH's sister so it is a little different!

 

[JoiseyMom]

Well my half brother only came over on christmas to get the money he knows my dad will give him. He's 45 years old and never around, just when he needs money. This thread reminds me of my cousins who only care to talk to my mom when they are having a party and want her to drive somewhere totally far away and give their kid a present. My mom sends cards on holidays to the kids with money in them. Halloween, Valentines day stuff like that. She gets nothing in return. Then of course there's a birthday party invitation to somewhere 80 miles away. Last time she went the party was an hour and a half long and she sat at a table with my aunt while my cousin took the baby around to everyone and waved to my mom. I forgot to mention she used to live in our house. So she finally called on christmas. Just to tell us we'd be getting an invite to her three year olds christening. I tell my mom to just send the money that's all they want.

Hmmm...if you are trying to say that all I want is such and such, then you are wrong. I feel if you ask what the kids want, then get what the kids want, I mean as long as it doesn't cost tons of money. My request for my 4 year old was soemthing that would have cost her $15.00. If it was up to me, I would stop the gift giving between us for the kids. We actually stopped going to my brothers house every year for Chanukah, becuase they had so many gifts out for their kids, that we had a very difficult time explaining to our dd that they weren't for her, and she had her 3 from such and such. My family traditions are to give the kids every night of the holiday. The day we went to my brothers, they gave their kids every single gift for the 8 days, plus all the gifts from friends and grandparents and relatives and...etc... My dh and I looked at each other and said never again,and it has been 4 years, and we have either been on vacation or other side of the fmaily or such to avoid our children being in that scene again.

 

[DMRick]

This is such a sad thread. I'm so sorry so many of you were so disappointed in the gift choices

 

[sk!mom]

This is such a sad thread. I'm so sorry so many of you were so disappointed in the gift choices

I agree.

My husband's parents have rarely given our children gifts and that is fine with me. My children also think nothing of it. We realize that gifts are not how they express caring. My children are being raised to appreciate but not expect gifts. That being said we buy our children plenty of gifts and their other grandparents give them gifts as well.

When I ask someone for gift ideas, I am simply asking for ideas not a specific item that I must buy. When I am asked this with regard to my own children I always just mention several things that interest them and then have no expectations.

 

[Panthra529]

I agree.

My husband's parents have rarely given our children gifts and that is fine with me. My children also think nothing of it. We realize that gifts are not how they express caring. My children are being raised to appreciate but not expect gifts. That being said we buy our children plenty of gifts and their other grandparents give them gifts as well.

When I ask someone for gift ideas, I am simply asking for ideas not a specific item that I must buy. When I am asked this with regard to my own children I always just mention several things that interest them and then have no expectations.

I know I shouldn't speak for Joiseymom, but I will anyway. I don't think this thread was really a post for what she "expected", at least that isn't how I took it. If anyone has read any of my previous posts, I hate it when people expect gifts. That is so wrong. I took it rather as a vent of how difficult family members can be. Especially at this time of the year when everyone should be coming together and getting along. As she originally said, she knows "it is the thought that counts" Reread her posts and you will see there is more to it. SIL is a pain in the *** and this is just one more way it was reinforced. I know because I live it too......So please don't have pitty for all of us who some might think of as being greedy.

 

[swilshire]

I'm a bit amazed that someone would actually get angry about a gift. I know I've had successes and failures when buying for my neices and nephews and my own kids have received gifts that would not have been their first choice. All have always been grateful for the effort involved, whether they liked the gift or not. I hope you're not letting your children see how you feel about the gifts. It just seems inappropriate.

Give what your heart tells you to and receive in the spirit the gifts were given. If you don't like them, donate them as suggested or pass them along to another child who'll appreciate them. Don't let something so insignificant as a gift cause a family ripple.

Life's too short for this. Just enjoy the holidays and your family time.

JMHO, of course.

Sheila

 

[tinan]

with swilshire.........Life is too short! Speaking from experience, I too had feelings to the OP in the past. We have all had to deal with some difficult family member and it seems as though your SIL is more of the problem than the gift. Perhaps you could talk to your brother and SIL about not exchanging gifts from this point on?! This way you will have much less stress in your life.

My dd, 13, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer earlier this year and that puts life into perspective real quick. Gifts, bickering, extended family problems............none of them really matter. We take life for granted, when we should just be thankful for what we have.

 

[sanctus]

Call your SIL. Thank her profusely for the wonderful gift. Tell her that you think it's so cool you want to pick one up for someone else for their birthday. Ask her where she bought it. They may let you exchange without a receipt, and no family fight starts.

Worth a try.

 

[budbeerlady]

Did you ever think she does this just to irritate you? It sounds like that is the case, and it is working! LOL! Maybe she asks so that she can buy something more expensive than what you suggested, so she can be the "better one". I would just call and talk to her...not your brother and lay it on super sweet.....Hey sil the gift you got DS is amazing, I am sure it was sooo very expensive, but you know he already has two of these. Do you have the receipt so he can take it back to buy something he really wants? I think with the money we get, he will go to build-a-bear and buy 4 or 5 outfits for his bear. He will be so excited. Just lay it on thick. I find the nicer you are to people like your sil, the more aggrivated they get. I do this with DH ex! Makes me smile every time! If she says she doesn't have the receipt, just ask where she got it from and make the statement that you will just have to take it back without the receipt and take whatever they give you for it since it is probably on after Christmas clearance...... Good luck!

I LOVE doing this to S-L, it is cheap entertianment!!!! Plus it is all in how they hear it, tone is so relative. I think the 2nd best thing about these dis boards is the fact that I realized most everyone has a person like this in their lives and not just me! Good luck and lay it on sweet. (I do love email as it avoids direct conversation with S-L)

 

[C.Ann]

I guess I'm "old school" because I was taught that a gift is to be appreciated -even if it turns out to be a can of Spam.. Sure - I've received some gifts that I've joked about over the years, but I would never be "angry" with someone because they didn't give me or my child something from my pre-approved list. My children were raised that way and my granddaughter has been raised that way.. It's truly the "thought" that counts - even if you assume there was no "thought" involved..

 

[flagdaytwins]

I too think this is a sad subject. My kids are only 3, but each year I ask my family to not get them anything. Of course they HAVE to get the kids something because they are buying for the other kids/grandkids too. This is fine, I always appreciate the gifts they give.

Each year my family asks for a list of what my kids want. This is horse#@$@#$. I never respond to this request.

The solution is easy: drive whatever gifts you hate to a charity or goodwill store (this is not to say all hate/bad gifts should be given to charity -- i'm just pointing out that these gifts are always appreciated by the recipient). or better yet, take half of the gifts your kids got and do the same.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

My MIL is "gift-challeged" to the point that you could give her the exact name, brand, color, size and even where to find it and she would still buy the wrong thing. After many years of telling her that DD would like "X" or that DS has been asking for "Y" only to have her get "Z" for both, I began to offer to "pick it up" for her while I was out shopping anyway. She hates to shop and it shows in her gifts. DH has lunch with her every Wednesday and he delivers the unwrapped gifts to her the Wednesday before Christmas. Now, the kids always get a gift from Mom-Mom that was on their Christmas list and she's thrilled to know that they appreciate her generosity. It's too late for this year but perhaps the OP can offer to do the same for her SIL on future giftgiving ocaissions.

 

[ceecee]

My SIL sends DD only Cranium games and she got two of the same ones!!! Their daughter only is allowed to play "educational" games. Problem is we have to play these with her and I don't enjoy any of them. We are going to try and return the duplicate to TRU and see if she can get something else. It's not worth getting so upset over, you would probably be just as upset if she got nothing for him. It's the thought that counts!

 

[welovedis]

C.Ann, swilshire, sk!mom, DMRick-thank you for expressing what I thought when I first saw this thread.

I can't imagine being angry about a gift being given.

 

[momxx5]

This thread is very sad.


I didn't know that "gift" and "venting" could be used together.

I guess coming from a family that did/does not have a lot, the fact that any gift was thought of enough to even be purchased and wrapped is a great thing.

I am also so for the "educational" games that the parents don't want to play with their children. A few minutes of doing something with a smile....even if you don't want to do it....goes a long way with a child.

Merry Christmas to all.

 

[jcsbama]

I'm with the OP on this one. I don't see it as her being unappreciative of the gift at all. I view it more as just being irritated with the sil in general. We don't live her life and know all the details about how her sil really is, but from the posts, I have an idea. From the information we've been given, I have the sil pictured as someone that will do the opposite of what anyone wants just to p*ss them off. She sounds spoiled and the type that is going to do whatever whe wants and buy whatever she wants. She only asks what to buy because she thinks she is supposed too but never has any intention on buying any of the suggestive items. If I'm remembering the correct poster, isn't this the same sil that didn't appreciate the nice expensive gift that was purchased for her newborn daughter and wanted it return because she didn't like the color? Come on...now that is what I consider unappreciative. The sil sounds unbearable and her gift giving is just another way to be vindictive. I may be way off base on my judgement.....uh, assessment. Just my $0.02.

 

[txgirl]

-- i'm just pointing out that these gifts are always appreciated by the recipient

I agree

DMRick- sad is how I felt also. We should remember in perspective what others do without every day and the "needs" of so many in our country in the aftermath of the hurricanes and I can't conceive of the need to "vent" at this time of year if you are warm, fed, and have presents to open with people you love.

I think of those who relish the thought that the worst thing about their Christmas is they received things they didn't "want".

Your children did receive things they wanted. Mine receive things for birthdays and holidays that are repeat gifts or things they don't like. We emphasize that we are grateful for ALL things that are given regardless of our selfish desires. It is a difficult lesson.....even for adults.

 

[nbodyhome]

The SIL may or may not have a gift-giving motive. If she really does - wanting to be irritating, etc....I'd probably just say "thank you, as my child already has two of xx, I will make sure to donate this to a worthy cause".

Not everyone listens as far as gifts - my mom buys way too many gifts, IMHO, for my nieces (even though my sister has asked her not to). However, if I was in that situation, I'd just let all the gifts come from my mom. For whatever reason, my sister still buys a lot for Christmas and birthdays for the kids. I'd maybe buy something small, but otherwise - especially for Christmas - let mom be Santa (since that is what she wants to do).

And if they receive something that isn't interesting to them, donate it after a while.

Denise

 

[disneymom3]

I can totally understand the frustration of things not even close to the list when you take the time to give one to someone who asks for it. For me, it is frustrating because I spend a lot of time figuring out what to put on that list that I know I am not going to get but that the kids would still like. No one in my in law family uses those lists. They are the ones who ask for them and they ignore them. So, I have a new rule after this year. The first part of the rule is that I am not making lists. The kids are not making lists either. Not for grandma, not for me, not for Santa. People who know you and like you will give you what they think you would like. Period. However, the second part of my rule is that I refuse to celebrate Christmas anywhere else before we open gifts at home. Thankfully we did celebrate a week ahead of time this year with the ILs because I had to return DSs major gift and manage to come up with something else in the 6 days before Christmas.

Getting all angry and worked up, I don't understand.

 

[nbodyhome]

I agree on not making lists. I don't even ask what someone wants, I try to get them something I think they will like (I shop all year round for Christmas, from clearances and such). If I can't find something I think they'll like, they will generally get an Entertainment book, candles, or photo frames, etc. - something that most people I know (including me) use and appreciate.

The kids on the list usually get something Disney (I hit a major store sale at a Disney Store last year, I wish I'd bought more!). Sometimes it's from Target, or both - Target often has great deals on nice clothes.

Denise