OT: Gift Venting

[JoiseyMom]

What will it take for my spoiled sister in law to ever listen to me?? I have kids ranging in ages from 4 - 22, and even though she asks what they want, and I tell her, she NEVER EVER EVER FREAKING LISTENS!!

She asked me what my four year old wanted this year. I told her, he just got a bear from build a bear, and really wanted the Woody Outfit. Easy right?? WRONG!!!!!!!!! My 21 year old just brought over the kids presents, and my 4 year old got this kids coleman box with a tent (he already has 2), a sleeping bag (he already has 2), and some other stuff he has no use for. Now I have to find out from my brother, where they got it so I can try to return it. I think over the past 22 years she has gotten them 2 gifts they have liked. For years I asked her not to by the older 2 boys clothing, that they would want cd's or gift cards for cd's. What does she do, buy them shirts that they never took out of the box. We were cleaning out my son's room over the summer, and there were 4 boxes with brand new shirts in them. When my brother bought the kids gifts they were great, not when she does. I am getting my neices this year gift cards, this way they can get what they want instead of me getting them something they don't want or will use.

I know that it is the thought that counts, but why ask what they want if you aren't going to get it or take the advice????

 

[Ishy]

Christmas is hard if you have a lot of people to buy for... some of us just don't do so well even with the list in hand --- I think more often than not, it may be a matter of being a shopping tourist. I walk into any store with a list (malls, home depot, walmart, etc) and I become a tourist. I am wowed by GREAT SALES and awesome thing I KNOW I WOULD WANT if I was FOUR and a BOY (outside the store I know I have no clue)...

I am a much better shopper online. I search for what I want, order it, and I am not in tourist stupor mode.... I am done.

hopefully you can forgive and love the quirks and thought behind it all.

 

[Twinkies]

It sounds like the really bought the kids (especially the 4 year old) alot of things.... I'm sure she was really trying.
Next time, just tell her you really don't know - that they don't need a thing... I would accomplish the same thing and same you some stress.

 

[JoiseyMom]

LOL, love...sil....no, those 2 words don't go together. We "tolerate" each other. There was a nice period where I didn't talk to her at all....sigh...the good ole days. She is a champion shopper, let's say it is her passion, what she loves to do, spend money! I mean what she bought cost more than what I asked her to buy. It is just frustrating that she asks what they want, you tell her, and she doesn't do it. Why bother asking. Oh, and she doesn't have that many kids to buy for, there are her 2 kids, and my 2 little ones. She hasn't gotten my older boys presents for ages (much to their relief).

One year she got my son a gift that I am sure she thought would just piss me off, but it was awesome. It was this set of wooden blocks, tons of blocks, my son still loves it to this day .

 

[pearlieq]

Some people ask just to get a general idea of what types of things the recipient might want, or maybe they just ask because they think they're supposed to. If they were really expected to go out and get only exactly what you told them, why don't you just go get what you want and present them with an invoice?

It sounds like you're a little frustrated and disappointed at the gifts and wish your SIL paid more attention to what the kids might actually want, but gifts are always a matter of luck. No one HAS to give you a gift, so you just have to accept whatever you get with a grateful heart. Honestly I think it would be rude to call your SIL and demand to know where they got the gift so you can return it.

Why not donate them? And while you're at it, why not donate all those shirts as well? I'm sure someone could get a lot of use out of them.

 

[JoiseyMom]

It sounds like the really bought the kids (especially the 4 year old) alot of things.... I'm sure she was really trying.
Next time, just tell her you really don't know - that they don't need a thing... I would accomplish the same thing and same you some stress.

No, she got him 1 item, it is a box that contains camping/play things. And I know you guys have good hearts and think she is trying...but well...that isn't her. For my 22 years old's first Chanukah, and she and my brother are his g-d parents, she got him toys that had to come for a dollar or a drug store, things that if I had given him he would have choked to death. None of it was appropriate for an infant. And things haven't gotten much better when she bought them gifts. The year my brother got both of my boys bikes was awesome, but that year my brother picked the presents.

I had orginally told her I had no idea, but then my son went to a build a bear party and wanted the outfit. I figured a perfect gift. I am glad I had my 22 year old get him the buzz costume for his bear. He loved that outfit, and slept with the bear in his buzz tent last nite.

 

[PaulaSue]

I don't know what her budget is but maybe you are suggesting things a little to far out of her price range?

 

[JoiseyMom]

I don't know what her budget is but maybe you are suggesting things a little to far out of her price range?

LOL, ummm....no. The item I suggested was $15.00, what she bought him was way over that. My sil doesn't have a price range, I do, she doesn't.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Some people ask just to get a general idea of what types of things the recipient might want, or maybe they just ask because they think they're supposed to. If they were really expected to go out and get only exactly what you told them, why don't you just go get what you want and present them with an invoice?

It sounds like you're a little frustrated and disappointed at the gifts and wish your SIL paid more attention to what the kids might actually want, but gifts are always a matter of luck. No one HAS to give you a gift, so you just have to accept whatever you get with a grateful heart. Honestly I think it would be rude to call your SIL and demand to know where they got the gift so you can return it.

Why not donate them? And while you're at it, why not donate all those shirts as well? I'm sure someone could get a lot of use out of them. That seems more in the spirit of Christmas.

She asked what they wanted, I told her. She never listens, that is why I don't know why she asks. When someone tells me so and so wants this, I get them what they asked for, as long as it is in my price range. I do it with my best friend every year. She gives me a list of items her kids asked for and that is what I get them. She asks me, and gets what my kids asked for. I am frustrated with her, but I have been that way with her since she started dating my brother when I was a young teen.

You think it would be rude of me to call me sil and demand to know where she got the item?? Wow...get off your high horse. I didn't say I was going to call her and DEMAND. I said I was going to call my brother and ask. And if you want to know the definition of rude, my sil is it. When my niece was born I was so happy to have a little girl to spoil, since I had sons, and had no plans on having any more kids. So I went to my favorite store and bought my only niece a very expensive and adorable minnie mouse outfit. It was way over my budget being a single mom of 2 pre-teens. What happens, I get a nice phone call from my brother. His sweet lovely wife didn't like the color (bull-****), you want a $1.00 for everytime I have seen both my neices in that color. I brought the outfit back, and didn't replace it. It was also the last time and only time I bought a just cause gift when I saw something I liked. I just stuck to buying things for my kids.

As a side note, my sons new shirts were put in the donate pile. And I don't do Christmas, so I don't worry about it's spirit. I deal with the feelings of everyday and how people should treat each other on a daily basis.

 

[BoPeep]

This sounds just like my MIL. She asks what our kids want, then refuses to get anything remotely similar to what I suggest. I don't just tell her one thing, I'll give her several ideas to choose from, but it doesn't matter. But this is the same person that will give my husband a ton of gifts as well as money and then gives me a candle.

 

[Panthra529]

Did you ever think she does this just to irritate you? It sounds like that is the case, and it is working! LOL! Maybe she asks so that she can buy something more expensive than what you suggested, so she can be the "better one". I would just call and talk to her...not your brother and lay it on super sweet.....Hey sil the gift you got DS is amazing, I am sure it was sooo very expensive, but you know he already has two of these. Do you have the receipt so he can take it back to buy something he really wants? I think with the money we get, he will go to build-a-bear and buy 4 or 5 outfits for his bear. He will be so excited. Just lay it on thick. I find the nicer you are to people like your sil, the more aggrivated they get. I do this with DH ex! Makes me smile every time! If she says she doesn't have the receipt, just ask where she got it from and make the statement that you will just have to take it back without the receipt and take whatever they give you for it since it is probably on after Christmas clearance...... Good luck!

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I have eight grandneices and nephews ranging from 15 to 2. I give all of them Disney things; at least I do ask their parents about sizes and what interests the kids. One of the 15yo wants to be an Imagineer, so he's no problem, and the three girls are all about six and all I need to know is their favorite character/princess.

 

[adisneymama]

Oh how familiar this sounds! Last year my MIL called and asked my DH to go look at some toy at sams club that she wanted to buy for my then 2 yo DD. It was a ride on/push car thing. Well Dh went and looked at it and it was sooo cheaply made everytime you lifted the seat up it fell off! DH told her not to waste her money as it wasn't cheap in price, just quality. He then told her that for the same amount of money she could go to walmart and buy the Cozy coupe car that DD could use outside. What does MIL show up with? The cheaply made thing from Sams! Why bother? This year she didn't ask at all and bought DD 3 things that were pure junk and might have cost $30 total. This year she is mad because DD isn't interested in the things she bought. This is her only grandchild and she hasn't seen her in almost a year! Had she called occasionally or asked she would have known that what she bought wouldn't interest DD.

Hope you can find out where she bought it so you can take it back. I think I would have to tell her in the future, "I really don't know, but could you include a gift receipt with whatever you get!" LOL

 

[goofyforlife]

This is her only grandchild and she hasn't seen her in almost a year!

At least she sees her.....My DD's DGF and DSGM never see her or ask what she wants..... She's lucky if she gets a card or a couple bucks in it....

Which is worse..... them buying a present you hate or knowing that they couldn't be bothered to buy anything at all?

(and we know she shops all the time for the other 6 DGK's belonging to her DS and DD)

 

[njcarita]

at least your kids receive presents from your sister in law---
i would be happy if any of husbands 3 brothers and sister showed up with even just acandycane f or token for our kids.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Did you ever think she does this just to irritate you? It sounds like that is the case, and it is working! LOL! Maybe she asks so that she can buy something more expensive than what you suggested, so she can be the "better one". I would just call and talk to her...not your brother and lay it on super sweet.....Hey sil the gift you got DS is amazing, I am sure it was sooo very expensive, but you know he already has two of these. Do you have the receipt so he can take it back to buy something he really wants? I think with the money we get, he will go to build-a-bear and buy 4 or 5 outfits for his bear. He will be so excited. Just lay it on thick. I find the nicer you are to people like your sil, the more aggrivated they get. I do this with DH ex! Makes me smile every time! If she says she doesn't have the receipt, just ask where she got it from and make the statement that you will just have to take it back without the receipt and take whatever they give you for it since it is probably on after Christmas clearance...... Good luck!

LOL, we have done the irritating gifts, ya know the ones that are messy with lots of pieces and paint!! She is a super neat freak, I had fun buying those for my nieces. Honestly she isn't trying to be the "better one", she, this year I think bought what she thought they would like, and ya know, my 4 year old wants to open the box with the tent. But he got the buzz rocket tent last nite from my 22 year olds gf (who was worried caused she forgot he already had a Buzz tent from last year, but it was a different buzz tent, and ds4 was eyeing that new one in the store this year). So tomorrow I am probably going to have to store 3 tents somewhere. At least the buzz tents fold nice and fit behind his bedroom door. I have no idea where to put this tent, or the sleeping bag. He already has a sleeping blanket in my room, and one in his. I think we are going to have to leave one at grandma's house . And being super sweet with her won't work, I really prefer going through my brother, but since ds wants the tent...it will probably stay here.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I agree with the Previous Poster, my dd has one aunt, who treats her well, my dh's sisters don't pay attention at all. We would be happy if they would even pretend like they cared. In fact..DH called his dad on Christmas and his sisters were there and wouldn't even bother coming to the phone!!!!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

at least your kids receive presents from your sister in law---
i would be happy if any of husbands 3 brothers and sister showed up with even just acandycane f or token for our kids.

I would have no problem if we stopped receiving gifts from them. I am so grateful that my aunt stopped gifting my kids. My aunt was never short of money, but the stuff she got them was always really cheap stuff that gave me the impression that she didn't care, and was well I have to give them somehting. The women had no common sense. For my wedding shower, she gave me a long sleeve, long to the ground ugly pink nightdress. My dh and I laughed so hard about that. The looks from the shower friends were priceless. My mom and I laughed long and hard on that one.

My two older sons have family they have never seen or heard from, and ya know what, I am thankful. Sometimes being ignored is so much better for all concerned.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I agree with the Previous Poster, my dd has one aunt, who treats her well, my dh's sisters don't pay attention at all. We would be happy if they would even pretend like they cared. In fact..DH called his dad on Christmas and his sisters were there and wouldn't even bother coming to the phone!!!!!

It would be a much better world if we could pick our family like we pick our friends...but that is another topic.

 

[Costumesaremylife]

Well my half brother only came over on christmas to get the money he knows my dad will give him. He's 45 years old and never around, just when he needs money. This thread reminds me of my cousins who only care to talk to my mom when they are having a party and want her to drive somewhere totally far away and give their kid a present. My mom sends cards on holidays to the kids with money in them. Halloween, Valentines day stuff like that. She gets nothing in return. Then of course there's a birthday party invitation to somewhere 80 miles away. Last time she went the party was an hour and a half long and she sat at a table with my aunt while my cousin took the baby around to everyone and waved to my mom. I forgot to mention she used to live in our house. So she finally called on christmas. Just to tell us we'd be getting an invite to her three year olds christening. I tell my mom to just send the money that's all they want.