OT: Gift Venting

[Panthra529]

I just personally don't subscribe to the notion that whatever it is we feel is automatically ok. I think that in life we have choices on how we are going to let events and people effect us and sometimes we really do have to make an effort to CHOOSE to look at the positive side of things.

You are entitled to your opinion just as EVERYONE on this board is, but I ask; Who is in charge of saying wether feelings are right or wrong? That makes no sense. I mean if we are going to start placing the labels "right and wrong" on feelings, we had better start having laws governing those wrong feelings. Right? (of course acting on those feelings is a different story) We feel what we feel, and it is very difficult to control. Our feelings are part of our genetic make up, as well as the lessons and values we grew up with. Where as you have difficulty saying that not all feelings are automatically ok, I will post the oposite opinion: I don't think it is fair to tell a person what they are feeling is wrong. They feel what they feel, and others have no control over it. Sure we can give our opinions, but that isn't necessairly going to change anything.

Let's face it, if you try hard enough, I'm sure you can color almost anything in a bad light.

Can't we all?

Sure, vent away.... but does it really make you feel happier? Somehow, I doubt it.

I bet it does. Doesn't it make you feel better to get something off of your chest?

By the way, I love your avitar and your signature!

 

[JoiseyMom]

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So basically what you're saying is that your brother also feels you should be a door mat to his wife? Because if that's not the case, there is no reason you can't have a relationship with your brother and your neice without being involved with your sister-in-law..

There are always choices - but often times people are so blinded by other emotions they can't see the forest for the trees..

No my brother does not feel I should be a doormat for his wife. BUt he will not pick his sisters feelings over his wifes. And you know what, for the sake of their marriage, a husband should pick his wife over his sibling. By the way, I may not like my sil or like her choices of what she does, but I am in no way her doormat. My kids have gifts that they like, they see their cousins, and life goes on.

I am not blinded by emotion. My SIL does not step over me and use me as a doormat. She has no idea that I am not happy that she again didn't listen about the choices for gifts. She has no clue that her nephews hated her gifts or basically don't care for her. My sons are too polite to go, AUnt so and so, we can't stand you. They wont do that. My brother knows there are issues with his wife and me. And I can see the forest...the forest is my family and the realtionship that my kids can have with their extended family. I will not let one poorly planted tree get in the way of that.

 

[C.Ann]

No my brother does not feel I should be a doormat for his wife. BUt he will not pick his sisters feelings over his wifes. And you know what, for the sake of their marriage, a husband should pick his wife over his sibling. By the way, I may not like my sil or like her choices of she does, but I am in no way her doormat. My kids have gifts that they like, they see their cousins, and life goes on.

I am not blinded by emotion. My SIL does not step over me and use me as a doormat. She has no idea that I am not happy that she again didn't listen about the choices for gifts. She has no clue that her nephews hated her gifts or basically don't care for her. My sons are too polite to go, AUnt so and so, we can't stand you. They wont do that. My brother knows there are issues with his wife and me. And I can see the forest...the forest is my family and the realtionship that my kids can have with their extended family. I will not let one poorly planted tree get in the way of that.

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Well I certainly hope it works out for all of you - and doesn't affect your health in the long run.. It's evident from what you've written here that the problems in your family are far more serious than a simple "gift" issue.. Maybe somewhere down the road someone will decide to step up to the plate and deal with the real problems at hand before it adversely affects everyone around you..

I'd still skip the gift-giving though.. It's just not worth the aggravation you seem to go through..

 

[4theloveofdisney]

Whoa, the op was just venting about her SIL. I don’t think there is enough information in the post to suggest that she needed counseling. Almost everyone in their lifetime has someone that is able to get under our skin. It is unfortunate when it is a relative that we have to continue to deal with. There is probably much more to this situation than the yearly gift exchange.

I have gotten many gifts that I thought “what were they thinking?” One year my mom got me that Suzanne Sommers thigh buster! But, I know she really thought I would like it. She is not a mean spirited person.

Next year don’t even give your SIL a list. She won’t buy anything you ask for anyway just to annoy you.

No, just venting doesn’t necessarily make you feel better. However, when you have a friend that you vent to and they have some empathy and say “Gee, I am really sorry, what a bummer” then hopefully you DO feel better.

Great post! I just wanted to add to the OP: I understand your frustration. My family received a very handsome gift this Christmas from my in-laws and it's a season pass to a local attraction that we don't necessarily care for. The thing is, I know that some thought went into it but I also know that MIL and FIL were going on a cruise and didn't have time to deal with Christmas shopping. (They even put up their tree on Christmas Day!!) Knowing that we are huge Disney fans, any Disney gift would have been so much more appropriate but for some reason they felt that this would be great for us instead. They hate Disney and it would somewhat like us giving them season passes!!! Still, a bit disappointed that so much money was spent on us for something that we really won't use, we are keeping in mind that for whatever reason, they WERE thinking of us. I hate to say it - you may never get what you want because your SIL is going to kill herself trying - - kind of like my MIL and FIL. Their hearts are REALLY in the right place. You just can't expect to have everything that you want even if you spell it out!!! (This year I even created a website "Secret Santa" type Wishlist thingy. MIL is very computer savy. In her e-mail she stated that she didn't have time to look at anyone's lists!!!)

 

[BethR]

Closed at the request of the Original Poster.