OT: DS turns 5 end of July so Kindergarten or no Kindergarten

[collcass]

My DD has a July birthday. Because our state uses 12/31 as a cutoff, she is in the middle. I can't imagine having held her out another year. It really was not even ever discussed since she was five in July and for us, that isn't young (due to our state not having the age restriction).

DS 9 & 6 have end of the year birthdays. (11/24 & 12/28, respectively) The younger one is definitely young for 1st grade. he was just about 4 1/2 when he started kindergarten. It is okay now, but I am sure we will see more of the effects as he gets older. We followed teacher recommendations in starting them and they were both given placement tests because of their end of the year birthdays. We were told in both cases that they were ready.

My youngest has a Jan birthday. Even if he didn't miss the Dec cutoff, I wouldn't send him. He is the baby of our family and is treated that way far too often. He wouldn't be ready.

Good luck

The



In our choosing

 

[Luv2trav]

Our son birthday is July 29th and we held him back. I don't regret it one bit. What I do know is if I sent him and he wasn't ready I would have regretted that.

 

[hoosiergirl7]

I would send him, especially if he's academically ready. I know another poster stated that she kept her son back and he's the oldest without problem. However, I'm going to play a bit of devils advocate because of a personal situation.

We grew up in Indianapolis and my sister attended 1st grade in a public school. After first grade my family moved to the suburbs. I had been privately schooled until my Sophomore year in high school and had no trouble adjusting. My brother had some private schooling as well and did ok. My sister however struggled to keep up with the 2nd graders so they put her back in 1st. My sister was also an end of the year baby so she was already older than most of the kids in her class before she got held back. Needless to say, my sister was about 5 months away from turning 20 when she graduated high school and resented my parents a bit for not putting her in private school to help give her the edge she needed for the suburban overachieving schools we attended. She's over it now, but she hated it while she was in school and it kind of made her feel like a loser.

I'm not saying all kids feel this way but this isn't uncommon among kids who are held back to feel this way. I don't know how it is with kids whose parents deliberately hold them back - no experience on that one.

I would send him and if he doesn't do well, then repeat kindergarten. But until you try you won't know.

 

[chrisw127]

I actually put a LOT of thought into this last year when I had to make the decision for my son who has a late August birthday. Where we live, it is incredibly common to hold kids back, especially boys. It's so common that the principal of my son's soon-to-be school told one parent whose child met the cutoff that "our parents just don't send" kids with summer birthdays. Now, I don't completely agree with this principal--I think she's thinking more about test scores in the later grades--but I can see the point.

There's actually a lot of research that supports keeping kids with summer birthdays back a year. Some people say it's unfair, of course, because it gives kids whose parents are willing/able to pay for another year of preschool an edge (at least initially, although some data supports that kids who are held back have better test scores later on, even on their SATs), whereas kids from lower socio-economic backgrounds are forced to go regardless. And I'll admit to feeling a bit guilty to contributing to this trend, but it's my kid. I have to do what's best for him. And I think if a parent is keeping their kid back for valid reasons (not so they'll be bigger for sports or something like that), it's perfectly reasonable. In our case, I just wanted to be able to take him to Disney more often. No, seriously, I'm kidding. I just wanted to give him another year to mature.

Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide. As one teacher with thirty years experience told me, she's never had a parent regret holding her kid back, only parents who regret not doing it. Or, as a dear friend, also a teacher of many years, told me when I told her I was redshirting my son "Oh, thank god. We (teachers) hate it when parents send fours and young fives to kindergarten."

Good luck.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

The trend in our area is to hold back...especially boys.... All of the kids in my DD's preschool class have birthdays that fall between March '03 and September '03 (my DD being the September b-day- would be age 4 starting Kindergarten) are being held....I'm very surprised that the one kid with the March of 2003 b-day is being held though..... I mean, he'll be starting Kindergarten at age 6 and 1/2- turning 7!!!!!
The reason I'm holding my DD back is because so many OTHERS in our area do it. If I sent her on time, she could very well be in class with a kid 16-17 months OLDER than her. I just don't think its fair, physically, socially, or academically.
Do what is in your heart.... but I've talk to a million people about this.... I've heard a handful a people say they regretted pushing their child forward, but I haven't heard anyone regret holding their child back.

 

[momto2girls]

I actually put a LOT of thought into this last year when I had to make the decision for my son who has a late August birthday. Where we live, it is incredibly common to hold kids back, especially boys. It's so common that the principal of my son's soon-to-be school told one parent whose child met the cutoff that "our parents just don't send" kids with summer birthdays. Now, I don't completely agree with this principal--I think she's thinking more about test scores in the later grades--but I can see the point.

There's actually a lot of research that supports keeping kids with summer birthdays back a year. Some people say it's unfair, of course, because it gives kids whose parents are willing/able to pay for another year of preschool an edge (at least initially, although some data supports that kids who are held back have better test scores later on, even on their SATs), whereas kids from lower socio-economic backgrounds are forced to go regardless. And I'll admit to feeling a bit guilty to contributing to this trend, but it's my kid. I have to do what's best for him. And I think if a parent is keeping their kid back for valid reasons (not so they'll be bigger for sports or something like that), it's perfectly reasonable. In our case, I just wanted to be able to take him to Disney more often. No, seriously, I'm kidding. I just wanted to give him another year to mature.

Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide. As one teacher with thirty years experience told me, she's never had a parent regret holding her kid back, only parents who regret not doing it. Or, as a dear friend, also a teacher of many years, told me when I told her I was redshirting my son "Oh, thank god. We (teachers) hate it when parents send fours and young fives to kindergarten."

Good luck.

I totally agree with this post. I would definitely hold him if he were my son. I have a daughter with a July birthday and we held her. It is very common in my area to hold kids with summer birthdays. Very few start "on time". The school districts here are considering moving the date back to July 1st. I wish they would have done it before I spent all of that time obsessing about whether or not to send my DD.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

In California, the cut-off is December 1 so we have a lot of 4 year olds starting kindergarten. I've heard there's a movement to change this to September 1 and I really wish they would.

My boys' b-days are in July and September and I held them both until they were 6. I just didn't think sending them at 5 was the right thing to do. But they both did great starting at 6.

I asked my 1st son's kindergarten teacher how she felt about holding kids vs. starting them. She had a lot of really young kids in her class my son's year and some of them just weren't cutting it socially or behaviorally. The teacher said she always recommends that the kids be held back if the parent has any doubts or concerns whatsoever, especially for boys. She said the young kids are usually a little behind the older ones in kindergarten (some more than others) and she's seen that they never quite catch up all through school. Many do just fine, but this teacher saw a trend of the younger ones always struggling. This was a very experienced kindergarten teacher and I really believed in her viewpoint.

I think if you have any doubts at all, keep him in preschool another year. The older kids in preschool tend to rise to the top and become role models for the younger kids. This will set him up as a leader for when he starts kindergarten. His self-confidence will soar!

 

[zoemurr]

and I'm sure the principal at the school will talk with you too. Do you know anyone with grade school age children? Can you look at any class lists? I live in upstate NY where the cutoff is Dec. 1. (which is dumb.. but anyway..) it seems everyone here holds their boys back. My son's birthday is July, and he was the 2nd youngest in K, and that was only 1/2 way through the year. He did fine and is now in the gifted program.

If you don't feel he is really ready, by all means hold him. I am frustrated however that (here anyway) holding back has become the norm. Because of this I feel that my son will always be "behind" in sports, because he is a year younger than many of the boys. He is being penalized for starting "on time" and being ready. Don't hold him back just because of his birthday. Look at all the variables, and ask professionals who know him.

 

[kikiV]

Anyone have a similiar experience?? Did you send him or wait?? I know I wont' regret waiting, but I don't want him to be bored if I do.

Any thoughts or suggestions....

DO NOT SEND HIM. I had that decision with both kids. MY daughter was super smart and everyone said if I held her back she'd be bored. Guess what, 3rd grade now and has a small learning disorder. She would have drowned if she was a grade higher. School psych. says those things don't start to show until around 2nd grade. My son is 6 and in kindergarten now. If anything, in later years maybe he'll have an advantage in sports being bigger. You just don't know how the kids going to turn out as he ages and there really is no downside to keeping him back. There are definitely downsides to sending them early. Enjoy another year at home with him cuz pretty soon it's all about friends anyway.

 

[dogluva]

I totally agree with this post. I would definitely hold him if he were my son. I have a daughter with a July birthday and we held her. It is very common in my area to hold kids with summer birthdays. Very few start "on time". The school districts here are considering moving the date back to July 1st. I wish they would have done it before I spent all of that time obsessing about whether or not to send my DD.

SO if they moved it back to July 1 the June and May babies would be held back. When do you draw the line?

It was not fair to my son to be in school with kids 15 months older than he is. He held his own due to his big mouth and size but still. I hated when he went to high school with kids who were 20 years old (it happens, they go late then have to redo a high school year). He graduated at 17 and did fine. Sure, I could have held him back (and most people did) but they have cut-offs for a reason.

My youngest son is April. Years ago he would have been fine (right in the middle). I was surprised the first day when I was informed that he was the second to youngest. THe majority of the boys were summer babies held back. I don't know, it is just getting to be a bit much. Nobody feels their kids are ready anymore.

Peronsally, I am glad I sent my son. He is a sophmore in college at just turned 19. I have never had any problems with him in school except for the fact he went to high school with kids who didn't belong there anymore.

 

[toesmom]

My son will turn 5 the end of July. He went to preschool 2 days a week at 3 and 3 days a week at 4. Both for 1/2 day. I am trying to decide if I should send him to kindergarten in 2008 or wait a year. Academically, he is ready. He knows colors, shapes, how to write his name, counting, letters, sounds. However, he is still immature and doesn't have good self control. I am wondering if waiting that extra year will make a difference or not. I know if I send him now, there will be kids in his class that are a whole year older than him.

Anyone have a similiar experience?? Did you send him or wait?? I know I wont' regret waiting, but I don't want him to be bored if I do.

Any thoughts or suggestions....

My ds was 3-1/2 when he went full day... never thought he'd make it after all he was home with me from day 1 and was never in any kind of daycare or preschool program ever.

Well first 3-4 drop-offs were tough, but here we are 5 months later and he loves it. He is youngest and least mature in every way, but he has adjusted just fine.

Don't worry, send him in. You can always take him out if it's not working for him or the teacher.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

My ds was 3-1/2 when he went full day... never thought he'd make it after all he was home with me from day 1 and was never in any kind of daycare or preschool program ever.

Well first 3-4 drop-offs were tough, but here we are 5 months later and he loves it. He is youngest and least mature in every way, but he has adjusted just fine.

Don't worry, send him in. You can always take him out if it's not working for him or the teacher.

Are you saying your son went to full-day Kindergarten at 3 and a half???

 

[toesmom]

Are you saying your son went to full-day Kindergarten at 3 and a half???

Yes, actually it's no different than being in daycare all day (they still do some sort of resting time on mats in the afternoons). The biggest adjustment was not being with mom all day for him. But he was great.

He was actually really young for his age and I couldn't believe the school (private Christian school) would even take him in. He wasn't talking hardly at all (he's really improved) and we had about 1 month to potty train (that was fun). But I was absolutely amazed it worked out. And he really enjoys it.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Yes, actually it's no different than being in daycare all day (they still do some sort of resting time on mats in the afternoons). The biggest adjustment was not being with mom all day for him. But he was great.

He was actually really young for his age and I couldn't believe the school (private Christian school) would even take him in. He wasn't talking hardly at all (he's really improved) and we had about 1 month to potty train (that was fun). But I was absolutely amazed it worked out. And he really enjoys it.

That sounds like a very different program for Kindergarten then what we have here. When I met with our future Kindergarten teacher, she was explaining to me how rigorous and structured tha Kindergarten is. There is no nap or rest time, they have one 20 minute recess, but the rest of the time was spent sitting at a desk and working of reading writing and math. Too hardcore for a little kid. IMO.
DAycare, preschool, and Kindergarten should all be very different programs.

 

[megthewonderful]

I feel like I am in the minority. I live in NH where the cutoff is Sept 30th. My son's birthday is Sept 20th. Everyone told me to hold him back and wait a year to send him to preschool. Well, we decided to send him anyway knowing that he would be the youngest in his class. And while the first month or so was really hard, it turned out to be the best decision we ever could have made for him. He loves going to preschool and has grown so much in just a short amount of time. He'll be going to kindergarten as the youngest in his class, but it's a half day program and we think he can handle it. It seems as though holding back is becoming the norm. If we really thought he couldn't handle it, then we wouldn't be sending him.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I feel like I am in the minority. I live in NH where the cutoff is Sept 30th. My son's birthday is Sept 20th. Everyone told me to hold him back and wait a year to send him to preschool. Well, we decided to send him anyway knowing that he would be the youngest in his class. And while the first month or so was really hard, it turned out to be the best decision we ever could have made for him. He loves going to preschool and has grown so much in just a short amount of time. He'll be going to kindergarten as the youngest in his class, but it's a half day program and we think he can handle it. It seems as though holding back is becoming the norm. If we really thought he couldn't handle it, then we wouldn't be sending him.

You know... our Kindergarten cut off is September 30th too, and our DD has a B-day of September 18th.... If our Kindergarten was a half day, like yours is....we probably would have decided to send her, but because ours is a full day.... I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm sure your son will be great.

 

[Camno's Mama]

We are in a similar situation. My son has a July 1 birthday. He is a really smart kid...knows all the academic stuff. But he doesn't socialize well in the classroom situation, has a lot of trouble with transitions, and isn't the best listener. We think he will benefit from the additional year. He probably would do okay if we sent him, but there is no reason to. It's not going to hurt him to stay home one more year. I'm here anyway with the younger one!

Sometimes I feel weird about it because some of his friends are going, etc. But I think that's just my need to follow social norms! It's a really hard decision, and there is always going to be someone that disagrees with you either way. Just go for what you think will best fit your family, and don't look back! Second guessing yourself until kindergarten starts will only make you crazy!

Good luck!

 

[DebRMN]

SO if they moved it back to July 1 the June and May babies would be held back. When do you draw the line?

It was not fair to my son to be in school with kids 15 months older than he is. He held his own due to his big mouth and size but still. I hated when he went to high school with kids who were 20 years old (it happens, they go late then have to redo a high school year). He graduated at 17 and did fine. Sure, I could have held him back (and most people did) but they have cut-offs for a reason.

My youngest son is April. Years ago he would have been fine (right in the middle). I was surprised the first day when I was informed that he was the second to youngest. THe majority of the boys were summer babies held back. I don't know, it is just getting to be a bit much. Nobody feels their kids are ready anymore.

Peronsally, I am glad I sent my son. He is a sophmore in college at just turned 19. I have never had any problems with him in school except for the fact he went to high school with kids who didn't belong there anymore.
__________________

I feel the same way here.
I never put a lot of thought into this until recently. My twins will go to Kindergarted in the fall. Due to their bdays they will be almost 6.

Now my littlest one is July 20th. The thought of holder her back a year would never cross my mind. Until recently. It's no wonder I hear people talk about the unbelieveably advanced things kids are learning in grade school....well, duh if everyone is redshirting their kids.....give kids an additional year. At these ages, of course they are going to be more advanced......which in turn kinda screws those of us who are going by the rules of the cut-off dates.


Obviously there must be more to this than I am aware, as I don't have kids in school yet. If they are in preschool & are doing fine, why wouldn't you send them when they are supposed to go......is it really an emotional/social issue, or is really just to give them an academical edge? A lot of parents really seem to get a kick out of bragging(so to speak) about their childs academic acheivements. Honestly, it nauseates me. Its one of the reasons I sent my kids to a more socially based preschool (obviously they learn numbers, letters reading, etc) vs an academically based. I'm not an, "OMG my 4 year old can read a 30 page book" kind of mom

I was always the youngest in my class. I didn't drive until my Junior year.(which sucked, but that was a social thing :lol) I graduated when I was 17, blah blah blah


I say send them, if they really can't deal with it(without feeding into it, or only giving it a few days), pull 'em.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone, I guess this subject has hit more of a button than I thought it would

 

[DebRMN]

I also can't help but be frustrated when I hear things about a teacher labeling a younger 5 year old as a behavioral issue when they are not acting like a 6 year old in class. well, HELLO????? & if everyone is redshirting for Kindergarten, of course the older kids are going to have a little more control.

 

[dogluva]

I feel the same way here.
I never put a lot of thought into this until recently. My twins will go to Kindergarted in the fall. Due to their bdays they will be almost 6.

Now my littlest one is July 20th. The thought of holder her back a year would never cross my mind. Until recently. It's no wonder I hear people talk about the unbelieveably advanced things kids are learning in grade school....well, duh if everyone is redshirting their kids.....give kids an additional year. At these ages, of course they are going to be more advanced......which in turn kinda screws those of us who are going by the rules of the cut-off dates.


Obviously there must be more to this than I am aware, as I don't have kids in school yet. If they are in preschool & are doing fine, why wouldn't you send them when they are supposed to go......is it really an emotional/social issue, or is really just to give them an academical edge? A lot of parents really seem to get a kick out of bragging(so to speak) about their childs academic acheivements. Honestly, it nauseates me. Its one of the reasons I sent my kids to a more socially based preschool (obviously they learn numbers, letters reading, etc) vs an academically based. I'm not an, "OMG my 4 year old can read a 30 page book" kind of mom

I was always the youngest in my class. I didn't drive until my Junior year.(which sucked, but that was a social thing :lol) I graduated when I was 17, blah blah blah


I say send them, if they really can't deal with it(without feeding into it, or only giving it a few days), pull 'em.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone, I guess this subject has hit more of a button than I thought it would

I don't know why I read these threads because I am sick of being the only one who says "send them!". But whatever, that is my problem.

I agree. None of my children read at four or five. They barely knew their letters before going off to K. One was Nov (cut off Dec 31), one Aug.(changed cut off to Aug. 31). The next were Jan, Dec., April and my youngest will be in K in the Fall (March). She started identifying her letters this week (seriously, it just happened). She also goes to a Developmental Integrated Pre-K. Letters are there but not the focus of the day (actually very little of the day). My oldest children all were reading by First grade. Fine, good students M(even with attention issues).Early reading is fine but doesn't mean those that read when it is considered normal won't do as well. I would rather my three year old be playing and learning how to share. Things that threes do (or don't do). Maybe all those that are holding them back didn't focus enough on Social skills and too much on academics. It seems that is the main reason for holding them.

I, too, get very ill hearing about the little einsteins (hey I don't even know if this is spelled right!).

I heard a mother say she held her Feb chid back (when the cut off was Dec!) that she wanted him to have an edge in sports. How sad and very unfair to those that send their kid on time.

They have cut offs for a reason!