OT- did you have a "happy" childhood

[Barbers2005]

My childhood was kind of like doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When I was little, my mom was a stay at home uber-mom, the kind who baked fresh cookies for my after school snack and made my halloween costume every year. My dad was also super involved, coaching my soccer team and going as a chaperone on all my school trips. Everything was happy, happy, happy until I was about eight and my parents could no longer hide the fact that they hated each other and were only staying together for the kids. They fought bitterly for a few years and then divorced when I was about twelve. My dad remarried and was suddenly too busy to be bothered with his kids. At most I would get a phone call every 5-6 months and a visit once a year. My mom became depressed and verbally abusive. Every day she would berate and belittle me for being worthless and being a burden to her. When I went away to college, I cut ties with my mom and barely spoke to her until I married and had my daughter. By then Mom had moved across the country, but she came to visit when my daughter was born. A week after her visit, she went to see her doctor about a stomach pain-probably an ulcer, she thought. It turned out to be cancer and she died a year later, at the age of 43. On the whole, there is not one memory from my childhood that isn't tainted by resentment or bitterness, and I am determined never to expose my daughter to such abuse and neglect. I try to remember the way my parents were when I was little, and use that as a model of the parent I would like to be. Luckily I have a wonderful, caring husband, and together we have been able to provide a warm, loving home for our daughter to thrive.

 

[Kimmumum]

I had a really great childhood. My dh said I grew up in the Brady Bunch, unfortunatley he grew up as Marianne from the Munsters

I laughed hysterically when I read this. My friends always said I lived in the Beaver Cleaver Family. I had a great childhood and I hope my boys think they are living one right now.

 

[medicgirl_911]

I had a bad turn to good childhood. My parents were both alcoholics, drug users. My dad was very physically abuive to my mother. I watched him punch her front teeth out. I watched him push her from a moving car. Those things happened every weeknd. He was an over the road truckdriver so he was only home on weekends. One time I had a friend stay the night on a Friday night, the next morning we were watching Saturday morning cartoons when my dad came home, apparently my mom had a male "visitor" in the bedroom and my Dad proceeded to beat the heck out of them both, I sat there eating my cereal and my friend was bawling and freaking out, I couldn't understand why.... wasn't everyones family this way?? That was the first time I realized that this was not "normal" When you are a kid and it is all you know, you have no idea it isnt normal. There were so many knock down drag out fights, my mom ending up in the Emergency Room, and you know its funny, the cops came sometimes but my Dad was never once arrested. It was different back then.
When I was 12 my parents started going to AA. My dad first then my mom a few months later, my Dad has never hit my mom since then. My mom actually became a Drug and Alcohol abuse counselor, and both helped others become sober in AA as well. So I guess things have turned out OK. I rarely drink alcohol, and if I do its only one or two drinks. (I have had the same wine cooler sitting in my fridge since the 4th of July) My brother on the other hand has just started going to AA about a month ago. I hope he can stick to it, he's a good person and deserves a good life We had one family vacation once, to Six Flags in Chicago, about two hours away from our home. We did spend the night but that was the only family trip we ever had. All my life my parents told me ONE OF THESE DAYS, we are taking you kids to Disney. It never happened. I guess thats why I am so excited about this trip to Disney!
I married a wonderful guy who had an equally crappy childhood, but I feel it made us better parents. He is a wonderful husband and father. I am so truly blessed. It will be my DH first trip to Disney as well, when he deployed to Iraq in Oct 2004 we told my daughter that when Daddy came home we were taking her to Disney. After he got injured over there, I knew there was NO WAY I was not going to follow thru!!!! We leave on 5/1!!! For us its all about being the kind of parents we always wanted to have lol. Showing her plenty of love and affection, setting a good example for her, teaching her discipline and respect for others. My worst downfall would be probbaly going overboard most of the time to give her "all the things I never had as a kid" gymnastics, dance, toys, clothes, etc. but hey, its better than drinking right?? LOL.
I have enjoyed reading the other posts, its always nice to remember that I wasnt the only one.

 

[Cinderella2006]

I think it takes a lot of guts for people to admit their difficulties during childhood. I didn’t have a particularly good upbringing, my parents were too young to look after me and too self indulged but luckily enough I had wonderful grand parents who bought me up.
I was sexually abused by a family member as a child, I watched my father beat my mother on the odd occasions I did visit, watched my mum as she suffered from anorexia, drug taking, I was kidnapped by my dad and beaten, moved pillar to post the list is endless. All things considering I turned out pretty well. At the age of 12 I moved in with my aunty and uncle, my poor grandparents needed time to themselves and they moved into a small bungalow. My aunty didn’t have any children and I got spoilt rotten, it doesn’t make up for the things that happened but they did there best and if it wasn’t for them I don’t think I would be here today. They took me to Disney almost every year. I will never forget the past but life is too short to dwell on it. I am 21 now and have lived with my partner for 4 years, I have my own home, own car, a beautiful 2 year old son and i am getting married this year in Disney. I was one of the lucky ones that had a supportive family even if my parents didn’t have a clue. I still have flash backs, nightmares and I am still deeply depressed but I know there are people who aren’t as lucky as I am. I am determined to give my son the best in life and would never put him through what I went through. Starting with his first holiday in Disney this October!

 

[Disney Crazy Debbie]

I started out in a Ward and June Cleaver household until 1963 when my dad suddenly left the family for his gay lover. From the time he left he ignored me and pushed me away, all the while shielding my brother (he's 4 years younger than me). When Mom remarried it was to an alcoholic abusive man and I was frightened by him because everytime I had an opinion that differed from my mom I was being disrespectful. We didn't do any family vacations because he didn't bond with anyone because he was selfish. He was particularly abusive to his older daughter, who was only around 3 when she came to live with us. This was a time when people didn't talk about such things, you hid them (thank goodness people have realized the damaged caused and the continuing cycle).

He did take us on our first trip to WDW in August 1975, but it wasn't a particularly happy time except that I finally got to go to WDW-MK.

I ended up with someone just like him for about 7 years and we had a son. I decided that if I wanted anything out of life, like happiness I had to get away from him so I did. My DS(16) has not contact with his father and has no desire to, because all he remembers is the abuse and the drinking. I have never taken a dime from his dad for child support and we have made it just fine. I have tried to make his childhood happy and I think he is goal driven. He will be graduating from high school in 2 years.

For me my support has always been my grandparents until they passed away and the love and support of Jesus who has always been there.

I try to put things in the past but it isn't always easy and now my father is gone as well and I still have a gazillion questions that shall remain to the ages.

 

[DVC Sadie]

It's funny because while I was growing up I thought my parents were way too strict but now know that they loved me enough to say no. My dad owned his own business so he was either at work or out of town on business. My mother was a SAHM until I went to boarding school in the 9th grade. We went on family vacations yearly to California which included trips to Disneyland and Knox Berry Farm. I never realized how very lucky my brother and I were while actually growing up.

When I got out on my own and lived in the real world I can say we were truly blessed to have parents who raised us to be independant, hard working, and being able to take responsibility for our actions.

Before my parents died within 2 years of each other my dh and I retired early and moved to spend time with them. I am so grateful of our time together and can honestly say my mom was my best friend. We went everywhere together and I have no regrets.

 

[Tosie]

I had a great childhood. My parents were fun people with a great sense of humor and we laughed a lot. We didn't have a lot of money but I sure didn't know it. We took a family vacation every year (to my aunt's house at the Jersey shore - my sister and I thought it was heaven! LOL!) My friends were always welcome in my home, in fact, my parents used to joke that they never knew WHO they would be dining with! They stayed involved in what we were doing and neither my sister or I ever drank or did drugs. Did they make mistakes? Of course, and I'm trying not to make them with my kids (I'm creating brand new ones, LOL!) I have very fond memories of growing up and feeling loved and safe!

 

[devotedchristian]

I had a horrible childhood...

DH's was worse-He and his 4 Siblings didn't know where their next meal was coming from. He grew up in a Rat/Roach infested home.

We have 1 child (DS, Almost 3) and we plan to be the total OPPOSITE of what our parents were to us.

 

[Kahana-ri]

My parents divorced when I was 11, my father became estrange, not that he was a great parent to begin with, we were poor, and we lived on a farm in the middle of no where.
Now as I child I knew there were other people better off. I was aware that my mom, raising three kids by herself wasn't able to provide the same way that many of my friends were. As an adult now I have realized so many things. My mother worked hard so that we had a house, and a place to always call home. Even to this day-its the same house we grew up in. We may of lived far on a little farm, but to have land and a rural up-bringing was actually a pretty cool thing.
We never starved, we always had clean clothes and my mom had us involved in 4-H. Sure, as a kid it wasn't cool to have to go home to milk the goats, but I appreciate all my childhood taught me.
Was it a 'happy' childhood? In its own weird way-yes!

 

[Snoopymom]

If I listed all the crap, I'd probably have to pick the 4th one, but there were some fun and happy times too. I don't like to reminisce like dh and his siblings do...always planning and looking forward to something instead, usually a Disney or Universal trip, definitely the reason why I love this site so much. I think I'm trying to crowd out my bad childhood memories with happy adult ones.

I love to hear how so many of us are adamant about creating happy memories for our kids and trying to be better parents than ours, makes me think the world isn't so bad.

 

[playwright]

thanks for indulging me- I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, verbally abusive father, enabling mother, no love or affection or approval. And as an adult I have tried to distance myself from my parents, but once again my father has pulled his s%it with me, and once again sent me into a tailspin and depression. and I just wish I could look back on my childhood and smile and think of happy memories. my husband also grew up with an alcoholic, abusive father and passive-aggressive, disapproving mother

and of course I am determined to fill my children's lives with happy memories.

but I just wonder how many of us had that norman rockwell experience or more like what my husband and I grew up with?

Mine sounds somewhat like yours, maybe not as bad. DHs similar, but not as bad. I want my kids to be happy more than anything, I hear you. I just want to send you some hugs and I hope that will make you feel better.

 

[playwright]

Erin,
You sound like a wonderful mom to your DD. I cried when I read your story (but that's a good thing) and it gave me insight on how to deal with my children - thanks for sharing with us. Hugs to you and your family.

 

[playwright]

If I listed all the crap, I'd probably have to pick the 4th one, but there were some fun and happy times too. I don't like to reminisce like dh and his siblings do...always planning and looking forward to something instead, usually a Disney or Universal trip, definitely the reason why I love this site so much. I think I'm trying to crowd out my bad childhood memories with happy adult ones.

I love to hear how so many of us are adamant about creating happy memories for our kids and trying to be better parents than ours, makes me think the world isn't so bad.

Hey Snoopy,
I hear you - I'd rather look forward to the future (and I think I'm as much fun planning the trip as going on it) than reminiscing. Your last sentence just sums it up beautifully. Props to you!

 

[hellow]

My childhood was not good. My mother was schizophrenic, my dad left her with me and my 4 brothers and sisters when I was 9. She had no source of income, so we begged for food to have dinner some days. (My dad was a doctor, but he took off to the other side of the country with his "new" love and abandoned us). The police finally came to take us away from her about 6 months later. We lived with various relatives until my dad was forced to take us a year later. He had married the woman he took off with, and for some reason she thought she could marry a guy with 5 kids and not have to deal with them ever. She was physically abusive to all of us until I left for college, vowing never to come back.

I have worked really hard to put the past behind me and make a good life for my kids. They have had a pretty easy life-never wanting for anything they needed, 2 parents involved in their lives, and lots of fun. The wierd thing is, I now wonder how they will handle anything bad that comes their way. I went thru life knowing I went through hell and lived to tell about it (and was stronger because of it). They have not had anything like that and I wonder often if they will fall apart if anything happens to them after having such a problem-free childhood. Is that strange, or what?

Thanks, OP, for asking this question, since I think it does help to know you are not alone.

 

[MickeyHereWeCome!]

Overall, I think I had a very happy childhood. I had lots of downs, but my mom really make the best of everything.

My parents divorced when I was seven, and he basically decided he didn't want anything to do with us because he wasn't happy with only having us every other weekend. So, I didn't have that true father figure that I longed for. I do remember a short time of having to do the weekend visitations, and I remember my mother's fear that he would just take off with us. I didn't see my father again until I was an adult

My mom did the whole single-mother, working three jobs, thing, which was hard on us. We had very little money. But, I this isn't what comes to mind when I think back. I just know I came from a very loving family. My Mom was amazing and was a wonderful role model. She made my brother and I feel great about ourselves, and did everything possible for us.

My mother remarried when I was 13, and as much as I love my stepfather, we've never had a close relationship.

I know there are things I want to do for my kids, that I missed out on. I pray that they always have a wonderful relationship with their father. I'm happy that we are able to afford some of the things I couldn't as a child (I so longed to be able to get ice cream from the ice cream truck when I was little). But I know that I want to be as wonderful a mother as my own mother was to me. She is my inspiration!

Thanks for letting me share.

 

[Snoopymom]

Hey Snoopy,
I hear you - I'd rather look forward to the future (and I think I'm as much fun planning the trip as going on it) than reminiscing. Your last sentence just sums it up beautifully. Props to you!

oh thanks! and thanks to sz9144 for asking...it really does help to know that we're not alone. I waited until I was in my thirties, financially ok with a loving rock solid marriage before having kids, actually waited too long and ended up adopting, but I can't say it enough...it really is heartwarming to see how so many of us are trying extra hard to be great parents...and obviously succeeding from all the posts!

 

[disneynewbee]

Wow reading these posts sure have me crying. My childhood was horrible and so was my husbands. We also have vowed to never be the parents we lived with. My mom was a very needy person, actually she still is, she jumped from one relationship to another our whole childhood. I have 3 sisters, me and my older sister have the same father. He was a druggy who only paid attention to us kids when people were over and he was showing off. My mom left him and married my 2 younger sisters father. This man was crazy with a capital C!!! Our house was covered in pot plants. He sold the drugs right out of our home so we had druggies in our house all the time. He started buying us alcohol at 7 years old. He was verbally and physically abusive to my mother on an everyday basis. He would get angry and throw chairs out the window and through the china closet. When my moms friend from down the street would call the cops they would say it was his home and there was nothing they could do about it. Thank goodness police take domestic abuse seriously now a days. He would hit us with the belt as punishment and make us sleep at the table if we didn't clear our plates. One day he really lost it. He dangled my mom out of the second story window and threatened to drop her in front of all of us kids. Finally he brought her back in and grabbed my youngest sister who was maybe 1 at the time and tried to leave with her. Me and my other sisters grabbed onto his leg and started hitting him giving my mom enough distraction to grab her. Then he turned the gas on the stove and locked all the windows and doors and said he would gas us all to death and we would die together. After about 20 minutes he just snapped out of it I guess and left. My mom called a cab and we took a bag each and left and stayed at the house of ruth. He tried to kidnap me and my older sister from school a couple of times after that and the school had to hide us and call the cops. About 6 months after my mom left him he killed someone and went to jail so we were finally safe. Unfortunately my mom could not stand to be without a man and dated one loser after another who would hit and verbally abuse us. Then she married again. This man was horribly verbally abusive and sexually abused my youngest sister. He also went to jail. My mom is now 50 something and continues to bring one man after another into her life. I do remember that when she was between men us kids were happy, we didn't have much since she was raising us 4 by herself but we didn't need it. I think that's why she kept finding a new man because she wanted to provide us material things when all we wanted was a peaceful happy home. Anyway I have taken my childhood as a learning experience on what never to do. We don't hit or yell in our home and use positive reinforcement. We don't drink or use drugs. I know that my children will be able to remember there childhoods with fondness and that is enough to make up for what I went through. I know you didn't ask for the whole sordid details but it felt liberating to write it out here. I know reading others experiences made me feel better because sometimes you do feel like you are all alone and that noone else could possibly have had it as bad.

 

[the Fidge]

The wonder of life is it is always what I make it, being raised by humans that are imperfect keeps things in perspective. I was raised by a mom who drank and was very unkind she was not cut out to be a mother sadly enough and had 4. My Dad tried to keep his army running smoothly bless his heart, he never drank!

I on the other hand began a journey of dark self inflicted pain, resorting to alcohol myslef and never planned on having a child myself for fear I too would be an abusinve parent. With many prayers of others, I got sober and met my husband, who I adore. We have a son, and to by amazement I have never harmed. I was terrifed at first and then I was amazed at how much I could love someone. He is my heaven on earth he has never known one moment that I ever drank. My promise to him when I learned I was pregnant. I have healed many of my pains by doing the things I always wished were done with me, I always encourage rahter than hurt, I give him alll my love by telling him and showing him how dear he is to me. I would have never beleived I could be all the things to him that I desired so much. It is sad my family has been so damaged by one woman, but I realize she is very sick and has no desire to live different.

I did not learn from my mother how to be a good mom, I learned from other women I regarded as great moms and copied from them. I continue to learn how to be a good mom every day and am so happy I have no reservations in asking someone how they do something. I try all diffferent approaches. The healing comes from loving others as I desired to be loved, and gathering around my family those that bring joy into their lives not pain. I can protect my family and not put them in harms way or myself!

God Bless your journey, ask the questions and the teachers will appear.

I did have some wonderful moments shared with my siblings and my Dad and those are what I hold onto. I have left the pain behind to replace it with joy !

I pray you too one day will know joy love and accpetance for who you are and what others were to you! All my hopes are with you. The gift is in the struggle!!!