OT, dealing with an addiction of a loved one :(

[bawstngrl]

. They say when you stop using, you are the age you started... this is so true in this case. Basics are still being learned. Weird huh.

having worked in and around the substance abuse field for many years I know this to be true.....if you start using as a teen and then get into recovery in say your 40s, you are basically working at the teen mentality level and you have to learn to grow up and be an adult. For some this is really, really hard, as they have never taken resposibility for anything /anyone.

my addict is still a young'en .....not growing up at all, all the while claiming to be "over 18 and I can do whatever I want"...( which most always ends up being terrible choices - of friends, jobs, living situation, money management etc.etc.etc.)

 

[miss missy]

having worked in and around the substance abuse field for many years I know this to be true.....if you start using as a teen and then get into recovery in say your 40s, you are basically working at the teen mentality level and you have to learn to grow up and be an adult. For some this is really, really hard, as they have never taken resposibility for anything /anyone.

my addict is still a young'en .....not growing up at all, all the while claiming to be "over 18 and I can do whatever I want"...( which most always ends up being terrible choices - of friends, jobs, living situation, money management etc.etc.etc.)

I totally agree, they are the age they start, when they stop. This is 100% what I see here. Thank god mine is 23 now, so hopefully it wont go to 40. I am seeing such a big change this week with the job going well. With everything. Coming home after work, doing laundry on his own, going to bed early, getting up and out on time, even helping around the house!! Also he is doing things himself and considering me now. This week he was perfect. I am hoping the job gave him confidence and sees the light at the end of the tunnel. This could change everything for him

Also, it helps that he sees how a normal functioning family is, he left here at 16 and after that wasn't around any healthy people. Now he sees how it should be and how his life doesn't have to be stressful and craziness like it was. Unfortunatly, his gf is one big mess, and going from living with THAT, yes she is a THAT lol, to living here, its day and night. He has peace and support in place of craziness and slum.

I sure pray we continue this way. I do realize it is a battle and it is not something that changes over night. But man already, its so much better

 

[miss missy]

And because it's also a hard time for them.....
And also a teen has to vent their worries and problems...

They sooo do! I thank god I am a girl, since I can remember and recall how I felt as a teen and what things bothered me. I do keep in mind, all that they go through. I am lucky that mine tells me things and is open with me.

I know when I see a sign of something, I need to pay attention to what might be going on. I sooo think teens have it he hardest these days!!

 

[bawstngrl]

Also, it helps that he sees how a normal functioning family is, he left here at 16 and after that wasn't around any healthy people. Now he sees how it should be and how his life doesn't have to be stressful and craziness like it was.

Unfortunately many addicts thrive on the chaos and craziness and can NOT stand a peaceful,"normal" living situation......as I have said mine returns home when in crisis, but after a few weeks becomes restless and bored with the quiet life...and in no time starts out - just going to a friends for a while , then going out for an evening, then staying out for the weekend..and then gone again on another downward spiral

 

[miss missy]

Unfortunately many addicts thrive on the chaos and craziness and can NOT stand a peaceful,"normal" living situation......as I have said mine returns home when in crisis, but after a few weeks becomes restless and bored with the quiet life...and in no time starts out - just going to a friends for a while , then going out for an evening, then staying out for the weekend..and then gone again on another downward spiral

I know that type too. I am not sure what I got on my hands get since I haven't had enough time to see, from age 16 to now to tell. He is just not his age yet.

It is getting hard though. Small little things that can lead to bigger things if not stopped in the tracks. I am going away to WDW next week and it is making me nervous to leave. I guess it will be a do or fail thing.

I am happy to report he fessed up to the new job's boss about his past, kinda had to with a background check being done, not sure if he would of otherwise... anyhow, they told him he was working out and a good worker, BUT that if he messed up ONCE, it was over! I liked that, he needs that! No room for error.

The kid just doesn't wake up in the am well, slept through the alarms twice, both times just making it on time. That is something I ca't relate to, since at 19 till now I work at the same place and if I was late once, I would be written up! I was always responsible, as a single mother at 18 I had to be. I just want to scream when I don't see him taking it as seriously. He should be kissing the ground that he got such a good job with his past! ARGGG!

He is not a drinker, but seems to want to have one after work now. Addicts shouldn't drink! It could lead to another addiction. Now we do not have alcohol in the house, never have. We will for people if we have a holiday party or cookout, but thats it. We have a teen here to! So now we have to have a talk and tell him, no booze in our house. I mean we never did before, we don't want to set that example, and we don't want him to either. Last week he had an old freind here and they had some beers and I drove the kid home... because we insisted neither of them drive after a couple beers. They didnt over do it, but it is how we teach and operate, one drink- no driving! I hate that we have to point these things out. He and his freinds think they can drive after a couple beers over the night, but I think it is flirting with danger! Specially when you are on probation!! DUH!

So I am not sure, but I am seeing little things I don't like. DH and I are getting ready to have a talk with him. We both have trips that overlap and leaving him here is making us nervous. It shouldn't, and its not fair.

When he came here it was all business, now it seems he is getting a bit lazy of how serious this time is in his life. Once mess up and he can lose it all.

Ho hum...

 

[miss missy]

Well DH did have a chat with him He did a great job AND also got through too. He told him he believes in him and such and expressed his concerns. It went GREAT! We also got his GED scores, he passed with flying colors!!! I know he felt good about this. He changed so much in 2 months! A good job, GED, car and a supportive place to live. Last xmas he was in a rehab/jail! This year his life is so much better. He seems to be getting that. We know old habbits are hard to change, so we are just watching and stepping in when we see bad decisions ya know. We don't expect 100% turn around, but seeing the effort is great.

I am off to WDW Friday can't wait! I am letting this stuff stay home and not taking it. Cell is for checking in only. I am good at doing this each trip and it works well. Ahhh life without a cell is sooooo good! he he he!

Thanks to all that supoorts me here. I will for sure keep you all updated!

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I'm so glad things are going well!

 

[miss missy]

Wow a month went by! Was going good until about 2 weeks ago.


Losing faith and hope that anything will ever change. Just about had it with trying to help. Add to that the holidays... I just don't want anything to do with them this year, I am feeling I am the only one who cares, the only one who is trying to keep the traditions going. I already cancelled one, no party at my house this year... last year family members did no shows, so I said no more. I will have the in laws a.k.a. the good family over, but thats it.

When I start no caring about xmas, the one time of year that I live for, you know I have reached my limit. I am just feeling like "whatever"!!!!!

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

Aw Missy - I'm sorry this is happening. Hang in there and enjoy your in-laws and the time you spend with them for the holidays. You'll have some karmic payback in the future. Caring about others, even when they don't care about themselves, racks up the good points.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

Come on now...don't let them drag you down with them! I know it's hard, but just remember that *you* are the one in control of *your life* -- don't let someone else's addictions control your emotions. I know it sounds like cheesy advice, but maybe you should try to do something that will help others as well as yourself like getting a group together to carol at a senior home, or children's hospital...anything that might help you realize that even though some of the people close to you have lost the Christmas spirit, there are so many others that haven't. Good luck and know that you've got a lot of people that do care and hope things turnaround for you soon.

 

[LilGMom]

Big to you!

 

[miss missy]

Thanks guys! I really am trying to keep it together through this. Seems to be I need to step back and gather my head together. People just don't seems to care who they walk on these days

I sure could use another vacation!! Don't know how far eough I could go LOL

 

[dalt01]

Gosh, drama before I went to bed, drama when I woke up.

sometimes we cause our own drama.

This is where me being so on top of things is a burden,



None of it is being done, all lies lies lies. We put in a huge amount of time and money to support the change-only to find out, nothing was real. Its crazyness.

you do not need to be on top of things, when the dust settles its not your problem.

Marianna and everyone,


I so know how hard it is. I am a bit blessed because in my case, the person didn't come for help until they wanted it, ya smaller things before, but this is the first time they are asking for the type of help that will transform them, they are well aware that we will NOT sit by and help someone who isn't helping themselves. Filling me in on how the day went ect. I love it

sometimes you are told what you want to hear.

Wow a month went by! Was going good until about 2 weeks ago.


Losing faith and hope that anything will ever change. Just about had it with trying to help. I already cancelled one, no party at my house this year... last year family members did no shows, so I said no more. I will have the in laws a.k.a. the good family over, but thats it.

I am just feeling like "whatever"!!!!!

I really am trying to keep it together People just don't seems to care who they walk on these days

as hard as it sounds sometimes you must let the chips fall where they may. after all this is NOT your fault.

 

[wishspirit]

Sending my love and support!

 

[miss missy]

sometimes we cause our own drama.

you do not need to be on top of things, when the dust settles its not your problem.

sometimes you are told what you want to hear.


as hard as it sounds sometimes you must let the chips fall where they may. after all this is NOT your fault.

The chips falling where they may will put TWO of my loved ones at serious risk. Wish it was that easy. I have come a long long way in letting go of things, trust me. If it wasn't for an innocent child in the mix, I would handle things differently. I can't explain it all... its too much and could fill a book, but there is more than just "poor me" going on. This is big time, life effecting, long term stuff. I have to find a mix of protecting the child, and letting go of the rest. And when I say we are all this child has, I mean it! Thanks for understanding.

 

[dalt01]

The chips falling where they may will put TWO of my loved ones at serious risk. Wish it was that easy. I have come a long long way in letting go of things, trust me. If it wasn't for an innocent child in the mix, I would handle things differently. I can't explain it all... its too much and could fill a book, but there is more than just "poor me" going on. This is big time, life effecting, long term stuff. I have to find a mix of protecting the child, and letting go of the rest. And when I say we are all this child has, I mean it! Thanks for understanding.

if a minor is at risk there are things that can be done through legal channels to minimize or eliminate that risk, providing the illegal or detrimental behavior is documented.

 

[miss missy]

Things are at a breaking point. Trying to get through xmas and a big family party Saturday (trying not to ruin it for the elder birthday person) before I deal with getting the person out of the house. Lies and lies and all that goes with addiction. I sure hope I make it!! Please send prayers!

 

[beachwarmer]

Things are at a breaking point. Trying to get through xmas and a big family party Saturday (trying not to ruin it for the elder birthday person) before I deal with getting the person out of the house. Lies and lies and all that goes with addiction. I sure hope I make it!! Please send prayers!

Sending you big and prayers.

 

[miss missy]

Sending you big and prayers.

THANKS! Almost there, a couple more days