OT, dealing with an addiction of a loved one :(

[SamSam]

Having dealt with similar problems in my life, I feel your pain. It is so difficult to deal with and if you don't set boundaries you can get totally drained.

Everyone has given excellent advice. Take care of yourself, take life day by day (sometimes minute by minute), set boundaries and keep the communication open between yourself and your husband.

Take care.

 

[bcvdreamer]

Missy, It's not a fun ride, but know that you have a lot of people hear pulling for you. I know that it's hard to watch people you love go through difficult times.

I'm glad to see that you have a healthy perspective on the situation. Vent away.

 

[parrotheadlois]

It is very very difficult. I went through an extremely difficult period with my son and drugs when he was 16, which continued for years. There are no easy answers. What worked for others, did not work for us. I repeated to myself (more times than I can possibly say) "this too shall pass", and, eventually, it will.

AlAnon as someone else recommended can be very supportive.

The person involved has got to want to be helped, sadly, you cannot do it for him/her. I sent my son to rehab (once in Minnesota as a matter of fact).
The law sent him to long-term rehab - which did help somewhat.

He is now 38, doing well, and I'm very proud of him.

I sympathize with you, I know these are difficult times. If you need a shoulder (albeit a virtual one), please pm me.

Lois

 

[Cruz Family]

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[lttlmc3]

I too have been through something similar. I know how it is to have all those feelings in one day. Just know I'm here to support you, if ever you need a friend.

 

[miss missy]

Thanks again guys! I am sitting here, wondering how to sift through all the lies I am finding. This is where me being so on top of things is a burden, I find everything out and then am stuck with all that on my mind.

DH is getting worn out. Its too much to take for a guy who works hard and doesnt have much for someone taking advantage of us. If you need help and are doing the right things, he is your best support ever, but unfortunalty, the right things are not being done at all

I am afraid it is going to come soon, the time when we have to send this person back to where they came from. This is making me sick. I was painted a different picture, one of wanting the help, to change and get life on track. None of it is being done, all lies lies lies. We put in a huge amount of time and money to support the change-only to find out, nothing was real. Its crazyness.

So, at least I know we get an A for effort, did all we could. Can't change a person, that I am and always been sure of.

Hanging in, I think this is the last leg...

 

[UrsulasShadow]

The deception is the worst of it all. You give love and support, and they offer lies.

My heart bleeds for what you're going through.

 

[Tonya2426]

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. And when things get too tough just take a few minutes to hand out with your DIS friends. A little Disney fix always makes things better for me.

 

[mommyceratops]

((hugs)) I relate. Addictions are hard to deal with no matter what side you are on. We have been having struggling with them in my family also, it is one day at a time, or one minute at a time some days. If you need to talk send me a PM. ((hugs))

 

[MerriePoppins]

Deception hurts all.

Hang in there. I've been thinking about you. Take things one day at a time.



So sorry you are going through this

 

[miss missy]

Thanks you guys!! There is big talk coming this weekend. A drug test passed this week (not sure if the test was passed due to him knowing how to pass it using stuff) and a job that is more than I or he could ever ask for came through. He starts Monday :cool1

This is either a turning point, or more to come. I sure pray it is what will make him think about how close he is to getting his life in order, he could loose it all if he doesn't do well for here.

I will report back I am sure, after we talk and I get a vibe at where his head is at right now.

 

[MerriePoppins]

Sounds good !!!

I'll be thinking about you this weekend...

 

[safetymom]

I hope it was a step in the right direction.

 

[bawstngrl]

Missy and all others
I am dealing with similar issues with a family member......this person will "party" for a while, then gets into trouble,gets scared and comes around crying for help.
For a while they pull it together,say all the right things about wanting to change etc. etc.(and i think they mean it ,AT THE TIME)...BUT, as soon as things get better and the trouble is past, it's back to the same old same old.

I'm hoping like some have said that this is a phase that will be outgrown.....soon

 

[WLfan]

I'm glad you have the DIS to turn to for support. I hope things get better for you. You can always come here if you need to vent.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

wishing u the very best -----we are here to listen!! Stop in again soon.

 

[goofy4tink]

The deception is the worst of it all. You give love and support, and they offer lies.

My heart bleeds for what you're going through.

Man, truer words were never spoken!!

 

[miss missy]

Missy and all others
I am dealing with similar issues with a family member......this person will "party" for a while, then gets into trouble,gets scared and comes around crying for help.
For a while they pull it together,say all the right things about wanting to change etc. etc.(and i think they mean it ,AT THE TIME)...BUT, as soon as things get better and the trouble is past, it's back to the same old same old.

I'm hoping like some have said that this is a phase that will be outgrown.....soon

Marianna and everyone,


I so know how hard it is. I am a bit blessed because in my case, the person didn't come for help until they wanted it, ya smaller things before, but this is the first time they are asking for the type of help that will transform them, they are well aware that we will NOT sit by and help someone who isn't helping themselves. The age factors in because they are still young and immature, and with the past years of being a screw up, it is like the lost those years and I am dealing with an 18 yr old starting for the first time. They say when you stop using, you are the age you started... this is so true in this case. Basics are still being learned. Weird huh.

But I can say that this week has been great! The talk was smooth. I didn't over do, but made important points. The best news is they started this new job on MOnday and have done great so far. They even talked to the new boss and fussed up on the past and was honest about stuff. The boss sounded kinda like but did say "just be upfront and honest with me and we will do what we can" , so that is good. There is probation involved so it was important to let them know, ya know.

So far, since they found out they got the job, they have been 100% responsible. Getting up on time for work and coming right home. Filling me in on how the day went ect. I love it

Time will tell. I don't expect 100% turn around. But I need trust and honesty more than anything else.

Now can someone tell me this???, since FINALLY I had a quiet week with that one, why does my teen decide this is the wekk to make me crazy with stupid teen stuff???

 

[UrsulasShadow]

Now can someone tell me this???, since FINALLY I had a quiet week with that one, why does my teen decide this is the wekk to make me crazy with stupid teen stuff???

Because they can, and because they're a TEEN...it's their job.

 

[Yvet]

Because they can, and because they're a TEEN...it's their job.

And because it's also a hard time for them.....
And also a teen has to vent their worries and problems...