OT: dd almost 10 and s*x education in grade 5

[jodifla]

Our kids go to a private Christian school. About 3 years ago I was serving on our Parent Advisory Council (parent representatives from elementary, junior high, high school, teachers, administrators and also our student council president). The topic came up as to what are we doing with sex education, where is it in our curriculum? To our surprise the senior student council student spoke up and said all that was being taught was a brief discussion to sophomore girls, it was too little too late and was a joke. We were all stunned. Clearly in this day and age with kids being bombarded with crap from the media in all directions we thought we needed to do more. We especially were concerned with preserving our students' self-esteem and equipping them for life after high school. I served on a committee that was charged with investigating what other schools were doing and then making a recommendation. What we found is that no other private school was touching the subject beyond one Catholic school that brought a nurse and a doctor in for half of one day, bombarded the poor kids, and then called it a day never to discuss it again.

What we did, after about 2 years of research, consulting with doctors, nurses, social workers, youth pastors, etc. was to hire a Christian curriculum developer to create and help teach a K through 12 curriculum that blends Bible, Science and Health into AGE APPROPRIATE information. We formed an advisory panel of experts (again, doctors, nurses, parents, youth pastors and other experts in related fields) to help guide us. In Kindergarte through 3rd the curriculum was pretty much already in place; covering the basic body parts, appropriate behavior, how you treat each other. Each year they reviewed a little bit, and then learned a little more. We struggeled with where to introduce some of the concepts but we had girls maturing in 4th grade so we felt that we needed to start introducing it then. We created a giant grid of all the topics we could brainstorm and then worked for months at placing each topic in to the appropriate grade. Junior High deals with more information and that is when they get some really good self-worth concepts. Our High Schoolers are covering some pretty intense topics. With some of the topics we bring in professionals to teach and answer questions and separate the sexes. The whole conept was presented to parents, we had parent information sessions and our school board backed us 100%. There is a parent component so they know what is being taught every week, they can have their kids opt out but that rarely happens. We were amazed but the whole curriculum was fully embraced and not one family left the school or had a problem with it. The concept of talking about body parts, health, appropriate behavior and self-esteem was no big deal for the kids by the time they got to the older grades. It wasn't like having a one-day secret private talk. We made it just a fact of life and kept things open and honest. We called it Life Skills Curriculum and it has been hugely successful. Our program is different because we start in Kindergarten and build all the way through, and it is bible-based.

The more facts you can provide kids today, and the more self-esteem they have, the fewer problems they will encounter when they are older. I firmly believe that.

Wow! How thorough! Your kids are lucky you took the time to do such a comprehensive curriculum.

 

[kydisneyfans]

4th grade here, they're learning about it before Thanksgiving break. We had a general talk as they learned about pollination, etc. I told the kid that is the same way you were made in general terms. He shurgged his shoulders and said "Oh, can I go back to playing Playstation now?"

I did not have the class until 9th grade, it was the only "D" I ever got on a report card.

 

[DiznEeyore]

When my son was in 5th grade, the school sent home a notice and had a night where parents could preview the information that was to be presented and ask questions. Only about 10 of us showed up.

I agree that kids are maturing so much earlier these days and it needs to be addressed. In an ideal world, parents would take the time to speak openly and honestly with their children. Dh and I have done this with ds all along and he is very comfortable discussing things with us (although since he is almost 16, he of course discusses most things w/his dad).

I wish it didn't have to be addressed in school. Just because a curriculum is presented, it doesn't mean the teachers are properly trained to present it. I remember way back in 5th grade when we had it, the two female 5th grade teachers made the presentation to the girls. They were very awkward, and didn't want to answer a lot of questions we had. Then, the boys were given a brief info session on the male body, and then were given booklets about the girls' bodies. They used them to torture the girls for months afterward. It was completely inappropriate. Fifth grade boys don't need to have that information.

Fast forward 20 or so years. When my son was in 6th grade, they had another SE course. The (unmarried) male teacher that presented it informed the boys that women experience NO pain or even discomfort during their periods. I wanted to smack that guy! Way to make dozens of young men completely unfeeling to whatever suffering their future partner might go through (and we all know that some women REALLY suffer). I cleared that little misunderstanding up for my son right away.

If schools are going to be presenting the info, I'd like to see them bring in instructors who are specifically trained to do so. It would help teachers keep their "professional relationship" with their students rather than forcing them into intimate discussions, and make sure the info was presented in an appropriate manner. Just my .02.

 

[pooh4evr]

I think when I was in school we started the 1st discussions on "female issues" in 4th grade - just the girls--- and the boys started having talks in 5th - with the nurses always separated until middle school (&th and 8th) when it wa spart of the Health classes - although my mom chose for me to get the abstinance talk instead

I did teach 7th and 8th science at a catholic school a couple of yrs ago- I taught the sex ed unit to the 8th graders (they did not have health as a class so I am not sure how much info they got about anything usually I think before I got there it was mostly addressed in RELIGION class) WOW they thought they knew alot but didn't it was kind of scary - I did the unit in the science books on reproduction, baby development...- while religion discussed abstinance- we also talked about STDs and they had many ideas about birth control (did you know boys who drink lots of Mountain Dew can't get someone preg???? I think my jaw hit the floor at this one) It was a very fine line but come on I could not let them go one thinking Mountain Dew was the answer!!!!!!!!! So we had some very frank talks, parents knew we were doing this unit. IT was amazing!

 

[momlady]

When my DS' health class was going to be doing this subject, the school sent a letter home, basically saying "we will be covering blah blah blah" and we had to sign the form, saying we were aware that this was going to be taught. THen at least one is prepared and can discuss in advance or afterwards with their child.

 

[MM27]

In my school 4th grade girls get the menstruation talk/video but the boys don't get anything anymore. Health is just the systems of the body. In 5th grade they start sex ed. in health class. There is an opt out because there are videos that go with the program that they use. Same thing in 6th grade.

 

[princessmom29]

I think when I was in school we started the 1st discussions on "female issues" in 4th grade - just the girls--- and the boys started having talks in 5th - with the nurses always separated until middle school (&th and 8th) when it wa spart of the Health classes - although my mom chose for me to get the abstinance talk instead

I did teach 7th and 8th science at a catholic school a couple of yrs ago- I taught the sex ed unit to the 8th graders (they did not have health as a class so I am not sure how much info they got about anything usually I think before I got there it was mostly addressed in RELIGION class) WOW they thought they knew alot but didn't it was kind of scary - I did the unit in the science books on reproduction, baby development...- while religion discussed abstinance- we also talked about STDs and they had many ideas about birth control (did you know boys who drink lots of Mountain Dew can't get someone preg???? I think my jaw hit the floor at this one) It was a very fine line but come on I could not let them go one thinking Mountain Dew was the answer!!!!!!!!! So we had some very frank talks, parents knew we were doing this unit. IT was amazing!

You would not believe how prevelant the mountian dew theory is. Some of my 16 year olds actually bought that one. Apparently I am the teacher they come to with this stuff. They say "you never act shocked, and you tell us if it is bull or not" At least they are asking someone for the correct info!

 

[DiznEeyore]

You would not believe how prevelant the mountian dew theory is. Some of my 16 year olds actually bought that one. Apparently I am the teacher they come to with this stuff. They say "you never act shocked, and you tell us if it is bull or not" At least they are asking someone for the correct info!

Thank goodness you're there to give them the real facts! I'm going to have to ask ds if he's ever heard that crazy Mtn Dew thing! Though I hope he's smart enough to tell anyone he might hear it from that it's not remotely possible. We've made it a point to explain to him that all forms of (real!) birth control/STD protection can fail, even condoms which are so often presented to teenagers as the prevent-all for both pregnancy and STDs. His favorite little cousin is a "condom baby", so he has constant living (adorable) proof of that fact!

 

[Lindsay22]

My 13 year old cousin got pregnant. She was in 8th grade. She told my mother that she didn't think she could get pregnant because they never "slept together"... like they never fell asleep in the same bed.
Her baby is about 5 now. A cute kid... but she never got to have the regular high school experience that the rest of us did. She delivered her first week of high school. She never went to homecoming, the prom, football games.

It's important to talk to your kid, if you don't... someone else will and it probably won't be what you want them to hear.

 

[lurkernj]

I have a 5th grade boy. They do begin these discussions in the 5th grade here, but it is more about the anatomy at this age. This is an progressive program until 8th grade where "all shall be known". I have already had the full discussion with him as I didn't want his friends to be his source of information (a very knowledgeable group they are). It hasn't done anything to his innocence as he still plays with his legos and cartoons.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

In the early 80s I had the basic sex education in the 3rd grade. It started with a movie about baby animals and where babies come from and then went on to "how they get there".
The more indepth details (such as menstration etc,)in the 4th grade.

 

[Minnesota!]

I went to a private Catholic school K - 8.

We touched base on sex ed in 3rd grade.

5th grade is when we actually had a few chapters on it.

That's about the age most girls started developing, so it seemed appropriate.

No biggie in my opinion..

Oh - and this was 21 years ago....so nothing new!

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Our schools start this in 4th grade.. It's about 2 weeks. They do give us a syllabus to review and we can even go watch the videos if we like.. 4th grade touched on things like how your body will change, hygiene etc.. They did separate the boys and girls. 5th grade was more of the same but they talked more about hormones, emotional changes and I think for the boys at least "wet dreams" "erections" etc.. There will be 2 more weeks in 6th grade and 7th.. I think they add more and more details each year... It did seem very early to me BUT like many posters have said- kids are developing earlier and earlier.. I have boys but from talking to other Moms- it seems like about 25% of the girls are cycling in 4th grade and many more by the end of 5th..

 

[mom2princessj]

I had it in 6th grade in the mid 80s.
My dd has already asked 'where do babies come from'. I haven't told her about sex per say but I did tell her that it takes a mommy and a daddy to create a baby and the baby then grows inside the mommy for 9 mos. I told her the mommy and daddy SHOULD be married before they have any babies and you should complete college or have a good job before getting married Trying to cover all of my bases for how it goes before having children.
My parents gave me a book to read and didn't want me to ask any questions. I plan to be very open and honest with both kids and try to establish good communication early on so they feel they can come to me or dh with any questions and specifically if they are feeling any pressure or are unsure of what someone is telling them.
OP I think 5th grade is age appropriate to begin the information. You have to be so proactive now since sex is happening earlier and earlier with kids these days

 

[Alesia]

Please don't think I'm criticizing you, because I'm not. I'm really, really not. I'm actually agreeing with your post.

You have to be so proactive now since sex is happening earlier and earlier with kids these days

I hear this statement and it makes me cringe. Kids aren't having sex any younger than they ever did. We just hear about it more now. When I was in 5th grade (over 20 years ago ) I knew a girl who got pregnant. I knew several girls who got pregnant in jr. high. There were dozens of girls in my high school who were pregnant.

Heck, my great-grandmother (and countless others of her generation) had her first child when she was 14!

My point is that it is never to young to teach children (in age-appropriate terms) about sex.

I think its great that you have answered your daughter's questions. I think its important for sex education to be an ongoing dialog rather than bombarding them with it.

 

[tzolkin]

You would not believe how prevelant the mountian dew theory is. Some of my 16 year olds actually bought that one. Apparently I am the teacher they come to with this stuff. They say "you never act shocked, and you tell us if it is bull or not" At least they are asking someone for the correct info!

I do remember hearing that Mountain Dew "lowers your sperm count" when I was a teen, but my friends and I were informed enough to know that that does not mean infertility (or to blindly believe rumors). I know my siblings also heard it several years later.

I think this is funny because my DH drinks more Mountain Dew than anyone I have ever heard of (it's ridiculous), but thinks he is super-fertile. Our second and third children were planned and I got pregnant with each on my first cycle. So, everyone in my family jokes that the Mountain Dew must not be working as a contraceptive.

 

[Dr.Pluto]

I don't remember doing health education about s*x until grade 9, but then I was in private catholic school for grades 6-8. When do most kids start classes about this subject (ie grade 5, 6 or 7?) and how much detail was discussed?

I would have opted out, didn't know it was an option, but dd9 mentioned how that word was used many times in her first health class on friday. Grades 5 and 6 girls, some like my dd are probably 2 years younger than the grade 6 girls.

Is it too young? I mean I don't want her (she still thinks tooth fairy and santa are real) having vivid images of things that she really shouldn't be thinking about at this age.

There's probably alot of opinions, but she still plays with bratz dolls and build a bear dolls. The most she's ever seen on tv is a kiss on one of the family channel shows.

I don't think I'm a prude, but when she mentioned "Miss .... said sometimes it hurts...." well my jaw just about dropped off.

I think I need to talk to the teacher, but regardless I don't think I want her learning about this stuff quite yet. I think 12-13 is a more appropriate age.

She will turn 10 next month, and she is still a child. And she goes to a private christian school.

Your thoughts?

im 13 and i had that talk a few years ago in school in 5th grade. the teachers described it in as much detail as possiable. and the next year we had a film on it that showed as much detail as possiable without the school being sued.

 

[pigletgirl]

In 5th grade for me it was more of a puberty talk, rather than sex. Maybe that is the case for hers>

 

[Ppufi]

I got sex education in 5th grade. Nothing too complex.

 

[dres40]

I teach high school and i think you are asking for trouble by leaving it untill then. By then she will have gotten bad/wrong info from her friends no matter how careful you are and what kind of friends you think she has. Someone will tell her something.By the time kinds get to high school they tend to think they know it all and don't listen. I really feel like it is better to get them the correct info before they even start considering it. Probably 70% of our pregnant teens are ninth and tenth graders. Once they get older they think more about actions and consequences, and many fewer get pregnant. As much as we don't want our kids to grow up it is necessary that they get the correct information about STD's, protecting themselves, and abstinence. I have so many pregnant teens who got pregnant because the had wrong information. So and so told me I wouldn't get pregant if I did __________. I have heard it all and that sad truth is that a 13-15 year old just doesn't have the capacity to consider the long term consequences of that one action. They get pressured by an older boyfriend, or think they can keep a boyfriend by doing it. By arming them with information and fostering self worth we vkeep them from making bad decisions. I think not addressing it at all until they reach high school is catching the problem way too late.

Well said!