OT...Calling all moms who just can't seem to catch up!

[Camno's Mama]

Ahhhh...lately, I just can't keep up. I am a WAHM. I have my two and then I watch my friend's two daughters during the week. With the winter upon us, we are stuck inside all day. The kids make such a mess and I feel like I am either in the kitchen cooking or cleaning for 50% of my waking hours! My house is always a mess, and I'm not a great housekeeper to begin with. My kids are healthy, happy and completely adorable...so, why do I feel like I'm failing all the time?

I know other moms feel this way, too. I just can't understand it though.
Why not feel happy about what I do accomplish instead of constantly mentally flogging myself for where I fall short? Anyone else always in this state? Don't you wish you could just shut that voice in your brain off?

I would just love to know that I'm not all alone in this. Moms...working at home or working outside their homes...are you out there? I'm a normally confident person! Thank God for the upcoming trip...definitely something to look forward to!

 

[virginiamama]

I feel your pain hon! I work outside of the home and DH is a firefighter, so he is basically a part time SAHD. We still can't keep up. I don't feel like cleaning when I get home from work, we like to take our time with homework and get in some good play time. We are trying harder to sit down to dinner as a family but it still is not happening consistently, DH works every other day, and who wants to cook and clean up after a dinner every night anyway. I feel like I'd never have time to do anything if I worried that much about meals. My house is definitely not as clean as I'd like it to be. I was more on top of things and felt way less stressed about the house cleaning when I was working on my version of the flylady lists - doing specific bits of cleaning each day (takes about 15 minutes) so that it does not get out of control, and doing regular house cleaning on Saturdays (takes about an hour if I've already picked up the house). The goals I'm setting for myself are to do some extreme decluttering so that it will make cleaning easier, as well as working harder on making meals at home. We are not the overscheduled type so I am hoping with some planning of meals in advance for the nights that DH is home, we can manage. I always say that I'm too busy having fun being with my kids to worry about how clean the house is, or if I made dinner from scratch. I'm hoping they'll remember the fun times we had together, rather than remembering a squeaky clean house and gourmet meals. My mom's house was always clean, but when I watch her with the kids, she puts them off so that she can work on stuff that could be done while they are sleeping or busy with something else. When my boys want to snuggle, I'm there, I'll drop anything! Take heart - you are not alone, and nobody is perfect. But if they are... please post your hints here!

 

[mickeylove2]

HA! My house hasn't been clean clean in over a year! I work 40-50 hours a week AND go to college full time, DH also goes to college, part time, and he works 60-70 hours a week. Our week goes like this, I work 7am-4:30pm most of the time, (8-4:30 is my schedule) Monday thru Friday, Monday I have class from 5-8pm and usually meetings afterward (AA or NA) get home around 10ish, meanwhile DH takes DDs to dance class 4:30-5:30, Tuesdays DH works 3:30-midnight, I take DDs to twirling practice from 6:30-7:30, Wedsdays I have class from 5-9pm and a meeting afterward, home about 10:30pm, DH takes oldest DD to Girl Scouts from 4:30-5:30 and then childrens church from 7:30-9pm, Thursdays DH works 3:30-mid, oldest DD has piano from 5:30-6, and then they both have twirling practice from 6:30-7:30, Fridays DH works 3:30-mid and for the next few weeks oldest DD and I have GS Cookie sales from 4-8pm, other than that, we are actually home for the night Saturdays both DDs have dance from 10:30am-11:30am, and then we are home if we aren't helping out at church, Sunday we have church from 10am-noon, and from 6:30-9pm. DH works OT alot, so instead of getting off at midnight, he will work until 6am, and on Saturdays and Sundays he may work in the morning before his scheduled shift, it all depends when they need him. So yeah, I am right there with you when it comes to admitting that I am not a very good housekeeper, honestly, if DH didn't clean while the girls were in school, we would never have clean clothes or dishes!!

 

[Shmily1]

When DD and DS were little I tried to keep the house really clean. That wasn't cutting it for me so I decided they would only be little once and I would clean when they are grown. DD and DS are now 16 and 17. We are sooooo close and I think it is because they know they were always first before cleaning or other stuff like that. It's always been fine to lay on the couch together and watch Barney or just play tickle. Now, it's not so much playing as it is listening. I try to pay really close attention to them so they know I'm always with them. They're not quite grown yet, so I'll clean later....

 

[eh24fan]

I'd like to join the club please. My house is always a disaster it seems. I try to keep picked up but at this point, we just take a Saturday every couple of weeks to try to catch up a little. I'd rather spend the time with my kids. I work M-F 8am to 1pm, my SO works 3pm to 11pm. We both take the time with kids over cleaning every day. LOL

 

[ellenmiele]

What's that expression? - no one ever died wishing that they had spent more time at the office. (?) Well.....no one ever died wishing that they had spent more time cleaning their house!

 

[Diamondintheruff]

Oh I sooooooo hear you. I find it's the clutter that takes over. I have done the flylady thing and fell off the wagon. I've been meaning to try flying again.

Know you are not alone. I spent the last 20 minutes tidying and now I am sitting at the computer with a cup of tea. There are many of us out there.

 

[MommytoaSweetie]

I'm there! I'm a WAHM, and our house is definitely not always clean, and there's always catching up to do! I guess it's just part of being a mom. Heck, half the time the only reason I pick up DD's toys is because she won't play with them if they're all strewn about on the floor (where she PUT them)... she likes to take them all out... ha! I've heard that one idea as to why there are so many more allergies than there used to be is because we keep our homes too clean... we're doing our best to keep that from happening to our kids. I figure, our kids will remember the love and fun they had at home, and as long as our home is generally clean, they most certainly will not remember how clean it is, nor would they care.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

OK...I too am a working mom. Hubby travels 50% of the time for work...and I have a cleaning lady every other week....and my house is still a wreck! It doesn't help that we've been remodeling one room or another in our 1970s house (we bought in 2003) since we moved in...I just can't get caught up!

Between the my son's school schedule, my work schedule (and I also freelance on the side) and everything else....well, let's just say that it's 11 p.m., I have about 7 loads of laundry to go....and it's gonna wait until tomorrow because I'm going to go catch some zzzzzz's.

So, hang in there. We can't all be June Cleaver....and I'm just not gonna try anymore. I'd rather have a "slightly messy" house and happy kids...than a perfect home, be neurotic and never see my kid.

Karen

 

[tttessa]

Hiya,
just to let you know it's not just a problem your side of the ocean - I only work an hour a day outside of home, but STILL can't keep up.... Used to be soooooo houseproud before kids - but I too think that time with the kids comes first - no matter what age they are. And you are all so right - it is a clutter thing - must declutter sometime, but it's getting up the motivation.... and finding places to shoehorn the stuff into a cupboard...

Tessa

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I work 45 hrs a week outside the home, have a 12DD and 7DD and expecting my first boy any minute now....

I don't have the energy to keep my house organized and clean. My SO just moved in last month (he's been out of state almost my whole pregnancy :*( ) and luckily he's been cleanin up for me... but...I never seem able to catch up or feel like I'm doing the parenting thing OR housekeeping thing right....

 

[RACHELSMOM1]

Can't add anything to any of these posts, just glad to know I am not alone!! DH sometimes complains, but he is also part of the problem, doesn't even pick up his own plate and fork after dinner. I have given up, will clean the house again when the kids are grown.

 

[Aliceacc]

It is physically impossible to do two jobs at once.

Being a mom is one-- watching your kids while they're home and making sure they're happy, healthy and growing and learning.

Being a housekeeper is another-- keeping up with the laundry and the shopping and cleaning under the cushions of the couch (yeah, right!)

Having a job-- inside or outside of the home-- is another. It takes the time you might otherwise spend on jobs #1 and 2.

Don't let the TV sitcoms fool you-- NOBODY can do it all. (Even Carol Brady, who didn't work outside the house and whose kids were all in school, had a full time housekeeper. What DID she do all day??)

Each of us finds the shortcuts we can live with and makes do with the rest. I try to throw in a load of laundry a few times a week-- towels and jeans and things that can sit in a basket in the basement until I can get to folding them on Saturday morning. We do way too much fast food and way to much almost-fast food. (Anyone want a can of soup for dinner? how about mac and cheese?)

Your kids and your marriage are your top two priorities. Anyone visiting my house knows they may have to clear a spot on the couch, but they're welcome to stop by and do so-- I'll either put on the kettle for tea or pour a glass of wine. Like yours, my kids are "healthy, happy and completely adorable"-- well most of the time. And the house will still be there, perfectly clean, when I have an empty nest.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

I think all moms feel this way. Not matter if you work inside/outside this home or stay home. My friends and I were talking about this the other day.

I am a stay home mom and have been since we adopted our kids 5 years ago. For the first 3.5 years of having our kids home we had caseworkers in our house weekly checking on the kids and doing "safety" inspections. I always felt like they were judging just how clean my house was. Don't get me wrong I had a great worker and he NEVER said a word if the house was a mess, but it I usually made sure it was clean.

I also home school, teach at our home school group, volunteer at church, have 3 kids in an activity every season and toddler. I feel like all I do is run.

I really feel like I had an unrealistic goal for each day. I am a perfectionist and if I feel like I can not do something correctly often times I will just not do it. I was really having a hard time with this and was very down about it a few weeks ago. I was actually yelling at my kids way too much because I was so stressed trying to keep up. Then I watched Oprah (that’s what stay home moms do right? ) and there was a clutter guy on there. He said some things that made so much sense to me. The most important thing to me was "this stuff is not who you are it is who you want to be."

It dawned on me... Maybe I am not a home schooling, bread making, sewing, Sunday school teacher or spotless house kind of mom. I want to be all of those things, but it is physically impossible to do them all and do them all well. So I decided I am a new positive person. I will see everything as a small task and I will eliminate some of the things I thought I needed to do and concentrate on the small stuff. I think it is working. I have totally stopped raising my voice, my house is not spotless, I stopped making bread and I have given all of my kids and DH some responsibility for how the house looks. We are a family and we are all going to work together. Mom is falling apart and I need help to keep it together.

Some other things in my "new" positive life that are helping me are... Making lists of things I think need to be done and checking them off a little at a time. Making a weekly menu so it is not so easy to run for take out. I am also starting a mini version of the fly lady. Mostly just using the de-cluttering and the zones. My sink is not shiny I also make sure I can do my laundry from start to finish.

Anyway- you are not alone. I think we all feel like we are never doing enough. Maybe when my kids are gone I can be the bread making, sewing, spotless house grandma.

 

[Camno's Mama]

Adoption mama...I had to do the same thing with cloth diapering that you are doing with the breadmaking. I so wanted to be good about that, but it kind of fell apart when I started watching my friend's daughters.

I totally agree about the sitting down and cuddling thing. We do that all the time, and we also spend a lot of time doing other fun things. (Which always seem to make the mess worse! ) Everyone that comes over knows it's probably not going to be perfect, but it's still embarassing most of the time. Not sure why...maybe it's just drilled into us that we have to be super neat!

I have been decluttering and reorganizing certain spots in the house, one at a time. It's helping. No daily shine in the sink here either! I have visited the flylady website though and she had some great ideas. I also have this book called Green Housekeeping, and that's been really helpful, too. Has lots of healthy, earth friendly tips. (That's part of my problem though...trying to be environmentally friendly in all that I do...it is a little more time consuming, but I'm not willing to give that up).

Thanks for all of the responses!

 

[Aliceacc]

One thing that's helping: Over Christmas break, I went to the Lillian Vernon website and got one of those step shaped baskets for the staircase.(one section is taller than the other so it fits over the steps.)

Several times a day I do a quick run through of the living room and scoop the kids' stuff into that basket. When I have a chance or am going upstairs anyway, I bring it and deposit the stuff into the kids' rooms. It makes the de-cluttering a bit more convenient.

 

[Omma]

I try my best to help the kids keep their rooms clean...and the main floor clean so I'm not mortified when someone stops by...but MY bedroom - not pretty. It is always the worst because no one sees it. Laundry - sooo not caught up. But if the kids want to play, I play. I'd rather squish Playdoh and blow bubbles anyday!

 

[maxtomsmom]

When DD and DS were little I tried to keep the house really clean. That wasn't cutting it for me so I decided they would only be little once and I would clean when they are grown. DD and DS are now 16 and 17. We are sooooo close and I think it is because they know they were always first before cleaning or other stuff like that. It's always been fine to lay on the couch together and watch Barney or just play tickle. Now, it's not so much playing as it is listening. I try to pay really close attention to them so they know I'm always with them. They're not quite grown yet, so I'll clean later....

This is exactly what my mother says to me. She says her house is always neat now. Sometimes she wishes someone would mess it up just to give her more to do. Her kids are 37 and 36 now. I can't imagine needing more to do. If I have a spare moment, I'm here on the DISboards. Other than that I'm chasing my kids around or they're chasing me down for something.

 

[LauraAnn630]

First of all I do not think it is all that important to keep up everyday.

I think its easier to keep up if you keep a schedule. Its is nearly impossible to keep up if everyone isnt pulling there weight.

7:30 get up - shower
get kids to school
take out trash
vac everyday
rotate - dusting, mopping floors - other chores that pop up ( Irotate organizing drawers and closets)
3:15 pick up kids


4-4:30 After school my kids get a snack and an hour to play
4:30 homework
5:30 dinner
6:00 play
7:00 clean up - somtimes vac floors
7:30 baths - clean bathroom
8:00 reading
8:30 tv
9-9:30 bed

then I do

dishes
set up coffee
2-3 loads of laundry - that I start at bath time
set up everything for morn. clothes, school stuff ect...

I pretty much stick to this and it works for me. When my kids have extra activities my DH and I take turns getting them there and back.

On the weekends we relax more but we try not to let the laundry go!
We do all our shopping on Sat and Sun., go out to dinner or whatever and see grandparents.

The kids help! They pick up toys, put away laundry, take out trash and if they dont, they dont get to play on the pc, PSP or watch tv. They must put away whatever they are playing with before they get something else out.

 

[aspcamhreditor2]

I work out of my home ... try to be at least somewhat involved at DDs schools ... and let the girls each do a couple of activities (dance & 4-H). With a job that is super hectic sometimes and a barn full of show horses that no one but me is responsible for, I sometimes wonder where the days go?

What I've found ... sleep is for the faint of heart. I've decided I'll sleep later.