OT but need opinions of other moms

[danygirl]

This is odd and mean. The fact that he demanded your son open it first in front of everyone makes me think this child wanted to embarrass your son.

Teach your child to rise above people like this.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I'm not sure how I would react, but I wanted to ask about not opening gifts in front of guests. Is this a regional thing? I get that birthdays, showers, etc. are not about the gifts -- but where I'm from (New Orleans) and where I live (Florida), it would be considered rude to not open gifts guests have brought.

We don't always open gifts at the parties either but it's more of a time issue than anything. I can not understand how the parents thought it was ok to wrap an empty box and give it as a gift and $10!!! I know the monetary amount they gave isn't important and it's the gift that counts, BUT I always feel bad if I give a small amount like that, and couldn't imagine giving a gag gift too along with the $10. Talk about insult to injury!!! AND the mom wanted the box back.?? Boggles my mind that she would allow that. I guess I am just sensitive and aware of other peoples feelings. Doing something like that would not cross my mind. I wouldn't give that family the satisfaction of knowing you are done with them. Knowing myself, I would make it a point to tell the other kids parents what they did! Not saying that's right either, but for sure I would be venting!' I feel bad for your son and thankful the other kids didn't laugh and make it worse. At least the other kids knew that was wrong. What a way to possibly ruin his birthday. Ugh.

 

[MomToOne]

People sometimes make bad decisions - I doubt anyone did it to be purposely "mean". I suspect the boy honestly thought it would be funny. And the parents are probably just clueless. (While you may have told them your son wanted an Xbox but you couldn't afford it, they may very well not remember.)

I would let it go. The boys will probably deal with it on the playground - it will come up and one of the other kids will say something to let the boy know it wasn't a great idea.

Teach your son how to be the better person here, not petty with a just-as-tasteless thank you note or something like that.

 

[MomToOne]

I can not understand how the parents thought it was ok to wrap an empty box and give it as a gift and give a crummy $10!!! I know the monetary amount they gave isn't important and it's the gift that counts, BUT I always feel bad if I give a small amount like that, and couldn't imagine giving a gag gift too along with the $10. Talk about insult to injury!!!

I don't know about the OP, but at one point when DD was that age, we were on a "birthday circuit" where we had a party or two a month - everyone invited everyone in their class to the birthday parties. Most of the parents stuck to gifts of about $10 or $15 because there were just so many kids involved. I don't think $10 is insulting at all.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

We don't always open gifts at the parties either but it's more of a time issue than anything. I can not understand how the parents thought it was ok to wrap an empty box and give it as a gift and $10!!! I know the monetary amount they gave isn't important and it's the gift that counts, BUT I always feel bad if I give a small amount like that, and couldn't imagine giving a gag gift too along with the $10. Talk about insult to injury!!! AND the mom wanted the box back.?? Boggles my mind that she would allow that. I guess I am just sensitive and aware of other peoples feelings. Doing something like that would not cross my mind. I wouldn't give that family the satisfaction of knowing you are done with them. Knowing myself, I would make it a point to tell the other kids parents what they did! Not saying that's right either, but for sure I would be venting!' I feel bad for your son and thankful the other kids didn't laugh and make it worse. At least the other kids knew that was wrong. What a way to possibly ruin his birthday. Ugh.

I think $10 is a perfectly appropriate amount for a child's gift from another child

OP, do you think maybe your family or your son maybe has offended their family or son at some point? Or maybe the kids at school were talking about what they wanted and your son said he wanted an xbox one so the other boy thought it would be funny and convinced his parents that your son would get the joke. They may not have been looking at it from a monetary standpoint.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I don't know about the OP, but at one point when DD was that age, we were on a "birthday circuit" where we had a party or two a month - everyone invited everyone in their class to the birthday parties. Most of the parents stuck to gifts of about $10 or $15 because there were just so many kids involved. I don't think $10 is insulting at all.

Yea....I can understand that. Also, crummy isn't so nice. Edited!!! But not before Quoted!!!! Lol I just feel bad when I give $10 even if we don't know the kids too well. That's just me. Conversely, if my children receive a $10 gift I could care less. But I really can not get over giving $10 with an empty box of a gift the birthday boy really wanted. AND the parents knew the dad had lost his job. It's mean.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

Wow, just wow. That was mean, inappropriate, and mom wanted the box back????

 

[Sinderelly]

I would take that $10 GC and put it an an Xbox "fund" for your child. Tell him when Dad gets a good job you will be able to help him get his most wanted gift. Get him involved with "saving" by putting any $ or GCs he gets into the fund. If he is old enough he might be able to earn a little by walking dogs, doing small tasks or jobs for friends/family.

This experience can teach him there is a positive side and that keeping a good attitude when things are rough is very important. It sounds like his friends stand by him too. Friendships are more important than a game system.

 

[2kidsForMe]

My son still had a great birthday. Thank you. Can't let something this petty ruin the total awesomeness that is turning 10 . I don't think we did anything to upset this family. The fact is, both the parents and kids are pretty universally disliked in our little town. I have tried to look for the good (and there is some), and have hung in with the friendship, when others have run far away. I don't expect people to be perfect, but the lack of consideration by the kid and the parents is just crazy to me. Thanks everyone for the replies. I am now convinced that it time to be done. I am not sure I will confront the mom, but I will decline any and all invitations for play dates, dinner etc...If she asks why, I think I will tell her exactly why. And I do think the boys may have something to say about this on the playground. Most of these boys are very tight, and they always look out for each other. Friendship is the best gift anyway!

 

[descovy]

I want to give the poor kid the benefit of the doubt.

Unless you see other issues of meanness or bullying, I would see this one instance of the kid trying to be funny. A harmless prank.

My kids are 13, 11, and 9. They (on their own w/o my input) would totally think of this. Here's their thought. "I have this plain Jane gift card to give" Wow! Here's a snazzy way to wrap it (xbox box) Imagine what my friend will think when he opens this!!!

My 13 year old asked for my old iPad box. She put a notebook in it with an "I" scribbled on the front. Wrapped it up and gave it to her "boy" friend for Christmas (not allowed to have a boyfriend... he's a friend that happens to be a boy)

His parents got a little weirded out that a girl might have gave their son an iPad for Christmas. However, the boy thought it was the coolest thing ever! In fact he liked the prank so much he plans to regift it to someone in the future... because its funny.

My daughter made the gift because she thought it would make her friend smile. They joke around.
She imagined the shock & speechlessness, and the moment he would get the joke.

At no point was she thinking about her friend's parents or their economic status. She was just excited to see the shock on his face, and hoped he would appreciate the joke.

In her case, joke was appreciated.

In your case, if it wasn't appreciated, I guess you or your son can ask for an apology.

But I wouldn't write a kid off as being mean, only based on this one instance.

 

[disneychrista]

I thought this was going to be a question about do you open gifts during the party, my answer is YES that is part of the fun for the kids.

This was a mean spirited prank by the giver. We reuse boxes all the time for gifts. My sister gave me a Mickey Mouse plush in an X-Box box. No way did I think it was going to be an X-box. But to give an empty box and just an empty box is just mean.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

not cool!

 

[tina.tina]

I want to give the poor kid the benefit of the doubt.

Unless you see other issues of meanness or bullying, I would see this one instance of the kid trying to be funny. A harmless prank.

My kids are 13, 11, and 9. They (on their own w/o my input) would totally think of this. Here's their thought. "I have this plain Jane gift card to give" Wow! Here's a snazzy way to wrap it (xbox box) Imagine what my friend will think when he opens this!!!

My 13 year old asked for my old iPad box. She put a notebook in it with an "I" scribbled on the front. Wrapped it up and gave it to her "boy" friend for Christmas (not allowed to have a boyfriend... he's a friend that happens to be a boy)

His parents got a little weirded out that a girl might have gave their son an iPad for Christmas. However, the boy thought it was the coolest thing ever! In fact he liked the prank so much he plans to regift it to someone in the future... because its funny.

My daughter made the gift because she thought it would make her friend smile. They joke around.
She imagined the shock & speechlessness, and the moment he would get the joke.

At no point was she thinking about her friend's parents or their economic status. She was just excited to see the shock on his face, and hoped he would appreciate the joke.

In her case, joke was appreciated.

In your case, if it wasn't appreciated, I guess you or your son can ask for an apology.

But I wouldn't write a kid off as being mean, only based on this one instance.

I don't think this is the same situation as the OP's. I think it was in a group of their peers and he was laughing- he was making fun of the birthday boy in front of their peers- sort of like I've got an Xbox One and you don't. How that kids' parents could have thought this was okay is mind boggling to me.

Sometimes you have to decide to let go of hurtful relationships. I think we all have a fear of failure in relationships and we want them to succeed. Because of the different personalities involved, that won't always happen. I am sorry for your son, OP. It's sad when our little ones have to learn a hard life lesson on such a special day.

I have also thought about not opening gifts during the party because some kids don't even bring gifts. I think it's a difficult situation but that most kids really do get enjoyment from watching the birthday girl/boy open their presents. I have actually put carefully worded statements on the invitations that a gift isn't necessary but DD/DS really hopes you'll come help him/her celebrate. For DS's next party, I've thought about asking for food donations for the food pantry because it's something he is really concerned about. We are planning a zombie theme and the idea is to bring stuff to help stock up for the zombie apocalypse.

 

[emma'smom]

So...I'm betting the boy didn't even know about the fact that your son had hoped for an X-Box and didn't get it. I have a 9 and 11 year old and they are totally into wrapping up BIG gifts with little things in it. Over the holidays, it became a "thing" where they would find the biggest boxes they could find to wrap and put under the tree. It didn't matter what was in it, it was about the SIZE of the gift---and it wasn't intended as a mean prank. The whole idea was to try to give (and get) the BIGGEST gift possible.

If he included a gift card then maybe his intent really was all good and he was just playing the BIGGEST GIFT game and used the X-Box box because it was what he had around the house.

 

[cel_disney]

I am another one (also living in MA!) that thinks that this is a bit of a boy prank and less about being rude/mean. I think you are taking it a little too personally because of your situation (and maybe this is where parents could have stepped in - but them talking about your financial situation to their 10 yr old has its own adverse effects). How is your son handling it? Does he feel it was mean-mean or mean-funny?

As an FYI - we also don't open gifts at kid parties - too much disparity in what folks can/do afford to buy (10-40$ swing for my 7yr olds gifts!)...plus, there is not enough time in most parties that are only 2 hrs with pizza/cake/activity etc...

 

[Swimalie]

I would take that $10 GC and put it an an Xbox "fund" for your child. Tell him when Dad gets a good job you will be able to help him get his most wanted gift. Get him involved with "saving" by putting any $ or GCs he gets into the fund. If he is old enough he might be able to earn a little by walking dogs, doing small tasks or jobs for friends/family.

This experience can teach him there is a positive side and that keeping a good attitude when things are rough is very important. It sounds like his friends stand by him too. Friendships are more important than a game system.

I love this idea. Use this to start his future fund. Maybe he can even earn money towards the fund over time, if he doesn't already.

I have an 8 year old, turning 9 in March and told him of this situation and asked him what he would feel and do. He said he wouldn't invite the kid to another birthday and that what he did was mean. I think I would just distance myself from this family and let it go, teaching that being the bigger person is the better thing to do. I agree that if the mom asks, tell her but don't go out of your way just to talk to her at this time.

I just couldn't imagine doing this to anyone. How cruel and heartless. I'm glad your son had a great party and birthday despite this.

By the way, we open presents at my son's parties which are always at our house. When we go to a destination parties, presents don't get open since there is a timeline.

 

[luvsJack]

I think it sounds like exactly the kind of thing a 10 year old boy would do.

It was a joke and should be taken as such. Its doubtful the boy knows the financial situation. He probably didn't want to just wrap or hand your son a gift card so this was what he came up with.

Knowing all the details, it sounds mean, but I don't think it was meant that way. Kids have a way of not understanding that not everyone gets the same kind of large ticket items that they do.

 

[polineedyan]

We really overestimate the intelligence of some parents out there. Your first thought was probably "are you for REAL?" and, yes..they are. did they give one single thought about how things would be taken if the joke wasnt found funny? nope. people dont do that. Its a shame,but they dont.
People generally dont think ahead anymore.
We had a scenario with a soccer coach a few weeks back. My dd lost a soccer game and was bawling about it in the parking lot. Two of the boys we played against were walking behind us and were talking about how upset she had become. (not realizing we were right in front of them.) she whirled around and said "you are talking about ME!" The parent heard her, he didnt correct his children, didnt apologize, nothing. Just looked at her.
Well, two weeks later we played the same team. My daughter had a few choice words for one of the boys on the team during the game, and after the game..you guessed it! here comes the SAME parent (who is apparently a COACH the other team..)complaining to my coach about what was said. That night, its MY daughter writing an apology letter to the boys. People are really dense.
The days of teaching your kids to be sympathetic seem to have left us.

 

[fbb]

His mom also knew, per a previous conversation with me, that my son had asked for an XBOX one for Christmas, but that it was not in the budget due to the fact that my husband still hasn't found a new job.

It may not have been mean-spirited, and it may not have been about you, and the mom may not have known, but if it was, you gave them the rope to hang you (or your son) with.

 

[mrsklamc]

I can see totally cutting the kid out- but for another perspective, it sounds like he doesn't have parents who are willing/able to teach him what appropriate social behavior is; I can think of several adults whose parents were the same, and are very grateful to the people who took them under their wing and gently educated them about social interaction.