OT: Babysitter not feeding an infant?? LONG

[lutherlovr]

Ok, so I have decided to go back to work full time, but with most of my hours on nights and weekends so that DH is home with the kids. I have hired someone I know from a Mom's group in my area to watch them for the ~15 hours we need someone.
So, this week was transition and I left them there from about 245-6PM. They are almost 3 and 14 months. I brought over a pretty big bag of food and explained what they could eat, etc. I also brought milk and juice. When my DH got there to pick them up, he asked what they had eaten because I wanted to replenish the food supply as needed. She said that they hadn't eaten because they were playing and "hadn't acted hungry". My 14 month old is used to having a snack around 3-4PM and he is a big eater (27 lbs). Even if he doesn't eat anything, he normally drinks some juice or milk. My DH said when they got in the car he was starving and shoving food in his mouth like he had never eaten (normal for my 14 month old even if he has eaten!).
This all concerned me a little, but I put it on myself as I had never specifically said "feed them at such and such a time". So yesterday I dropped them off again and I said "Ben needs to eat at 4PM, you can give him a banana and if he refuses try some crackers. He also needs milk with his snack." She said ok. When my Dh came, you guessed it, the same thing. She didn't feed them because they didn't "act hungry".
She is pretty young, but she has two children the same age as mine. One disturbing thing she said when I dropped them off was "My son woke up from his nap at 10:30 and he wanted lunch but I told him to wait until lunch time and then he cried so hard he fell back to sleep." Her son just turned one. Should I be worried about this? Her kids may just eat 3 meals, no snacks, but my kids are not used to that. I am not so worried about my 3 year old, he will say if he wants something to eat, but my 14 month old is too young to do that.
Also, she does not turn the A/C on in her house (saving energy, I can relate) but yesterday we had a heat advisory here for 115 degrees and it was BLAZING in her house, I am afraid the kids will get dehydrated as she also gave them nothing to drink. She also let them go in the sprinklers with all their clothes on and then they were dressed in their diapers when DH showed up while she handed him a pile of wet clothes, he had to get them dressed in spare clothes to get them home...would it be that hard to let them run in the sprinkler in their diapers?

Is all this odd to anyone else? What should I say to get her to feed them? I will eventuall be leaving them for about 5-6 hours there. They cannot go that whole time without eating. It is a little awkward as we have the same group of friends...I am going again tomorrow and I am so confused....

 

[Ariel8676]

Umm not to be rude, but there has been 2 days where she didn't feed your children..why in the world would you even consider taking them back?
She is obviously not a good Mother to her own children, why do you think she is going to be any better towards yours?
Not feeding, no a/c in 115 degree weather, no drinks....i think this is a no brainer.
I would either find someone else, or change you hours (if possible).
I feel sorry for her children, someone should report her...Her poor 1 year old, cried himself to sleep because he was hungry.....WTH is wrong with people.
I guess some people just shouldn't be parents.

 

[lutherlovr]

Thanks. I was just looking for confirmation that I am not crazy. I thought maybe people would think I was overreacting, it was only 3 hours, etc. What do I do about the mom's group thing...am I going to have to drop out now? What do I tell her is the reason I am taking them elsewhere? I can't be outright rude, this girl is my friend, a subtle way to tell her?

 

[Jenn]

Can you change your hours so you don't need a babysitter? Then, you could honestly say I don't need you anymore.

Or, do you have anyone else in mind to watch them? You could say that person is closer, cheaper, watching them at your house, or whatever.

I wouldn't send them back. Huge red flags.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Do not send your children back there. I could understand the first day they were just too excited to want to eat but it sounds like there are way too many issues. Do not abandon your group because of this person. Just simply say this is not working out the way we had hoped it would and we need to adjust our plans. End of discussion. if you are pushed just state that your parenting styles seem to be too differnt and you need somrthing that is closer in line with your style.

 

[Ariel8676]

I would be more concerned with the health of your children than your Moms group..sorry harsh, but JMHO...
I woldn't leave the Mom's group, but i also wouldn't send my children back to her house.
Could you change your hours? Is that an option that you may have?

 

[NemoMOm]

Yes! Change your daycare today! I povide daycare and thought I have set times that I feed the children (which I provide the food), if they are hungry I feed them! I would be very alarmed, if she is not feeding them what else is she not doing?

 

[mickeyluvr004]

hi this is why i chose to drive a school bus while my children are young, i am with them yet making some income. its not a whole lot but its a couple hundred dollars a week and no daycare for a couple hours a week, and its a very enjoyable job to have i enjoy children and love the job that i have my youngest is 3 and has been on a bus since she was 6 weeks can't beat that. good luck

 

[Nanu57v]

Bring the kids to my house, I'll watch them. (I'm kidding, I live in PA, but I would if you were close).

But seriously, if you don't feel safe with your children there, don't. Make up some excuse. We had a babysitter that we stopped taking DD to mainly because they got a dog. DD is terrified of dogs. Maybe the commute is inconvenient, or you found someone to work for less?

 

[jakoky]

hi, i do in home daycare and yes, i would pull them...the first day their should have been at least one small snack...here is an example of yesterday for you, i will start at lunchtime
12:00-hotdogs, raw veggies and dip, crackers
2:15-party mix ( chips, pretzels, cheezies)
3:30-slushies(frozen juice, yogurt, ice) and yogurt with strawberries
4:45-celery and cheese whiz
oh yah, i also supply 99% of the food, i just started to ask the families to bring one snack to share for the week-just for summer-examples are box of crackers, couple of bags of popcorn, tub of yogurt.....it has been working awesome for me as my grocery bill is getting huge...water was continuous all day-i have a fridge with water and ice maker....freezies were also handed out a couple of times, they are great for cooling down and getting a little hydration
Some days i feel the kids want to eat non stop and other days not so much...i kinda have set times for snacks or parents get their kids home and they will not eat dinner...usually 1-2 small snack in the morning and 2 in the aternoon, sometimes 3...yesterday was well over 100 degrees here and most people do not have air conditioning around here so my house was hot...the kids swam and spent a lot of time in our basement, which is nice and cool....

I would definately look for someone else, i would never send my kids back to her..the first day i could understand as it wasnt all that long and honestly, i have some days the kids i look after(mine older kids included) just dont seem all that interested in snacking as often BUT the second day on top of the first seems really odd....good luck
sharon
me, dh, dd-16-, ds-almost 14-, dd-11 1/2-
WDW-Dec 04-first disney experience for my DH, DD, DS, DD and first time at WDW for us all
DL-MAY 06-first time at DL for DH and kids , and my 9th(but the first 8 were all by the time i was about 13) so it was all new to me
COUNTDOWN IS ON....WE ARE GOING BACK TO DL SEPT 15-25!!!!!

 

[daisyduck123]

What???
No snacks/drinks at all?

No AC on? That's just crazy.

I would not bring my kids back.

Is this woman licensed??

 

[mom23boys]

What would be worse finding new friends/group or your children in danger?

This to me is a no brainer, do not send your children back, she let her child cry so hard he fell asleep hungry. No Way!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would never send them back. How are they supposed to "act hungry"? If the house is a gazillion degrees they are probably lethargic! She seems like a lazy person. I wouldn't care about the Mom's group thing either. I would tell her that you are not happy with the service she is providing. I would spell out exactly why you are not happy. I can guarantee that if any other Mom heard her behavior they would agree with you anyway. If not then oh well. I have 3 kids (almost 4!) and I have the AC pumping. I don't care if I have to sell my bloomers I am not going to sweat to death and my kids especially aren't going to. I also give them drinks and snacks and meals ALL DAY LONG!!! I make sure they drink enough especially if we have been outside in the heat. She sounds like a lazy whack a do. How does one "act hungry"? As an adult do you know how to "act hungry"? I have no idea what that even means! Good luck!

 

[Neelloc]

I agree with everyone else here that you are not overreacting. The simple fact that you have provided her with food to feed your kids at a certain time, (and reminded her on the 2nd day) and she didn't feed them was the first red flag. The second is the no-air conditioning. The 3rd is her statement. I guess the running through the sprinkler in their clothes is not a big deal, if you didn't provide her with swimsuits or swin diapers.

I wouldn't take the kids back to her. Make alternate arrangements for the time being and just explain to her that you won't be bringing them back. Use whatever excuse you want, but your kids are more important than what your friends in your monther's group will think. JMHO.

Good luck.

 

[Hannathy]

I wouldn't be worried about the non eating 3 hours isn't that long and kids really should only eat when they are hungry, or the air - people survived for years and years without air, or the running in the sprinklers better clothes on than underwear and no sunscreen. The only thing I would worry about is the no drinks. Did your son say she gave them no drinks or just not what you sent? Did he ask for any and get told no? That is what I would worry about. Talk to your son at 3 he should be able to give you a feel for how he is treated.

 

[DawnM]

As parents we have a 6th sense when it comes to our kids. It seems that your 6th sense has told you what is best for your child.

Dawn

 

[WeLuvDisney05]

Do not send your children back there. I could understand the first day they were just too excited to want to eat but it sounds like there are way too many issues. Do not abandon your group because of this person. Just simply say this is not working out the way we had hoped it would and we need to adjust our plans. End of discussion. if you are pushed just state that your parenting styles seem to be too differnt and you need somrthing that is closer in line with your style.

This is Exactly what I was thinking!!

I used to watch a couple kids (a sister & brother) in my home....my job was to Take Care of them....NOT to let them just play the Entire time & neglect them of all other needs....that is just unacceptable! If the mom wanted me to feed them at a certain time I would....as well as any other special requests....I made sure that they were taken care of. The kids were Always fed, clean, comfortable, having fun, etc, etc....since she is not doing these things for your kids....in my opinion, she is NOT doing her job! It seems like her parenting style is just WAY too layed back to the point of being neglectfull. I would definitely be concerned about the kids being in a HOT house ALL DAY with nothing to drink....very dangerous!....Her air isn't broken, is it??

So, NO your not "crazy"....Your concerns are Very Valid!!!!! Find a new sitter & NOW! I would watch them for you (do you live in FL? ) (We even live near Disney....Great day trips!! hee, hee!)

Sorry you're having to deal with all this but don't worry it will all work out in the end.....The well being of your kids is ALL that really matters!

to you!

 

[eh24fan]

IMO, it sounds like she just doesn't feel like dealing with feeding them. And I would have been pretty ticked if someone just handed me a pile of wet clothes. I wouldn't take my kids back there. And I'd tell her why too.

 

[me again]

I wouldn't be worried about the non eating 3 hours isn't that long and kids really should only eat when they are hungry, or the air - people survived for years and years without air, or the running in the sprinklers better clothes on than underwear and no sunscreen. The only thing I would worry about is the no drinks. Did your son say she gave them no drinks or just not what you sent? Did he ask for any and get told no? That is what I would worry about. Talk to your son at 3 he should be able to give you a feel for how he is treated.

Yes, people lived for hundreds of years without ac, but don't forget they were used to higher temperatures. If we're used to ambient temperatures in the 70's its even more of a stress for a child's system to spend several hours in an environment where the temperature is ~30 degrees higher than what they're used to.

I would just take my kids out of there. don't worry about apologies, explanations, etc. she's the one who owes you apologies and explanations. BTW, stories like this made me decide to stay at home when mine were little. I encountered similar problems with day care centers, not day care in homes--I'd drop by in the middle of the day and find the ac off, lights off (they said the children were napping, ok for the lights but they still need the ac), also dropped by during meal times, the meals were as stated on the menu, but the portion sizes were so small as to be a joke.One lunch consisted of 2 small bites of a hot dog, 2 orange sections and 2 slices of banana, 3 tater tots, about 1/2 cup milk. That was supposed to be lunch for a 5 year old!

Good luck finding a better day care situation. There are good ones, you just have to keep looking.

 

[me again]

Oh, BTW, you didn't say what she did with the food you provided. Chances are she uses it for the other kids, keeping her costs down!