OT:4+ year difference between siblings

[aprincess'smommy]

We have a 3 1/2 yr old and no baby in our near future either. We haven't been preventing for the past 18 months. We are still going to try for the next couple of years. My DH has an older sister that is almost 5 yrs older and they're really close. The age difference in their case was great. My husband got to go to any college he wanted because they only had to pay for one at a time, he also never had to live in his sister's shadow. I think whenever a baby comes your way whether it's 10 months or 10 years apart, it's a huge blessing

 

[GoinToDisney]

Well, I just wanted to update. I got a faint + and went in to have blood work today. After a miscarriage at 6 1/2 weeks, followed by a chemical pregnancy, I know better than to get too excited. I am just in the wait and see and pray, pray, pray phase. You ladies really made me feel at peace with the age gap, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This time around I feel much less pressure. If I do have another loss, I will have testing for secondary infertility and recurrent losses, so that is a good back-up plan. I'd appreciate any prayers, if you are the praying type.

 

[Andy B]

I hope all goes well but I'd just like to say we are not all ladies despite what David Walliams might say!

 

[cindermomma]

You will be in my prayers!!

 

[GoinToDisney]

I'm sorry, Andy. I forgot that you posted on this thread.

 

[Mkrop]

DS is 10 and my other guy will be 5 at the end of Dec. They are really good together. I was worried at first but they get along great bc I dont think they are constantly together. Yes some days it is crazy bc you are running in two different directions for age appropriate activities but I really enjoy it.

Now I am 10 and 14 years older than my DBros. That was tough at first bc I was looked to to be the helper and the built in babysitter and I resented it. I had been an only for 10 years! But now I must say I am very close with both of them esp the one 14 years younger. Some days I am the cool older sister and some days I am like a second mom.

DH and his brother are 18 months apart, they barely speak and BIL is a PITA!

So you never know.

Good luck with all you are going through.

 

[TiggerStac]

My oldest was 5 years and 4 months old when we had DS2. This was not by choice, either. We started trying for #2, when #1 was 2 years old. We went thru years of infertility and treatment. But now...it's great!! DS 1 is 6 years old and the baby will be 1 in January. DS 1 is a great help to me and loves his brother dearly. We were a little nervous with the age difference, but so far, so good!!

 

[LisaNJ25]

Dont feel down.

I have 4 kids.. they are 15,8,3 and 2. This was all by choice. I did not want them close together. My 2yo was a big suprises lol. I LOVE the age gap and I hate that the last 2 are only 12 months apart.

I wont lie. For me things went much better with the large age gaps. The two little together exhaust me.

 

[MinnieTink]

My girls are close to 4 years apart. The age gap between the first and 3rd (first and last!) is 10 years. It is fine tho. The 4 year gap between the girls was completely by design. I am glad I had time with them all individually. Girl #1 headed off to preschool that year, and Girl#2 and I got a little bonding time alone. A few of my friends thought I was nuts to space the kids out like that, but it worked for me. I actually think a few of my friends are nuts to have kids 12-14 months apart. I think that would really do me in!!! The men in the white coats would probably have to come and take me away!

I am sorry you are going thru a hard time. Good luck!

 

[TheDizMom]

I had similar problems, so I know how you feel . We started trying when DS was a few months shy of 3 and it took us over a year to finally get pregnant. My kids are 4 1/2 years apart and though it does present some issues it has worked out great . In general my DS is very protective of his sister and will even play Polly Pockets and dolls with her . She also drives him crazy wanting to play with his toys that she is really not gentle enough with, or wants to go with him to things he really doesn't want her to . I, however, think that is pretty much the norm no matter how many years there are between them . I look at it this way, other then a few years in elementary school there is such an age difference (not to mention the sex difference) they will not be in the same schools at the same time, and teachers won't be able to compare them, (I am only 14 months younger then my sister so that was a real pain for me growing up), and I only have to pay for one college education at a time .

Hang in there and don't give up hope. You could try the old African wives tale I tried when I got pregnant with my DD. According to Iman (this is where I got this from when she was on a talk show while she was pregnant with her daughter) Somalian women believe that if you hold a baby you will get pregnant. My brother had just had his son when I had been trying for a little more then a year. I went to the hospital the day he was born, which was right before I knew I was supposed to ovulate, and of course held him. The next day was what I believe was my ovulation day, so of course my DH and I did the obvious hoping for the best. Well I got pregnant !!! To this day I call my nephew my good luck charm and his parents made me his godmother . I am sure it was just a coincidence , but it may also have been the positive thinking on my part that holding my nephew might just do the trick .

 

[mdsouth]

For all those wanting to conceive -- keep the faith!

It took us several years to conceive our first. And then I had three miscarriages between our first and our second child. They are seven years apart.

My DS was 7 years old when I had our DD. They get along beautifully! My DD idolizes her big brother and he loves teaching her all the great things big kids do (making silly noises, telling knock-knock jokes, etc.). I love the fact that they have each other now and will have each other in the future. It works out much better than I anticipated. This is because they get along and will entertain each other at times, but also both enjoy doing their own things as well. They rarely fight with each other -- a true blessing!!

It also helps my DS with his reading, something he really has to be encouraged to do. I often have him read to his little sister when I am making dinner, etc. He also likes having her for an audience while he practices his musical instrument.

Of course, she also loves to have the attention of her big brother and she loves to try to keep up with what he does - riding bikes, playing outside. She even works on her writing/coloring doing her "homework" so she can be just like her big brother when he is doing his "homework".

I just thank GOD everyday that he blessed us with two wonderful children to raise.

For those that cannot conceive, seriously think about adopting a child. A child is a child, it really doesn't matter how the child enters your family. It is just great to have the opportunity to love a child and nurture that child.

I know we were considering adopting a child before our DD birth. Due to some physical problems that she has that we have to work with (intense physical therapy up until a year or so ago) and my and my husband's advancing ages (43 and 45) we have decided to just raise the two children. Of course, you never no what the future holds.

GOD BLESS EVERYONE!

 

[Eeyore's Wife]

I am 12 years younger than my oldest brother and 10 years younger than my older brother. I fondly remember visiting Disneyland when I was almost three years old. I rode around on their teenaged shoulders to see above the crowd. To this day, that was the best view of the parade and fireworks. I love my big brothers, and I think the age difference makes our relationship really special.

My kids are six years apart in age, and our daughter is shopping for college, which starts next fall, and we are still trying to beat infertility one more time.

--Eeyore's Wife

 

[larklynn]

In my family I was the oldest of 5. Me 32 brother just turned 30 last weekend next brother 27 sis 20 and baby 19. I love them all but get along the best with the babies!

Myself ds 13, dd 9, ds 6 and trying for one more. They get along very well most of the time a little bossy to each other once in awhile but they are all willing to play together and my boys actually choose to be together much of the time.

 

[Tammysue5]

We have four wonderful children. 24, 16, 8, and SURPRISE! DD5.
The ever 8 year thing seemed to become a thing for us...then DD5 came along and we cannot imagine not having her.

Let me share that the age difference has been a wonderful thing. There are still siblings in the house and yet there seems to be enough of an age difference that the kids get along very well. The oldest two are boys and the other two are girls ... The girls LOVE their big brothers and of course the Boys have found that 'girls" like when you are good to your little sisters.... as my one DS said... "they are babe magnets'. So the age difference is not a bad thing. Keep your spirits up... it will work out!

 

[momtwo4]

I am so sorry for your losses. No matter what the age difference between your children, all will work out. They will have there own special relationship no matter what. My Dh and I adopted our two oldest kids, (adopted 1 1/2 yrs apart but they are they are born just hours apart) So they became siblings at 27months, they had a little brother a month before there 4th BDay and then another brother when they were 6yrs old and my other DS was a few days shy of 3. They each have there own special relationship. My kids are now.... 8, 8, 4 and 1. Two int'l adoptions, countless iui's, ivf, fet. Please know it will all work out, give yourself time to grieve, IF is hard.

 

[bigmama67]

This is all making me feel so much better too! My DS is turning 5 in less than a month, and we can't start trying for #2 until DH is established at a job, but he has been looking for several years! I was 40 last March and am concerned that it may take us a while once we do start TTC, which would mean that our kids will at the least be 6 to 7 years apart. It made me a bit sad but I would still rather have another one than not. I would actually be fine with twins.

But I worry sometimes that DS won't have much of a relationship with a sibling so much younger, so it is great to hear all these stories.

I used to think I would do anything rather than have another December baby, but now as far as I'm concerned, the minute we can start trying, we won't take any breaks until it happens.



Rachel in NJ