Opinions wanted

[Marc A.]

yes on both counts

Well there you have another hint.

 

[Frantasmic]

Are you hotter than his wife? If yes. Don't go.

Seriously, he seems awfully persistant. He sounds like his
ego might have taken a beating several years ago and maybe
he just wants to know why.

I'd be busy for a while if I were you, as others, especially
guys, have suggested. We know what's on our minds.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Personally, I would think he either has bad intentions or isn't good at taking a hint.

 

[luvwinnie]

Are you hotter than his wife? If yes. Don't go.

Seriously, he seems awfully persistant. He sounds like his
ego might have taken a beating several years ago and maybe
he just wants to know why.

I'd be busy for a while if I were you, as others, especially
guys, have suggested. We know what's on our minds.

Funny!
I have no intention of going.

 

[Marc A.]

Come to think of it.....I have had a crush on you since you posted this thread. Can I have your email address so that we can get together and have lunch?
Trying to add a shread of dignity back to the male population.

 

[luvwinnie]

Come to think of it.....I have had a crush on you since you posted this thread. Can I have your email address so that we can get together and have lunch?
Trying to add a shread of dignity back to the male population.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Unless spouses were present, I wouldn't go.

 

[JunieJay]

There is a "bunch" of us who will probably get together again soon...so trying not to make it awkward when that happens. I am so bad at just saying "Don't think that's a good idea"...and honestly, my husband wouldn't be thrilled as I wouldn't if I were him. UGH.

I'm not good at it either, but sometimes its kinder to do so then to leave the guy hanging. Although since this guy is married, I'd have no trouble dumping him a second time!

 

[Barb D]

...she says she's busy, will email him when she can make it.....

She left the door open. She needs to close it!

 

[luvwinnie]

She left the door open. She needs to close it!

Right...didn't really think there was a "door" at the time you know? It's just weird.

 

[luvwinnie]

So I took the chicken's way out and never called back....so he emailed me early this morning. Haven't even opened it!!!

 

[FSUGrad97]

So I took the chicken's way out and never called back....so he emailed me early this morning. Haven't even opened it!!!

Now this is JMHO, but you need to tell this guy that you are unable to meet him for lunch. You are going to have to be direct since he is not taking your hints, and if he's emailing you and calling, that's a bit weird.

You have told your DH about this in case this guy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic?

 

[luvwinnie]

Now this is JMHO, but you need to tell this guy that you are unable to meet him for lunch. You are going to have to be direct since he is not taking your hints, and if he's emailing you and calling, that's a bit weird.

You have told your DH about this in case this guy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic?

You are right, I know.

I haven't because there is a good chance we will all get together again this summer at a mutual friend's BBQ. Didn't want it to be even more awkward!

 

[azgal81]

Wow! I would just tell him that you feel uncomfortable getting together with him becuase of your past history and leave it at that. Hopefully he will get the hint and stop contacting you!

 

[FSUGrad97]

You are right, I know.

I haven't because there is a good chance we will all get together again this summer at a mutual friend's BBQ. Didn't want it to be even more awkward!

Let your DH know because if, God forbid, this guy ramps up his efforts to contact you, you and your DH should be on the same page. Granted, he may just be overzealous, but if you are getting a weird vibe - trust your instincts.

 

[horseshowmom]

You are right, I know.

I haven't because there is a good chance we will all get together again this summer at a mutual friend's BBQ. Didn't want it to be even more awkward!

Here's what I would do. If the email is another request to get together, tell him that while you appreciate the offer, you're just too busy and any free time you have you spend with your family. Then tell him to be sure to tell his wife you said hello.

Unless he's a total idiot, he should get the point. Good luck!

(And I agree with the others, tell your husband.)

 

[deekaypee]

You need to do what makes you comfortable and establish your boundaries in a clear way. Forget about any temporary awkwardness you might feel at the very occasional contact. After all, his behavior doesn't demonstrate he respects you very much.

1) He emails you twice--you defer a meeting using an ambiguous message that many folks might see as the polite brush-off. He's offered, you've hinted that you'll initiate any future contact between you. It's an appropriate response, and you've tried to create a comfortable atmosphere that preserves the appearance of polite acquaintances.
2) He phones--thus upping the stakes. He's trying to manipulate you into responding to him. Enough time hasn't elapsed for your busy work situation to have resolved, so he has chosen not to listen to your "no" as "no." Whatever his intentions may be in asking you to lunch, he clearly doesn't respect the priorities and boundaries you have set.
3) He emails AGAIN--which again demonstrates he doesn't respect your decision (unless on the off chance this email is an apology that doesn't include another attempt to meet with you).

Now, maybe this guy doesn't realize he's being disrespectful or violating the boundaries you're trying to set--maybe he's socially awkward, or naive, or simply eager to re-establish ties. Doesn't matter. The point is, his actions, and thus he, makes you uncomfortable. So you have a right to respond in ways that makes it clear his behavior is unacceptable.

Now, whether you tell your DH about it...well, I can't say what your relationship is like. Personally, in my job and its social demands I experience many "boundary issues" that I don't tell DH about. I just shut them down quickly and definitively. However, on the rare occasion that a particular person persists, I make sure DH knows about the situation. In your case, I'm not quite convinced that the situation has gone far enough to tell your DH--and a lot might depend on this most recent email and how often you're going to see "reunion stalker."

 

[luvwinnie]

You need to do what makes you comfortable and establish your boundaries in a clear way. Forget about any temporary awkwardness you might feel at the very occasional contact. After all, his behavior doesn't demonstrate he respects you very much.

1) He emails you twice--you defer a meeting using an ambiguous message that many folks might see as the polite brush-off. He's offered, you've hinted that you'll initiate any future contact between you. It's an appropriate response, and you've tried to create a comfortable atmosphere that preserves the appearance of polite acquaintances.
2) He phones--thus upping the stakes. He's trying to manipulate you into responding to him. Enough time hasn't elapsed for your busy work situation to have resolved, so he has chosen not to listen to your "no" as "no." Whatever his intentions may be in asking you to lunch, he clearly doesn't respect the priorities and boundaries you have set.
3) He emails AGAIN--which again demonstrates he doesn't respect your decision (unless on the off chance this email is an apology that doesn't include another attempt to meet with you).

Now, maybe this guy doesn't realize he's being disrespectful or violating the boundaries you're trying to set--maybe he's socially awkward, or naive, or simply eager to re-establish ties. Doesn't matter. The point is, his actions, and thus he, makes you uncomfortable. So you have a right to respond in ways that makes it clear his behavior is unacceptable.

Now, whether you tell your DH about it...well, I can't say what your relationship is like. Personally, in my job and its social demands I experience many "boundary issues" that I don't tell DH about. I just shut them down quickly and definitively. However, on the rare occasion that a particular person persists, I make sure DH knows about the situation. In your case, I'm not quite convinced that the situation has gone far enough to tell your DH--and a lot might depend on this most recent email and how often you're going to see "reunion stalker."

Thank you for your well-written comments! The email is simply a SMILEY FACE!!