Opinions please on eloping!

[Rafiki31]

We are thinking of eloping. We are also considering doing it somewhere in New England where we are from, so any romantic suggestions would be appreciated. Some questions:

1. If you eloped, do you regret it?
2. Was your family super upset?
3. If you have children and they elope will you be hurt or upset?
4. If your siblings eloped, would you feel relieved, or be upset?
5. Anyone wish they eloped?
6. ANyone married at city hall? Any regrets?

We are really limited by budget, and we are hoping for fun stress and drama free ceremony. We have contemplated inviting our parents & siblings, but we are concerned this will cause all sorts of unsolicited opinions and the type of drama we are hoping to avoid.

 

[diznygirl]

I can only answer #3 - if I missed my children's wedding I would be sad. It's a day I'm really looking forward to sharing with them.

(And I promise to let them do their own planning and never give any advice! )

You have to do what is best for you. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My neighbor's kid got married at the JOP this past weekend. Mom and dad had a gathering at their house after.

We got married at the JOP as well. This was 18ish yrs ago. We did not have the money for an elopement, so I can't say if I would rather have done that route, it was not a choice we had. We told people we were getting married at the courthouse at such and such date and the people that wanted to be there, showed up.

If my kids want to elope, I don't care but DH would be upset and so would other family members, like my sister and my mother.

Heck my mother gave me grief over my dd not sending out HS graduation announcements to all members in her family.

 

[Hercules10]

Due to money we considered eloping too until I was told by a friend of mine that; "Every woman deserves to walk down the aisle and have her day at least once". We saved for a year to do a modest wedding.

 

[Kycha]

DH and I eloped and have no regrets about it. Family and friends seemed to be okay with it. We got married in Maryland because they didn't require the blood test and physical like they did in PA. We got married on a Thursday. So, it was a surprise to me when my Dad said he wanted to be there. It was a lovely ceremony in the courtyard of Talbot county courthouse. And since my Dad and his wife were there, we got some nice pictures. Personally, I think weddings are too elaborate nowadays. I prefer something simple to the lavish(and expensive) affairs people have now.

 

[ElizK]

DH and I considered eloping, but it was my older brother who changed my mind. He said, "Ya'll do what you want, but I'd be a little disappointed not to get to see my little sister get married." We had a very small church wedding, maybe 60 guests, and a punch and cake reception. Wouldn't change a thing!

Two and a half months later that same brother and his GF eloped. I was disappointed, and a little put out with him!

I would be VERY disappointed not to see my girls get married. Doesn't have to be a huge elaborate wedding, but I hope they will both have something in the way of a wedding that DH and I could attend.

 

[RitaE]

I'd be fine if one of my children wanted to get married at the courthouse. I'd like to be present, but if that isn't what they wanted --- I'd be disappointed but I'd live with the decision and still invite them over for Sunday dinner.

We'd probably still want to hold some sort of gathering or party for them later.

 

[jodifla]

We are thinking of eloping. We are also considering doing it somewhere in New England where we are from, so any romantic suggestions would be appreciated. Some questions:

1. If you eloped, do you regret it?
2. Was your family super upset?
3. If you have children and they elope will you be hurt or upset?
4. If your siblings eloped, would you feel relieved, or be upset?
5. Anyone wish they eloped?
6. ANyone married at city hall? Any regrets?

We are really limited by budget, and we are hoping for fun stress and drama free ceremony. We have contemplated inviting our parents & siblings, but we are concerned this will cause all sorts of unsolicited opinions and the type of drama we are hoping to avoid.

I'd consider eloping for a second marriage. Never a first.

You learn alot about your partner while planning a wedding...it's good experience. (Even better - go canoeing with your intended!)

And I'd never deny my mom and dad and his parents the opportunity to see us married.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

There have been two elopements in our family. One was an older couple, both who had been married before. The parents of both were really NOT happy, but more with the marriage than the elopement although the "bride's" mother was seriously upset that she hadn't been invited.

The other was a first marriage for a young couple. The parents of both were very upset, but did go on to give them a reception (two receptions, one from the bride's side, one from the groom's).

Would the elopement reduce the drama or cause more once the marriage was announced? Would you care if the drama were after the fact?

Could you simply have your ceremony the way you please, without saying anything, then invite those you wish, on short notice (not being upset if they couldn't come)?

If you simply want to get married by yourselves, then do it! Good luck to you and all the best in your lives together!

 

[freckles and boo]

I love numbered questions!

#1 -We eloped sixteen years ago. The marriage is far more important than the wedding. My ONLY regret is that I didn't have my sister with me because I had asked her to be my maid of honor months earlier, before we decided to elope.

#2 - No, MY family was fine with it. My mother-in-law was a bit miffed but we were eventually forgiven.

#3 - I will only be upset if my children elope in haste. I had known my husband for six years and we had been together for four years before we were married. I only want my girls happy, so if they chose to elope it will be fine.

#4 - Again, I only want their happiness. Two of my siblings more or less eloped. I wasn't put out by it at all.

#5 - N/A

#6 - I was married at the courthouse. It was a lovely moment in my life. I don't regret it.

 

[minkydog]

DH & I considered eloping. Actually, *I* was the one who wanted to just go to the courthouse, but DH really just wanted a small wedding. So that's what we had. I made my lovely but simple dress. We bought an inexpensive cake. My family decorated the reception room at our little church. We had punch, cake, mints and nuts. I bought my bouquet and the 2 bridesmaids flowers and the guy's boutenieres, but no flowers for the church--it was an old church with the most beautiful stained glass windows; flowers wouldn't have added a thing. I think we had about 40 guests and the whole wedding and reception took about 1-1/2 hours, after which we took a leisurely drive to a hotel 2 hours away, and the next morning we got up early to watch the first space shuttle lift off, on TV. Then we went to Red Lobster for a late lunch, drove home, and did laundry. I think the WHOLE THING cost $300 (that's all the money we had.)

'Course, it's only lasted 28 years. I think we got our money's worth.

If my kids chose to elope I would be sad. I don't care if it's a tiny wedding, or even a wedding in Jamaica. I'd just like to see them married. But that's just me. I'm sure I would get over it if they decided to go to the JP.

 

[kafitty]

my good friend's son "eloped", first wedding, both in their early 20's, and i can tell you she was VERY upset that she and her other son were not invited - the ceremony was planned wayyy ahead of time, nearly everyone knew about it (thus the quotation marks around elope above), and members of HER family went, but no one from his side was invited or given any details.

she's still heartbroken. i know this family very, VERY well, and there really was no reason to deprive her of seeing her firstborn get married. She's not real friendly with the bride, but they are civil and my friend would rather have died than caused any trouble for her son.

just my .02!

at any rate, i hope you have a WONDERFUL day; weddings are exciting no matter how they happen!

 

[scottishduffy]

We are thinking of eloping. We are also considering doing it somewhere in New England where we are from, so any romantic suggestions would be appreciated. Some questions:

1. If you eloped, do you regret it?
2. Was your family super upset?
3. If you have children and they elope will you be hurt or upset?
4. If your siblings eloped, would you feel relieved, or be upset?
5. Anyone wish they eloped?
6. ANyone married at city hall? Any regrets?

We are really limited by budget, and we are hoping for fun stress and drama free ceremony. We have contemplated inviting our parents & siblings, but we are concerned this will cause all sorts of unsolicited opinions and the type of drama we are hoping to avoid.

1. I did not elope.

2. My family would have been angry if they missed it. Ideally, if I had eloped I would have invited only our immediate families and 2 close friends. (total 11 people) That most likely would have seriously lessened any anger.

3. Don't have kids. If I missed their wedding I would be hurt, even more so if they had friends present but not us. If they chose to elope with only immediate family present so I could attend, I would be *thrilled*.

4. Would not care if Brother eloped. I would probably just be suprised and relieved. If he had eloped with my SIL i would have been happy since we all already knew her when they married.

5. I truly wish I had eloped. My mother took over my entire wedding. It wasn't my wedding and she even told me that the wedding was HER party. I did not get to pick my bouquet (she changed it on me), she altered my dress, Dismissed one of best friends as a bridesmaid because she didn't like her, altered our guest list severely, and generally disregarded anything I may have wanted. She said since she was paying she could choose everything. I had very few things I cared about and she wrecked them all. By my wedding day I wasn't speaking to her. I love my marriage (happily married 4 yrs now) but hated my wedding day. Better then the other way around I suppose.

I would elope if I had to do it over again. Mom would be momentarily upset but at least I would not spend a year getting over resentment. It would have been better (though not as elaborate) if my wedding had actually been mine.

6. Nope, fancy wedding here. If I were to elope I would either do a cruise ship, or vegas! No qualms with city hall though. Just as long as I could marry the same guy.

 

[Rora]

I posted a thread like this on the CB awhile ago. It has some really helpful opinions and ideas for small, affordable weddings that I hadn't even thought of!
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2272277

We chose not to elope just because we knew how much it would upset our family and we did want them to be apart of our day.

Good luck!!

 

[bumbershoot]

I personally think that one should want to actually elope, rather than just fall into it due to finances.

I think that if you just want it to be the two of you, then do it. But if you want some family, if family wants to be there...then you should find some way to do it.

Backyard BBQ, rent a park picnic structure (I was just part of one of those in August...in 3 hours a crummy little "pavilon" was turned into a lovely reception spot with some fabric and craft paper, some little cheapie vases and wildflowers...it was AMAZING), etc etc. Things can be done inexpensively and with family's help (I wasn't even invited to the wedding or reception, but I was a friend of the aunt of the bride, and I was HAPPY to help).


For me and my husband, having family and friends there was VERY important to us, and although some money was definitely spent on the wedding/reception, it was NOwhere near what many spend, and it was lovely to have as many people as could come be there with us.


But if we'd wanted it to just be us, if that was truly what was desired deep in our hearts, we would have done that.

Oh! My sister in law's sister...she and I are same age, both married well after our respective sibs did. SIL and her sister's mom is HIGH stress, you should have seen the multi-day shindig she threw for SIL and my brother. She ended up on valium for the day, and brother and SIL had to come hide out for awhile in the suite my mom and stepdad rented at the hotel, to chill out.

SIL's sis had NO interest in any of that. Got engaged, called a family meeting. Mom and dad came from wherever they were at the time, SIL came from where she was at the time...sis and fiance herded them in the car to "talk about the wedding arrangements", and drove them to the courthouse, where they got married RIGHT THEN. That is what their hearts' desire was...and that is what they did.

 

[Shmily1]

1. If you eloped, do you regret it?
In 1986, I had a big wedding. In 1996, I eloped
2. Was your family super upset?
My family was not upset. They completely understood and it was cheaper for them.
3. If you have children and they elope will you be hurt or upset?
I would love to see my children have a huge wedding because that's what I would love to do for them. I would also love to see my children elope so I could give them some money for a down payment on a house instead of paying an ungodly amount for a cake that will be gone in an hour.
4. If your siblings eloped, would you feel relieved, or be upset?
I would have helped my sibling elope and wish I could have but he passed away to early. I would have set him up for a honeymoon!! (at WDW of course!!)
5. Anyone wish they eloped?
As anti-climactic as the big wedding was, I sat in my hotel room after and said to myself "All of this for just a few minutes?"
6. ANyone married at city hall? Any regrets?
My elopement was to Daytona Beach, FL city hall. We got married there at Bike Week on a Thursday. I most certainly don't regret it because it was a great memory and I remember more about it than I do about the big wedding. There was just too much to do at the big wedding for it to be any fun, and that is even with us having hired everything out!

 

[Pakey]

I eloped both times. First marriage was at a civil hall; second marriage was in Lake Tahoe.

My parents could have cared less.

I would not be upset if my children did not have weddings. The first one to get married had a huge wedding. The second did a destination wedding. I'm actually encouraging third/youngest son (who is engaged) to elope.

Neither my husband and I are very close with our siblings so they never factored into any equation.

 

[vettechick99]

1. If you eloped, do you regret it? We did, and no. Five years later we are still happy about our decision.

2. Was your family super upset? It was my second marriage, so my family was not upset (although they all wanted to know if I was knocked up ). His mom was a little, but she hasn't held it against us.

3. If you have children and they elope will you be hurt or upset? Can't be but wouldn't be.

4. If your siblings eloped, would you feel relieved, or be upset? Neither. I love a good wedding, but I'd be happy for them.

6. Anyone married at city hall? Any regrets? We did ours at an inn in Savannah with a judge presiding. I'm glad we didn't go the city hall route, but I know people that did and are happy with their decision.

GL - we are soooo happy we eloped!

 

[TwinsinCA]

My sister got married without any family or friends present. I stop short of calling it "eloping" because it was planned months in advance and they told us all they were doing it. We just were not welcome to attend. Their reason? They have an "exclusive love" (her words) and simply wanted no one else there.

I was *very* upset. My sister and I didn't speak for months over this.

This happened years ago and things are fine between us now. Their "exclusive love" has also become a running joke. But it caused a major family rift for a while.

 

[minkydog]

5. I truly wish I had eloped. My mother took over my entire wedding. It wasn't my wedding and she even told me that the wedding was HER party. I did not get to pick my bouquet (she changed it on me), she altered my dress, Dismissed one of best friends as a bridesmaid because she didn't like her, altered our guest list severely, and generally disregarded anything I may have wanted. She said since she was paying she could choose everything. I had very few things I cared about and she wrecked them all. By my wedding day I wasn't speaking to her. I love my marriage (happily married 4 yrs now) but hated my wedding day. Better then the other way around I suppose.

Holy cow. I'm just shaking my head. I would never NEVER take over my daughter's wedding, or my son's for that matter. I planned my own wedding down the the rice baggies and I loved it. All my mother had to do was show up. She did try to change some music ("You HAVE to have a soloist!" Um, no I don't.) I wanted instrumental--my roommate was playing and she was a piano major. The music was beautiful.

Parents, the quickest way to alienate your children is to take over "their day." You've had yours, now stand down!