Opinions on a sensitive subject, please

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Well, I finally had a talk with DH last night. I think it went well. He was not defensive nor did he belittle my feelings. He listened, he apologized and he said I will never email get again. He went on to say that he figured she was a safe person to chat with via email, because he knew I could trust her. He also said he does not believe she has an ulterior motive. He said he understands my discomfort, he is sorry to have caused it.

I did feel relieved after our talk, but I also was a bit annoyed. He didn't think she was capable of deceiving me and told me more than once that she
Is a great friend to me. I replied while that may be true to a degree, a great friend should have been completely aware how this emailing relationship would appear to me, all things considered. I said as a woman who has cheated she knows how to hide things and she knows your weakness. For such a great
Friend she sure cared more about chatting him up then making me comfortable with that relationship. As I pointed out to him, she kept quiet about the while thing.

So now I have them both saying they will stop the emailing. That is good. He told me to check his phone, FB and email whenever I want. He said more than once that he wants us to move forward and he will do whatever is necessary to prove that.

So we shall see. I am still going to get a counselor for myself. I need to be able to express my fears to a third party and not always justify what I am thinking. So thank you to my fellow DISers for the advice and support. I really appreciate it. You guys have helped me to make a
Move and I am glad that I did.

Good luck to everyone who is in a similar situation. I have learned that it is not good to keep it all to yourself.

God bless you all,

S

I've been following your story. I think you're doing a really good job, and wish you the best.

 

[cheshireqt]

This is my thoughts too. Your 'friend' knows your husbands weakness and is exploiting it. I would be adamant with your husband that no more emails, and if he thinks you are overreacting, so be it, but for that I would put my foot down. As for the friend, I would call her out on this. Tell her to knock if off, if for no other reason than out of respect for you.

If it continues, then you have bigger problems.

Agree! Do you have this hotmail address she gave your husband? In other words is it possible it is new and special for him or is it an established account?
Out of respect for you and the confidence you placed in her she should not have begun a new and separate "relationship" with your DH. It has nothing to do with whether a man or a woman can be friends and everything to do with whether these 2 people who have previously cheated on their spouses can confine their growing relationship to just friendship. And yes the relationship is growing evidenced by the fact that she is sharing personal concerns in her life with him, some of which she is not sharing with you. Also I would not like it if I had a "friend" who knew my DH's weakness, had exclaimed that she will always be a cheater (b/c that is in essence what she said) and then began a weekly correspondence with him. I would believe she was exploiting the information I trusted her with.
Your DH may not see what is going on, but if he is not willing to give up emailing your friend then you have your answer.

 

[cheshireqt]

Shoot, missed your last update somehow. Glad you talked with him about this, while there is relief in that I think you do still have an issue with your "friend."

 

[pl'smama]

Shoot, missed your last update somehow. Glad you talked with him about this, while there is relief in that I think you do still have an issue with your "friend."

That is what still bothers me. While DH seemed to act out of stupidity and ignorance, I can't shake the feeling that she had some plan in mind. I have not committed yet, but I think I will see her for lunch this weekend to see what she can say to my face. I am not going to pick a fight, but I plan to spell it out. She can't claim total ignorance, she just can't.

Thanks again everyone. You have all helped me through a tough time. I have to say that after looking into the site www.survivinginfidelity.com, I am shocked at how often Emotional Affairs happen. I was convinced I was in a very small minority. They have some great points of view on that site while offering comfort and a place to vent. Nice to have when you need it.

Good night all, S

 

[cm8]

I just went through this again last night. Same MO as your H, OP. Online 'fantasy' about 4 years ago. I forgave, did counseling and things got better.

Until he met her. He moved here 5 months before me and made a friend. For the last 6 months I've been called paranoid, told I have trust issues, anxiety issues and was just plan wrong.

Guess what. Last night I found proof. TRUST YOUR GUT. You are smarter and know more than you think.

Today my life ended, tomorrow a new one begins.