Operation Big Thunder: the Dole Whip Conspiracy COMPLETE

[DivineMissM]

I like the name of your TR! So fuN!

 

[KatMark]

Traffic was smooth until we passed through Annapolis, Maryland. We could see a gathering rain storm in the distance that basically produced a curtain of water on the highway. We hit that and traffic slowed to a crawl. Naturally, this was when Scotty needed to go to the bathroom.

Typical boy!

Any East Coast resident will tell you that there is no easy way to drive around Washington, D.C. I-95 becomes part of the Washington Beltway, which is infamous for being as gridlocked as…well, every government institution inside the Beltway. It can also be jammed south of D.C. all the way to Fredericksburg, VA. If you’re trying to head south, you either attempt to brave the Beltway, drive directly through the city, or attempt an end-around by taking U.S. 301. 301 turns south at Bowie, MD, runs through the town of Waldorf, and then crosses the Potomac River into Virginia, where it eventually joins back up with I-95 north of Richmond. The section in Maryland is a pain to drive, because it’s a constant stop-start drive through a sea of traffic lights (and red-light cameras). I only bring this up because it is, of course, in sharp contrast to the amazingly efficient highway system we have here in Delaware.

I went to Washington, D.C. shortly after I bought my first car at the age of 17; my GF and I drove there from Chicago for a little under a week. New driver, horrible traffic. NOT a good combination!

We made it to North Carolina by lunchtime. We stopped in Roanoke Rapids for lunch at a pre-controversy Chick-Fil-A which was packed with people, but the line moved well enough that our food was ready soon enough. Then an old lady grabbed our tray when my name was called. I set out across the restaurant, wondering if I’d have to break off my John Brown boot in her hindquarters to get my food. I tracked her down and eventually emerged victorious with the precious meals. I certainly hope she eventually got something to eat.

Sure it wasn't Barry in disguise grabbing your tray? I LOVE Chick-Fil-A!!!!

Back on the road, we blasted our way through North Carolina, with the kids content to play DS or watch movies. I have to get them credit—they travel really well. As we counted off the miles, we got closer and closer to our goal, and if you recall from the intro, you know what I’m talking about. The pinnacle of American road trips…the tourist mecca that beckons us to make our pilgrimage…the place that captivates our dreams throughout the year until we can finally return…that dream within a dream...

South of the Border. Named due to its location just south of the NC/SC border line, we started seeing the famous billboards once we hit North Carolina. And if you've never heard of the famous billboards, here's a brief rundown: they're everywhere. They're gaudy. And they're usually full of terrible puns. In short, Barry would love them. Here's an example:

Barry probably wrote them and that's how he affords all his Disney trips.

We went straight for the fireworks shop. No, I don't know why they're flying a Canadian flag.

Yes, that package says, “Maximum Powder allowed by law.”

You too can celebrate your nation’s freedom by blowing up a small piece of it.

Ok, show of hands: how many of you looked at that picture and immediately thought of Muppet Vision 3D?

Ummmm.....

We stopped for some more pictures. Anytime you get the chance to ride a concrete jackalope or a dinosaur with a sombrero, you gotta do it.

My lifelong dream.

We also made a pit stop. The only way to describe South of the Border’s bathrooms: Do NOT go in there! I did think it was a nice touch that they had an attendant with a tip basket by the door. Every once in a while he would get up and run a paper towel over a square inch of the sink.

Really? Just once square inch of the sink?

Lest you think South of the Border is completely nasty, they do have their highbrow sections as well. See, this place has its own “tradition in fine dining”. That’s got to be a nice place.

Um…never mind. Get in the car, kids.

Smart move!

South of the Border…we stopped here so you don’t have to.

Coming Up Next: Are we there yet?

Thank you for stopping for us...I think I'll skip it if we ever drive that way again.

 

[vamassey1]

Ok I'm all caught up now and ready for more.

Very entertaining, you're a great story teller. We took our youngest on a surprise trip on 2010 and still says it was her favorite trip.

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

Well, we did tell them we were most likely not driving directly east.

So… your van isn’t also a submersible?
What kind of imposable mission starts off without using it’s high tech gadgetry?

Of course, the bag included maps of New England states, Montana, and even Hawaii, so I’m not sure it was all that helpful.

This idea I just love.

Any East Coast resident will tell you that there is no easy way to drive around Washington, D.C.

At least not without avoiding it completely.

I only bring this up because it is, of course, in sharp contrast to the amazingly efficient highway system we have here in Delaware.

To quote the mighty and all knowing DisneyFed:

Anyway, we chose to drive on U.S. 301 on the theory that it’s better to at least keep moving than risk being stuck on the Beltway.

It’s better to keep moving then sit on any gridlocked road.
I’ll go out of my way just not to be frustrated.

The kids were having a little trouble following the maps, but once they figured out where U.S. 301 was, they deduced that we were indeed in the United States.

Are you sure about that?
If you wanted to teach history along with orientation skills, then by this point y’all have done left the US and are indeed strangers in a strange land.

So they had that going for them, which was nice.

I missed where this update got posted so I’m neigh on to certain that all of the movie quotes have be identified by now.

I’ll have to watch for update more closely.

The pinnacle of American road trips…the tourist mecca that beckons us to make our pilgrimage…the place that captivates our dreams throughout the year until we can finally return…that dream within a dream...

South of the Border.

And if you've never heard of the famous billboards, here's a brief rundown: they're everywhere. They're gaudy. And they're usually full of terrible puns.

“Our Honeymoon Suites are Heir Conditioned!”

In short, Barry would love them.

Goes with out saying.

In any case, Julie and I decided that in the interests of detailed, informative Trip Reporting, your intrepid travelers would finally stop and experience the spectacular awfulness that is South of the Border. Mostly because we couldn’t convince anyone else to do it.

Well… since y’all sucked it up and actually stopped at SOB, I may have to suck it up and stop at “Sparky’s” the next time I go down to the coast.
In the interests of detailed, informative Trip Reporting of course. It’ not as big, but it has to be just as bad.

I’ll post pictures if I actually do that.

The famous sombrero tower. I had a friend who went up in this when he was young. He excitedly asked the teen running the elevator what he could see from the top. “Nothing,” the teen replied.

Not true. You get a fifty mile view of the SC Sand Hills. I suspect that from that vantage point you can clearly see the spot where the USAF actually dropped a nuclear device on the State of South Carolina. Luckily the “package” was disabled, but the ignition charge most certainly did its job.

We went straight for the fireworks shop.

Which clearly marked you as not being form SC.

No, I don't know why they're flying a Canadian flag.

It’s a trap!




And a surprisingly effective on too.

Yes, that package says, “Maximum Powder allowed by law.”

More then a nuclear device?

You too can celebrate your nation’s freedom by blowing up a small piece of it.

That’s what the USAF was trying to do…
Haven’t you been listening?

Ok, show of hands: how many of you looked at that picture and immediately thought of Muppet Vision 3D?

“It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America.
…It's a glorious three-hour finale!”



“You got a minute and a half. “

Anytime you get the chance to ride a concrete jackalope or a dinosaur with a sombrero, you gotta do it.

Unsalable logic right there.

See, this place has its own “tradition in fine dining”. That’s got to be a nice place.

It’s the traffic gates at the entrance there vainly attempting to stem the tide of ravenous carnivores that best illustrates the divinity of this fine eating establishment.

South of the Border…we stopped here so you don’t have to.

And I appreciate that fact.



No… really! I do.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I think I found the lie.

This wasn't intended as the lie, but I may have stretched the truth slightly. The judges have ruled that this counts as a lie.

+1

Caddyshack

+1

Spaceballs.

+1

Go for the billboards, skip the destination. Got it.

Pretty much.

Hey Steve! I got a mention already!

Hey look! So did Steve!

Something tells me Julie had nothing to do with this decision...

Well, I was driving the van. So she was as helpless as the kids in that sense.

More Fireworks than a Dave? I'M IN!

Good thing we didn't stop at Taco Bell for lunch. Dave could have been extra explosive.

Simpsons

+1

No, I thought of the Simpsons. I said so right up there. ^^

Oh, sorry. I suffer from short-term memory loss. It runs in my family. At least, I think it does...where are they?

Words to live by. Tombstone material, perhaps?

My favorite epitaph suggestion comes from Dan Jenkins, writer for Golf Digest: "I knew this would happen."

But I'll bet it was a very clean square inch.

Well, relatively speaking.

So did the Donner Party.

*shudder*

Hello!

I was browsing through the TR's section of the DIS and your TR title just stood out! This game you play is really thoughtful!

I'm glad you're here! And don't kid yourself, I really don't put that much thought into it.

Here's my first guess...

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

+1

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Crap, I'm too late for most of 'em. (Thanks for posting during work hours!)

This never happens to me in the Judy game.

The first one above is from the Scrubbing Bubbles commercial.

The second one (next chapter title) is from the movie, um, "Are we there yet?"

Boy, you're working hard, aren't you? I can't remember if I counted actual movie titles in place of quotes the last time around.

I use that "You never sausage a place" line around the house as much as I can. Another one I like is "Don't forget the little Juan's".

My favorite was Pedro's weather forecast: Chili today, hot tamale!

I'll come back to comment on everything later since multiple quotes are a little difficult with the phone app. I'm calling this for a lie though.

Sorry. There was indeed a restroom attendant hoping for tips.

Winner of "Spot the Lie" get a piece of Key Lime Pie of Awesomeness mailed to them in an envelope!*


*If you're the winner, please send us a SASE and allow 10 weeks for delivery.

Refrigeration and hard-sided packaging not necessarily guaranteed.

Thanks!!! I'm really looking forward to it! (We'll see how I feel about it in a couple weeks!)

You'll be awesome!

Captain Poopy-pants - your alter-ego.

Now that's just not nice. Funny, but not nice.

-1

HINT: THIS IS NOT THE LIE.

You're killing me. Who invited you here, anyway?

No, I thought of the Simpsons.

Honey, I don't want to alarm you, but you're thinking like Barry.

HINT: THIS IS NOT A LIE!!!!!!! AVOID THEM AT ALL COST!!!! (And I'm generally not a very picky person.....)

It was morbid curiosity, Barry.

There's an epitaph for you.

Great minds.

Joining in for the fun. Great start.

and thanks!

Oh my gosh, the traffic near DC is absolutely awful. I swear people who are all over the bad traffic in NYC have obviously not driven in the lower East coast. It is just awful and plus rain, good thing you guys made it out fairly quickly and without cranky children. I would've been so anxious. Your kids really do deal with travel better than I ever did at their age.

They have parents who love travel, so we've been hoping it's infectious. But I am thankful for DVD players.

Oh my gosh, that is one bad, big tourist trap. I always thought they may have gotten more... classy. I stand corrected then. I absolutely love the Sombrero tower though makes me laugh they have an elevator to go up in. Thank god I may not ever go there. Good thing you guys were only there for a bathroom break, you guys were smart about that. I thank you for showing me a place I will never let my curiosity bring me to.

Can't wait to read more!

I don't think "classy" is ever a word I'd use to describe it. But I figure now we can badmouth it with authority.

Not gonna lie......I would have to stop for the puns alone.

Well, that certainly drew our attention to the place!

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I didn't see anyone else say this yet, but Remember the Titans!

+1

Good catch! That was more obscure than the others.

I love your trip reports, by the way, so I'm coming out of lurker status! Can't wait to read more!

and thanks for de-lurking!

Reading along also.

About South of the border we have passed by there on everyone of our trips to the mouse and only once stopped--never again
but i do love the billboards it lets me know i am almost 1/2 way.
Nell

Nell!

I agree. Once was definitely enough!

Even Canadian (well at least East Coast Canadians) know about South of the Border. We even see the bumper stickers around here. That is probably why they fly the Canadian flag.

I'm sure they're happy to attract anyone they can.

We have taken this trip before and I have to say your description of both the traffic around DC and of South of the Border is pretty dead on.

Whew! I'm glad the whole chapter wasn't a lie.

Oh my...I love it Julie.

10 weeks? You're being very optimistic about the Delaware Postal Service.

Good point. Check back in 6 months.

I quoted both of those together because it seems our minds have more in common that just greatness.

This is getting scary.

 

[vdub322]

+1

Good catch! That was more obscure than the others.



and thanks for de-lurking!

Thanks! Remember the Titans is one of my favorites!

 

[ljcrochet]

great report so far. Can't wait to hear about the rest.

 

[ShortStuff]

Amazing that you braved SOTB for us, so we don't have to!! : Much appreciated!

 

[Cinderella's Fella]

You guys just amaze me with your movie quote knowledge. Of course I'm a little older, my mind use to be quick like the tongue of a snake, but now it's slower than the molasses in January.

I do need to say, You Guys Need To Get Out Of The House More Often!

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Hey look! So did Steve!

But if we've learned anything from Bambi, it's that what I say doesn't count.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Of course he did!

I shouldn't have let him have that 44 oz. coffee at breakfast.

For all of you who might be fooled into believing this, DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy, such venom against your friendly neighborhood road designer.

Anyway, +1

I love the 301 route and by the time you make it to this bridge its pretty much free sailing. Thanks for enlightening me with the name. To me it was always "bridge with toll".

The hard part is getting to that bridge.

You made great time to NC! Can't believe you had to chase granny down for your food. DOH!

Are you sure I wasn't making that up?

Woo Hoo! You made it!!!!!!!!!!!

Um...yay?

Make fun of SOTB all you want, but these pictures are just darn cute!

Well, thanks!

I am so taking Denny here when we go to Hilton Head next spring!

Let me know how that goes...

Great update! And even better - I can see your pictures! Woo Hoo!

Traffic around Washington DC. Ick. When we drove down, my Mom hid her face in her pillow all through that area.

I tried to do that while I was driving too, but Julie wouldn't let me.

Love the pictures of South of the Border. I was thinking of having us stop there on our next trip down. I love seeing all of the billboards for South of the Border. Much better than the "other" billboards on that stretch of road...

This is an excellent point!

After seeing this one, my then-9-year-old said (very seriously) -- Why on Earth would anyone want to look at b**bs while they were eating?

We near-'bout died laughing at that one.

I followed you over from Glenn's trip report.

Gotta go back and read now.

Glad to have you here!

Well, that should have been pretty obvious. That would be the worlds shortest vacation drive.

It sure would be memorable, though! Hey kids, we're going to see the Salem nuclear power plant!

If you could drive to Hawaii, I'd be impressed.

Is that a challenge?

Easy there. Any highway system is efficient when nobody uses it.

We'd be fine if we could get rid of all these out-of-state drivers on the weekends.

I called the restroom attendant the lie, but this could also potentially be one. If not that's an odd, funny story.

I thought this story might get more votes. It's actually true. Apparently there were two "Marks" that placed orders. We had to go through the receipts to determine whose it was.

So in other words, it's kind of like a cockroach?

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I call lie on this I don't think you gave them any help.

Nope, I did tell them that. You have to understand my sense of humor. I'm kind of a jerk.

Just wondering if you made her run a mile. Most of the movie quotes so this was the only one I think wasn't pointed out from Remember the Titans

That's a great line, isn't it? Someone else beat you to the punch on the quote.

I don't know how any road trip would be complete without stopping at a place like this. This is the type of thing childhood memories should be made of.

Shameless plug alert!

We did a road trip last year to Chicago and back that included a stop at a place like this for dinner. It even had its own X-Wing fighter in the parking lot! And wouldn't you know it! I happened to do a TR.

http://www.disboards.com/showpost.php?p=42360069&postcount=168

I like the name of your TR! So fuN!

and thanks!

Typical boy!

I think you could say "typical kid".

I went to Washington, D.C. shortly after I bought my first car at the age of 17; my GF and I drove there from Chicago for a little under a week. New driver, horrible traffic. NOT a good combination!

I try not to drive there even now! We always park on the outskirts and take the Metro. Easily the best way to get around town.

Sure it wasn't Barry in disguise grabbing your tray? I LOVE Chick-Fil-A!!!!

I'm not sure Barry would go to all that effort. He'd just take the food.

I love Chick Fil-A, too. And before anyone flames me, I also like Ben & Jerry's ice cream and many Hollywood movies. If I stopped doing business with everyone who disagreed with me on some point, I would eventually be a hermit. Hey...

Barry probably wrote them and that's how he affords all his Disney trips.

Really? Just once square inch of the sink?

From all appearances, yes.

Thank you for stopping for us...I think I'll skip it if we ever drive that way again.[/QUOTE]

Probably a good idea.

Ok I'm all caught up now and ready for more.

Very entertaining, you're a great story teller. We took our youngest on a surprise trip on 2010 and still says it was her favorite trip.

Thanks for reading along! I"m glad you're enjoying it.

Is the surprise more fun for the parents or the kids? I'm not sure.

 

[afwdwfan]

Sorry. There was indeed a restroom attendant hoping for tips.

Somehow, that is even more disturbing than just a nasty restroom.

Is that a challenge?

Yes. Yes it is.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

So… your van isn’t also a submersible?
What kind of imposable mission starts off without using it’s high tech gadgetry?

Q can't fit everything in there at once. As I said, it hurts the gas mileage.

This idea I just love.

At least not without avoiding it completely.

This is why airplanes were invented.

To quote the mighty and all knowing DisneyFed:

+1

It’s better to keep moving then sit on any gridlocked road.
I’ll go out of my way just not to be frustrated.

It sure does feel better, anyway.

Are you sure about that?
If you wanted to teach history along with orientation skills, then by this point y’all have done left the US and are indeed strangers in a strange land.

That Mason-Dixon line is a little scary.

I missed where this update got posted so I’m neigh on to certain that all of the movie quotes have be identified by now.

I’ll have to watch for update more closely.

There's still one I would give credit for that no one has pointed out yet. And another small lie, too.

“Our Honeymoon Suites are Heir Conditioned!”

Well… since y’all sucked it up and actually stopped at SOB, I may have to suck it up and stop at “Sparky’s” the next time I go down to the coast.
In the interests of detailed, informative Trip Reporting of course. It’ not as big, but it has to be just as bad.

I’ll post pictures if I actually do that.

This I gotta see!

Not true. You get a fifty mile view of the SC Sand Hills. I suspect that from that vantage point you can clearly see the spot where the USAF actually dropped a nuclear device on the State of South Carolina. Luckily the “package” was disabled, but the ignition charge most certainly did its job.

You are a much better salesman than that teen.

That’s what the USAF was trying to do…
Haven’t you been listening?

I'm sorry, what was that?

“It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America.
…It's a glorious three-hour finale!”



“You got a minute and a half. “

+1 for excellent quotage.

It’s the traffic gates at the entrance there vainly attempting to stem the tide of ravenous carnivores that best illustrates the divinity of this fine eating establishment.

That's a classy touch, don't you think?

Thanks! Remember the Titans is one of my favorites!

Mine too!

great report so far. Can't wait to hear about the rest.

and thanks!

Amazing that you braved SOTB for us, so we don't have to!! : Much appreciated!

I'm sure you would all have done the same for me. Right?

Anyone?

Bueller?

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

You guys just amaze me with your movie quote knowledge. Of course I'm a little older, my mind use to be quick like the tongue of a snake, but now it's slower than the molasses in January.

Gotta waste brain cells on something.

I do need to say, You Guys Need To Get Out Of The House More Often!

We tried! Wait till you hear about our first full day at the beach.

But if we've learned anything from Bambi, it's that what I say doesn't count.

Sort of like these game points I keep awarding.

Somehow, that is even more disturbing than just a nasty restroom.

Yes. Yes it is.

Driving might be the only way we can afford Hawaii.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Tallying up the points from the 1st entry:

FreezinRafiki 8
GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes 2
vdub322 1
MEK 1
afwdwfan 1

The other lie nobody guessed was that the kids were disappointed by passing Kings Dominion. They'd never heard of it until we passed it. When I pointed out the big tower with swings 100' in the air, they decided they had no interest in checking it out.

Also, a reminder...sometimes movie quotes are buried in the responses as well.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Also, a reminder...sometimes movie quotes are buried in the responses as well.

Q can't fit everything in there at once. As I said, it hurts the gas mileage.

James Bond movies. All of them. 22 points, please.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

James Bond movies. All of them. 22 points, please.

Nice try.