Operation Big Thunder: the Dole Whip Conspiracy COMPLETE

[vamassey1]

Your kids are precious and yes they do look happy to be at the beach.

I haven't been to the beach in South Carolina since 1991. We use to live in Columbia and drive to Myrtle Beach for the day. We stayed in Litchfield Beach on January with a friend for a girls trip. The east coast has the best waves. The Gulf Coast has beautiful beaches but the waves don't compare, unless their is a storm brewing in the gulf.

Looking forward to more.

 

[Mrs. Knowitall]

Now that's just not nice. Funny, but not nice.

-1

You're killing me. Who invited you here, anyway?

Honey, I don't want to alarm you, but you're thinking like Barry.

Hhmph! Well, if I'm thinking like Barry, you can subtract my point from Barry's bazillion points.

As we would learn later, one of our friends was busy unloading the van at that moment and had heard us coming up the drive and immediately taken cover behind the van (we have that effect on a lot of people).

Speak for yourself.....
(This WAS a funny story when she told it!)

Tell me Obi wan - how long will it take me to get to the Delaware beaches tomorrow?

TOO LONG!!!!!

No one busted out crying. That's a win.

Good point!! +1

(See that.....take away my points and I'll start handing out points)

Pasty and Lobster-Red?

Here's a sneak preview:

 

[Mrs. Knowitall]

I just wanted to do that.....given our gps.....

 

[MEK]

There was a huge storm that hit the Middletown area around 4:30 p.m. Couldn't see anything on the highway, and there was a lot of beach traffic to begin with. It looked really slow as I drove north.

You're going to the beach tomorrow? Good luck. Seriously, you're not allowed to decide to drive to the beach at the same time as 50,000 other cars and then complain that there's a lot of traffic.

Wow - I totally missed that. It must have just been south of me. But when I was at home depot in Christiana I heard the loudest clap of thunder I have EVER heard. Crazy.

Beach traffic doesn't count. That's a given. But the Friday afternoon traffic is KILLIN' me. Next Friday - alternate route. Not sure which, but it won't be Rt 1/7. Oh wait - next Friday I will be at happy hour at the beach.

And Dawn - you KNOW I will be waving right in your direction!

 

[afwdwfan]

Hhmph! Well, if I'm thinking like Barry, you can subtract my point from Barry's bazillion points.

Sounds fair to me!

Good point!! +1

(See that.....take away my points and I'll start handing out points)

Here's a sneak preview:

Awesome!!!! Didn't we establish last time that Mrs. Knowitall points are worth about 5 times as much as Captain Oblivious points?

 

[dmoore718]

I'm loving it!!I live in Philly!! I have a very similiar beach photo of my family from Ocean city, MD.

 

[PlutosRHM55]

You guys just couldn't escape the traffic could you? lol But I don't believe for one second that your GPS was the voice of Vadar, so there's one fib. And I think there may be a movie reference, but I don't know which sequel it is... unless it isn't one. Oh, this is getting intense haha

That's a shame the surprise factor wasn't very strong, but it looks they had fun on the beach. Lucky them they were able to swim at night, usually anywhere else it is too cold to even put a toe in. Hope this fun gets them distracted enough to not know there was another trip coming soon.

Can't wait to read more!

 

[declansdad]

Love the update but I highhly doubt Darth Vader has let you down for the last time.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Star Wars

+1

Signing up.

Beautiful family, great writing.

Something tells me I am in for a treat.

Queila! Thank you for joining the fun!

lie

Nope. Sorry. Reading through the responses, it's surprising how many people don't think Darth Vader gives GPS directions.

Isn't technology wonderful?

And how many cars actually passed through the intersection on the other road while you were there?

Darn highway engineers.

I'm pretty sure I know what happened there, because it's a process that gets repeated around the country:

1. Major road intersects minor side road. Residents on side road complain beach traffic is too heavy on major road, and they can't get out. They request a signal. DOT knows a signal will back up traffic even worse on major road, and request is denied.

2. Residents on side road complain to elected officials about their situation. Looking for easy votes, elected officials take up fight to put up traffic signals. DOT resists, for reasons above.

3. Pressure increases from elected officials and residents. Bills are introduced to cut DOT funding or force signals to be installed.

4. Under immense political pressure, DOT installs signals. Major road gets snarled in traffic.

5. Residents, elected officials, and news outlets broadcast displeasure with the terrible beach traffic on major road, demand incompetent DOT do something about it.

I didn't start out this cynical, trust me.

Lie

Our friends were indeed already at the house. They'd begun their trip earlier.

Well, considering you wouldn't even tell them where you were going...

When have we ever steered them wrong? Ok, besides with Philly sports teams.

And the first surprise was revealed with a less than excited response.

And there was much rejoicing. Hooray.

Lie... unless they were included in something else. I'm seeing some Mountain Dew in there maybe? .

No Mountain Dew, but I'll answer this one a little later.

Oh no! Please give us "pasty white Mark" warnings before any pictures appear.

Rest assured, I'll try and keep those pictures out. Don't want to ruin your appetite.

What a great surprise for the kids, even though it took a little while to sink in. Can't wait to hear what you think about Pawley Island. Not exactly sure where it is, but it must be south of Myrtle Beach.

Pawley's Island is on the south end of the Grand Strand, the southernmost beach in the greater Myrtle Beach area. It's away from all of the hubbub.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Hummmmm... I bet it was the two un-synced lights in Aynor that caused this.

Been down there once or twice, have you?

Star Wars

+1

Like I said... This is our normal.



There is no good way around Aynor. Everything coming in form the north or west has to go through this pinch point (Unless you were going to North MB, then you could have taken Rt. 9

We looked at the map, trying to see if there was an alternate route, and did this:

Andy got to it first, but either that one ain't true

or this one ain't

Both sentences are indeed true.

They were just stunned. So it's still a successful surprise.
Look at it this way...

No one busted out crying. That's a win.

Yeah, we didn't have anyone begging to go home, so that's a good thing.

Lie...
there was no bacon, therefore not "everything" a growing boy needs.

Good point!

One of the best times.

Until the sharks come, anyway.

Pasty and Lobster-Red?

Why, how did you know?

Your kids are precious and yes they do look happy to be at the beach.

Thanks! I'm not sure kids really ever get sick of the beach.

I haven't been to the beach in South Carolina since 1991. We use to live in Columbia and drive to Myrtle Beach for the day. We stayed in Litchfield Beach on January with a friend for a girls trip. The east coast has the best waves. The Gulf Coast has beautiful beaches but the waves don't compare, unless their is a storm brewing in the gulf.

We were just south of Litchfield Beach. Great place. And I agree on the waves, although you usually need a storm in the Atlantic to get things churning too.

Hhmph! Well, if I'm thinking like Barry, you can subtract my point from Barry's bazillion points.

The other readers would be happy with that idea.

Speak for yourself.....
(This WAS a funny story when she told it!)

I enjoyed it, too.

Good point!! +1

(See that.....take away my points and I'll start handing out points)

You're not allowed to overrule the Rules Committee.

Here's a sneak preview:

I just wanted to do that.....given our gps.....

Darth smiley approved!

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Wow - I totally missed that. It must have just been south of me. But when I was at home depot in Christiana I heard the loudest clap of thunder I have EVER heard. Crazy.

Lots of big storms this summer. More than I can remember.

Beach traffic doesn't count. That's a given. But the Friday afternoon traffic is KILLIN' me. Next Friday - alternate route. Not sure which, but it won't be Rt 1/7. Oh wait - next Friday I will be at happy hour at the beach.

And Dawn - you KNOW I will be waving right in your direction!

Well, Friday afternoon in the summer is also beach traffic!

Sounds fair to me!

Uh huh, I'll bet it does.

Awesome!!!! Didn't we establish last time that Mrs. Knowitall points are worth about 5 times as much as Captain Oblivious points?

Yes, but only in Canada and Papua New Guinea.

I'm loving it!!I live in Philly!! I have a very similiar beach photo of my family from Ocean city, MD.

Always glad to have the Philly crowd represented!

You guys just couldn't escape the traffic could you? lol But I don't believe for one second that your GPS was the voice of Vadar, so there's one fib. And I think there may be a movie reference, but I don't know which sequel it is... unless it isn't one. Oh, this is getting intense haha

Actually, Darth makes for a fun GPS voice. At one point, he told me to take the 3rd right and then said, "Don't make me destroy you!"

http://www.tomtom.com/en_us/products/voices/

There were a couple of Star Wars quotes that others pointed out. Another quote still in there...

That's a shame the surprise factor wasn't very strong, but it looks they had fun on the beach. Lucky them they were able to swim at night, usually anywhere else it is too cold to even put a toe in. Hope this fun gets them distracted enough to not know there was another trip coming soon.

Exactly! The water was amazingly comfortable. Swimming at dusk was a lot of fun.

Love the update but I highhly doubt Darth Vader has let you down for the last time.

Hmmm...

 

[FreezinRafiki]

I should have mentioned in the previous installment that we had Darth Vader giving us directions on the GPS the whole way down. He even tried to warn us about South of the Border. When we took the exit, we were deviating from the route that was planned on the GPS. So Darth said, “Turn around when possible. I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

I'd call that a lie, but I actually believe it.

and encountered no problems on the way.

Except for South of the Border, that is.

…for 20 miles. There was no accident, it was just beach traffic on a Saturday afternoon. We finally passed through the town of Aynor, SC and started moving again. The volumes had been bad enough that the 2 traffic lights in Aynor had backed up traffic for the previous 20 miles.

Yes, but then you get to play all of the slow moving car games. Like "Hey kids - let's look at that tree again!"

So we quickly stopped and backed up a bit in order to put the other van out of sight behind a tree.

Nope, nothing suspecious when dad jams the car in reverse and squeals the tires to hide us. Typical day in the life of an International Man of Mystery.

As we would learn later, one of our friends was busy unloading the van at that moment and had heard us coming up the drive and immediately taken cover behind the van

She was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so she'd tell us to get down, shut up.

(we have that effect on a lot of people).

Don't worry Julie, we know Mark was using the "me" definition of "we" here.

Finally, one of us opened the door. We stepped into the room, and our friends burst out from behind a wall, saying, “Surprise!”

Burst out from behind a wall? Like the Kool-Aid man?!?

Sarah later said she was just thinking, “Why are my friends here?”

This smells like Tommy Boy - the scene where Chris Farley looks into the board room just as they're closing the doors. So I'm going to call it.


Great pictures of the night swimming! It looks like a lot of fun.

 

[FreezinRafiki]

Hhmph! Well, if I'm thinking like Barry, you can subtract my point from Barry's bazillion points.

I can assure you my points are not Brazillion. They're all made right here, in the good old U S of A.

The other readers would be happy with that idea.

I can think of one that may not be very pleased with it....

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

I'm pretty sure I know what happened there, because it's a process that gets repeated around the country:

1. Major road intersects minor side road. Residents on side road complain beach traffic is too heavy on major road, and they can't get out. They request a signal. DOT knows a signal will back up traffic even worse on major road, and request is denied.

2. Residents on side road complain to elected officials about their situation. Looking for easy votes, elected officials take up fight to put up traffic signals. DOT resists, for reasons above.

3. Pressure increases from elected officials and residents. Bills are introduced to cut DOT funding or force signals to be installed.

4. Under immense political pressure, DOT installs signals. Major road gets snarled in traffic.

5. Residents, elected officials, and news outlets broadcast displeasure with the terrible beach traffic on major road, demand incompetent DOT do something about it.

I didn't start out this cynical, trust me.

That’s how it went down.
And in exactly that order.

The only bit you missed was…

4.5. State constitutional amendment put on ballot to cut property taxes was approved by voters resulting in 45% cut on revenues (the vast bulk of which normally went to roads and schools).

I’d say that you’re not cynical.
More rather, most folks are selfish
(and don’t think beyond their own immediate concern)

And there was much rejoicing. Hooray.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Been down there once or twice, have you?

Ummmmmm… Could be…

 

[Mrs. Knowitall]

Awesome!!!! Didn't we establish last time that Mrs. Knowitall points are worth about 5 times as much as Captain Oblivious points?

Yes. Yes, we did.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I'd call that a lie, but I actually believe it.

Good for you, because it's true! No points for that, though.

Except for South of the Border, that is.

Well, at least they had fireworks.

Yes, but then you get to play all of the slow moving car games. Like "Hey kids - let's look at that tree again!"

Even I can't fake enthusiasm for that one.

Nope, nothing suspecious when dad jams the car in reverse and squeals the tires to hide us. Typical day in the life of an International Man of Mystery.

They've seen me drive on the NJ Turnpike. Those moves are typical survival skills.

She was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so she'd tell us to get down, shut up.

"Get down! Shut up!" Did it rain in all different directions too?

Don't worry Julie, we know Mark was using the "me" definition of "we" here.

Burst out from behind a wall? Like the Kool-Aid man?!?

Now why didn't we think of that? That would have been awesome!

This smells like Tommy Boy - the scene where Chris Farley looks into the board room just as they're closing the doors. So I'm going to call it.

Wasn't that, "What's my family doing in there?" (I had to check on imdb).

Great pictures of the night swimming! It looks like a lot of fun.

Thanks! It was, which is a good thing, because otherwise a full week at the beach might not have looked so good.

I can assure you my points are not Brazillion. They're all made right here, in the good old U S of A.

I'm picturing you saying this in front of a giant American flag.

I can think of one that may not be very pleased with it....

Has your nemesis weighed in on this yet?

That’s how it went down.
And in exactly that order.

I don't know whether to feel proud or bothered that I had it that close.

The only bit you missed was…

4.5. State constitutional amendment put on ballot to cut property taxes was approved by voters resulting in 45% cut on revenues (the vast bulk of which normally went to roads and schools).

I’d say that you’re not cynical.
More rather, most folks are selfish
(and don’t think beyond their own immediate concern)

Sadly, you're right about that.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

+1

 

[marvali]

Love the introduction. A secret when you point the car south? I will guess you actually do quite well since the distractions seems to work

Well, when you're in Delaware there are a whole lot more options when you point your car south than say, Charlotte.......

Marv! I'm sorry we missed you too. But your son's deployment was slighly more important than meeting some weirdo from the DIS.

Well, when you put it THAT way......

Not sure why.......I'm usually terrible at your movie quote games!!!

I’ve driven past this tourist trap several times in my life, and never once had the guts to stop. Every time we go by, the parking lot looks empty, and I wonder how the place can stay in business wallowing in its eternal crappiness. And yet somehow, it survives.

Hmmm, doesn't look so empty to me! You can usually find cars there from as far away as, say, Delaware!!!

We went straight for the fireworks shop. No, I don't know why they're flying a Canadian flag.

As if the billboards can't stand alone in their enticing way, it is to further lure in those Canadians who come down each year to play golf in the early spring. The two things just naturally go together!!!!

*If you're the winner, please send us a SASE and allow 10 weeks for delivery.
I think I spotted the lie!!!

Great minds.

Maybe another????

I am so taking Denny here when we go to Hilton Head next spring!

Gee MaryEllen, why don't you just take him to Denny's and order the steak there instead!!!!

I don't know how any road trip would be complete without stopping at a place like this. This is the type of thing childhood memories should be made of.

How else are you going to give them nightmares and be able to provide that parental comforting????

Then we took the exit for Myrtle Beach and got on Rt. 501. We drove for about 5 minutes and then hit this:

Please tell me you didn't try to take 501 to reach Pawleys Island!!!!! You should have asked some of us natives and we would have told you to stay on I-95 to Daytona, then backtrack until you find Hwy 17 and travel through Charleston and Georgetown to get there. Would have saved you HOURS!!!!!

You're not allowed to overrule the Rules Committee.

Just a guess, but I don't think you should have said THAT!!!!!

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Not sure why.......I'm usually terrible at your movie quote games!!!

You can't be any worse than I am at the prediction games.

As if the billboards can't stand alone in their enticing way, it is to further lure in those Canadians who come down each year to play golf in the early spring. The two things just naturally go together!!!!

That makes sense. Except "early spring" in Canada is August, right?

Gee MaryEllen, why don't you just take him to Denny's and order the steak there instead!!!!

Because Denny's doesn't have a building shaped like a sombrero!

How else are you going to give them nightmares and be able to provide that parental comforting????

Exactly!

Please tell me you didn't try to take 501 to reach Pawleys Island!!!!! You should have asked some of us natives and we would have told you to stay on I-95 to Daytona, then backtrack until you find Hwy 17 and travel through Charleston and Georgetown to get there. Would have saved you HOURS!!!!!

Darn highway engineers.

Just a guess, but I don't think you should have said THAT!!!!!

Nah, it's ok. She's stuck with me.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Latest standings:

FreezinRafiki 8
GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes 3
afwdwfan 2
vdub322 1
MEK 1
glennbo123 1

Getting ready to post the next chapter, so I'm sorry to say that no one found the lie in chapter 2. Which is a bit disconcerting--apparently you all think I'm evil enough to make poor Julie get up at 5:00 a.m., endure a 12+ hour car ride, and then cook a full roast beef dinner for us )with beef that's been sitting in a cooler?). Or maybe you think Julie is Wonder Woman?

Anyway, we just got a pizza from a local place that first night after we arrived. It was fairly unremarkable, but it did the trick.

Also, there's still a quote from a Bruce Willis movie buried in there somewhere.

 

[glennbo123]

The lie is that Julie cooked a meal when you got to Pawley's Island.