Open bar or cash only at wedding?

[MrsDuck]

I think cash bars are tacky. In my opinion, it's best to just host what you can afford/do what the bride and groom want.

 

[Janepod]

Cash bars here are the norm from NE. I would still put it invite though.

I've lived in the NE for 40 years. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar.

Have an open bar or a limited bar (e.g. cocktail hour or wine on the tables) or no bar at all, but not a cash bar.

 

[rigs32]

Whatever you decide, if you have a full or partial cash bar, you MUST tell your guests. If there is no ATM on site, you must tell them ahead of time. As a guest, there is nothing more embarrassing to be asked to pay for your drink when 1) you have no cash and 2) you got your first drink free. The sting of that embarrassment has stuck with me for some time now.

I hate a cash bar not only because I think it's tacky to ask guests to open their wallets at your party ( you wouldn't offer them the option to upgrade to filet for $10), but it creates a tiered reception. Those guests who can afford the alcohol up charge can drink, but those who didn't bring cash or who just gifted your daughter the extra cash they had that month, cannot because they cannot afford it.

As others said, a cash bar also doesn't solve the concern if access to alcohol. You're punishing the many based on the concern for a few. You'd be better off requiring the bartender cut people off early.

 

[MickeySP]

I've lived in the NE for 40 years. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar.

Have an open bar or a limited bar (e.g. cocktail hour or wine on the tables) or no bar at all, but not a cash bar.

Maybe in CT but here in MA where liability is HUGE. If you have an open bar then you along with the venue are liable for guests conduct not only during but any travel after. If she has big drinkers make sure you get insurance.

So I would say depending on where you are in the NE, check the liablity laws

 

[antmaril]

I am born and raised in Michigan. I went to one wedding almost 40 years ago that had a cash bar. We were flabbergasted. I had never experienced it before, nor have I ever seen it since. I thought it was beyond tacky.

I think you might want to have the cocktail hour, maybe wine with dinner and perhaps an open bar for one hour after dinner. I like the idea of the specialty coffee bar. Limiting the open bar to just a couple of hours with dinner in between should discourage most people from getting hammered. I would not advertise that the bar is closing (for alcohol). Just do it and everyone is welcome to have a soda, coffee, etc.

Good luck.

 

[JediBonas]

I think your suggestion is great. I'm in the Northeast and cash bars are really looked down on here. I would say either open bar or open bar during cocktail hour and champagne/wine with dinner.

 

[Traveliz]

My only comment is regarding the venue...if the reception is in a place that has a bar in another area (for club members, restaurant guests, etc)...it is likely that your guests will go to that bar (and pay) for drinks after you have closed the open bar portion of your event. Just wanted to make you aware of that...I have even had my husband go get me a Diet Coke at the bar portion of a venue when all that was being served at the wedding was beer/wine.

Liz

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

OP, as you have already experienced, everybody has opinions on this about what is "absolutely correct" and those opinions are all over the board and often diametrically opposed, so do what is right for your family and for your DD's and SIL's special day.

I have been to multiple cash bars in NY (sorry, deniers, but they do happen), MA, CT, MN, IA and CA, and I've been to wide open bars in all those same states plus Georgia, Texas and Florida. I've been to fabulous weddings with cash bars and church-basement weddings with "open bars" which were bottles of alcohol and mixers and coolers of beer. I've been to weddings that did the blend (open for cocktails, wine on table for dinner, cash afterwards). The only kind of wedding reception I've never attended is an alcohol-free one, but would think nothing of it if I did. So nothing is right or wrong, you just probably shouldn't invite the opinionated Dis to the wedding.

 

[TinkerBelled]

If you're very worried about drinking, I would limit things to wine and beer. It's absolutely possible, of course, to get wasted on beer or wine, but it takes longer than martinis. Many catering companies also insist on pouring the wine at dinner, and they can be instructed to pour infrequently--it's a sobering period.

 

[Chikabowa]

You could always do a signature cocktail or two, along with beer/wine service at the cocktail hour. All hosted. (By limiting it to signature cocktails, the bartenders can measure the alcohol on the light side.)

Then during dinner have hosted wine placed on the tables, champagne toast, and a cash bar with beer and hard drinks available. That way those that enjoy a drink or two with dinner still are able to partake with hosted alcohol, but it still limits those who want to get smashed by paying for their own.

You could also mention to the venue/caterer that this is a concern and ask them to make sure that guests aren't over-served.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Maybe Uncle Bob's invite will get lost in the mail ?

Have they actually addressed the issue of having to make such decisions based on one persons actions ? In other circumstances, would you allow 1 person to dictate what type of affiar you're hosting ?

I'm betting no, and that in all honestly, after repeat offenses, you'd stop inviting them. It might be a harsh reality to actually not invite the one person who is rocking the boat. I think it's a better alt. than the stress of waiting for him to pull his act again. Plus the thought of being on pins and needles, and the stress of making the menu decisions based on 1 person isn't fair.

As for the wedding:

I had an limited bar, we served 3 wines and 4 beers, and had a champagne toast. Not one single complaint

Friends wedding : She had a 1 hour cocktail time, where they served wine, beer, and 2 "signature" drinks they came up with. They had a chapagne toast and after there on it was only beer and wine.

DH friends wedding. Very similar. They had a 1 hour cocktail reception, where they served beer, wine, and 4 cocktails. After the champagne toast, it was only beer or wine.

 

[Colleen27]

Open bars are the norm in our families, but we don't have problem drinkers. Some happy/social drunks but none that are prone to overindulging and starting trouble.

Personally, I'd go the limited-service route rather than a cash bar. Either a full bar during cocktail hour and limited/no service after that, or just wine/beer with no liquor service at all, or wine pairings on the table with the meal service, or some combination of the above. And as someone else said, the limited-service option saves you from having to notify guests in advance - it is only polite to "warn" guests about a cash bar situation, but that gives the problem drinkers heads-up to bring their own if they want to overindulge.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Do what you want. The fact is, if you make it a cash bar, people are going to talk about it. However, if you make it open bar, they'll talk about your ugly drunk family member. Isn't it nice to be inviting all those friends and family members to an event?

My advice would be to make sure there isn't wine on the tables and point out the drunken relative to the bar tenders so they can water down his drinks and tell them not to be afraid to cut him off. It's their job. But, if you do that, don't wimp out and back down when drunken relative starts screaming about it. Back them up. You could also just not invite the drunken relative. Then you don't have to first hand witness him ruin the wedding, because face it, when he finds out it's open bar, he'll bring money.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Doing a cash bar is not going to eliminate the problem drinkers. They will just pay to get drunk instead of getting it on for free.

If you want to offer some drinks I'd do something the "drunks" don't drink. If they're beer drinkers then don't offer beer and maybe just have a martini bar for something fun for the others. If they're cocktail drinkers don't have cocktails just have some beer and wine on the table etc. If the crowd you are worried about has no preference and will get drunk on anything then have nothing at all or do something like somebody else mentioned like a rum punch etc.

The best thing to do would be for the parents on either side to talk to the family members they are worried about. Explain that they are worried about past behavious and ask if they could bring things down a notch so the bride and groom can have a nice day.

 

[excitedfamof4]

At our wedding 14 years ago...my how time flies! We had an open bar but only beer and wine....just had a keg or two of a nice light beer and then a choice between a red or white wine. It worked out very well and everyone had a great time!

Congrats to your daughter and her future hubby!! Have fun!

 

[Nancy]

If his family is from the northeast they will most likely be expecting an open bar. Here in ny, I have never ever been to a wedding without one. I think open bar during cocktail hour only will ruin your event. The drinkers will plant themselves at the bar and pond drinks trying to load up for free. I would do open bar all night, cash bar all night, or you can do a champagne toast and wine with dinner.

I personally think if people want to drink they will, either bring it with them, or-party etc. from my background, it's open bar or nothing, but that is what I am used to.

This has been my experience. In my area open bar is the norm. I was at one "no bar" wedding and people knew beforehand. Members of the bride's family had coolers in the trunks of their car and people kept going outside to drink in the parking lot. Another cash bar wedding people went to a store down the street and bought beer (same as what was being served inside) because it was half the cost of the cash bar.


In the OP's situation I would follow what the bride and groom want and if MOG wants an open bar and insists on it then she can foot the bill. When I got married my MIL gave me her invite list that had over 100 people on it. My max for both sides, including our friends, was 125. I told her that she has to get her list down to 75 people (and that was being generous) and anything over that she would need to pay for. It was amazing how many of her "friends" did not need to be invited.

 

[Nancyg56]

In the OP's situation I would follow what the bride and groom want and if MOG wants an open bar and insists on it then she can foot the bill. When I got married my MIL gave me her invite list that had over 100 people on it. My max for both sides, including our friends, was 125. I told her that she has to get her list down to 75 people (and that was being generous) and anything over that she would need to pay for. It was amazing how many of her "friends" did not need to be invited.

I would not give MOG the option of paying one penny towards the bar, especially if she knows about the problem drinkers. She knows an then enables, not a good beginning of the day. I agree that the max number ig guests she can include may make a difference but not if the drinkers are close family. I would severely limit the alcohol served and Let MOG have an after party if she wanted to deal with them.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Where I live the grooms parents pay for the Alcohol at the wedding. My inlaws did not want to purchase liquor ( other then for the shot dance) so they bought the beer, we took a bottle of Rum for my dad and I. Some of the guests went out and brought in Vodka, Rum or whatever, but no one complained.

 

[usd2bmd]

I live Outside of Buffalo and this is "open bar" territory. There are parts of the NE that do cash bar.
When I got married 19 years ago my boss (originally from NH) had never been to an open bar wedding and everyone thought it was funny when he offered to buy the first round.

My nephew is engaged and the subject of a cash bar came up when discussing their reception. It was immediately discarded because here you just don't do it.

Whatever you do choose to do...just make sure it is clearly stated on the invitations so that people are aware.

 

[mgsmom]

I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer. Personally, I don't like cash bars. Not that I'm cheap, I just think it lacks a certain hospitable feel.

Our wedding, we served beer and wine the whole time, and a champagne toast. We did not want to have liquor at all, because that is where a good time can turn into a nasty time real fast.

However, if your daughter wants a mudslide, she should have it. Her wedding. Everyone else can get over it.

At the end of the day, they want to have fun at their own reception without drawing undue attention to people that they are worried about. Just make a decision that you think will strike a happy medium.

Oh, and someone posted about limiting drinks at a cocktail hour - I like that. Also agreed when someone said to have the caterers pour slowly during dinner. The other comment I read that I thought was good was when someone said to go light on the alcohol in a signature cocktail.

Good luck and have fun!!!