Online Dating

[disneychrista]

FWIW I don’t think it’s you as a person he rejected as much as the situation you presented of wanting to jump in with both feet. A lot of people would back away from that and although you putting it out there was at least honest, it’s a lot, even if the person initially responded politely.

It’s possible. In the end I’ll never know.

And to clear me telling him I was “needy” and will want to monopolize all his time was said in a joking manner. Same as me telling him “I’m not looking to move in tomorrow” When he said he wanted to build a “friendship” before getting too serious. We actually seemed to agree a lot on what we ultimately wanted and how to get there.

If I took too much of his time and he had second thoughts, that is kind of on him. He is the one who initiated and continued hours long conversations for the week prior to our first in person date.

 

[disneychrista]

Have you tried the single looking single thread here? I have, and have made 3 good friends (incl 1 date), which have been fun to have adults talking Disney (not usual for my other relationships lol), and engage on fun conversations that also bring joy and company.

Have been using the online dating apps since I got divorced many years ago, have made good friends too, some other have become relationships but not long lasting ones.. but i am of the opinion that it is better to keep trying and remain open to the possibility..

I have not tried that thread, don’t even know where it is.


I have always been open to the possibility but for me I can only “try” so much. If things don’t happen with the guy I’m seeing today or the one I am messaging with the. I might try a different app/site. But at some point I will just accept my fate as a bachelorette (sounds much better than spinster.)

 

[AndreaDM]

So from my experience I have found it's best to NOT spend a lot of time texting, etc. before meeting in person. Yes, feelings can develop before you've met in person and then you meet and for whatever reason they're just not there anymore. I "met" a few guys who wanted to text/call a lot before finally meeting and those ended up as one date. I've been in a relationship for over 6 years with a guy I met on Match who was/is NOT a texter, he'd much rather talk in person. I didn't even have his phone number until after our 2nd date, we communicated only by messaging through Match and it was basically introductory and setting up the next meet. Then when we did meet in person we had a lot to talk about. Just a suggestion, but I'd keep the chatting to a minimum until you've actually spent time together.

 

[disneychrista]

So from my experience I have found it's best to NOT spend a lot of time texting, etc. before meeting in person. Yes, feelings can develop before you've met in person and then you meet and for whatever reason they're just not there anymore. I "met" a few guys who wanted to text/call a lot before finally meeting and those ended up as one date. I've been in a relationship for over 6 years with a guy I met on Match who was/is NOT a texter, he'd much rather talk in person. I didn't even have his phone number until after our 2nd date, we communicated only by messaging through Match and it was basically introductory and setting up the next meet. Then when we did meet in person we had a lot to talk about. Just a suggestion, but I'd keep the chatting to a minimum until you've actually spent time together.

The guy I am going out with today we’ve spent maybe 10 minutes messaging through Match. Simple basic messages. Let’s meet. Making plans. A few messages about beer likes. Then a couple days later a how was your day. I actually am finding it is better because I do have low expectations.

 

[lifesavacation]

Final Update.

I texted him again tonight (and I don't care if some think it was too soon or that I should have given him more time) but this time he responded. I was right. He isn't interested in pursing things right now. His reason/excuse is being busy & focused on his kids right now (which may very well be true). He left it open to meeting up again "sometime." But my gut tells me that is never going to happen. He has my number and I am not going to block him. If he does in the future reach out and I am not seeing anyone I would be willing to give him a second chance but with eyes wide open this time. And whether it was too soon or not I am hurt and I do feel rejected.

But on the bright side I can go into my date tomorrow without any hesitation.

I know it’s hard, but try not to feel rejected. Internet dating is its own special experience. Keep the first couple of meetings casual. If you and he are both interested in getting together more, then great, keep going. But don’t see it as a rejection if it doesn’t flow into something else. Also, try and shift your focus from “dating” to more “meeting.” When my sister was doing a lot of internet dating, the first couple of times were more meet and greets. No meals, just drinks or coffee. That will save you both money and getting too invested if they aren’t willing to meet again.

 

[disneychrista]

I know it’s hard, but try not to feel rejected. Internet dating is its own special experience. Keep the first couple of meetings casual. If you and he are both interested in getting together more, then great, keep going. But don’t see it as a rejection if it doesn’t flow into something else. Also, try and shift your focus from “dating” to more “meeting.” When my sister was doing a lot of internet dating, the first couple of times were more meet and greets. No meals, just drinks or coffee. That will save you both money and getting too invested if they aren’t willing to meet again.

I tried to make both the last one and this one drinks and they both added in lunch. In fact my go to first date/meeting suggestion will always be drinks/coffee. Personally I think a meal is a TERRIBLE first date/meeting because it is very hard to have a conversation with food in your mouth.

 

[lifesavacation]

I tried to make both the last one and this one drinks and they both added in lunch. In fact my go to first date/meeting suggestion will always be drinks/coffee. Personally I think a meal is a TERRIBLE first date/meeting because it is very hard to have a conversation with food in your mouth.

If they suggest lunch and you only want drinks, tell them no thank you that you'd rather keep it to just drinks for now. Is saying that out of your comfort zone? I'm pretty assertive usually so have no trouble taking charge.

Good luck today. You got this!

 

[disneychrista]

If they suggest lunch and you only want drinks, tell them no thank you that you'd rather keep it to just drinks for now. Is saying that out of your comfort zone? I'm pretty assertive usually so have no trouble taking charge.

Good luck today. You got this!

Not at all outside of my comfort zone. I am not against having a meal. Just don’t think they realize that it isn’t very conducive to conversation.
Thanks. At the very least I’ll get to try a brewery that I’ve been wanting to.

 

[Kitty 34]

Have fun Christa and at least one thing you'll get out of this next date is a chance to try a brewery. Good....that's positive thinking girl!

 

[disneychrista]

 

[Kitty 34]

 

[moniqueand2]

At least you got to tell that guy from a few years ago that you had a Friday date.

 

[tasha99]

. . .

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Was the brewery good at least?

 

[bdcp]

My oldest son met his last two gf's (second became his wife) online. He also went on a couple of dates with others and had no issues, they just didn't click. The first long term gf he met on Bumble but that didn't work out. No real issues other than faith. He met his now wife on Hinge. She's an RN and absolutely wonderful. Her family is also great and we've spent time with all of them. They got married in May 2020 during the pandemic, not exactly what they planned, just 9 people total. I do think people need to remember, just like the old fashioned way of meeting people, not everything works out. BTW, he's my oldest and he got married at 36 and she was 31. My younger son met his wife the old fashioned way, through friends at a party and got married at 26.

 

[disneychrista]

Was the brewery good at least?

I thought it was good. He seemed to have a negative opinion of it from a previous experience. Not sure why he didn't say that when I suggested it. We could have meet some place else. There is no shortage of breweries in the area (as you know).

I'll have to go back and really get to try it.

 

[Kittyblue]

Did it take long before you knew wasn't going to make the cut?

 

[low-key]

Just so ya know, Im on team Christa

 

[disneychrista]

Just so ya know, Im on team Christa

Thanks Jason. I knew I could count on you.

 

[maxaroni]

I’ve been following your thread and wish you luck with your dating adventure. I have to say, 10 years ago or so, I could not imagine online dating. However, I have come across so many people that have had success. My DS28 met his wife on Tinder.

If you so desire, try some dating sites and see if anything develops. However, sometimes one can try too hard. In other words, one wants to meet someone so bad and when it doesn’t work out, it’s a feeling of disappointment and/or rejection. I think that is natural. I have a friend who met her SO at age 60! She‘s been dating 5 years and her first serious/long term relationship. She couldn’t be happier and thought it would never happen.

I guess my point is, you never know when that one comes along.

Good luck!