One year later

[Nite0wl71]

I lost my mom one year ago today, January 8, 2005.

I haven't been to the cemetary once since the funeral. Granted it is 2 hours away but I have no desire to go. My DH has offered many times to take me, two of my brothers who live by me have offered and even two of my kids DD25 and DS23 have went. I have one brother who lives down there so I know everything is well taken care of.

I think my one brother is a little upset with me he wanted me to go with him today. I told him I had to work but I would think about it. I could very easily have gotten off work but I chose not to.

Is this normal, cemetaries don't bother me at all.

I think in a way this year is going to be harder, I feel that my mom is getting farther away.

 

[Hermosa11]

further away.................yes it happens. Jan. 3 was 21 years since my mom passed away.

Hugs to you.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

 

[MsDisney23]

 

[Laura]

further away.................yes it happens. Jan. 3 was 21 years since my mom passed away.

Hugs to you.

Yes, it is 12 years since my mom died in December 1993. I was a teenager, and one of the hardest things to think about is that I will live most of my life without my mother.

I rarely go to the cemetery; it's been years since I went. I have a picture of her in my living room, smiling and beautiful. I'd rather think of her that way than think of her in a hole in the ground. Everyone handles grief differently. If you don't want to go, don't.

 

[castleview]

Everyone handles grief differently. If you don't want to go, don't.

That's right. You go to the cemetary when you're ready to go.

 

[PixieDust32]

A big hug to you Carrie. I don't even want to think about losing my Mommy.

 

[dmslush]

I have never been back to Granny's grave, and I don't think Mom has either. We just don't greive that way. We have lots of pictures of her, we talk about her regularly, we celebrate her life. She passed away suddenly, almost three years ago, but she is still very much alive in our home and in our hearts. I do think you have to work at keeping their memory alive. Hugs to you and your family!

 

[rockin_rep]

I have never been back to Granny's grave, and I don't think Mom has either. We just don't greive that way. We have lots of pictures of her, we talk about her regularly, we celebrate her life. She passed away suddenly, almost three years ago, but she is still very much alive in our home and in our hearts. I do think you have to work at keeping their memory alive. Hugs to you and your family!

I totally agree. I'm the same way and i think many people are, also.

Everyone grieves differently. Don't worry about what others say or think, just be true to yourself. She's obviously very alive in your heart and home, and that's what matters. A life may end, but the love never does.

Many hugs to you.

 

[sjh801]

 

[Bearvet]

I agree with the other posters - everyone grieves in his/her own way. It's almost 11 years since my mother passed away and I've only been to the cemetary one time because my kids wanted to go (we live about 8 hours away). I don't feel she's there - her spirit is in me and my children and that's how I choose to remember her. My friend goes to the cemetary for her mother weekly and I know she thinks that it's wrong for me (that I don't go), but I don't think she'll ever understand my feelings.

When you feel your mom is getting farther away, I suggest getting out pictures, letters, videos, etc. to keep her fresh in your mind. Every so often I have a wonderful dream about my mom - just visiting or shopping together. I always wake up with such a warm feeling - like we really did just have a wonderful time together.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

It's totally normal to not want to visit a cemetary. Everyone handles their grief differently, so your'e entitled to have your feelings! Sometimes it's easier to remember your loved one as they lived, not as they died. I'm the opposite - I vist my sons' graves often. When my first one died, I would visit several times a week, and then it slowly began to be once a month. Since my second child died, I visit once every couple of months, and I "decorate" for holidays and birthdays. For me, even though their under the ground, I feel a little better just knowing I'm closer to them. Sounds silly, and it probably is, but that's how I handle it. Again, everyone is different! As for your brother, would it make him feel a lot better if you went with him? Maybe you can go but not actually visit the grave, if anything just to lend some support to your brother. It probably wouldn't hurt if one day you appease them with one visit, just so quit hounding you to go.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Anniversaries are hard, especially the early ones.

My mom died nearly 18 years ago and yes, it does feel like she's getting farther away. I'm not too big into going to the cemetery, either. This is one reason I'm glad she chose to be cremated and scattered at sea. I don't feel like I "have to" go visit her at the cemetery. My dad, however, is interred and I go when I'm in town, which isn't that often now that he's gone.

I also prefer to think of them alive, and I know that I can "talk" to them anywhere, I don't need a place to go to do that.

I was a teenager, and one of the hardest things to think about is that I will live most of my life without my mother.

to you too, Laura. I feel similarly, as I was 23 when my mom died. In another 5 years I'll get to the point where I've been without her longer than I was with her, and that really bothers me.

 

[luv2nascar]

Their with you in your heart so you really don't have to go to a grave. This visit for some is too painful. We all have to do our own thing regarding death. I'm so sorry.

 

[Jeanny]

my dad passed away 4 years ago January 15th. I faithfully went to his grave once a month, it's 1.5 hours away, he's buried in Bourne National Cemetery down the Cape. This year I haven't been since October (Columbus Day weekend). I know although he's buried there, HE'S not there, and I think that's why I am finally realizing I don't HAVE to go every month and I know he forgives me for not going every month...

Yes, everyone does grieve differently. My brothers rarely go, I think it's a real effort for them to go. I will still go on Father's Day, his birthday in September, his anniversary, etc. but it still makes me sad that it does seem he is getting further away from me... does that make sense?????

 

[DawnCt1]

I go because it was important to my mom to place flowers on the grave on Memorial Day for my father, so I know if she were "here" and I "weren't", she would take flowers to my grave. I don't like to go however because I don't feel that she nor my dad are there. They are in heaven and their grave sites are just a memorial. It's been 10 years this coming March for my mom and I still miss her.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

Yes, it is 12 years since my mom died in December 1993. I was a teenager, and one of the hardest things to think about is that I will live most of my life without my mother.

I rarely go to the cemetery; it's been years since I went. I have a picture of her in my living room, smiling and beautiful. I'd rather think of her that way than think of her in a hole in the ground. Everyone handles grief differently. If you don't want to go, don't.

I crossed that line last year - I was 19 when my mum died and I'm 40 now. My dad died when I was 20 so it was 20 years ago in September 2005. It feel really weird to be honest.

To the OP: Don't worry about not visiting the grave if you don't want to. My parents are buried 100 miles away from where I live but i only go to the grave if I'm in the area for some other reason. As others have said, I don't feel that this is bad!

 

[Dan Murphy]

's Carrie, and for all who have experienced losing a loved one.

 

[Kitty 34]

 

[goofy4tink]

You are so right about the second year. My mom died just over 2 years ago. I knew what to expect that first year, what with all those 'firsts' to be gotten through. But, then that second year hit me. It seemed that I was the only one remembering my mom, that no one really cared anymore. Those anniversaries were still hard to get through.
I never buried my mom. She still still sits in our living room, a part of every day life. Well, her remains sit there. My brothers don't seem to care either way. They were not very good about seeing her when she was alive.
You grieve in the way that you grieve. Don't worry that it isn't the way someone else does. If you feel your mom slipping away from you, I don't think she really is. You are just getting over the worst of the hurting. Be sure to remember her each day. Talk about her, talk about how she was during holidays...that kind of thing. My mom wasn't afraid of dying, she was afraid of being forgotten. At least that's what she told me on several occasions. So, now we are sure to remember her frequently. That's the best respect we can show our loved ones...to remember them.