One happyhaunt, Two happyhaunt, Red happyhaunt, Blue happyhaunt!(newer, pg 31.)

[1000thhappyhaunt]

But, first, a little hello goes out to all my wonderful Disfriends who responded to the last chapter with wit, sweetness and rancor:

'Ello, poppets!!!!

I loved the posts.

So much so that I'd like to cover y'all with kisses.


Hershey's. A buttload. There won't be much room for air in the pile... so why don'tcha let ZZUB go first.


Heh heh.


And, I will reply to them, one by one, shortly. First I have to get this off my chest.


Tommy and I headed through the tunnel. And straight on till Mourning.

B/c I was slightly afraid to ride the NEW and IMPROVED Pirates of the Caribbean.

I loved the original. And then the one after that. Too.

But... I was determined to give it a try. With an open mind. And heart.

Only because Johnny Depp was in it.

And... we all know my feelings about Johnny. The D. Dogg.

And if you don't. Suffice it to say: He's cooler than crap!!!!

Now then... Tommy and I loaded up. Onto our boat. And began the ride.

Wow.

The first new water effect with Davy Jones was AWESOME!!!! Really good.

The waterfall, the fog, Davy Jones... yada blah.


All good.


Moving on I gotta say the music has changed. I like it better now.


We see Barbossa. Jack Sparrow a bunch of times. Which is all good. For Me(l). He's in the barrel. And at the end he's wondering "Why is the rum gone?". It appears.

The ride seems much the same. Overall.

HOWEVER... and, I KNOW I'm going to get called a raving feminist for this...but I'll soldier on anyway:

I miss the scenes of the pirates chasing the women.

There.

I said it.


Go ahead: Call me a traditionalist wench.

I... JUST... might answer.


Heh heh.


But... I don't really think that had to be changed. I liked when pirates where POLITICALLY INCORRECT!!!


They're PIRATES... afterall. For crapsake.


There. It's off my chest.


Tommy liked the new ride plenty. Too. He is a great fan of the POTC Movies. Too.


Yep.


We let him watch. He's SIX. I know that.


But... he also has the older sister and older brother thing goin' on.


At his age Beth was watching the original Barney. (Which may be, in fact, scarier!)

And wasn't allowed to watch anything remotely scary or violent.

Well... third kid comes along. And times have changed.


Luckily I go with my gut. Which kid of ours can take watching what. And go with my OWN judgement.


Also... I never crack the spine on any parenting manuals.


Which helps.


Then we headed out to the giftshop to buy some restraining devices for Calvin.

Tommy tried them out:

SOLD!!!

I bought a Pirate Hat. For myself.


It was quite humourous an adventure b/c I went to pay with it on. My head.

And the CM at the register said: "It's on backwards!".

Huh?


No. It's NOT!!!!


Yes. It IS!!!!


NO.

YES!

NO!!!!



HELL YES!!!!


She called security. But not really. She DID call the other CMs working in the dumpshop. To huddle and come to some sort of agreement.


It was this: The freakin' HAT was ON... CORRECTLY!!!


BOOYEAH!!!!


I did the dance I call "I'm-Right-and-you're-Wrong-SuzetteHelperShoes!"!

I shook my trunk-junk. Beat my manly chest. A couple of treasure chests. And slapped her. With my eyes. And ponytail!!!!


Then we ran like little girls to The Jungle Cruise.


Where nothing funny happened.


Or DID it?


Yeah. Plenty of funny happened. I love this old cheesy ride. The old cheesy jokes crack me up. Wildly. And I feel a sense of nostalgia when I ride it. In a good way.

'Cause boats scare the GRAVY... outta my dear formidable General.

Good memories. Good times.


Then we headed out and something FABULOUS happened:


We ran smack dab into Captain Jack Sparrow!!!!


Yep.


Right there...in Adventureland.


He was doin' a little show and we joined the circle to watch.


Like this:

Then... an even LUCKIER thing happened.

Tommy and I got picked to join in the SHOW. Itself.


Of course we did!


We have "Pick Me!" signs on our foreheads.


People seem to notice them.


So we joined in. And it was all good.


Until Tommy stepped out of the group. Holding his map.


And said to Jack Sparrow, "Excuse me... but you are on the front of my map of the Magic Kingdom."


Jack Sparrow ignored him.


So he said the same thing again.


At which point Jack Sparrow broke character... along with the other pirate... and started to laugh.

They both did.


He went over to Bama and said, "Yep. That's me. They got a real good angle for that picture. I look just like Johnny Depp."

Everyone laughed.


And I hauled Tommy back into line.


By his t-shirt.


The little show finished and we headed for the main gates.


Stopping to take a picture:

As you can see... my HAT is on. Correctly.


And also: My stomach hurt. B/c I was VERY HUNGRY!


Like the wolf.


We got our stuff from the locker and headed for the boat to the Grand Floridian.

We got ourselves a seat and Tommy was still looking at his trusty map.


He said, "Mommy the world is flat."

I said, "Yes. Tommy. The World...IS flat."


B/c it IS.


Parenting manuals be damned.


Heh heh.


Now the thing was, there was a very expensively dressed older couple sitting right beside us. On the boat.

Tommy tried to talk with them.


They didn't seem into it.


Perhaps it was because Tommy noted, "Hi. Do YOU like the Pirates ride?!!! I LOVE it. We just were on it. There is a lady chasing a pirate with a stick. Just like Mommy chases Daddy."

DED.

The woman tried to ignore us. What's WITH THAT?!!!! Tommy is a cute, sweet, friendly little boy. And THIS is Disney. Where's the spirit? The magic?

And, of course... he said it again. Louder. In case she didn't hear 'cause of the wind.


I felt I had to correct him. And I didn't want him to feel bad. For being ignored.


I said, wearing my bigbutt pirate hat, but holding tightly to it b/c of the wind, "No I don't. Well... I don't chase him with a stick. Technically it's a spoon. A really BIG one. Ok. It's a wooden spoon. My Mom used to chase me with it. It's a family tradition of sorts. Capish? ANYWHO... what do you think of our RESORT... The Grand Floridian?!"

She said, "Excuse me."


And turned to talk in a low tone with her husband.


WELL!!!!


I was mightily offended.


Or was I?


I giggled to myself.


Knowing that if THIS was a CROWD... they'd have cleared us a path.


We docked and got off.


The Snotty Snottingtons were walking in front of us.

The lady. Looked back.


Once.


Twice.


And, finally, THREE TIMES.


That was the point at which I flipped her the bird. Behind Tommy's head.


Of course.


I would have yelled, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!" But the wind was blowing strong. And it wouldn't have carried.


Ok.


I didn't actually flip her the bird.


I shot her the bird.


Making, I think, direct contact. Not unlike Cheney to Whittington.


Yep. Full on... in the face.


Then... like the lady I am... I dragged our butts to tea. Teatime.


In the Garden View Lounge. At the Grand Floridian.


But, first, I made a quick phonecall.


Inside the Grand Floridian.


To Mellyman. On the road.


I just wanted to make sure Beth was OK.


She was.


We chatted briefly.


I asked him if he missed Tommy.


He said, "Of course!".


Then I asked him if he missed Me(l).


He said, "Not yet.".


Heh heh.


He kills me.


So I responded, "I know you do. Play my song, Baby.".

He answered, "Captain Beefheart?".


You KNOW IT!!!


And I hung up. Knowing he was listening to "Her Eyes Are A Blue Million Miles."


He rocks.


Like Aerosmith!!!!


Cheers, Mel.

 

[WheatThins]

Mel:

You are a traditionalist wench.

Wheat Thins

 

[Shelby5514]

Luckily I go with my gut.

Uh, oh. That always leads to trouble.

I was VERY HUNGRY!


Like the wolf.

You thought of me when you typed that, didn't you?

 

[UtahMama]

Yay! It's another one!

You look adorable in your backwards pirate hat (???)!

I like the improvements too and I miss the men chasing the women. Pirates were not well known to be politically correct, I agree. That's just crap.

 

[ZZUB]

I didn't understand most of this chapter. Frankly, I was half way through before I realized it was a new chapter. I thought this was just another in a very tired line of responsive messages you seem obsessed with posting.

Then it occurred to me as I skimmed along that there was some actual new information here. Who knew?

As quickly as I figured out this was a new chapter, I got lost again. No offense, Mel, but this was hard to read.

Except I'll say this: that you've never cracked a parenting manual comes as a HUGE surprise to me. In the same way I was surprised that Hillary! announced she was running for president; that Taco Bell causes gas and that John Denver is still dead.

And finally, although I don't condone bird flipping, this was just full on funny:

Making, I think, direct contact. Not unlike Cheney to Whittington.

 

[celerystalker]

And slapped her. With my eyes.

I so forgot to tell you! I've had some coworkers slightly peeved at me lately - they give me dirty looks. So I told them to stop slapping me with their eyes.
So now they use it as a threat against me - as in "Amber, don't make me smack you with my eyes!"
I like slap better, but that would just make them even more mad if I corrected their grammar.

 

[Frickles]

I did the dance I call "I'm-Right-and-you're-Wrong-SuzetteHelperShoes!"!

I shook my trunk-junk. Beat my manly chest. A couple of treasure chests. And slapped her. With my eyes. And ponytail!!!!

And for me, that is the ball game! I cracked up more than an acrylic Disney bowl that has been in the dishwasher too many times.

Not that I would know anything about that.

I hear the sirens. The Fashion police are coming after you. Again. First the straps and now this? Sporting the bigbutt pirate hat in the middle of the day?

 

[Tanya90210]

i just love that pirate hat!!! Great Trippie as always

 

[team weasel]

I'm DED, as usual. The image of you flipping the snooty snoots off is priceless!

 

[ncseric]

You do realize that Suzie Helpershoes is right, right? If you wear the hat that way, you can't see the skull and crossbones on the front. Or whatever the symbol for Mellie of the Caribbean is... Probably a hockey mask and two pieces of back bacon.

 

[samc]

I hear the sirens. The Fashion police are coming after you. Again. First the straps and now this? Sporting the bigbutt pirate hat in the middle of the day?

yeah.....but the shirt rocks!

 

[LaLa]

Love the hat. Love the shirt. Love the shoes.

Or do I?

WHO WEARS SANDALS TO DISNEYWORLD?!

Melly. Hilarious, as always. I was DED at little Tommy's conversations. Especially the one sided one with the Snotty Snottingtons. Who MUST be kin to Rudy McRude who, while in line for It's Tough to Be a Bug several years ago, remarked to his wife that they should "get ahead of the children." And then looked at our kids and another set of kids, turned their noses up and proceeded to butt in line. With attitude. DH and another dad put some Ultimate Fighting moves on them and held them down while all the kids in the general vicinity dripped melted Itzakadoozie juice on them.

For sport.

Each trip we come across at least one set of extremely rude people. What do they have to be so mad about? They're on vacation. But it could be worse. You could have been WITH them. Instead of flipping them the bird from behind Tommy's head.

DH always points out the pirate chick chasing the bum around in a circle with the broom (not spoon) to our daughter in Pirates. And tells her it's Mommy chasing Daddy. Which makes her laugh really loud. And confirms to her that it really is funny and not scary.

Unlike your trip report. Which is scary and not funny.

Or is it the other way around?????

Love ya chick. Keep bringing it. You tell your story with such SWEET EMOTION. And more than a little funny mixed in. For good measure.

 

[kpk89]

Frick, it might be ok for Melly to rock the bigbutt pirate hat in the daytime IF she had the proper makeup. Maybe La can hook her up with some day-old smoky eyes. I'm no fashion queen or dancing queen or even killer queen but this would be my guess. Can I get a ruling?

Mel, I can't believe the Snotty Snottingtons are STILL there. We had run into them on our trip also. Literally. Ran them OVER, actually. But that's a story for another day.

Great chapter, chica! Arrrrrrgh!

 

[Kay7979]

They took out the pirate-chasing-the-woman scene!?!

I am shocked.

And numb.

Next thing you know, some animal rights activist will insist on removing the dog-holding-the-keys scene.

What is Dis World coming to?

I'm glad you got some interaction with Cap'n Jack. I find him attractive, too, although it troubles me that he looks better in eye make-up than I do. Ahem. As for the snooty couple, pay them no mind. Enjoy your Grand Tea. Save a bite of trifle and a spot of Port for me.

 

[PrincessV]

But... I don't really think that had to be changed. I liked when pirates where POLITICALLY INCORRECT!!!


They're PIRATES... afterall. For crapsake.

Hear, hear. Or there, there. Isn't the entire point of piracy to be non-conformist, rule-breaking, puffy-shirt-wearing scallywags??

Until Tommy stepped out of the group. Holding his map.


And said to Jack Sparrow, "Excuse me... but you are on the front of my map of the Magic Kingdom."

Love it!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

No. That's the short answer.

Ok.

Now that THAT is off my chest... here's something else I have to get off of it:

Besides my mole.

Heh heh.

I'm kidding.


That's not MY MOLE!


Sadly.

Anywho... here are some pics I took at the GF:

and:

The last one I had to swim out REAL far to get.

So Navy Seal, Dude.

After I had spoken with Mellyman in the Great White North... I decided it was time to post a few cards to My General. Like I always do from the Grand Floridian.

And other lesser hotels.

Like where we are, actually, registered guests.

Because we had a little time before our Teatime ADR.

Actually... we were a bit early. It was just Tommy and I tho. We didn't wait endless hours for Mellyman while he made his hair look just right.

As usual.

NO Mellyman but it's a COWLICK! And unless you can get an actual cow to lick it. And make it stick in the right position... we're all SOL. So outta luck.

We went to the Grand Floridian "Grift-shop"... and paid outrageously for four fancy postcards.

Fancy Disney shapes with sparkly colours.

For the cats.

My new cat Boddington. And our old cat Lotus... currently residing in the lap of luxury at My General's.

My General stole our old cat.

Short of a red on red military campaign. And a breechloading rifle. WE weren't getting the old cat back.

So we got a new kitten.

A black one. Pitch black and long-haired.

Only b/c I like the added annoyment of black fur constantly all over our beige carpets.

Plus... he was cute.

So... I sent him three postcards to The General's place: West Point.

One said: RUN

The second one said: AWAY

The third: FAR

B/c I figured that no matter WHAT ORDER the cards would arrive in. The message meant the same: Run away far. Run far away. Even: Away run far. And: Far run away. Also: Far away run.

Yada blah.

I know... this IS hard to read.

So sorry.

Then I sent the last one to our OLD cat: So sorry!

Yes... it's true... our cats can read.

Good thing the 'OL General CAN'T!!!!!


Heh heh.



Then Tommy and I went for tea.

We were seated in the LOVELY Garden View Lounge.

And met our pleasant CM server. A nice older lady.


I immediately said, in my best High Tea Voice: "Dude... it's freakin' HOT outside. Screw the tea... bring me a cold one!"!


Please.


Ok.


I asked much more politely. With a hint of British accent. And I left the Pirate Hat on.

B/c ladies can wear hats to tea!!!! Don'tcha know?!

And, you may be wondering, why did I bring Tommy to tea?

It's b/c he's seen all the pics of Beth and I having tea and begged to go this trip.

And it was fun.

For a little boy.


Just looky at the pics:

And:

After he whined and carped about when he'd be getting food... and I said to him "You know you're not Whinese, don't you?" and "Why are you hungry? I bought you that Itsakadoozie, packed FULL of protein!"... we got some grub.

ARRRRGHHHHH!!!!


Finally.


It was really good. As was my grog. Well blow Me(l) down! And shiver my timbers!


And...ok... enough of that.


Look:

Very YUM!

Our server even offered to take a picture of us for the "Wanted" (manners) poster.

It's a great shot of Tommy.

Trust Me(l).

And I wanted Y'ALL to see that MY HAT was STILL on PROPERLY!!!!


It IS!!!!!


Then we finished up and went upstairs to change into our costumes for MNSSHP.

In the vacant Citricos Restaurant.


Heh heh.


Don't worry we used the fancy butt second stall in the Citricos Restuarant Powder Room.


It was a bit of a challenge. Both of us in the tiny stall.

I nearly hung myself by my non-transparent bra strap.


As we got into our costumes.


Tommy and I were the Classic Comicstrip/Movie Duo: The Pirate and The Cowboy.

Re: Terry and The Pirates.


Tell Me(l) you've heard of it.

Or I'll just feel stupid.


And like NO ONE ELSE got our lil joke.


Again.


We exited the restroom. Dressed in our finest.


And, YES, I was the PIRATE!!!!

Obviously.


Duh.


I think I looked just like Johnny DEPP!!!!


Except for the "Cooler than crap" part.



Cheers, Mel.

 

[jamal]

Melly!

First!

I saw that beer!

I saw that nap!

I saw you both!

You're way cooler than crap!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

I think the date on the camera is BACKWARDS.


Not unlike y'all think MY HAT was!!!!


I'm pretty sure those we taken on: October 5th, 2006.


Dude. So not technically inclined.


So sorry.


Mel.

 

[DJR]

I know... this IS hard to read.

So sorry.

Kind of like the rest of this tripe. You know, I'm sort of getting used to it.


Just looky at the pics:

And:

I'm happy to see your photography skills have improved...well, sort of.

I think the beer glass makes a wonderful addition to any high tea table.

And, YES, I was the PIRATE!!!!

Obviously.


Duh.


I think I looked just like Johnny DEPP!!!!

Would have been better if you had gotten La to help you with some of that piratey make-up. You know it comes off with Mom saliva don't you?

 

[jamal]

Mel,

What a nice way to say 'there are date stamp options on cameras, you idiot.'

Thank you for sparing me that.

Your friend,
Jam