Once I was thin....

[Stitchfans]

7 years ago (Aug 3, 1998) I had a heart attack because I had put on a lot of weight and I was a smoker. Prior to that I was thin but a smoker.

I lost most of that weight and was looking much better.

My mom and I walked and talked a lot together. She died Jan 19, 2000. To handle her death I ate. I refuse to this day to light up a cigarette. If I am stressed out or sad, nervous whatever I eat.

Wish I had someone to talk and walk with to make up for that bad habit. What I wish more is to have my mom back.

I am so unhealthy. Was just recently in the hospital and discovered how heavy I actually am ,and I am so disgueted with myself.

I wonder why my husband stays with me and still loves me so much.

I hope my daughters aren't being teased about their very fat mom. I bet I embarrase them in public.

What on earth is wrong with me? I need to get that thin woman back out of the fat one.

 

[joelyfaithsmommy]

susan

many of us go through feelings like this...though i've never been a smoker, i was a thin child and young adult, and i gained for what seem to be different reasons than you, still i am a thin person trapped in this fat body...so i sympathize...but your size doesn't equal your worth to others...or it shouldn't anyhow...and that is why your husband still loves you, and why mine loves me. Hang in there, come read the board...start a journal and make friends here...we've all been there to some extent...and we will support you through your weight loss....here's WISHing YOU well and hope you can find a place to 'start' your journey soon...my journey started here, and i've NEVER looked back!

hugs,
Jen

 

[TiffJ]

Jen is right!!! Do not equate your self worth with you weight or appearance. I totally understand. I am addicted to food. I have no emotional issues that cause it I just love to eat. I lost 50 lbs last year & now I am working on losing those same 50 again. I am not happy that I let it happen but I have decided to go from here. I cant change the past, only learn from it and improve my future by getting healthy. I know you can do the same. Your family is going to love you no matter what but you need to learn to love you! Take baby steps. Start by doing little things to be healthier. You can't do it all at once just take it one day at a time, one bad eating habit at a time.

 

[Stitchfans]

Thank you. I have such a long journey to find the slim me again. It sometimes seems so impossible. My cousin who weighs so much more than me is fighting a terrible problem with depression. I am so afraid I will fall into that. I keep telling myself I won't because my cousin not only is fighting her weight problem but cancer also.

Suppose I should be grateful that obesity is my only problem. Like you hear so often there is always someone else who has it worse off than you.

I do hope to find some friends here who are going through the same stuggle and who will truely understand what I am going through.

Thanks again.