OMG, parents get WAY too caught up in kids sports

[hrh_disney_queen]

DS6 played basketball for the first time this year. He played with a lot of zeal, had fun, played good defense and ran up and down the court with his smile lighting up the gym.

Well, after 7 games, he still hadn't scored a basket. He can't dribble well, is by far the smallest kid out there. Well, tonight, he got loose under the basket and they passed him the ball. Miracle upon miracles-- he catches the ball. Then dribbles twice to the basket and puts up a shot and it goes in!!!!

All the parents and the sidelines cheered so loudly for him and all his teammates and coach high fived him until his hand hurt. You would have thought he just won the NCAA championship.

This sounds like our games..DS9 not as much, though we had the same kind of coach as the OP...wanted to win, but not a yeller by any means..DS8-for either opposoing teams whenever a kid did something unexepected as you described-EVERYONE cheered. It's about the kids..not winning..Winning is nice, but fun and sprotsmanship are better. We would all sit there and laugh (not too loud) when a kid gets bonked on the head because they are staring off into space-even the mom or dad.. Just fun. We play at the YMCA, I imagine it is not quite as competetive as league sports..

Isn't there a "higher-up" that can speak to this coach? Besides making a jerk of himself, he is setting a horrible example for his own team. If my kid were on a team with a coach like that, I would not be happy either..

 

[mamacatnv]

DH and I were watching "Cold Case" last night, there was a scene at a youth baseball field and on the fence facing the bleachers was a sign that said:

"Your kids are watching"​

I commented to DH that I was actually glad that the years of DS's sports were over (he is a High School Sr.) he was contacted by a couple of differerent colleges (Div III and JC) to play football but he wants to attend a Div. I school as a student, not an athlete. We have pounded into his head that his body can fail or give out on him but his brain and an education will take him any place he wants to go in life. We never treated our kid like our personal 401K plan - Yeah, he had some private coaching, went to camps and clinincs but it was an investment into his self esteem and character not his collegiate future.

He has played organized sports since he was 4. We have seen it all; idiot parents, coaches, kids as well as experienced great parents, coaches and kids. Some of the most exciting moments of DS's childhood have occurred at an athletic event of some sort. We love and support youth sports (at the same time we are glad DD's not really interested, she likes karate). With DS we played soccer, then baseball & basketball. When he entered HS he went for football.

The one way we combated the issues within the organizations and the parents was we got really involved. We sat on the Baseball & Basketball Boards for many years, we coached, we volunteered, we ump'd and ref'd (Now that is a learning experience) etc. It wasn't until we got to high school football that we really became one sided fans, all the sports prior we cheered for all kids and all sides. HS Football is a different animal

I believe that competition is good for everyone. However there is a difference between healthy competition and behavior that becomes abusive. Sadly what is abusive to me may not be to the Mom sitting next to me.....it is very subjective and hard to regulate.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I forgot to add, the most "obnoxious" thing we hear in the stands at our games is "SHOOT THE BALL, BABY!!"

 

[BabyTigger99]

DS8 will start his 5th year of soccer this spring. Great league, great coaches, we have never had parent issues.

Last year he played Pop Warner Football for the first time. Again, we have a great league, our coaches were EXCELLENT, and no parent issues.

Then we have wrestling.....wow! What did we get ourselves into? He loves it, has a great time with it, coach is wonderful. But the parents??? INSANE!!! We have done 4 tournaments since the beginning of February. At our second tourney, the cops had to be called on a mom because she was pulling him around, pushed him into a corner and had his head bounce off the wall, and many other things. All because he lost 2 matches that day. I could not believe it!!! Parents of wrestlers are very vocal!! I will yell encouragement to him when he is on the mat, but a lot of the parents are just SCREAMING at their kids!

 

[luvsJack]

My oldest DS played baseball. He started playing T-ball when he was 3 and never missed a season. He was on the state championship team when he was 10 and again when he was 12 (Dixie Youth); both years he had the same coach. Now this coach was the greatest in the eyes of my son and the other boys on the team, but there were a lot of parents, from opposing teams, that didn't like him. He did yell; but the players always said "he's not yelling at you, he's telling you something." He did argue calls, but he wanted his players to know that he would always be on their side and always stand up for them; even after they were in high school sometimes they would call on this guy if they had problems. Some coaches can seem really hard on the players and this one did, but he never expected more than the boys could do. Several boys started out on his team with little or no confidence and came away with a whole new outlook on themselves. So, sometimes its all about perception. And then, too, sometimes it really is adults acting
like idiots

 

[threekidsinky]

Good gracious! That's why we're sticking to YMCA leagues. They may not be all that professional, but I've not seen anything like what you've described. Hope it gets better for you!!

 

[agnes!]

But wouldn't it be super funny if they did act like that at those events???

"Put down that flute, you SUCK!!"
"That's not a monologue. You wanna see a monologue??"

OMG, I am laughing SO hard!

But it does get competitive in drama, it's just different. Having been around many theatres, some of the stage mothers ?....creepy MUCH. They don't actually have conversations *with* you...they tell you in great detail all about all the shows "Susy" has done since the last time you saw each other.
And *all* about all the lessons she's taking.
AND *all* about the auditions she's been going to.
And on and on.

I will say, that the audiences at our local high school are a lot more demonstrative than I'm used to (at least at the choir/band concerts), but it's always been supportive. (None of that "Put down that flute, you SUCK!!" stuff.)

agnes!

 

[mamacatnv]

2 words: Dance Mommies

You think coaches and sports parents are rough? Have you met an obsessive dance Mommy? I have and quickly ran in the other direction, straight to the community education karate class

 

[golfgal]

My kids aren't really into sports. Thankfully, there aren't those kind of parents in the drama, band and wind ensemble.

Your kids are young yet, just wait, the parents are there, trust me, you just don't know it yet. We have some nicknames for some of the band parents at our DS15's school, one group of them we call the Band Nazi's.

 

[wdw4us2]

This is not a new phenomenon.

Twenty five years ago, before I was married, I coached girls softball for the county leagues. Although I had no kids, I still wanted to coach because I enjoyed softball and had been playing the game for most of my life. I didn't have any assistant coaches, not by my own choice - none of the parents volunteered to help.

Inevitably, every year during or after a game one of the girl's parents would come up to me and try to tell me how to coach the team. I always had the same reply, " Practice is on Monday at 7 p.m. If you want to come help out with the team, I will be more than happy to listen to your suggestions and criticisms. If not, keep your mouth shut and let me coach team."

That generally stopped the problem of parental interference. I was fortunate that I never came close to having one of the parents removed from the game.

 

[mamacatnv]

We have some nicknames for some of the band parents at our DS15's school, one group of them we call the Band Nazi's.

In some ways the band parents are worse than us athletic parents because they have that "My kid is a musician" ( nerd) and therefore is smarter than your kid the athlete ( dumb jock) mentality

PSA:
For those of you whose hackles just flared up:
I say this in jest, your kids are smart jocks and athletes and your musicians are not nerds, they are talented, focused individuals. They are all kids of Dis members, could it be any other way

 

[Mkrop]

So far we have been extremely lucky that DS10 has had awesome coaches in all the sports he has played. Now some on the other teams well I have been embarrassed for them and we have had qutie a few refs or umps put them in their place, thank goodness.

DS had one coach for several years in baseball who was a born cheerleader for every kid. If our kid did something well, he would yell their name and tell them Good Job. But he also yelled at the other kids if they made a great play. I rememeber one kid looking totally confused when our coach kept yelling "hey third baseman' hey third baseman" This was all to get the attention of the kid to tell him he made a great play.

DS also recently had a great basketball coach who led them to the championship of his rec league 9&10 year olds. This is the most quiet, mild mannered guy and he was a great coach. And gave all the kids equal playing time. What is also remarkable is his son. His son is a GREAT basketball player. He is a lot of fun to watch, give him the ball and he will score. But this kid is also the most generous player I ever met. He always made sure that his other teammates got a chance at the ball and if they scored he was cheering the loudest. DS's BF scored for the first time of the season during that championship game, and this boy and all the teamamtes reacted to R finally scoring was like he scored the winning basket during the final seconds instead of a basket at the beg of the game. They were genuinely happy for their teammate and I think is a reflection of the coach.

So my point is that there are fabulous coaches out there too.

 

[Sleepy]

2 words: Dance Mommies

You think coaches and sports parents are rough? Have you met an obsessive dance Mommy?

This is why I LOOOOOVE my son's current ballet school. No parents are allowed in the building, so nobody has the ability to compare their child with others. I was so done with the hover moms and police calls. There was one fight in particular and I still don't have a clue what started it, but it escalated to religious insults out on the front lawn. The police made the women leave the property. The same school had a mom who couldn't teach her child to let snickers, etc (which everyone did) roll off her back during class. The girl would get out of class and tell her mommy. Mommy would go after the parents of the offender kids and scold them. Even the director said this is the dance world. Snickers, etc are the worst of your worries. She sure had that right. Another school had an incident where a mom thought her precious daughter should have gotten the lead in the recital. I did not speak Italian very well back then, but body language and the few words I knew was enough to know she was reeeeeeally upset about a part her daughter was given.

 

[monsterkitty]

In some ways the band parents are worse than us athletic parents because they have that "My kid is a musician" ( nerd) and therefore is smarter than your kid the athlete ( dumb jock) mentality

PSA:
For those of you whose hackles just flared up:
I say this in jest, your kids are smart jocks and athletes and your musicians are not nerds, they are talented, focused individuals. They are all kids of Dis members, could it be any other way

I was a nerdy jock - I received both a music and swimming scholarship.

Good thing I got that music scholarship because I quit swimming the second day of practice my freshman year. I couldn't even get in the pool that second practice I was so burned out. After swimming four hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week for 8 years, I just couldn't do it any more. So, I walked away.

I never dreamed I would get a swimming scholarship and it was never my goal. Swimming all those hours was my choice and only my choice. My parents never pushed me, in fact, they would have prefered I quit because that meant no more 4:30 a.m. practices. I did it because I loved it until that final year. I was able to travel around the country for meets. I met some wonderful people and my coach, next to my parents, was the most influential person in my life.

I do not regret swimming all those years, but I just couldn't do it any more. My body hurt, my shoulders were toast, and I was mentally exhausted.

While my parents were laid back about swimming, there were other parents of my team mates who were not. I swam with two girls who were given steroids by one of the fathers. He was a doctor and he pushed his kids way to far. Do you know what steroids do to teenage girls? Laura and Angie can tell you.

Let the kids be kids like my parents did. If the child chooses to put all his or her time and effort into a sport, let them and support them. Do not push the child or the child will revolt at some point.

 

[RLccweems]

Oh...we see this all the time in all the sports my son plays. It's just crazy...I know there was this one time. The mom on the other team was on the sidelines just going crazy yelling at her son. She was saying things like he had better start playing better or else...that he wasn't trying. Things like that...the whole time. But not as nice as I'm putting it....

Well, the mom's on our team thought that child was the best player on their team...and that he was trying his hardest and it showed.

So, after the game we made a point to tell him, that he had played a great game and to keep up the good work. His mom heard us and told us to mind our own business.

We weren't sure how to take this so, we just walked away.

 

[PrincessPAC]

Oh my...I've come to realize that "youth sports" is synonymous with "crazy parents"! Unfortunately, I've become a little "crazy" - but just at the rude, disrespectful, hateful parents who feel the need to criticize my son because he is a little bit talented.

I was never an athlete, although I tried (& failed pretty miserably), but DS9 has been blessed with some athleticism. When DS started showing an interest in sports, I figured that I would stay true to my roots & let him go through the same programs that I was involved in. However, b/c I was somewhat young when I had DS (I was 21), many of the other parents were older than me. They all went through school together & have developed a major clique. They run & coach everything & make sure that their kids are in the spotlight (whether they're any good or not).

Once other people started commenting on how good DS was, suddenly he was benched. He would go games at a time without playing a single minute. He was told by members of this clique that he wasn't good enough to play, so he really started to get down on himself. We tolerated this for a couple of years, hoping that with their competitive nature, they would want to use DS to help them win, but things only started to get worse. Other parents laughed at how threatened these "leaders" felt b/c they feared that my DS would take the spotlight from their (the clique's) kid. So, finally, we moved him down the road to another program - who claimed that they had "hit the lottery" when DS showed up. I was just happy that he was getting a little bit of respect.

We encourage DS to use his talent, but to also encourage others to do well too. For instance, in basketball, he receives a "good job" comment from us when he scores, rebounds, steals, etc., but the stats that we emphasize most are the number of assists.

What I can't stand, though, is when parents from the other teams call my son names. Like they'll say to their kid - "get that punk (& that's a compliment compared to other names he's been called)!" Or if their kid fouls my son, they'll say - "if you're going to foul him, at least HURT him!" They're 9 for crying out loud!!!!!

It's gotten so bad at times that during some games, the other parents are saying/yelling such bad things about my son that he starts crying in the middle of the game. The ONLY thing that has kept me from knocking the crap out of these parents is the fact that I don't want to lower myself to their standards. But, unfortunately, I've already seen a number of fights & arguments b/t other parents - it's so sad.

Parents amaze me. I'm not worried about DS getting a college scholarship (academic scholarships are a different story, though). As a matter of fact, if he said tomorrow that he never wanted to play sports again, I would just say ok. But, as long as he's having fun, I'll do my best to support him & try to protect him from the evil, competitive, heartless parents & coaches out there!

Oh, & clapping when a child misses a foul shot or strikes out - WTH????? If my generation of parents are this bad now, then what in the world will things be like when their kids become parents?

 

[Mkrop]

Oh my...I've come to realize that "youth sports" is synonymous with "crazy parents"! Unfortunately, I've become a little "crazy" - but just at the rude, disrespectful, hateful parents who feel the need to criticize my son because he is a little bit talented.

I was never an athlete, although I tried (& failed pretty miserably), but DS9 has been blessed with some athleticism. When DS started showing an interest in sports, I figured that I would stay true to my roots & let him go through the same programs that I was involved in. However, b/c I was somewhat young when I had DS (I was 21), many of the other parents were older than me. They all went through school together & have developed a major clique. They run & coach everything & make sure that their kids are in the spotlight (whether they're any good or not).

Once other people started commenting on how good DS was, suddenly he was benched. He would go games at a time without playing a single minute. He was told by members of this clique that he wasn't good enough to play, so he really started to get down on himself. We tolerated this for a couple of years, hoping that with their competitive nature, they would want to use DS to help them win, but things only started to get worse. Other parents laughed at how threatened these "leaders" felt b/c they feared that my DS would take the spotlight from their (the clique's) kid. So, finally, we moved him down the road to another program - who claimed that they had "hit the lottery" when DS showed up. I was just happy that he was getting a little bit of respect.

We encourage DS to use his talent, but to also encourage others to do well too. For instance, in basketball, he receives a "good job" comment from us when he scores, rebounds, steals, etc., but the stats that we emphasize most are the number of assists.

What I can't stand, though, is when parents from the other teams call my son names. Like they'll say to their kid - "get that punk (& that's a compliment compared to other names he's been called)!" Or if their kid fouls my son, they'll say - "if you're going to foul him, at least HURT him!" They're 9 for crying out loud!!!!!

It's gotten so bad at times that during some games, the other parents are saying/yelling such bad things about my son that he starts crying in the middle of the game. The ONLY thing that has kept me from knocking the crap out of these parents is the fact that I don't want to lower myself to their standards. But, unfortunately, I've already seen a number of fights & arguments b/t other parents - it's so sad.

Parents amaze me. I'm not worried about DS getting a college scholarship (academic scholarships are a different story, though). As a matter of fact, if he said tomorrow that he never wanted to play sports again, I would just say ok. But, as long as he's having fun, I'll do my best to support him & try to protect him from the evil, competitive, heartless parents & coaches out there!

Oh, & clapping when a child misses a foul shot or strikes out - WTH????? If my generation of parents are this bad now, then what in the world will things be like when their kids become parents?

I am sorry your son had to go thru that.

Although I agree with you on the clapping at the missed foul shot is wrong, I do disagee about clapping when a kid strikes out. I would think that the parents (at least this is the case in our LL) are clapping for the pitcher who threw well enough to strike the kid out. (unless we are talking coach pitch, then it would be wrong) What is the difference then if the kid hit a fly ball and the outfielder catched it and people clap for the good catch, the kid is still out.

 

[Cindyluwho]

The same school had a mom who couldn't teach her child to let snickers, etc (which everyone did) roll off her back during class. The girl would get out of class and tell her mommy. Mommy would go after the parents of the offender kids and scold them. Even the director said this is the dance world. Snickers, etc are the worst of your worries.

I'm not sure I'm reading this right? So the dance school allows/encourages the students to snicker at each other during class? And they think this is OK behavior for students? Letting young kids think that being judgemental and cruel is acceptable is just horrible in my opinion.
As a cheer coach, if one of my girls did that to another one they would be benched - period. Respect for others on the team or in the class is the single most important thing I teach my girls.

 

[PrincessPAC]

I am sorry your son had to go thru that.

Although I agree with you on the clapping at the missed foul shot is wrong, I do disagee about clapping when a kid strikes out. I would think that the parents (at least this is the case in our LL) are clapping for the pitcher who threw well enough to strike the kid out. (unless we are talking coach pitch, then it would be wrong) What is the difference then if the kid hit a fly ball and the outfielder catched it and people clap for the good catch, the kid is still out.

Oh, I'm sorry, I should have clarified...Last year, DS was in minor league, and they used a pitching machine. In other words, the ball went in the exact same spot everytime, so most kids got a hit when they got up to bat. So, if a kid struck out, it was kind of sad. It just irked me when parents would clap & yell when this poor little kid missed the ball. I'm pretty sure they weren't clapping b/c the machine did such a good job of pitching, so they had to be clapping b/c of this child's disappointing turn at bat.

But, I see what you're saying about clapping for the pitcher for getting the strike-out. I do agree with that - we're just now getting to that point (live pitching) in baseball, so I wasn't even thinking about that when I made my comment.

And, of course, if a kid catches the ball - that is a reason to celebrate. I even clapped for the kids who caught balls that DS hit. Catching a fly ball is a difficult task for young kids just learning to play an organized sport, so I think they deserve the applause and encouragement when they do succeed - although my generous congratulations will probably be reduced now that we're going to be in LL.

I just think some parents lose sight of the fact that we should be encouraging children (even if they're not our own) instead of hurting them. I know that sports become even more competitive as the kids get older, so keep in mind that this is just the opinion of the parent of a 9 year-old (who age-wise has been playing as an 8 year-old - in other words, we're just now moving up to the "big" leagues).

 

[Mkrop]

Oh, I'm sorry, I should have clarified...Last year, DS was in minor league, and they used a pitching machine. In other words, the ball went in the exact same spot everytime, so most kids got a hit when they got up to bat. So, if a kid struck out, it was kind of sad. It just irked me when parents would clap & yell when this poor little kid missed the ball. I'm pretty sure they weren't clapping b/c the machine did such a good job of pitching, so they had to be clapping b/c of this child's disappointing turn at bat.

But, I see what you're saying about clapping for the pitcher for getting the strike-out. I do agree with that - we're just now getting to that point (live pitching) in baseball, so I wasn't even thinking about that when I made my comment.

And, of course, if a kid catches the ball - that is a reason to celebrate. I even clapped for the kids who caught balls that DS hit. Catching a fly ball is a difficult task for young kids just learning to play an organized sport, so I think they deserve the applause and encouragement when they do succeed - although my generous congratulations will probably be reduced now that we're going to be in LL.

I just think some parents lose sight of the fact that we should be encouraging children (even if they're not our own) instead of hurting them. I know that sports become even more competitive as the kids get older, so keep in mind that this is just the opinion of the parent of a 9 year-old (who age-wise has been playing as an 8 year-old - in other words, we're just now moving up to the "big" leagues).

And that is why I went back and fixed my post in case it was coach pitch or something like you have with the machine, then yes I wholeheartedly agree that is wrong to cheer that child getting struck out.

I too forget that DS10 has been doing kid pitch for two seasoons, so I forget about the days when it was not a kid on the mound. Although we will be starting Tball with DS5 soon, so back to the beginning.