OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Iluvmickeymouse!]

ok mssocks that one got me!!! I am imagining that little white puff and dying laughing!! I am not very good at telling these but here goes....One of my DH's friends refused to ever use a public restroom. While him and his family were shopping in Shopko one day, he REALLY needed to go. So in he goes. He told us that while he was in there, another gentleman came in to use one of the other stalls. Well, between the smell and the farts, the guy in the other stall finally said, "Dude, are you ok in there?" Of course our friend was mortified, we find it hilarious!!!

 

[SugarBear]

My Magical Disney Fart

We always use plenty of baby powder when we're at WDW, especially when we're doing a lot of walking around the parks in the summer. Well, I had seen THIS VIDEO but my DH hadn't. So I talked him into putting powder on me and then I re-enacted the video for him. Yes, it really works.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

ok mssocks that one got me!!! I am imagining that little white puff and dying laughing!! I am not very good at telling these but here goes....One of my DH's friends refused to ever use a public restroom. While him and his family were shopping in Shopko one day, he REALLY needed to go. So in he goes. He told us that while he was in there, another gentleman came in to use one of the other stalls. Well, between the smell and the farts, the guy in the other stall finally said, "Dude, are you ok in there?" Of course our friend was mortified, we find it hilarious!!!

Leave it to a guy!!!! A woman would not DREAM of saying something like that to someone in obvious distress. Our concern for a person's embarrassment far outweighs any medical emergency.

Oh my, the tears are running down my face again.

 

[Shel]

Another story or two...

About 3 years ago my DD (then 10), my mother & me were sitting in church during one of our visits. A baby behind us started to get really fussy and all of a sudden it let out a HUGE fart & settled right down. Coming from a family that the women are the ones that are all gassed up my DD whipped her head around & looked at her grandma in amazement, thinking she was the culprit. We giggled all the rest of the way thru church.


My parents went on vacation with another couple. While walking the trails at the Tequanemen Falls (sp?) in MI their friend "broke the stillness". Later when my mom told me about it, it was shortly after I'd seen Dances With Wolves, and I told her that his Indian name could be "Farts when he walks". We probably laughed for 10 minutes over the phone (long distance!) about that!


Has anyone seen the outtakes from one of the Pink Panther movies where there's a bunch of men in an elevator & someone cuts one? It took forever to get that scene because they kept laughing.

 

[landmark]

Another story or two...

About 3 years ago my DD (then 10), my mother & me were sitting in church during one of our visits. A baby behind us started to get really fussy and all of a sudden it let out a HUGE fart & settled right down.

This happened to me! I had to take DS with me to a small meeting since DH would be working that evening. While in the meeting DS let out the loudest toot imaginable. Everyone's head snapped around and I said "Goodness Austin!" They all looked at me like "Sure.... like that could have came out of that sweet sweet little baby." I know that I am probably still thought of as the lady that blamed it on the baby.

 

[Stephieann]

OH my... i wish i had a fart story but i dont just giving the board some "gas" to bump us up.

 

[laurie31]

Well, I now have a new story to add to this thread.

The girls had their annual exam at the eye doctor's this week. I was in the room with DD2 while the tech was having her read the lines of letters. Then she left and we were waiting for the doctor to come in. There was no one around...so I took the opportunity to....well, you know I would have never made it all the way down the hall and across the waiting room to the bathroom without ripping it in the process, so I figured I was better off staying in the exam room.

However, DD exclaimed, "MOTHER! You FARTED! In PUBLIC!" Well, geez, it was not THAT loud, and it was one that was mostly noise and not so much smell, so I excused myself and hoped she would be quiet about it. No such luck. She jumped out of the chair and starts dancing around chanting, "My mama farted - uh huh - she farted - in the doctor's office - she farted - uh huh"

I nearly died, fearing that the doctor would walk in at this moment, or that someone could hear her. I frantically shushed her and finally got her to stop and get back in the chair. Phew!

(a happy ending btw - it was at least 10 more minutes before the doc came in, so there was no trace of my indiscretion by then )

Laurie

 

[laurie31]

oh, horror of horrors - I've killed the fart thread!

Laurie

 

[KristiKelly]

I don't know if this clip has been posted but it is hilarious!!! I hope it works and don't forget to turn up your volume.
http://cutestuf.com/movie/blinddate.mpeg

 

[Mister Incredible]

I love that clip! I haven't seen it for a while!

The Doctor's office story reminded me of a joke:

An old lady walks into the Doctor's office. She says, "Doctor, I have horrible gas. It's not that bad because they don't make any noise or have any smell."

The Doctor replies, "OK here, take this medication and come back to see me in a week"

A week goes by and the old lady returns. She says, "Doctor, I don't know what you gave me but I have the same problem. The only thing now is when I pass gas it stinks to high heaven!"

The doctor replies, "Now that your sinuses are clear we'll work on your hearing!"

 

[mssocks]

oh, horror of horrors - I've killed the fart thread!

Laurie

no worries Laurie - it takes a pretty potent fart to kill a fart thread!

 

[geetey]

no worries Laurie - it takes a pretty potent fart to kill a fart thread!

 

[KAMLEM]

I can't think of any good stories right now but growing up my mom always called them "spooks". My kids think that's a riot.

 

[TKERBELL]

I can't stop laughing - my sides hurt

While I was growing up and we would be making the trip to my grandparents house we all knew my dad had let one rip (SBD) because he would roll down the window even in the dead of winter - better to freeze to death than death by toxic gas!!!! My dad used to tell my brother and I a story of when he was a kid and his older brother was "beating up" on him - so he sat on his head and farted - yeah my uncle puked!!!!

The thing that cracks me up with DH is how he could sleep soundly and rip some loud-shake-the-house-and-the-bedcovers-will-actually-move fart and yet he sleeps!!!!

And now a tell on me story - I was pg with DS (now 9) and DH and I were in the grocery store I kept walking away from him and he kept following me - I finally had to tell him that unless he wanted me to blame him for the smell he may want to move to the frozen section!!!!


Edit - forgot to add that my grandmother actually walks and farts at the same time - cracks me up everytime and she refers to them as "fanny burps"

 

[mssocks]

:he sat on his head and farted ..... forgot to add that my grandmother actually walks and farts at the same time - cracks me up everytime and she refers to them as "fanny burps"

Ok - I confess - I am a victim of sibling abuse. DSis, of the infamous noxious nose-rotters, used to back up against me and let them rip. Hey - wait a minute, she just did that at the last family dinner! As she was LEAVING!!! I owe her one now - and since I have some kind of gut rot this would be the weekend for paybacks.


TKERBELL - Unfortunately body parts become less elastic as we age. The eye muscles go around 40, we need glasses. The chest area goes south. This includes the sphincter. There is no control when gas wants out, it gets out. You have even less control walking or bending over.

Good news is if you haven't experienced this you are still a youngun'!

I have some thread-approriate smilies but we can't use those here can we?

 

[MELSMICE]

This thread has got me laughing so hard

For my dad's sake, I hope I can do this fart story justice..............

Many years ago my mom & dad took a trip with good friend's of theirs to Florida. They drove down in a sedan. During the trip there was this horrible stench in the car. As the blame was being dealt, it came to rest with my dad. He finally confessed that "yes, a little one snuck out". Down came the windows to air out the car. After a few minutes the windows went back up but..................

The smell remained. My mom convinced my dad that he did more than just fart. They pulled over at the next rest stop, mom gave dad a change of undies & he headed to the rest room. After a few minutes, he stomped out of the bathroom & said, "Okay, whoever did it better fess up because I'm clean!!!"

My bit of embarrassment. I went to bed a little earlier than DH one evening & as I'm reading in bed I get "the wave" as we affectionately call it in our house. I head to the bathroom & "the wave" has completely taken over my entire body. When finished, I am convinced I have lost at least 10 lbs. I head back to bed & curl up under the covers as I'm not feeling so well.

I hear DH on his way to bed. He opens our bedroom door, heads into the bathroom & I hear him say, "Son of a gun, the sewer must have backed up. Mel, did you use the bathroom. I think the sewer must have backed up." I immediately started to giggle & said, "No, that would be me that was backed up!"

 

[Chereya]

oh, horror of horrors - I've killed the fart thread!

Laurie

This made me laugh out loud - as much as some of these other stories.

Chereya

 

[MELSMICE]

oh, horror of horrors - I've killed the fart thread!

I'll give it a little "gas" so it can move to the top!!!

 

[Shugardrawers]

oh, horror of horrors - I've killed the fart thread!

Laurie

Nah, it was just kinda smelly and we needed to air it out a bit

 

[goofygirl]

long live the Fart Thread!!

another thing I like to call a huge fart is a "Weapon of Mass Destruction", LOL!